#finallypublished

Star Knights

Star Knights

The last couple of weeks has been an emotional roller coaster. I dont think i have ever felt so much doubt and uncertainty for myself in my entire life. I hate my job, and what i thought was my escape, pretty much told me i didnt work hard enough, even though i gave it my all. It iterally felt like a door closed and no more doors were open. If you know me, you know im not religious, but this week, for lack of a better phrase, the devil was seriously in my head and trying to tell me to give up. I found myself wishing that my mother never told me to follow my dreams. I felt like i have failed and that there were no more doors opened for me (gosh, so overdramatic, but saddly its true). I started to tell myself to even give up writing because all i kept getting were rejection letters. I convinced myself that it was proof that i wasnt good enough. Well, earlier this week after i clocked out of bn, weirdly not stressing a situation i deemed fucked up (but i wont get into that lol), a door that i thought would never opened, turned its knob and poured its light in the fog in my mind (yay, metaphors!). I checked the time on my phone and saw i had an email from the lit magazine i submitted to. My heart sank, and i braced myself for another rejection. Instead, i found out that 4 out of the 5 pieces i submitted was chosen to be published. It has always been a dream of mine to be a published author, and it finally came true. In the brink of giving up too. If the devil was truly in my head beating me down, the way all that doubt and uncertainty just left, i can only imagine it as Him putting his hands on my shoulders and lifting me out of that darkness. I feel in my heart that i am making the right choice with quitting my internship. I spread myself too thin and they already declined me a position there, so why should i stay? No, i need to get back to writing and submitting to keep fighting for my dream. And on the way, I'll find myself a job that won't tell me my all isnt good enough, and ask me to work for free. Here's to the first foot in the door to making my dreams come true. Thank you Mom for telling me to follow my dreams, and my big sis for telling me to submit and not give up. I love you guys. 💜