based on anonymous questions I asked to @sp-by-april and @mantequillamcwhoremick

read these for context: SP-by-April Fighting Hcs and mantequillamcwhoremick Fighting Hcs

Okay so a while ago I've been thinking about whether or not the main 5 from South Park can fight or how'd they do in a fighting situation.

To get some reference points, I asked (anonymously cuz im a pussy) @sp-by-april and @mantequillamcwhoremick this question as well. Thanks to their help and me thinking about this constantly while I'm at work, I've come up with my

✨️IDEAS✨️

Let's start and assess each of the South Park characters:

Stan Marsh:

Ah, the alcoholic

Okay so he can kind of fight but like...not really? It's complicated.

I see Stan as a mix of emo, jock, board game nerd, and alcoholic. All of those things are VERY conflicting. Not to mention his anger issues and animal rights activist thing. So pinpointing parts of his personality for headcanons are kinda hard.

I think he's as strong as the average teenage boy, a little over because he's a football player and to be a good football player you need to be in good shape so yk he works out.

I think he'd be good at messy, strong-arming, street fighting, and beating someone up if he's really pissed or drunk but I don't think he'd do good in a real combat situation.

@mantequillamcwhoremick has mentioned that Stan is a pussy. Unfortunately they're right.

I don't think he'd get into a fight unless he needs to or someone pushes him towards it, like when he was sent to beat up Gary, the Mormon kid.

@sp-by-april said he doesn't like shooting people. Which is true. But he needs a weapon (cuz I said so).

I think he'd use a baseball bat. He's good at baseball, it's a quick, dense weapon that can easily knock someone out, he doesn't have to hit anyone really, he just has to force the bat into someone, not his own fist. It's easier to ram your strength into an object as a weapon than using your own body (trust me I know).

Stan is a 6/10 hand to hand fighter, weapons wise (the baseball bat) he'd be an 8/10. I don't think he'd win a fight, tho unless the opponent was weaker or he had backup/the bat.

Kyle Broflovski:

Oh Kyle. My angry little Jew husband. (I'm Jewish too I can say it)

Tbh, I dont need much explanation here. His temper is pretty bad and likely gets worse as a teen/adult.

As April said, he will not start fights but will absolutely finish them.

Kyle is absolutely winning almost every fight he's in. Even if he isn't stronger, he definitely has adrenaline to fuck them up or at the very least defend himself enough to get away.

I think he'd try to avoid fights because he's still a good kid yk he's a nice guy, hes like an honor student, gets good grades, still tryna get into a good school (even though that's not happening by a longshot read this for context)

Kyle is actually a nice person we just have this impression that he's the Hulk because he's constantly around Cartman and a myriad of other people who drive him crazy. In actuality, he tries to avoid fights usually and is the one next to stan to break it up.

Anyways, he does sports too, basketball namely, and I think he's pretty fast too. I love the idea of Kyle having a sleeper build, like he's looks skinny asf but he's actually stronger than most of the boys in class 💀

For weapons, I LOVE the idea of him using a hammer. He'd definitely use a hammer, and idk why he just seems like that kinda guy to bash someone's brains in (if he needed to)

I'm such a simp for angry Kyle guys.

8.5/10 fighter, he's not invincible, but he's hard to beat if he's mad.

Eric Cartman:

Oh god, this fucking pussy ass bitch.

Again this will be fairly short, he can't fight at all. He literally ate his own underwear to avoid a 3 minute fight with Wendy.

The closest he would come to fighting is learning to wrestle which I think he'd be good at. He's still fat but he'd get a little bit more muscle and be stronger as an adult.

But unless he can keep them into a headlock or a Full Nelson, (or fucking bites them 💀) he's not winning a fight with anybody.

For weapons, I'd imagine he's loaded with guns, booby traps, fucking bombs, he knows he can't fight so he stocks up on weapons just in case.

His favorite one would DEFINITELY be a chainsaw. Idk why but he'd just be into chainsaws.

3/10 at hand to hand, 7/10 with his weapons cuz he likely doesn't have the endurance to chase someone with a fucking chainsaw.

He's more into psychological warfare anyways

Kenny McCormick:

Mysterion, my love 🫶

Again, it's a pretty short entry, ofc he can fight. I'd say he can fight the best out of the five boys.

He's canonically injured multiple people bigger than him, including Randy, Gerald, and an 8th grader about to beat up his sister.

Also yk he literally can't die. I'd like to think his thousands of deaths have given him a very tolerance to pain, to the point where he can hardly feel a punch anymore.

Plus I headcannoned him as a track runner, homie is fast asf.

I think he learned to box from Tweek and his brother Kevin gave him a shotgun, which he learned to use from Stan's uncle Jimbo.

Overall, 9/10 hand to hand, with weapons bros almost unstoppable.

Butters Stotch:

Oh Butters my sweet baby

So in the episode "Butterballs", Butters was able to fight an adult man like twice his size so that counts for some sort of strength. However, adrenaline can affect even the weakest...which Butters is.

I mean lets get straight to it, he got his arm broken and a black eye by Nelly so either she's freakishly strong or he's insanely weak.

I will say though he has been shown to be strong enough to hold a gun but this all happened when he was a kid, I don't see him developing much more strength than when he was like 11.

I can see him getting a little bit stronger when he's a teenager but dude cant bench more than like 40 pounds.

3/10 fighter, maybe a little better if he's angry but overall Butters cant fight, only way he's surviving is with guns.

Anyone lemme know if you guys want me to do a part two with Craig's game or the girls.

Or even the Goths! Some of you think they can't fight and I do not agree with that.

🗡️

So not quite sure which character you're asking about, but I'll just throw some fighting style headcanons out here :D

California: California is the type of dude to run around with a hot pink taser. Like sure he *can* fight, just not very well

Texas: If you're gonna fight him, just don't. He DEFINITELY concealed carrys and you don't want to give him the opportunity to have some fun.

Florida: Another just don't. He has teeth and nails that are sharp as razors so uh yeah idk if you wanna fuck with that.

Louisiana: Louisiana is semi-normal so it would be an even fight, but the whole voodoo thing makes that not ideal

New York: definitely used to street fights, carries baseball bat in his backpack most of the time for a reason.

Gov: Barely able to fight, will call the army on you like it's his dad.

Oklahoma: Similar to Texas, (he carries a gun) but Instead You've got Tornado man holding it sooo...

CDC: if you punch him you're a monster. He's ALREADY unstable, and beating this man while he's down is practically a sin. Seriously if you want to hurt him I'm gonna munch on your bones.

Ivan never ‘learnt’ to fight, so he’s not a very skilled fighter. He’s good at using brute strength so heavy, blunt weapons like his metal pipe are best suited to him. And he doesn’t really know how to fight with a sword or a gun.

But Ivan is a scary guy to fight regardless of skill. Imagine being sized up by this big guy, yielding a metal pipe and emanating such a dangerous aura. Anyone getting into a fight with this guy either didn’t mean to get in a fight or is an idiot.

He initially fought out of necessity and still fights with the same basic outlook. His sole aim in a fight is to make sure the other person isn’t getting up. So how does he do that? Well hit them hard, of course. And that he does, one hit from Ivan and most people are out for the count.

Yet his movements are clunky and in a fight he’ll typically stand in one place. He doesn’t move fast. But he can take a hit. It takes a lot to actually hurt Ivan , blame it on his childhood, but most of the time, getting hit will only make him angry.

And have fun getting near him when he’s annoyed. Any close range attacks are likely to fail. And if you manage to get close enough to land a hit, it better be a strong one.

——

Note I have not played all the games so this is mostly based on story and the characters themselves, and a bit on gameplay if I know about it

- Wild - It’s chaotic, but he tends to be very resourceful. While to others his fighting may seem organized and vastly different every time, in his journey of discovering himself and his memories led to him feeling very in-tune with his abilities, he knows what he can and cannot do, but that doesn’t always stop him.   By himself he tends to test things that aren’t the smartest to do during battle. With the others he either likes to play extreme offence or defense, no in between. We will protect or destroy. He doesn’t work to well with the others while fighting, but is slowly getting used to working with a team. 

- Four - works great with others as he is used to that because of the colors, Vio and Green cover fighting, having a good balance of dare and strategy. While together, he tries to team up with someone during group fights. When alone he may split or just proceed with more of a offensive stance towards the battle. If he is working with another Link he will analyze them and form a way to fight the compliments them. Out of all of them he has the most flexible style, but his is on purpose. 

- Wind -  He does not seem to have much of a style, as a teen he sort of learned the basic moves from Orca. However he is getting the the point of developing a bit, as well as taking bits and pieces from the others. Overall,  he aims for mostly practical, simple fighting, using a bit of flair now and again. He works well with a team, because he can mirror others, and that can sometimes help him, his is how he picks up on other’s fight styles. Over time Wind learns to add his stealth abilities into his fighting, making it much easier to surprise monsters. Because of this, he normally takes immediately offence. 

- Legend - Is extra as fuck, but tends to be very observant and use his surroundings to his advantage. He used the most magical weapons, and is very skilled with them. When using just a sword, Legend will take defense and plan everything out and tire out the opponent. When using a rod or something else, he will go for offense, as with a magical item it is easy to stop the enemies, not necessarily permanently, but than he can attack more quickly. While working in a team he will use his magical items and let others attack, taking mostly defense. However with a sword he will try to do for the enemy and let the others attack from a different direction.Overall, he has a very flared style, complemented with many types of weapons to back him up. 

- Warriors - While fighting in large groups or just with the other eight he defaults to a soldier style, while still incorporating the surprising roughness of his own. He use a for defensive strategy when working with others, as he tries to default back to a more typical fighting style. When alone he loosens up a bit more and allows for more interesting attacks. He uses offence here, and just likes to jump into the fight.  He has used different rods, and had found that likes using them, on occasion, although not very often.

- Twilight - While in Wolf form his attacks are very ravage, but as a Hylian he keeps everything more clean and fair, and tries not to cross over the line, as it provides a needed wall between the two parts of him. As a wolf he plays offence by himself and defense when he is with others. As a wolf it can lunge himself at the monster with ease, but Twilight likes to protect his family. As a Hylian he takes defense or offence depending on the situation, he has not sort of patter. Even as a Hylian we wants to protect his family, but does try to stick to himself a bit more. Something interesting to note that is his attacks at times can mirrors the style of Time’s, but over the years of fighting it’s least common. 

- Sky - An odd way describe it, while fights shares a personal connection with whatever weapon he is using, due to knowing Fi, not so much that it gets in the way, but actually helps release emotion and will into his fighting. His moved can be precise and powerful, depending on the current emotion he is feeling. If Angry Sky™ fights, you are dead. The fighting he was taught at his school, was taught in a knight’s style, so he has more formal attack pattern. He normally would take offence, due to what he learned in school, but he does take defense once in a while.  

So I was looking through the Nehrim tag and found this. Pilfered from @ani-does-vyn who in turn pilfered it from @jhara-ivez

Bold for always applies, italics for sometimes, plain for hardly ever/never applies

Ooh, good question!

Well Joker, like his brother, is a skilled bareknuckle boxer, but he also is a skilled sniper, though he’s a lousy shot with most other guns.  He’s also decent with a switchblade and recalls most of his military training.

Drury, like Joker, has military training, though he’s a better shot with most other guns.  He’s also trained in a Javanese style of pencak silat (an umbrella term for Indonesian Martial arts).

Harley is a terrible shot and while she’s pretty good at mixed martial arts, most other rogues and batfam members can overpower her pretty easily.

Jason obviously has mixed martial arts skills from training with Batman, bit his shooting skills are distinctly non-military, because Jon taught him.

Bane and Croc do have martial arts training, not as extensive as Batman’s, but skilled nonetheless.

Garfield’s small size makes him pretty good at evasive techniques and at some point he learned mantis-style kung-fu.  He also is an excellent shot with a pistol.

Pamela and Edward both know how to fence, it does a fat lot of good against a man with a switchblade but they do know how to fence.

Alfred isn’t the most technical fighter. He prefers to use his guns or his fists and I don’t think he’d be particularly skilled with a sword.

His strength lies in his physical power and his fast reflexes. While he’s not the type to think a few moves ahead, he usually reacts quick enough to dodge on coming attacks.

Usually (in a non life or death scenario) he’ll make an effort to avoid punching too hard. He’s the hero, and hero’s don’t put people in the hospital when they don’t have to.

But all that swiftly goes out the window when he’s losing. Alfred has a lot of pride and any notion of heroism is gone as soon as he’s about to lose. Even in friendly spars he can get too competitive and seriously injure who he’s fighting.

With his guns, he’s almost impossible to beat. He’s fast and accurate. It would take a lot of quick thinking and luck to get one over one him.

In a fist fight (or even a sword fight) getting too close to him is a sure fire way to lose. With one good punch from him, most opponents aren’t getting back up.

——

Arthur isn’t a particularly skilled fighter. He excels at long range attack, be that with a bow and arrow or a gun. But when it comes to fighting in close proximity he relies on underhanded methods.

Fighting against him in a place he’s familiar with, or anywhere with a lot of potential hazards, is a sure fire way to lose. He’s a jack of all trades when it comes to fighting dirty, and the speed that he’ll pull his tricks can leave even the best fighter fumbling.

He’s also very distracting in a fight. He’ll keep himself out of reach while acting like the worlds worst therapist. He has a sixth sense for finding people’s insecurities and exploiting them.

He purposefully tries to make the other person angry because when their angry they’re sloppy. They’re less likely to notice how close they are to the edge of that platform or how open they’re defense has became. It’s a risky way to fight, but Arthur’s a pro at thinking fast and dodging.

When he’s about to lose is when he’s most dangerous. He’ll use all his tricks to try get the upper hand again. It doesn’t matter what kind of fight it’s meant to be, he’ll draw his gun when it’s needed.

And, unless he’s phyically unable, he’ll keep plotting ways to get back at his opponent.

——