#feralkwe

even as hildegarde’s skin chipped and cracked in a different spot every other day. time and time again he would fuss over him and work to mend what fissures he could, all the while being told it “wasn’t that bad”. the one across the hero’s nose never seemed to react to his magicks. it stared him in the face uncomfortably but he dared not look away. he stared back. he stared until hildegarde would reach his hand up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing against shallow cheekbone. and he’d smile.

“ It’s fine. I think it’s… become part of my charm. Hasn’t it? It can stay. ”

“ It is far too bright in the night, ” he would mumble in response, feigning disinterested annoyance. “ I prefer complete darkness when I sleep, you know this. ”

“ I’ll just bury my face in your chest deeper then. ”

and hildegarde would chuckle. and he couldn’t help but feel the corners of his lips tug upwards despite himself.

when hildegarde’s reserves of aether suffered of overuse, when he struggled to get them back up unless he devoured a buffet or simply fed on another man’s, it was all worth it even then. he’d shamble toward the ancient, mouth agape through which stifled breaths would come in and out while his eyes unfocused, and rest his hands on his much taller, much broader shoulders. he’d straddle his lap. he’d tug at his turtleneck’s collar, looking up into that piercing golden gaze expectantly… and with a hint of desperation.

“ I’m sorry. May I? ”

“ I could quite do without the apology… Of course you may. ” he chastised lightly with a sigh, angling his chin upwards for easier access. “ But do not make a mess, if you please. ”

yes, staining his clothes with blood… it wouldn’t wash away so easily. it was hardly a legitimate concern, though ; with a soul as dense as his, just a few drops tended to be enough to stabilise hildegarde’s aether.

“ And be more careful next time. ”

and when the au ra’s legs could no longer carry him, refusing to obey him, well, it was worth it as well. at least it forced him to rest for once. it allowed his beloved some time to dote on him. he would check on the prosthetic, fix up whatever was now refusing to function, and… as for the other leg, it simply needed time to get accustomed to being hildegarde’s leg again. it forgot, at times. it had always been his, but while the light’s corruption was long gone from his body, it was something it remembered. and sometimes it’d stop obeying. memories made it stagnant.

because he would’ve never met with the happiness that came with the hardships had he not done what he’d done, he regretted nothing. 

there was no room for regret in emet-selch’s mind, no matter how much it weighed down his heart. how regret’s claws dug deep into the tendrils. guilt. if the sentiment ever made it to his head, he shoved it down his own throat with his bare hands. if it overflowed and stained them, he would simply have to cover them up with gloves. then he’d never have to acknowledge any of it.

“ Hades, ” a hushed voice whispers, claws gently dragging against the skin of his arm - a sensation which sends a shiver running down his spine and pulls him right out of his thoughts. he looks over to his side, and… there he is. “ You’d have an easier time falling asleep if you laid down… ”

hildegarde, light ever shining across his face and in his eye, is looking up at him with the same fondness he always does. it brings him momentary solace. his own gaze softens.

“ What’s keeping you? From sleeping, I mean. ”

“ Please. Nothing is keeping me fr– ”

“ You are sitting there awake intentionally? Oh, I’m sure… ” hildegarde rolls his eyes and stirs, propping himself up on his elbow. his hand moves up hades’ arm to rub his shoulder some. “ You don’t have to tell me but you don’t have to lie either. I’m not stupid. ”

hades can’t help but bite on the inside of his cheek. right. many times he’d believably lied in the past, but it never seemed to work on hildegarde… not anymore. there was comfort in being known, but there was apprehension too. there was fear.

he liked being seen by hildegarde. he didn’t like knowing hildegarde could read him better than anyone else.

bringing himself closer, hildegarde soon wraps his arms around him, pushing him down onto the bed and resting his head against his chest, where he could hear his heartbeat. it was something hades knew unsettled him, yet he kept listening anyway… for how easily hildegarde seemed to understand him, the warrior of light remained a mystery in many aspects to him. how could he love him so?

he, who had caused him irreparable grief. who was unrepentant in the face of his own deeds. who still claimed firmly he meant all of it and regretted none of it.

despite everything, his greatest enemy, his dearest companion loves him.

and he simply cannot comprehend it.

the horn presses lightly against his chest for a few moments before hildegarde shifts around, forcing them into a hug while bringing the blanket over them. he then buries his face in his chest… as he’d said he would. he forgot a lot, but these little attentions were things he always seemed to keep in mind. he remembered what hades would complain about, and he’d act around it.

mindfulness. truthfully, it infuriated him to the point he wished to vanish more often than not.

“ Just sleep. Okay? You can’t make me a delicious breakfast, or whatever it is you do on mornings, if you wake up hours after I do. Perhaps I’ll have eaten the entire fridge by then. ”

hildegarde yawns. he closes his eyes again, his expression now content.

hades can only watch him for a few moments. or mayhap they were minutes.

there is no room for regret in emet-selch’s mind.

I love you.

and it had all been worth it.

I’m sorry.

a soft kiss leaves a mildly humid mark on hildegarde’s forehead, prompting him to smile as he drifts.