How to get over heartbreak
It’s never easy when a relationship or marriage comes to an end. We are creatures of habit, we become accustomed to a life with that person, imagine a future with that person. When it comes to an unexpected or even expected end we are crushed. Broken at the idea this can no longer go on, and almost certain we will never find another love like it.
FALSE.
Think back to your first teenage crush, you thought they were just amazing they possessed everything you were looking for, you couldn’t stop thinking about them, you got flutters when they walked by. Now, when you see them they are well… not that. And since then you have grown up, realised there is a better, deeper type of love. You have realised that person wasn’t all they were cracked up to be, and perhaps timing, desperation, insecurities whatever it was led you to that person. You must always remember this during heartbreak, there was one you liked before and there will be another.
What’s meant to be will be
Think about it this way, if that person was meant to be your husband or wife live happily ever after white picket fence, 2.0 family – Allah (swt) would have willed it. He didn’t. Sometimes that is hard to stomach that what we wanted, and what we thought would happen has not. But ultimately you can find comfort in the fact that although you are in pain, although you have experienced a loss – it’s a loss that is part of Allah’s(swt) plan. Perhaps you had to learn certain things from this relationship in order to make you ready for the ‘real one’. Perhaps you had to go through this heartbreak to stop looking for love in the wrong places, who knows. But the hard fact to swallow is, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Something Better
'...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.' (Surah Baqarah: 216)
Have faith that Allah (swt) is bringing you something better. It may not feel like there could be anybody to top the last person, but all things are capable through Allah (swt). Imagine that this ‘better person’ is going through similar life transitions, and realisations in order for you to both be ready, and meet at the right time – when Allah (swt) has ordained. Don’t despair that there is nobody for you, there is someone for everyone it’s just a matter of when you will meet.
Be objective
This is possibly the hardest step, to look back at the relationship and the person objectively. Put all your feelings aside, was the relationship so perfect? Were there things you were ignoring, or tolerating? Be objective and examine the relationships dynamics, was it really as great as your memories, imagination, and emotions are telling you? And now look at them, did you put them on a pedestal? Did you look at them with rose – tinted glasses? Be honest and brutal, look back at the person and the relationship with hindsight. Did they bring out the best in character? Were you stifled? Be real- and you will see a completely different picture of what you actually had. This can make it easier to let go and move on.
Learn from this
After heart break it’s easy to just wallow in misery, but use this time to think and self- analyse. Was there anything you could have done to prevent this situation? How did you conduct yourself in this relationship, what did you learn about yourself? Think of what being with that person made you realise about yourself, so you are aware of your traits, healed and ready to embark on the quest. Have you picked the same type of people? Do you need to change anything about yourself or your potential suitors?
