#fif

And I have to say... the amount of anxiety I feel towards the End is worse after reading FiF, than it was before reading FiF.

It was always bad, never looking forward to the inevitable heartbreak (I always empathize a tad too much with Seb. He also keeps spooking around in my head way after the fact), but now I'm genuinely dreading it.

Currently at the beginning of chapter 12, and I'm genuinely feeling nauseous and jittery.

1.000/10★

No other series has ever been able to do this to me. ヽ(´o｀;

Thank you, I love hearing how I cause my readers pain <3

It's an interesting experience to hear, though! I'm also going to have to do the Full Readthrough at one point in the future and I'm very curious how it's gonna hit with me, since I also know what comes even after that...

Either way, it makes sense that it hits different now. Before, the ending was very much a standalone thing, a sort of classic open ending, but now Fif exists the ending suddenly becomes the start of a very different story. And just like tvd took you along every step of the way through the evolution and growth of their relationship (which made the decline all the more painful), Fif leads you along every step of the way through the whole ugly grief and self-destruction of it all. So where before tvd's ending was just the end of the nice things (bad enough in itself), now it's not just that but also the start of all the bad things.

Although this is just me spitballing here. Like I said, I've known how it all goes after and ends for a long time, so I can't imagine the experience of reading it not knowing that.

my other question is Does Seb have a medical kink? jim commented on it briefly in his POV and another instance during Seb's appt with Caro he was staring intently while she stitches him up like a proper weirdo so i've been intrigued ever since. thanks in advance!

You're welcome! I'd ask changed for the better? but let's not get into that :3

Okay, so, Sebastian does not have a medical kink. He just has a very pragmatic, practical relationship with his own body, and zero squeamishness. So when there's anything medical going on with him, him being interested is mostly just checking if his own first assessment was right, and gauging what the practical impact is going to be.

He does, however, have a massive Jim-kink so if it were him doing the stitches, the situation would be very different.

As for the blindfold, it's a bit tied to the VC story and the imprisonment/torture, but it's also meant to be more general than just a trauma-specific trigger. Mostly it's because one of Seb's central things is that he's very observant. He's a sniper, a bodyguard, he's used to constantly scanning the environment, noticing anything of import, interpreting, assessing, predicting. He's visual, first and foremost, so take that away from him and he suddenly loses a lot of his sense of control on the world.

So yeah, technically it's a hard limit. However...

He still isn't over how delightful this is, even if it's fiction. In a real fight Sebastian would overpower him in three second flat, but here he puts up just enough resistance to make Jim's dominance feel earned.

He throws Sebastian onto his stomach and grabs him by the neck, pushes him down. He bucks, briefly, and Jim tightens his grip, shoves him deeper so his face is in the pillow—taking care, of course, that he can still breathe. If he is going to do breathplay he's not fucking doing it accidentally.

which of the two would u say caro is/would be more Scared of?

Ooh, cool question.

Instinctively she's less afraid of Jim, even though she knows rationally he's by far the most dangerous of the two. But since she's known Jim for so long she has a very different view on him than most, and while she knows that he can be dangerous, 1) she knows she has a very unique position in his life and is pretty much irreplaceable and that he knows that too, and 2) she still kind of sees the scared teenager in him, which takes away a bit of his threat value.

Meanwhile Sebastian is a lot less transparent to her. Which is funny, because from Sebastian's own point of view he's the easy-going, honest, open person and Jim is the one with secrets upon secrets, but that's where the unreliable narrator thing comes in. Caroline is sharp enough to realise the charm is just surface-level and she's seen the result of all the violence underneath, and it unnerves her that she doesn't quite know how deep that goes or where it comes from exactly.

The thought of Jim with magic is honestly terrifying.

I’m so glad you’re doing an omega!seb fill because it’s one thing for a man in a gay relationship to have this loyal kicked dog syndrome but if suddenly he’s also misogyny affected and in a het(ish) relationship, it’s a newer, more heartbreaking layer. kudos to Omegaverse for letting me read about characters being subjected to misogyny without being filled with rage.

It's funny switching between tvd-era Seb who's so baby and just takes everything Jim says at face value, and TToD Seb a decade later who has realised a Lot of things in that time and is taking exactly zero shit from Jim anymore.

i know you can't answer this, but im really curious how you'll handle seb and jim back together. i've seen you mention the fluff chapter of TToD and know you'll give us angst to go alongside it, it's just...all these years, all the obsession and pain and grief that seb has gone through from jim. all the genuine abuse. brought to his lowest by his unending devotion, inability to heal even a fraction of the hole jim carved into him.(2) as a teenager ten years ago i wanted to see seb happy, and happy meant with jim. now a full adult, i want what the doctor wanted for him, to finally make a life for himself apart from jim's influence, while knowing that will never happen because they really both can't survive separation - and that teen in me still despite it all wants them kissing and making up. i can't fathom what their future holds. anyways, coming back to TVDverse has been a doozy. deeply appreciate everything you've written and all the human emotions it makes me feel! (fin)

thank you <3

It's that conflict between joy at being back together and fury because of everything that happened that's honestly the whole summary of TToD. Which is an interesting experience, because in a way both those urges are satisfied, but also you can't have one without the other, so there's also this constant tension. When they're being happy together you're annoyed because they're ignoring all the shit Seb's gone through; when they're fighting you're aching because you just want them to be happy again. Or, at least, that's what I'm aiming for.

Which is the only way for me to write it, tbh. Everything what happened before is deeply horrible and to not address that or cover it with the mantle of love would feel wrong; but so would pretending not to have the joy at being together again after thinking that was lost forever.