#fics there

It’s just another night

And I’m staring at the moon

It’s another night without you ‘taire. I honestly don’t know how I’ve managed to go on since then. I’d like to think you’re helping me from the other side, but I’ll never know. It seems cruel that when you die you still get to spend time here on Earth, so you’re probably up in heaven -hush, don’t argue with me, you’re not going to hell. And I know I can’t see heaven from here, so the moon is the closest thing I have.

I saw a shooting star

And thought of you

But it’s also pure evil to have no contact with the world of the living, so you probably have a way of seeing us. I think it’s through the shooting stars. You fall from heaven to get a glimpse of the world you left behind.

I sang a lullaby

By the water side and knew

If you were here, I’d sing to you

Jehan had insisted that well all come to this place the Seine passes through, he said the water inspires him. Remember when we came here once? It had also been close to midnight and the grass had been damp from the previous night’s rain, just like now. You made me sit with my back facing the Seine and took out your sketchbook, spending hours drawing under the moonlight and insisting that I sing, claiming that my ‘angelic voice’ soothed you and helped you draw.

You’re on the other side

And the skyline splits in two

Miles away from seeing you

But I can see the stars from America

I wonder, do you see them too?

When you had to go to Italy for a treatment and I couldn’t go with you, you told me that no matter how far we were, we were under the same sky, meaning that we saw the same stars. I wonder if that is still the case. Are there stars where you are?

So open your eyes and see

The way our horizons meet

And all of the light will lead

Into the night with me

And I know these scars will bleed

But both of our hearts believe

All of these stars will guide is home

It’s just cruel how the world still goes on. You’d think that everything would come to a stop, but no, the Earth still spins and the moon still shines and it’s not fair. It’s not fair that you’re gone. It’s not fair that you got only a few years will others get decades and decades. It’s not fair the sun didn’t explode when the heart monitor flatlined, and it’s not fair that I have to be mature about it all. I want to stand at the top of a mountain and scream to the world what an amazing person you were, what an angel they lost. But I guess angels belong in heaven.

I can hear your heart

On the radio beat

They’re playing ‘Chasing Cars’

And I thought to us

Back to the time

You were lying next to me

I looked across and fell in love

So I took your hand

Back through lamp-lit streets and knew

Everything led back to you

Courfeyrac in insisting on blasting this song on his new speakers, and they’re trying to get me to dance with them, shouting to me from across the grass. But I just want to lie here and immortalize your memory, as much as I can, at least. God, I remember when you made me listen to it the first time, I hated it. But then you kept playing it on loop for a week, and… It grew on me. It’s the only thing I listen to now.

So can you see the stars over Amsterdam?

Hear the song me heart is beating to?

I’ll never forget Amestrdam, the whole trip was out of a fairytale. Shame we had to go back so soon. But it gained a couple more days here, and that’s something I’ll never be able to regret.

So open your eyes and see

The way our horizons meet

And all of the lights will lead

Into the night with me

And I know these scars will bleed

Both of our hearts believe

All of these stars will guide us home

You can’t see the stars, that I’m sure of. You’re up above, above the moon and the stars. You’re where you were always meant to be. And it hurts, but you’re happier there, I know you are, so I have to be happy for you.

And, oh,I know

And oh,I know, oh

And I know oh oh oh

I know that it’ll always hurt, and I know that this isn’t some movie where I’ll always think of you and smile. I know I’ll collapse on the ground and cry my eyes out, but I also know that you want me to live. So I will, if only to make you happy.

I can see the stars from America

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