thinking about re9! leon kennedy with an extremely gen z brain rotted partner . . .
he literally just got back from work. tactical gear still on, hostler strapped to his thigh, hair sticking to his forehead and pointing in every different direction, making him look like a hedgehog. he wanted nothing more than a long shower and get into bed… but of course you wouldn’t let him do that.
you two sat on the floor of your living room, on either side of the small coffee table. “what are we doing again?” he sighed, rubbing his face.
“fidget trading,” you announced, and took out of the box on your lap a butter squishy, slapping it at the center of the table. “i’ll start with this. very soft very pretty butter stick squishy.”
leon seemed so out of place, you had to help him out. “that’s my offer,” you began. “now tell me what you offer me for this.”
leon glanced down at the box sitting next to him on the floor, inhaled deeply, exhaled out all of his needs to shout at you to be normal for once (since it wouldn’t work) and fished out a dumpling squishy. “is this good?”
he set it in front of your squishy and opened the plastic box. “it’s, uh, white. got a little face on it too,” he described. “very… i don’t know, squeezable? i don’t know what the hell i’m supposed to say.”
you tapped your chin thoughtfully, and then tapped your palm on the right side of the table. “accept. they’re both pretty cheap and funny to play with.”
you exchanged squishies, and you put out your next offer. “now… i’m gonna give you this very expensive, very ultra rare needoh. it has glitter and it’s, like, ultra rare. so you’ll have to give me something good or else i won’t give it to you.”
“what if i don’t want it?” leon arched an eyebrow, and you crossed your arm.
“what if i hang you to the ceiling?”
so blunt, but so characteristically you as an answer. so he exhaled, dug into his box, and pulled out a water slime. “here.”
you looked at the plastic container and then back up at him, tapping the center of the table. “i’m gonna ask you to add something. the needoh is very rare and that’s just a water slime. and it smells like chemicals.”
“because it’s made of chemicals. i don’t think mother nature produces slime,” leon grunted, but still looked for something else to add. “i’ll add this huge strawberry. cmon, you love strawberries.”
“i don’t,” you contest. “i prefer dark cherries. you’re supposed to know that, you’re my boyfriend!”
leon rolled his eyes and thought about what led him to this, but decided to switch squishies, and instead of the strawberry he put a beaded ball. “what about this? it has a nice feeling to it.”
you reached out with one hand to poke it, feeling the resistance of the hard beads trapped into the balloon, and pulled back with a hum. “hmm… maybe i’ll accept,” you said. “fine, i’ll accept. accept the trade.”
you tapped the table until he took the needoh from you, and you took his offers. “nice, perfect! now,” you put another squishy in front of him. “i’ll give you this. ultra rare glittery huge dumpling. has the same consistency of your balls.”
leon stopped in his tracks and stared at you, dumbfounded. “… what?”
“you heard what i said,” you smiled. “actually, can i make you a different offer?”
leon didn’t even know if he wanted to answer. if he wanted to know what would come out of your mouth, and if he’d regret. but whatever his choice was, he knew you’d still say it. “okay, go ahead…”
“i give you this dumpling, and you give me your balls,” you said way too simply for a request like that.
leon’s brows furrowed. “how– what– how am i supposed to give you my balls?”
you shrugged. “give them to me. maybe you could cut them off and hand them to me–”
without even letting you finish, he stood up and rubbed his eyes with exhaustion. “i’m done with this. take the toys. let me rest, i don’t have the energies and willpower to deal with this.”
you watched him walk out of the living room and into the hallway, and leaned forward. “c’mon, it would be cute! maybe i could turn them into keychains and keep them in my purse!”
“i said i’m done with this, y/n!”
if you guys have any suggestion for more gen z reader pls!!! send them to me!!! im running low on ideas
