u know i think someone else mentioned that too like ages ago, actually i believe my friend julia said my old blog title ‘you tolerate me, you really really tolerate me!’ bothered her for p much the same reasons and although the blog title was also a whose line reference and was kinda more unique and i liked it more for that than anything, i think that both that and my personal posts thing probably originally started out being kinda self deprecating bc that is definitely something ive really struggled with for years like quite very badly and while maybe its still something that catches me off guard and gets me now and then, i feel like now ive changed enough even in the last couple years or so that i dont feel like thats the kind of vibe i want to give off, that thats not how i want to feel about myself anymore. 

but yeah, anyways, i did change my blog title bc i hadnt thought about it until someone pointed it out and while my current one isnt quite as unique, i think it reflects my current self a lot better now and its just more positive and also 1daf

and my personal tag, well i dunno what id change it to, ive just been using it for so long that i have a lot of stuff there, like unlike my blog title that just sits there i use this for a lot more things u know? 

i do think that.. i do kind of feel like i might be annoying sometimes tho when i talk about personal things, maybe. like i complain alot about alot of things and i feel it must be kind of whiny and i really dont want to get any and everyone else down when im being really negative a lot, and if i do then i feel bad, and like. saying this rn im like ohh kayyyyy so this is probably not good actually tbh uhhhh

umm so i have this thing that im trying to work on where i do shit or react to shit to do with myself that i would never expect or want my friends to be like, if that makes any sense? like im harsh on myself about things that i wouldnt be harsh to my friends about, or want my friends to be harsh to themselves about morelike, and i know its very not good but its.. hard. what id really really like is to get to a place where i can treat meself like i would a good friend and i mean, i have made so much progress over the years like y’all would hardly recognize me if u met me like in high school or something, i barely recognize myself from a few years ago.. used to be really really not good at all, so like i have improved at least but..

and i guess one of those things is being apologetic for sharing personal things, and i think that’s mainly because i really worry about upsetting ppl by saying something negative or too personal i guess? esp bc if im saying something to someone in real life i can like gauge their response and if they’re ok listening to me be upset about something but it’s harder to do that here. Although.. i still apologize if i share a lot irl and cant tell if the persons upset or not really reacting then im like oh no that was a lot and im sorry, i wanted to tell someone but i really hope i didnt upset u :(((( like that might not always be the case, but its where my head goes i guess..

 also i tend to ramble a Lot and ive never been good with keeping things short ( and this answer’s a fine example of that lmao) bc i have a hard time explaining things with few words bc i have so many thoughts and im not good at putting them out very well and being eloquent, motherfricking eloquency is what ive always wanted to be better at tbh, so like, thats something i am super self conscious about tbh, i have been for awhile, im just not very good at socializing and i worry about it like all the time so i think it probably comes from there.. like not being able to read ppl or express myself very well and not wanting to upset or bother anyone because of those things.. yeah thats probably accurate.

um, but yes back to ur question. i mean yeah? i.. think i know it’s ok to talk about personal things on my blog bc i really do use it for that alots, like i absolutely think everyone should be able to talk about their lives on their blogs like totally for sure! but um, it would seem i might still have some baggage about that kind of thing? 

sigh, my head’s a little bit of a fricked up place sometimes idk, i had a looong day today, i will just put this aside for now and try and give it some more proper thoughts later tho okee (and ur right tbh, i think it would probably be a good idea if i changed itttt, like esp with all of this ^^ that seems to have come up lol, even if im still feeling it a little its probably not good, buuut i just need to think of something which might take a while but yes ok,