“Who do you want to look hot for? You have me!”
Umm, ok, but I don’t want to lose weight to “look hot.” Without delving into the implied “stay fat because then you’ll stay with me” from that sentence, I want to lose weight because my knees already sound like Rice Crispies and my poundage will mean a total knee replacement at an early age. I want to lose weight because I’m tired of my medical concerns being written off with “well, it wouldn’t be a problem if you weren’t over weight.” I want to lose weight because I don’t want to cross the border of borderline diabetic into diabetic. I want to lose weight because I am tired of being winded going up stairs and tired of my legs and feet aching after work.
I am tired of asking for some support and having that person sabotage me. “I brought home McDonalds so you don’t have to cook.” “I went grocery shopping and got a bunch of stuff you like so you don’t have to go.” “Don’t worry about it, you’re fine, have another piece of pizza.” “I don’t know that you’d like that, maybe just make mac and cheese instead.” “Why are you eating rabbit food; I’ll make you some potatoes.”
I gained a ton of weight. And it was “ok” because I “already had a partner and don’t need to look good for anyone else.” But it wasn’t ok. I needed meds and couldn’t participate in things. Clothing became full of Xs in the labels and I felt self conscious all the time. It wasn’t that I wanted to look good for anyone else. I wanted to feel better physically and mentally. But for a long time I allowed someone to tell me that as long as I had them, it didn’t matter because they didn’t care how I looked. Which ignored the main issues entirely but because someone “wanted” me, I just kinda let it go.
I don’t talk to that person any more.
Now I have some support. I have lost almost 40 pounds since the beginning of June. My body isn’t as big a wreck after a work night as it was. I’m off two medications. I can go up stairs and at least keep walking instead of stopping to pant. Do I look better? I don’t think so. Do I feel better? Damn skippy. And that’s the most important piece.
Tell the people that want to hold you back/tie you to them/tell you you’re fine how you are because they’re fine with it to go take a long walk off a short pier. Find someone who will help you. Who will share easy, interesting recipes that aren’t 1,000 calories of pizza. Who will help you keep on track and tell you to not give up if you make a bad decision or two about what you eat.
Then go back to the doc and say, “Yeah, I’ve lost weight and _____ is still an issue. Wanna help me now or should I find a new provider.”