#filidrabble

Since the death of your last remaining family member, Fili had been your rock; your only means of standing when you were weak. Of course, Thorin’s sister and your mother-in-law - Dis - was there for you, but she was much older than you, and Kili was there but he was young and reckless. You needed your husband the most, more so when he was away.

And he knew this.

So why did Fili feel it was a wise idea to abandon you for Mahal knows how long for a mission that he may not even come back from? You understood that if he survived and succeeded it would be a tremendous accomplishment, but was it worth the risk? Thorin may have believed the Pale Orc to be dead, but you most certainly did not. Erebor was half a world away - not to mention occupied by a fire-drake - and that world was filled with malicious intent.

Regardless, the empty headed Durin was already on his way to the Shire. You hoped he was regretting his actions by now, your reaction to him bringing you the news should have been enough.

“Are you insane, husband? Do you not remember the tales our forefathers told us when we were children? The tales of a fire storm to the East? Why do you intend to travel to where the dragon resides?” you scolded Fili once he told you his news.

“Of course I remember, my love. Our forefathers’ stories told us of how with the loss of their home, they also lost their dignity. That is reason enough to give that dragon a taste of dwarvish iron,” Fili pleaded, his eyes begging. You, however, would not be swayed. You stood in front of him, hands balled and resting on your waist with a towel hanging limply from one of your hands. Your expression was hard and your eyes were narrowed.

“That dragon will use you as frickin’ tooth-pick!”

Fili winced and you internally smirked. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

“Kili is going,” Fili tried to reason, “Thorin trusts the pair of us to be sensible.”

“Do not speak to me of Thorin Oakenshield,” you scoffed, whipping your towel out at him, “that man is too easily swayed. This prospect wouldn’t be up for discussion if it wasn’t for him believing that Gandalf. Gandalf the Grey! Sounds like a vagabond to me. Besides, your uncle is wrong to trust you. Kili is no more than a mere child, neither are you-”

“I am heir to the throne-”

“What throne?”

“My uncle’s.”

“Your uncle has no throne.”

“He will soon.”

“You are too intolerable to be a king,” you huffed, crossing your arms across your chest.

“You are too feisty to be a queen,” Fili taunted, taking a couple of cautious steps towards you. When you made no move to attack him, Fili strode right up to you. Frowning, you cast your gaze to the ground, focusing on his shoes. Fili sighed, tucking his curled finger under your chin and lifting your face up.

You said nothing but simply gazed into your husband’s eyes, they sparkled with hope but yours soon sparkled with tears. “I don’t want you to leave. What if you don’t come back?” you blubbered, tears rolling down your cheeks. Anyone who knew you would know that below your tough façade was a child afraid of losing people.

“I promise to come back to you, Y/N. What sort of husband would I be if I didn’t? What sort of father would I be?” Fili smiled at you, the skin at his eyes crinkling slightly. One of his hands travelled down to rest on your stomach, his thumb massaging it in circles.

“I’m not pregnant, Fili,” you smiled slightly, placing your palm on top of his hands.

“A man can hope,” he moved his other hand to twirl a few strands of your hair in his calloused fingers.

“Indeed he can, but making a baby is a two person job so you would need to be here for it,” you countered, placing a palm on his cheek. “I’m still angry.”

“I don’t blame you,” Fili whispered sadly, pulling you into his chest and resting his chin on the crown of your head.

“Come back to me, alive,” you murmured so quietly that you thought he didn’t hear you, “Besides, it’s not my choice.”

He did hear you, however, “I swear it.”

Over a year had passed now and the only news of him you had heard was that Smaug was slain and there had been a battle. You had no idea what had become of the line of Durin so now you anxiously awaited Fili’s return. At that moment, you sat in an armchair by the fire with Dis. The pair of you shared stories of the three Durins with high hopes of their return.

The door opened and you spun around, hoping to come face to face with a triumphant Fili. Instead, you were saddened by the fact that instead a maid had entered the room. “My ladies,” she curtseyed, “We have received news from the Lonely Mountain. King Thorin wishes for his sister and daughter-in-law to journey to the mountain.”

“He’s alive?” Dis seemed surprised by this fact as she scoffed, “My brother survived a brawl with a dragon?”

“Indeed he did, my Lady. As did the Princes,” the maid said gleefully. You could tell she was overjoyed by the fact that Kili had survived for you had caught the lustful looks she had sent him previously.

Of course, she wasn’t the only one to be happy. At his news, you jumped for joy. Fili had kept his promise to you! You almost squealed in joy.

Dis, who remained calm although you could see how happy she was if you looked carefully, dismissed the maid, “Thank you, young lass, you are dismissed.” The maid bowed and left the room, Dis turned to you, “We leave at first light in the morning, pack lightly.”

As a pair, you and Dis reached Erebor in what had to be the fastest length of time that anyone had travelled there in. Dis, being a shieldmaiden, had insisted that you and her did not need any guards or protection and it was best to travel quickly. However, when you reached Rivendell, Lord Elrond graciously offered you assistance through the Misty Mountains. You accepted it gleefully.

When Erebor finally came into view, you were astounded at how magnificent it was. It stuck out in the landscape and was the largest thing you had ever laid eyes on. You heart raced at the thought of your husband in there, awaiting your return.

A couple of night later, you and your mother-in-law arrived at the front gates of Erebor weary and in need of some good food. Two dwarves from the Iron Hills were stationed as watchmen and they gave you directions as to where your husband and his family would be. As you walked, Dis pointed out areas she used to visit as a child with Thorin and Frerin. 

You finally arrived in front of a huge door encrusted with emeralds. Dis twisted the handle and poked her head in, “Knock, knock!”

A loud commotion erupted from the people in the room. “Sister!” “Mother!” three familiar voices greeted.

“Where’s Y/N?” you heard Fili asked, concern lacing his tone.

“I’m here, my love, do not fret,” you smiled, pushing the door open so that you were in full view. You received a similar greeting to Dis, except a pair of warm arms were wrapped around you and you were crushed to a familiar chest. 

You had missed him so much.

“My love!” Fili exclaimed, kissing all over your face and head, “You are really here.”

“You kept your promise,” you smiled, your vision becoming blurry. “I don’t believe it.”

However, it wasn't all bad. Whilst you were sitting in one of Bilbo's many rooms, Fili, a noble blonde dwarf prince, came looking for you. Unlike the others, he was friendly. He handed you the contract saying: "My uncle has accepted you into the company." You expected him to leave and rejoin his dwarf companions, but instead he sat himself down on the armchair across from you and stared at you intently whilst you read through the contract and signed it.

You passed it back to him, and he stood up to take it to Balin, but he paused and sat back down again. You furrowed your eyebrows at him, confused as to why he wasn't leaving.

"I don't think you're weak, if that matters," he told you, breaking the thick tension that hung over the pair of you like a dark cloud. You were stunned into silence when he said that, no one ever took you seriously and now a dwarf royal was. You expected him to follow after his cold uncle, but he didn't, "I'm Fili, by the way. I'm sorry for my uncle's behaviour. And Dwalin . . . and all the others. They're just nervous about having another outsider on our quest, it means a lot to us and we don't want anyone jeopardising it. I hope you understand."

You nodded and smiled at him, "I'm Y/N."

Over the few months you had been with the company, they had all accepted you. Even Thorin, although he was still a bit hesitant about letting you take control over certain situations even though you had proved yourself more than capable.

Less than two days into the quest, Dwalin approached you and asked for you to forgive his rudeness in Bag End. From there, the other dwarves followed his example until you had become friends with them all, specifically Fili and Kili. Kili was like the sweet, over-protective brother you never had. Fili . . . well, Fili was a mystery to you. He was no doubt your best friend and you loved him with all your heart, even if you weren't sure in what way you did.

Currently, everyone in the company but Thorin were complaining about their sore backs and aching arms. You had been travelling on horse back all day and the light had begun to dim, it was safe to say it hurt to keep yourself upright.

"So, Y/N," Kili almost shouted as he made his pony trot over to where you were conversing with Fili, "I was thinking about our conversation about my brother dearest and-"

"Wait, what?" you asked, thoroughly confused. You could not recall such a conversation, and Kili knew this. Some of the company members had turned around to listen in on your conversation, wanting to play matchmaker.

"Don't act innocent, you're far from it! Do you not recall our conversation about Fili? You didn't seem to be talking very innocent words then," Kili wiggled his eyebrows whilst smirking.

"What are you implying? That I am dirty-mouthed? Such a conversation never took place," you denied, cheeks turning red. You didn't want Fili hearing this, even if it wasn't true. Admittedly, you did think rather no-so-innocent things about him, but you never voiced them!

"Do you want me to repeat them? I'd rather not, my ears are still burning from what said to me, about my brother no less. Nevertheless, I believe you said-"

You quickly slammed your hand over his mouth, not wanting him to elaborate, "Are you trying to ruin me, Kili? Lies and slander!"

"Oh, but he isn't lying, is he Y/N?" Bofur called from in front of you, smirking at you. You ducked your head in embarrassment and mortification, why were they doing this? Looking to your right, you saw Fili listening to Bofur's rant with a broad, genuine smile on his face. Did he really believe this?

"He is!" you shouted, your voice going high pitched, something it did when you got worked up. It was annoying, but you put up with it. Besides, Fili liked it. He said it was cute.

"Don't be ashamed, Y/N. As a matter of fact, I am enjoying this conversation," Fili told you, pushing your chin up with his index finger. How he managed to do that and not fall off his pony was a mystery to you, just like how he was a mystery to you.

"How adorable!" said Bombur, "Are you two a couple yet?"

"I'm done with you lot," you announced, squeezing your horse's body with your legs and it trotted over to where Gandalf and Thorin were leading the company, "You are much better company," you told them, earning warm smiles and chuckles.

Later that day when you had all made camp, you were lying down by the fire, your head on Fili's lap whilst he played with your hair. You never usually acted this way, so why were you now?

"Y/N! Why did you run off earlier? Or trot, whatever. We were having such a good time?" Kili teased as he flung himself down on your legs, using them as a seat.

"That was a very dangerous move, Kili," you warned, looking at your legs, then back to him, then back to your legs. Kili's eyes widened as he got the message and launched himself up, almost stumbling into the fire.

Idiot.

"Why did you leave so suddenly?" Dori inquired, leaning closer towards you.

"Yeah, how do you think it made your boyfriend feel?!" Bofur howled, taking his pipe out of his mouth.

You leapt up into a sitting position, "Bofur, I swear, if you say one more word I will slap you into-"

"Now, now, Y/N," Fili's smooth voice rang through the air as he hooked his hand around your upper arm and brought you back to him. You ended up looking against his chest and facing towards the fire. You were extremely aware of his sculpted chest that was pressed up against your back.

"That's it, calm your girlfriend!"

You attempted to get up once again to fulfil your promise, but you were stopped when Fili wrapped his muscled arm around your waist.

"Okay, boys. Calm down," Balin, the peacemaker, said with a smile, before leaning his arm on his propped up knee and raising his eyebrow at you, "Do you, Y/N, like Fili."

"Of course I like Fili, what are you talking about?" you answered naïvely. All the dwarves around you burst out in laughter, even Fili. His chest rose up and down in rapid movements behind you and you scowled, crossing your arms over your chest, finally understanding what he meant.

"Well, that's settled!" Dwalin boomed, throwing what he was holding to the floor so he could hold his aching stomach.

"And what about you, Fili? Do you like Y/N? And please be reminded that we do not mean in a friendly way," Balin winked.

"There's no doubt that I do!" Fili said proudly, sticking his chest out. You laughed for a moment, until you actually took in what he said. You pulled away from him so that you could look at his face, still in his arms. Fili was smiling at you, and you found your self hoping he was being serious.

"Slander . . . ," you muttered, not actually believing he meant it. One look, however, at Fili's face told you different.

"I would never lie about my feelings for you, Y/N," Fili told you. And you knew he was being serious as well, Fili was noble and as a future king, it was not in his nature to be deceitful as it had been drilled out of him. Kili however was a different story . . .

You shrugged yourself out of Fili's grasp and spun yourself around and somehow ended up straddling his waist, leaning forwards, you whispered into his ear, "I trust you to be truthful, Fili. In return, I will be truthful to you. I have adored you since the moment I met you, Fili, son of Dís."

You felt Fili still as you said these words, but then he brought his own lips to your ear, "Then it would give me great pleasure if you would give me the honour of being mine, and I being yours," he nibbled your ear.

His posture was slouched and his downhearted expression had not lifted. Worried for your friend's well-being, you stood up from your previous seat - stretching out your sore limbs - and walked at a steady pace over to where Kili slumped over. When you reached him, he looked up at you, briefly meeting your eyes, and then casting his glance sideways immediately.

"Are you quite well, Master Kili?" you asked politely, sitting yourself on the remaining seating space next to the dwarf. You were very aware of how close you were to Kili, however you felt no shame when your thighs brushed against each other.

Instead of answering, Kili turned his head away from you, giving you an excellent view of the back of his head. His face was completely hidden from your view, and you felt a pang of rejection wash over you. Kili's hands rested in his lap, his thumbs with bitten down fingernails fidgeted with each other. "I am perfectly well, Y/N. There is no need to worry," he said after a while, his voice sounding hesitant and anxious.

"Are you sure, Kili?" you insisted, resting a gentle hand on his broad shoulder, "You are not acting as you usually do." Kili simply turned his head to face forwards and nodded hastily, his eyes darting around madly.

"Okay . . . ," you trailed off, not knowing what else to do but sit there. You wiped your sweaty palms on your trouser legs and thought about Fili. Glancing back over at him, the corner of your lips curled up.

Kili coughed awkwardly as he followed your gaze, "Y/N, there is something I've been meaning to ask you," Kili announced all of a sudden, scratching the back of his neck, not looking you in the eye.

"Oh! Do tell!" you exclaimed, clapping your hands together like a child on the morn of their birthday. However, remembering Kili's earlier coldness towards you, you lowered your hands and recomposed your expression, coughing to clear your throat.

"Well, it's just I think- well, I've seen- no. I've noticed the way my brother acts around you, you must be blind if you cannot feel his affection for you. So please tell me, and I beg you to be honest, are you and my brother in a secret relationship?" Kili asked, meeting your eyes momentarily.

You weren't blind, you had noticed Fili's change in attitude towards you. He truly was charming. Despite this, you found yourself bursting out loud in laughter, clutching at your aching sides. Kili scowled as you gained the attention of other dwarves, who after a moment of chortling, turned back to what they had been doing.

"YOU THINK- YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE- ME? WITH HIM?" you howled out in between laughs. After you sobered up (it had taken a while) you found yourself wishing - begging, even - that Fili had not heard what you had all but screamed out.

"So, you are not?" Kili asked, perking up. He looked at you with hopeful eyes.

"Of course I am not, while your brother may be a charmer-," you looked around the company for eavesdroppers, seeing none, you returned back to your conversation, "-I am not inclined to have a romantic relationship with him of any sorts."

"Do you mean to say that you're up for grabs?" Kili wiggled his eyebrows at you suggestively.

"I wouldn't quite put it that way," you said sternly, putting a hand on your hip. You attempted to hold an intense stare, but one look into his eyes had you bursting out in laughter once more. "Stop doing this to me!" you slapped his arm playfully.

Kili's entire demeanour then changed, and he became cold and confused. He stood up hastily, and marched back into the cave, leaving you alone and hurt. Why had he left? Was it because of you? You pouted, and made your way over to Fili. He smiled broadly at you and swung his arm over your shoulder as if you had been best friends for years.

You ignored the unsettling feeling that set itself in your stomach, and smiled back at him. You hated to give him false hope, but you just wanted a bit of comfort.

A few hours later, the entire company had - begrudgingly - settled themselves down in Imladris, or in the common tongue: Rivendell. You had not spoken to Kili since your conversation earlier, but you had been intending to. When you arrived at Rivendell, Lindir took one look at you and called for two elf maidens. He asked them to, and I quote, 'take this lady to a wash room and dress her well, she deserves it'.

So that is what they did, they gently took a hold of you - Thorin grabbing you and trying to hold you back from the elves - and led you to one of Rivendell's many grand rooms. There you were bathed, clothed and had your hair styled neatly. It fell down onto your shoulders and down your back like a waterfall, and you found yourself missing dressing so well.

You were pampered until you were returned to the dwarves. Some of them were shocked into silence when they saw you, for they had never seen you looking so beautiful before. For once, no dirt caked your hair or your face and your clothes were clean. You felt like a real lady.

But no one admired you like Kili did. He admired you discretely, glancing at you in his peripheral vision, but you still noticed. You felt his gaze burning into your face as he watched you.

Thorin, however, was not pleased to see you dressed so nicely. "You let the elves dress you?" he spat out when he saw you, thoroughly displeased. "I would say you look nice, Y/N, but you are wearing a dress made by Elven scum." You simply rolled your eyes at him and sat down next to Gandalf. You looked over to the table where all the dwarves sat, throwing food at each other and the statues, and saw Kili sat between Bifur and Bofur. As soon as your eyes met, he quickly turned and made a distraction by throwing a bread roll at another dwarf.

Later that evening, you found yourself wandering over to where the dwarves were sleeping for the night. Even though you had been given a room of your own, you didn't feel comfortable without them.

It didn't take you long to find the bunch of dwarves, their rowdiness was sure to have roused the valley. Some of the dwarves paid attention to you as you silently blended as well as could in the shadows, however some just ignored you or simply did not notice. When you found Kili, he was howling with laughter and you giggled quietly to yourself.

You tapped him on the shoulder a couple of times, trying to get his attention, until he turned around. When Kili caught sight of you, he knew their was no avoiding you this time. He stood up to match your height and looked at you questioningly. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Kili followed you until the pair of you were alone. When you asked him why he was acting the way he was, he began to get uncomfortable. "I - I - can't do this, Y/N!" he almost yelled, running his hands through his hair and exhaling loudly, "But I want to."

You had no time to question him as he slammed his lips to yours. You barely had time to taste them as he pulled them away abruptly, "I shouldn't have done that," pain and hurt washed over you, "Not that I didn't like that, but Fili would kill me!"

And as if on queue, you heard the dwarves asking for Kili. "Where's the boy?" "I bet he's trying to kiss that 'elf maid'!" "And that was no elf maid!" Kili's cheeks reddened as Fili and Bofur rounded the corner.

"What are you two doing?" Fili asked, confused.

"Just talking, brother. Nothing to worry about!" Kili replied, slapping his hand on Fili's shoulders. Fili smiled and turned back to the fire, Kili following in tow.

Heat flushed to your cheeks, painting them red, as the dwarves ceased their chanting and watched eagerly as you approached the blonde dwarf. Fili laughed quietly, only so that you could hear, and when you were finally next to his body, he looped one arm under your knees and the other around your back and under your arm. You yelped as he swept you from the log where you had previously sat and placed you on his lap.

As soon as Fili's arm left from your knees, you looped your hands around his neck. Without that support, you probably would've fallen from Fili's lap. You felt utterly embarrassed and found yourself hating whichever dwarf dared you to do this. "I understand why elves don't like dwarves," you grumbled, not entirely meaning it.

Some of the dwarves ignored your comment, and some found it amusing - proven by their hounding laughter spreading around the camp. Fili laughed too, his chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, causing you to tighten your grip on him, pulling you closer to his face.

He stopped laughing once your faces were only a few inches apart. "I believe it's my turn!" he turned his head so he could shout to the dwarves who were now sobering up . . . Well, all except Bofur and Kili who found it hilarious to see you and Fili like this.

"Wait!" you yelled all of a sudden, the dwarves looked at you expectantly. "How long do we have to stay like this?" you asked sheepishly, embarrassed to say the least.

"Until the game is over!" Bofur said smugly, puffing on his pipe. Next to him, Kili looked between Bofur and Fili and you, a grin across his face. Fili shook his head at his brother's antics. Looking over at Thorin, the most serious and brooding of the group, you even saw a slight smile on him. Woah.

You groaned loudly, throwing you head back and willing for the game of truth or dare to be over a soon as possible. You knew however, in the back of your mind, that each of the thirteen dwarves, hobbit and wizard would make your suffering last as long as they could . . . Well, maybe not Bilbo . . .

"Anyway," Fili said loudly, gaining everyone's attention again. He would make a great king, you thought subconsciously. Your eyes widened as you realised what just went through your mind, luckily no one noticed as Fili turned to you to continue the game, "Y/N, truth or dare?"

"Me?" you asked suddenly, not realising it was your turn to be asked a question.

"Of course I'm talking to you!" Fili boomed, laughter once again filling the camp as the dwarves found you amusing.

"Shut up . . . ," you mumbled, "and truth!" you answered Fili who was looking at you expectantly. You made a vow only to choose truth, if the last dare was anything to go by you didn't want to have another one.

"Um, let me see . . . ," Fili muttered to himself, putting his finger of his lip. You bit yours subconsciously as you watched him. Your nerves felt like they were on fire from how close you were to him, and your heart and mind were racing, "When did you have you first kiss?"

Your heart stuttered in your chest as the dwarves looked to you for an answer. How were you supposed to tell the dwarves you had never been kissed before? You bit your lip and spoke, "Um, never," you said, nothing short of a whisper.

"Oh," Fili replied, sounding a little apologetic. When he spoke again, he was more perky, there was something in his tone that you couldn't quite put your finger on, "How come someone as beautiful as you has never been kissed?"

"You only get one question!" you slapped his shoulder playfully.

"Is it my turn now?!" Kili interrupted, sounding hopeful. When Fili nodded at him, he turned to you and said: "Y/N, I dare you to kiss Fili!"

Your eyes widened to the size of saucers, "What?! NO, that's against the rules! You have to ask me truth or dare!" you protested, looking over to Ori who was reading through his list.

"Um, actually, it isn't," he said, handing his list to you. You groaned when you realised that he was right, and wondered how you were going to get out this. Part of you was happy, though, and you quickly shunned it away.

Fili could sense your discomfort as you turned to look at him, so he placed his palms on either side of your face and quickly pecked you on your lips. You gasped as his lips left yours, but he kept his face close to yours; so close, in fact, that  your noses were side by side so that they wouldn't get in the way of each other.

Your lips felt strangely tingly, and where his hands had left your face was now a warm, fiery sensation. Without thinking, you leaned forwards by the tiniest amount and placed your soft lips on to his. You felt his beard brush your chin and heard the jingling of the beads on his braids as he moved his lips on yours.

The dwarves went quiet as the pair of you became absorbed in your own world. Soon, you pulled away, regretting nothing. You coughed awkwardly as you looked at the dwarves who didn't expect you to take things that far. Kili was grinning broadly at you two, and Thorin was staring at Fili with an almost blank expression; but you could see as the corner of his mouth twitched, as if he was holding back a smile.

"My turn!" you announced, wishing to get some form of payback, "Fili, truth or dare?" you turned back to him, feeling a whole lot more confident than you did before.

"Truth," he answered confidently. You expected him to say dare, so you were a little disheartened. You racked your brain for ideas until one popped up into your mind.

"What is your most romantic memory?" you asked him.

"Romantic, you say?" he thought for a moment, and you felt a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. He, no doubt, was probably going to tell you of his lover back in the Iron Hills. Why had you chosen to ask him that question? "I'm not sure if you can class it as romantic, but I have to say it was the night you showed me the constellations in the stars," he smiled warmly at you. 

Your eyes widened, the company wasn't supposed to know about that! But that wasn't the reason you were shocked. His most romantic memory was of you? Someone who was not his lover? Did he not have someone back home? Did he even consider the Iron Hills his home?

"Awww!" came a voice that you recognised as Ori. He was really adorable, you had to admit.