#finding someone

Adorkable Twilight & Friends – “Fictional You”

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Close your eyes and picture it.

Fall comes with the wind. The color of the nature is changing slowly, the green leaving its spot for warm colors.

You wake up with the sound of the rain, a gently tap-tap-tap on the roof. The smell of the coffee/tea reaches you from the kitchen.

You get out of the bed, walk toward the window. You move one of the curtains out of the way to look outside: A beautiful rainy day.

Voices reading old and new books. People comfortably sitting on the couch, listening to each other. Stories that intertwine. Heartbeats that sound like one. A dog and a cat, they too are on the couch and it feels like they are listening (with their eyes closed).

Y'all, I just want love tbh. I don't give a damn about cutesy coffee dates but they would be really really nice. I want the all night conversations and the driving with the windows down with music turned low. I want the love that forces us to confront our darkest insecurities about relationships so that I can be better for my significant other. I really want the love that makes others go "How do you do it?" I want to be there for someone for their highs as their loudest cheerleader and for the lows as their strongest anchor and rock. I want to love someone for them. I want the dork, the nerd, the rambler. I want my significant other to smile every time they think of me. I want to learn about different fandoms to keep up with them and know what is going on. I want to know about the lore of video games to keep up with the games. I want to be able to cry heavily in front of them because of life events that have forced me to confront my past trauma. If i can’t cry in front of anyone else, I need to be able to in front of them. I want to share experiences with them. I want to try new things with my significant other, new foods, experiences, cultures, and places. 

I wanted to find someone

Someone who could understand all the parts of me

But I find myself clutching hard

The words of my being

The poems in my heart

The stories within my soul

Too scared for the words to become unfurled

Seeping out my heart

Rolling on my skin

I try to keep them within

Too scared of vulnerability

I keep hiding, waiting for that someone who could accept all of me

I know you're out there

Hey there,

Not yet being in a relationship is nothing to feel bad or embarrassed about. You’re still so young with being 19, I myself am older than you but like yourself I also haven’t been in a relationship with someone yet, so you’re definitely not alone with that!

You mentioned that being in this situation is making you feel more insecure and anxious alongside having insecurities about your body. I know how hard it can be to see your friends being in relationships, to get married and have children whilst you just sit back and watch. It’s not a nice feeling at all but it doesn’t mean that you won’t have your happily ever after too! And besides, maybe it’s a good thing that you haven’t been in a relationship yet because throughout school a lot of people are and a majority of them will have breakups unfortunately. So maybe you can skip this part and eventually find the perfect person for you and not have to go through what some of your friends have had to endure. Wouldn’t that be nice? Just something to keep in mind!

In terms of how you may be able to improve the situation and possibly meet someone, well I guess there are always those dating apps that you can sign up for and give a go. But me personally, my advice would be to just let things happen naturally and try to keep reminding yourself that you will find someone one day! The more stress and pressure you put on yourself will only make you feel even more down and you really don’t need that at all!

So for now, just try to enjoy life and have fun. Catch up with your friends and have a good night out. Try not to worry too much about the whole boy situation, there’s no rush to find someone right now is there?

I hope this has helped a bit and please know that you are not alone. Remember that you’re still so young and have your whole life ahead of you!

I’m thinking of you!

Take care,