for dadrunkwriting "you haven't lost me" with Fenora and Abelas?
Hey this is from ages ago, but yeah. Finally wrote it lol.
EDIT: I forgot to link this to the story it connects to. Read Sorrow’s Joy here on AO3.
Desperate sex in a hallway did not mean that Abelas was hers again, Fenora knew. Technically, he’d never really been hers to begin with, no matter what she might have hoped for that one brief night together when she was young. After their reunion in that hallway they’d had to part ways eventually, if only because they were nearly discovered. Duty called them both away for the remainder of the day, and though her mind kept wandering to their respective confessions and the orgasms they’d shared while fully clothed in a hallway, she did not truly expect anything to change. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to tell her that it was a mistake, like last time.
He came to her while she was in the library studying a map of old Orlais, comparing current maps to it in order to track the changes for study. At first she didn’t look up, expecting him to continue on his way to whatever it was he was there for. And in a way, he did, but he stopped beside her instead of any of the bookshelves, leaning against her work table. Slowly, cautiously, as though she might light him on fire for it, he stroked a bit of her hair between two fingers. Her startled look was met with a small, gentle smile.
“Am I disturbing you?” he asked softly, so that no one else in the library would hear.
It took her a moment to answer, startled by his presence and unused to being on speaking terms with him. “Not at all,” she finally croaked, then cleared her throat to try again. “No, I was just a little surprised. Not used to this, I guess.”
Shame flashed on his face, but that wasn’t what she’d intended. She wasn’t trying to punish him for what happened between them, so she gently took the hand that was playing with her hair and kissed the palm. She was gratified when his eyes darkened just from that, smiling up at him a little.
“I had hoped,” he began, but seemed distracted by her lips on his palm. It was his turn to clear his throat and try again to say, “I had hoped that this evening you might permit me the pleasure of your company. I… suspect that we have much to say to each other, a lot of issues to attempt to sort out.”
She nodded and released his hand, allowed him to tuck it away as though he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. “Of course. Come to my rooms after dinner,” she invited. He nodded and opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it and simply wandered away. She gazed after him until he left the library, a bit bemused. She knew that they needed to talk, that they couldn’t just pick up where they’d left off, but part of her wished that they could. Yet she knew that ignoring their century of silence would not allow them to form any sort of healthy relationship going forward, and that was exactly what she wanted with him. A relationship to last through the centuries.
She continued her work and lost herself in it so deeply that she would have missed dinner if a spirit hadn’t reminded her of the time. Food was tasteless as she wondered what would happen after, and her brother kept giving her looks for the faraway gaze she certainly wore. She made a face at him but refrained from voicing any of their usual colorful insults for the sake of her niece on his lap. His third child, with more likely yet to come, she adored his children and his wife even enough to curb her tongue and appear respectful.
After dinner she went straight to her rooms even though she usually lingered to spend some time with her family and maybe flirt up a new fling. She had something more important to do. Waiting was awful, and she felt like she was twenty-five again and waiting for him to accept her favor. She paced, her heart pounding, and when she found herself wringing her hands she growled at herself and dropped into a chair with a heavy sigh. She was a full century older than she’d been the last time she was this nervous, and it was frustrating to feel like barely more than a child again.
The knock on her door made her heart flutter and her stomach flip, but she took a deep breath to calm herself and answered it. He stood at the threshold and didn’t quite meet her eyes even as she let him in. Once inside her room they just stood there awkwardly, trying to think of what to say.
“I suppose I should apologize again,” Abelas said at last. “What I did was inexcusable, and I have no right to be asking your forgiveness.”
“I’d rather you ask than we continue our silence,” Fenora told him as she decided it would be better to sit than to keep standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. He didn’t move until she waved to the other chair.
He sat across from her and clenched his hands together in his lap so hard that she saw his knuckles turn white. “I attempted to explain my actions this morning when… Well, there is so much left to say and yet I feel as though my tongue is too large for my mouth when I make the attempt.”
She bit her lip and wished she dared to touch him. “I’ve waited this long,” she said, trying for lightheartedness. “I can wait while you find the words.” He winced and she sighed. “I’m sorry. A poor attempt at a joke. I don’t mean to hold the last century over you.”
“I deserve no less,” he murmured, gazing at his hands.
“Ugh, get it through your head, Abelas!” she snapped, rolling her eyes. “What you think you deserve was never the question!” His eyes snapped up to hers at last and it made her feel almost dizzy, an intimacy they hadn’t had in so long. “It was never about what you think. It was about what we felt. And I loved you. I thought you felt the same.”
“I do,” he said quickly. “I always have. I cared for you when you were a child, a sweet girl whose trust I had somehow earned. You were always so proud to show me your achievements, and you were so lighthearted. It was a form of freedom to look after you. And then you got older and for a while it was the same, until I realized what a beautiful and caring woman you had become. Fenora, you became a part of me the moment your mother asked me to stay for your birth, even though I didn’t know it until you were gone.” He stood then, and drew near enough to brush the tips of his fingers against her cheek and wipe away the tear she hadn’t realized she’d shed. “Am I too late now?” he asked in a whisper. “Did I destroy what we could have had and lost you?”
She stood, her heart pounding in her chest, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. It was almost surprising that he didn’t simply vanish like he did in her dreams. “You haven’t lost me, my heart,” she told him, her voice breaking. “I wish you hadn’t waited so long, but we’re here now. We can work it out. Because I still love you.”
He buried his face in her shoulder and held her so tightly that she worried about the integrity of her ribcage, but it was bliss. After a century of cold silence, she had her heart back at last.
