#feelingtheburn

_________

Jensen walked down the stairs at ten in the evening after his nap.  At the same time, YN walked inside with her FBBC employee tshirt on.  

“How come you’re home so late? Weren’t you here when I came home?” Jensen ran a hand over his tired and groggy face.  

“Someone called out.  Had to waitress tonight.” She threw her bag against the wall and followed Jesen into the living room where they crashed on the couch.  “You okay?”

“Yeah. I think so.  How’d you do serving?”

“I’ve been doing it on and off.  I know the menu and all that.  It was fine.”

“You have?” Jensen looked to her.

“Yeah. You’re deflecting.  You’re really tired.” YN observed his body language. “Panic attack, I’m guessing.”

“How did you know?”

“You were tired.  You never get tired.  And it’s really hard. At least sometimes.” YN shrugged.  

“Yeah. I needed to sleep.”  

“It’s okay.  Sometimes that’s a good thing.”

“I cried, and it’s exhausting.  I don’t cry.” Jensen dismissed her.

“Jensen.” YN caught his attention.  “Crying isn’t bad and you know it.  I’m not having this conversation with you.  Glad you’re okay though.”  YN hugged Jensen’s side.  

“Sorry.  I wonder where Dee went.” Jensen looked around him.  

“Padalecki house.  She and Gen were going to do a craft or bake or something.”  YN stated.  

“Maybe they made me pie,” Jensen grinned.  

“Selfish, much?” YN giggled.  

“You should go to bed.” Jensen told her.  He felt her relax against him.  

“It’s Friday!  I’m fine.”

“You’re falling asleep against me, I can feel you.”

“Can we watch a movie?  I know you’re going to be up a while.”

“Yeah, fine.  Braveheart?” Jensen suggested a movie.  

“That makes me nauseated. Let’s watch something funny. Minions?”

“Ugh.  Fine.” Jensen playfully rolled his eyes.  “Get it on the screen.  I’ll make some popcorn.”  Jensen stood up and left the room.  

—————

“Bed, both of you,” Danneel nudged the two on the couch. YN startled awake. Jensen felt YN move away from him.

“Huh?”

“Bed. Come on.” Danneel put her hands out to help YN and Jensen off the couch.

“Good night,” YN walked up the stairs.

————

Jared was sitting at the kitchen island when YN entered.

“Hey Pads,” she sighed.

“Morning, we’re going for a run, you wanna go?”

“Yes, she’s going. Get changed and brush your teeth,” Jensen answered for her. She narrowed her eyes at him. “You make me go to therapy, I want you to get your energy out. I’d say fair trade,” he devilishly smiled.

“Come on, Jensen,” YN whined.

“I’ve seen you getting anxious. I know your counselor told you it would be good for you. Come on, get your stuff. 2 minutes.”

“Whatever,” YN turned and trudged up the stairs.

The two grown men chuckled.

“Let’s go!” Jensen yelled up the stairs. YN came barreling down.

“Do I have to?” YN groaned sarcastically.

“Yes,” the boys answered in unison. She grinned.

________

“I gotta walk and take a break, I haven’t ran in a while,” YN huffed.  She slowed on the trail.  

“Nuh uh.  We’ll slow down.  We gotta keep going though,” Jared stated.

“I haven’t run hundreds of miles like you two.” YN defended herself.  

“Yeah, me too.’ Jensen slowed.  

“Come on, bud,” Jared encouraged.  

“No, I can’t.” Jensen’s breath quickened.  Jared, ahead of the other two, didn’t stop but asked them to keep going.  

“Jared, stop.”  YN called.  The tallest one turned around.  “Jensen!” He ran to his friend who was grabbing at his own chest.  

“Panic attack,” YN told Jared.  “Had one yesterday.”

“Okay, buddy.” Jared said calmly. “Give me your jacket, YN.” YN pulled the piece of clothing from around the waist and lied it down and put it against a tree.  Jared slowly helped Jensen lean against it so that the shirt was like a barrier between his head and the bark of the tree.  

“Ughnf.” Jensen stated.  

“I know.  Feel the dirt.  Squeeze my hand,” Jared prompted.  YN watched as Jensen grabbed the granules around him.  “Ground yourself,  No, don’t close your eyes.  Look at YN.  Tell me how she’s feeling.”  YN took her cue to smile.

“She’s happy.”

“Good.”

YN made a silly face, and Jensen laughed.  

After a few minutes of resting and help from YN and Jared, they pulled him up off the ground.  Jared dusted Jensen off.

“Okay, let’s go.” Jensen started running ahead of them.  

“No, dude.  We’re walking. Don’t act all tough.” Jared caught up with him.  

“Sorry.”

When they arrived back at the Ackles’ home, Danneel saw Jensen’s face.  She looked to Jared, and he nodded.  

“Go take a shower, babe.”

“I- I, I can’t.” His hip hit the corner of the table and lost his footing.  He caught himself before he fell.

“Come on. “ Jared put his shoulder under Jensen’s armpit and guided him to a downstairs bathroom and sat him on the toilet lid.  

“What happened?” Danneel walked to YN.  

“Panic attack on the trail.  He will be okay.”

“I know, it just makes me sad that he is going through that.”

“Dee?” Jared walked back into the kitchen.

“Yeah?”

“I think he needs to sit for a second, but he’ll need help cleaning up.  He’s out of it, but he’s okay.  Can I grab a shower upstairs?”

“Yeah. ‘Course.” Danneel passed Jared and kissed him on the cheek.  “Thank you.”

As she left, Jared looked over to YN.  

“You gonna be okay?”

“Yep, I’ll be fine.  I’m going to go clean up in my room.” YN shrugged.  “See ya in a few.”

The two walked to their respective showers.  

“Jensen, I’m going to help you,” Danneel started to undress him.  He moved his foot out of the way, scaring her, making her fall on her rear.  “JENSEN!  You almost kicked me!”

“I can’t… I don’t know what’s going on with me!” Danneel slowly stood up and watched Jensen’s facial expression.  She opened her arms and pulled his head and neck against her abs to hug him.  She felt him relax against her.  

“Breathe.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine.” Danneel backed away and lifted his shirt, pulling it over his head. When he was ready, she guided him into the shower and sat him on the in-shower seat.  Danneel washed his hair and body, rinsing him off after.  “There, all done.”

After everyone had showered, they all got comfortable on the couches in the movie room.  

“Hey,” YN whispered.  

“What?” Jensen looked at her.  

“Feel better?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Good.” YN leaned against his shoulder.  Before the movie started, she fell asleep.  

“Looks like we tired her out,” Jared looked past Jensen and Danneel to YN in the last recliner.

“It was good for her.  Let’s enjoy the movie, she’ll be fine there.” Danneel smiled.  

________

YN woke up lying over on the console of the recliner.  She walked into the kitchen, seeing the sunlight flooding the room.  

“Morning, sweetheart. It’s Noon.”

“Hey, Jens.” YN smiled.  “You awake?” She giggled.

“Sort of.  Slept really good last night.”

“Come here,” she wrapped her arms around him.  “Glad you slept well.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to freak out yesterday.”

“Stop it.  You don’t get to apologize for stuff like this.  It isn’t your fault, and you know it.”

“You’re too smart, you know that?”

“Shut up and drink some coffee.” YN offered a cup to him.  Jensen nodded.  

YN’s phone rang.  They both jumped.  

“Yeah?” YN answered.

“Hello, sister.”

“Kenyan?” She gasped. Jensen turned to her immediately.  He walked so that he was standing next to her.  “How did you get this number?”

“The brewery is a nice place.  Not very secure though.  Let’s just say I should be the head of the HR department.  Got lots of information in here.  Your application is terrible though.”

“I was fifteen and a half when I did it, not exactly an award-winning speech was needed for the job, asshole.”

Jensen grabbed his phone to call the police when he heard where the half-brother was.  YN grabbed his wrist and shook her head at him.  He narrowed his eyes at her, curious.  

“He’s not there, he’s just messing with me,” she wrote on a napkin.  

“What’s it like to be rich?” Kenyan scoffed.  

“I am not rich, and just because someone may have money does not mean they are jerks.  What do you want, Kenyan?”

“Just to let you know that I know about the video.  And… your new dad should have burned.”

Jensen tightened his jaw.

“Shut up, Kenyan.”

“You better call 911. It looks like the storage room might have a little damage.”

Kenyan hung up.

YN gasped for air. Jensen pulled her into a hug while calling the police, telling them what had happened. The original investigator told them to meet him at the brewery, it had been, indeed, damaged.

—————-

“No.”

“I need to go.” YN stopped her foot. “He tried to kill you!”

“He thought it was you. You are not going with me. Stay at the house. I called Jared and Gen. They are coming over to be here with you and Dee. I need to go. I’ll be back in a few hours,” he stepped toward her. “I love you.” After quickly kissing the top of her head, he put a jacket over his shoulder and left.

“Ass.”

“He’s just trying to protect you,” Danneel said.

“I can do it myself.”

“You’re used to doing it on your own. But you aren’t going to.”

“Whatever.” YN started to ascend the stairs.

“Don’t you dare think about sneaking out either!” Danneel yelled after her.

“With three wardens, how could I?!” YN shouted back.

“Ugh.” Danneel groaned. “Come on, baby,” she whispered sadly.

———-

Jensen arrived back home in the late evening.  

“Hey, everybody,” he smiled and threw his keys on the entry table.  

“Did they get him,” YN stood from where the group was sitting in the living room to stand facing Jensen.  

“Yeah, they did.  He was hiding on the property. They tracked him by his boot prints or something.”

In relief, YN reached for Jensen and squeezed him tightly.

“Hey, it’s okay.  It always was.” Jensen reassured her.  

“This,” she yanked up his long-sleeved henley, “proves that it wasn’t.” YN pointed to his scars.  

“Okay, okay,” he calmed her.  YN backed away when Danneel walked over and side-hugged her husband.  

“How’s the storage room?”

“No real damage.  Weird that Kenyan would say that.  Maybe a few scratches.  He carved his name into the building, that’s all we could see.” Jensen shrugged.  

“I’m sorry,” YN whispered and started to turn back toward the couches.  Danneel stepped in front of her.  YN stopped and looked down.  

“It’s not your fault.  Just because you’re related to him doesn’t mean you are to blame.  Now that we know everyone is safe, why don’t you take a bath and go to bed, huh?”

“I’ll try.” YN said with a sigh and waited until Danneel moved out of the way and then ascended the stairs to her room.  

After she left, Gen asked if Jensen was okay.  He sat down across from Gen and Jared.  

“Yeah.  I just don’t get it.  He plays mind games… why?  She hasn’t done anything.  The brewery is fine though.”

Danneel sat next to him on the couch and looped her fingers into his.  

“Some people are shitheads,” Jared affirmed and took a sip of his beer.  

“Yeah…” Jensen sighed. He wrapped an arm around Danneel and leaned against her.  “I’m tired.”

________

“Hey,” Jensen nudged YN. “Wake up.”

YN sat up on the couch in the brewery breakroom.  

“Huh?” She wiped her eyes.

“Why are you sleeping here, kid? And who’s Kenyan?”

It was all a dream.  

FEELING THE BURN

@supraveng​

@do-as-i-please​

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__________

“Hey, YN! Wait up.  Can you cover Sophie’s shift tomo-” Jensen started.

“No. Busy.” YN continued on to the backroom without a look as Jensen was called away by a fan.  

_________

YN walked into the house and slowly shut the door. Eyes puffy, she shuffled to the stairs.

“YN?” Danneel pokes her head around the corner and stopped when she saw YN’s face. “Are you okay?” Danneel asked plainly.

“Saw school counselor today.”

“Ah. Let me know if you need a hug.” The older one smiled.

“Maybe later. Have homework. Thanks, Dee.” YN looked up to see Jensen walking toward her.  She bumped his shoulder as she walked toward the stairs.

“Really, YN?” Jensen growled.

“Jensen.” Danneel stopped him.  “Let her be.”

_________

“So how’s the YN thing going?” Doctor Brown settled in his chair in the office.  Jensen pulled a pillow into his chest.  

“She’s being a smartass.  Hates me.” He sighed.

“And what have you been doing in response?”

“Dee’s making me shut up.  It takes everything I have to stay quiet because she’s being an ass.  If I even walk past her, she stiffens.”

“Dee as in Danneel?”

“Yeah, sorry.  I call her that.” Jensen smiled.  “She keeps me in check.”

“I appreciate the way she thinks.  Your job right now is to stay near.  No arguments, got it?”

“But why?  She’s being stupid about this whole thing.” Jensen looked at the doctor.

“Because she has learned to keep everything to herself.  Her trauma has caused her to only trust what she knows.  YN naturally does not share emotions, right?” Jensen nodded. “She has a trusting relationship with a counselor that is a good influence.  In her mind, you were the smartass.  And you kind of were.” Doctor Brown shrugged his shoulders.  

“You’re taking her side?” Jensen moved the pillow back to the couch.

“I don’t take sides.  My job is to make you think. Reflect.”

“I don’t think I did anything wrong!”

“Did you go through something scary that still affects you?”

“Yeah.  Kind of.”

“Imagine how she feels.  She has been through so much already and then she sees a death and blames herself for a fire that ‘should have been her.’”

“Fine. Fine.  I get it.  Okay, yes, I messed up.”

“How?” The doctor made him process.

“Because I was discounting her work to feel better and work through what happened.”

“Anything else?”

“I shouldn’t have made fun of her.  It’s good to acknowledge what we went through.”

“So what should you do?”

“Something, cuz what I’m doing ain’t working.” Jensen rolled his eyes, discounting the idea.

“Mister Ackles… try again.” Doctor Brown corrected him.  

“Be a constant still.”

“Yep.” The counselor smiled.  “It’s going fine.  Trust the process.”

————-

“They arrested him.” Jensen waited for YN at school.  

“What?” YN stopped in front of him. “Kenyan?”

“Yeah. We have to go down to the PD.” Jensen wrapped his arm around her. “Dee’s gonna drive your car home, give me your keys.” He extended his hand. Blankly, she unzipped a backpack pocket and gave them to Jensen. “Let’s go.”

As they made their way to the police station, YN stared straight ahead.

“Yeah, that’s Kenyan,” YN pointed to number six in the police lineup. “That’s my ass of a half-brother.” She groaned and walked out of the room.

“Come here,” Jensen pulled her close.

“No,” she shoved him off of her. “Can we go home?”

Jensen looked to the detective.

“Yep. That’s all we needed you guys for.”

“You mean to ruin my life? All over again?” YN sneered at him and felt tears fall. Jensen put a hand on her shoulder, surprised by her reaction.

“Miss-“

“Let’s go, YN. Let’s get outta here.” Jensen guided her out. She wiped her tears and walked to Jensen’s truck.

—————-

“Go away, Jensen.” YN tried to move away from him as they entered the house.

“Just give me a hug and then you can go.  Come here.” He stopped in the foyer and opened his arms.

“Fine,” YN groaned.

“Good girl.” Jensen wrapped his arms around her lightly. He heard her sniff his shirt.

“Mhmm.”

“What?” Jensen looked down at her.

“Your cologne.” She smelled his shirt again. “Safe.”

Jensen felt YN relax.

“You feel safe?”

“Yeah,” she said into his plaid shirt.

“It’s okay to be upset.”

“No, it’s not. I had to- he-“ she hiccup-cried into him.

“Uh oh. What’s wrong?” He tightened his grip over her back and shoulders. Jensen felt her push away from him.

“Nevermind.” YN tried to run up the stairs, but he didn’t let go and pulled her toward him again.

“No, come here,” he said gently. “I can tell you need somebody right now. Relax,” Jensen whispered.

Danneel walked into the room and raised a brow at Jensen. He shook his head. She slowly rubbed YN’s back. YN turned to find Danneel behind her.

“It’s okay,” Danneel verified.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jensen soothed.

“You don’t get it,” YN whispered.

Realizing this required a deeper conversation, the adults took her to the kitchen table.

“What do you mean?”

“Just- just let me think!” YN squirmed out of their touch. “You’re too close- and I can’t think,” she whispered. Danneel and Jensen backed away. “If I tell you, you can’t feel sorry for me,” YN took a deep breath.

“We never have,” Danneel softly smiled.

YN sat on the couch a few feet away from them.

“He hurt me, okay? He-“ she stopped.

“Kenyan? How?” Danneel stepped forward.

YN looked up to see Jensen’s jaw tighten.

“No, Jensen. I’m fine, please don’t get mad,” YN shriveled into herself. She saw his face muscles relax. “He… touched me.” YN looked away. She felt the air exit the room.  

“You know that wasn’t right, right?” Danneel didn’t miss a beat.  

“Dee, I am okay.  I promise.  I just don’t want to upset you guys.  I love you.”

Jensen silently exited.  YN’s eyes followed Jensen’s feet out of the room.  

“I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t upset him, sweetie.  He’s mad at Kenyan.” Danneel engulfed YN in a hug.

“Seeing him again today was hard.”

“I’m sure it was,” Danneel whispered.  They heard a loud pounding noise.  “Jensen.”

“He’s punching the bag,” YN said in return.  “I need to talk to him.” YN tried to stand up.  

“How are you…” Danneel trailed off.

“How am I okay?” Danneel nodded.  “Been through a lot.  And I’m not okay,” YN sighed.  “I just keep going.” YN skirted away from her foster mom and left the room.  She walked into the in-home gym.  “Jensen.  I’m fine,” YN said strongly.  

“I’m not,” Jensen said quietly as he used his bare hands to punch the bag.  

“Put gloves on.  You’ll kill your knuckles.”  Watching him punch out his pain in jeans, a flannel and his boots, she frowned.  “I know what you’re doing.  You’re just like Dean.  You punish yourself when something goes wrong that you have no control over.”

“No.  I am angry that he hurt you.  I WISH I could have been there to hurt him.”

“Stop punching the bag. Please.” YN barely spoke above a whisper. He glanced at her. Jensen saw her distraught, drawn face.  

“Come here,” Jensen stood up straight and looked at his bloody hands.  Wiping them on his shirt, he opened up his arms. “I’m not angry at you.”

YN walked into his arms,  

“I know.  You smell sweaty now,” she chuckled.

“Sorry.” He gave a laugh.

She backed away and sat down on the workout bench.  Jensen saw tears start to fall again.  

“I’m okay,” YN reiterated.  “Really.  I guess he is just the one thing that makes me weak.” YN put her head in her hands.

“You are probably the strongest person I know.  You are NOT weak.  YN LN is a hero in life.  I honestly don’t know how you’re not calloused to the world.”

“What does that mean?”  The girl looked up at him with a curious expression.

“As if you don’t care about others.  You could be emotionless, but you’re not.  I know you hold it in.  That’s what people do when they get hurt over and over again.  You did.  Your parents-”

“Jens, please don’t.  I get it,” she said plainly.  

“Sorry.  You know what I mean though.” He sat down next to her.  “Scootch,” he motioned with his hand for her to move over. YN did as asked so that he could have enough space next to her. “I see that you’re okay.  But it’s okay to be okay and still feel stuff.  Or not be okay either.  Just sayin’.”

YN leaned into him.  Jensen wrapped an arm around her.  

“Thanks.” He felt her smile into his chest.  “Go shower.  You stink,” YN’s smile grew wider.

“I punched the bag for five seconds!” He gasped at her accusation.  

“You’re also a dude.  Dudes sweat like crazy.”

“Fine.  But promise me-”

“I’ll give you a stupid hug next time, you ass,” YN smiled again.  “I’m sorry for being dumb and disrespectful.”

“I care about you.” Jensen said softly.

“I know that.”

“When I said that thing about therapy, I was wrong.  I don’t mind going, I’ve realized.  I can see why it works.  I understand now that you trust your counselor and I made fun of that.”

“Thank you, but you’re still a dumbass.” YN grinned.

“Language!” Danneel walked in with a happy expression of her own.  YN rolled her eyes at their sarcastic parenting techniques.

“Whatever.  I want pizza.  Who’s in?” YN looked to her foster parents.

__________

“We haven’t really talked about how you feel about what you went through with YN.  Although I do think you’ve made great progress with her.  Do you think you’re ready to talk about that?”

“I told you what happened already.” Jensen stood up and paced back and forth.  

“Jensen.”

Jensen turned to his therapist.  

“Don’t get lost in your head.  I’m not going to push you about it.  You can say no.”

“I’ve actually been having a lot of bad dreams lately. She gets kidnapped in front of me every time and I can’t protect her.” Jensen continued to walk the length of the room turning back and doing it again.

“Yeah?  That really sucks.’

‘Yeah.  I’ve actually been sleeping in a different bed because Dee wakes up when I startle myself awake.”

“Did she ask you to do that?”

“I don’t know.  Why?”

“Think.  It’s important,” the doctor pressed.  

“No, I don’t think so. “

“Go back to bed with her.  I think it might help to be near someone.” The doctor smiled.  “She can help calm you down.”

“I don’t want to bother her though.” Jensen sighed.

“Let her tell you if it bothers her.  She probably feels jipped that you are not trusting her with this, whether you think of it like that or not.”

“Oh,” Jensen looked to him.  “Hadn’t thought about it like that.  Yeah, I could do that.  I’ve been struggling a little bit.”

“Yeah? How so?”

“I’m doing better now that YN and I are getting along again, but I still get nervous and jumpy.  YN gets that way too, so she understands.  They don’t make me jumpy.  More like the TV with sudden noises or something like that.  When I’m on set, we have loud special effects and blanks.  I’ve noticed it’s increased since the whole thing happened.”

“Gotcha.” The doctor wrote on his notepad.

“When you do that, does that mean you’re keeping track of my crazy?” Jensen half-joked and stopped pacing.

“No.  I wrote ‘improving in processing.’  Nothing bad at all.  Don’t get used to me telling you my secrets though.” The doctor grinned.  Jensen sat back down.  

“Oh, that’s good.”

“It is.  Have you been having any other symptoms?”

“Of what?” Jensen asked.

“I don’t know.  Anxiousness?  Any unusual worrying other than bad dreams?”

“I have to check on YN throughout the night.  It’s almost an OCD thing.  I just can’t let anything happen to her again.”

“How often do you check on her?”

“Five or six times a night.” Jensen frowned.  

“Really impeeds your rest, I’m sure.  Have you learned or tried any calming techniques?”

“Everything I’ve tried is crap.” Jensen sighed and leaned back against the couch.

“Everything doesn’t work for everybody.  I have an idea.  Would you be willing to try it?”

“If I have to do some funky meditation or say something stupid, I ain’t doing it.”

“No, no.  Nothing like that.  My suggestion would be to spray your pillowcase with a cologne of your wife’s.  Does she wear perfume?”

“Yeah, it’s called apple-something.  Smells good.”

“Try it.  If her shampoo smells good, you could also ask her to shower before bed.  It could help you relax.”

“That’s not a bad idea.”

The doctor studied Jensen’s face, noting his withdrawn face all of a sudden.  

“Jensen?”

“I feel like I can’t breathe,” he answered Doctor Brown.

“Does this happen often?” He readjusted so that he was sitting right across from Jensen.  

“Sometimes,” Jensen answered.

“You’re probably having a panic attack.  You need to force yourself to relax.  It won’t get worse if you don’t let it. “  The doctor saw Jensen trying to concentrate.  “Tell me your top five favorite movies?”

“Umm, Top Gun… Tombstone…” his stare increased.

“Jensen,” the doctor snapped his fingers to get the man’s attention.

“Uh, MASH- no, that’s a TV show. “ He corrected himself.  “Caddyshack, Fight Club,  and Die Hard.”

“Good.  Breathe, Jensen.” The doctor watched Jensen’s body language.  

‘I feel like I need to cry.”

“It may help, depends on the person.”

Jensen couldn’t hold it in any longer.  He fell over onto the couch in tears. The doctor leaned away from him to give Jensen space.  He rocked himself until he was able to calm himself. When he quieted.  

“You are going to feel REALLY tired after this, okay?  Do you feel better?”

Jensen sat up and nodded.  

“Yes.”

“Have you ever had an attack like that?”  The doctor offered a tissue. Jensen took it and put it to his face.  

“No.  I haven’t cried like that before.  I- I don’t know what happened.”

“Just relax for a second.  You do not have any plans the rest of the evening.  Get home and lay low.”

“I’ve got to go do some-”

“I know.  Trust me.  Please.”

_________

“Hi,” Jensen walked in and greeted YN and Danneel.  He quickly ascended the stairs.  

“Uh oh,” Danneel moved the pillow from her lap to the couch.  “Guess it didn’t go so well.” 

FEELING THE BURN

@supraveng

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_________

“She hasn’t texted me back.” Danneel ran into the living room.  “I texted her ten minutes ago.”

Jensen whipped out his phone and called YN.

“Yeah?”

“ANSWER YOUR PHONE!” Jensen yelled.  “You were supposed to respond ten minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry,” YN whispered.  “I’m working.”

“I don’t care.  You text us back!” Jensen slammed the phone down on the couch after hanging up.

“Jensen!” Danneel yelled at him.  

“I’m going to go give her a piece of my mind,” Jensen stood from the couch and started to walk toward the door.

“Jensen Ackles!” Danneel stepped in front of him.  He froze.  “You better cool it right now!” He took a deep breath.  “My gosh, Jensen.  She missed one check-in.  And she was working.”

“He BURNED me! I could have die-” Jensen’s face dropped.  His wife recognized the expression on his face, and she closed the space between them.  

“I know,’ she whispered.  “But you’re here.  With me.  You’re okay.” Danneel felt something wet on her cheek.  “You didn’t tell me how much this has been bothering you.”

________

YN slowly entered the house.  Danneel and Jensen looked up at her.  She bit her lip and faced them.

“I’m sorry.” YN clasped her hands together behind her back.  “You’ve been crying.  I’ve never had someone do that over me before.  You’re crying because I didn’t listen, right?”

“No.  Come here,” Jensen sat up straight.  YN sat on the arm of the chair next to him.  “I’m not mad at you.  I realized I am dealing with the fire in a not-so-good way.  And I took it out on you.”

“You’re cutting?” YN looked at his collarbone.  

“What?  No.  I took out my anger on you.  Are YOU cutting?” Jensen asked, surprised by her thought process.

“I used to, not anymore.  And you have been cutting.  I saw it on your hips the other day when you were going to work out.  Your collarbone has marks on it too.”

“Jensen?” Danneel leaned back to see him.  “Really?” She asked softly.

“No, I-.” He took a deep breath.

“How come I didn’t notice?” Danneel said to herself.

“He hid them.  Probably told you they were scratches from fight scenes would be my guess.” YN surmised.  

Jensen looked up at her with sad eyes.  

“Good job, ladies.  You found out my secret.” The man sighed and stood up, exiting and leaving the girls on the couch.  Danneel’s eyes were watery.

“I promise he will be okay,” YN scooted to be closer to Danneel. “I struggled with it for a long time.  If we can help him now, he can fight it.” She opened her arms to the older one.

After a few minutes, Danneel sat up from being in YN’s arms.  

“You’re amazing,” Danneel smiled and wiped her last tear away.  

“Not really, just been through some stuff.”

________

Danneel walked into the master bedroom.  She found Jensen standing in front of their bathroom mirror.  

“Can I see?” Danneel walked behind him and wrapped her arms around him.  Jensen sighed, feeling defeated. He slowly unbuttoned his long-sleeved plaid shirt. Danneel walked next to him to see the marks on his body.  “Ouch,” Danneel said under her breath.  Danneel ran her fingers over the long, thin lines on his chest.  “These are newer,” she met his eyes.  Danneel saw tears about to spill over.  “No more of that.  No more tears today.  Let’s talk.” She turned him to face her.  “Why?”

________

“Why are you here, Mister Ackles?”

Jensen leaned back against his seat, sighed and crossed his arms.  

“Ah, you’re gonna be a hard one to crack, huh?” Dr. Brown grinned.  

“I’m only here because my foster daughter threatened to not go to her own counseling sessions if I didn’t come here,” he answered through gritted teeth.  

“You must love her very much.”

“Don’t placate me,” Jensen stated.  

“Just making a comment, Mister Ackles.  Not everyone has an agenda.  So, Cowboys, huh?”

“What?”

“You’re lanyard,” Dr. Brown nodded to Jensen’s keys on the side table.

“Oh, yeah.  Best team in the league.  Even when they aren’t,” Jensen smiled.  

________

“Stop it.”

“No, answer me.  How did it go?  You don’t have to give me specifics.  Are you glad you went?”  YN followed Jensen toward his room.

“I told him I only went because you made me,” he refused to look at her.

“And because you want to get better,” YN reinforced.  As they entered the master bedroom, she stopped right inside the door.  “Where is it?”

“Where is what?”

“The razor.”

“No.  I’m not having a moment with you.”

“You want to get better?  Give it to me. I don’t want you having it unsupervised.”

“I’m not giving it to you.  You’ve cut too.”

“Then let’s throw it away.  Go get it,” she weakly smiled.  

“Fine,” he sighed.

________

“Mister Ackles,” Dr. Brown started.

“What? What do you want?  Can I leave now?”

“Well, yeah.  I mean, you’re the one showing up here.”

“Great.” Jensen said matter-of-factly. He stood up to exit.

“BUT-,” The doctor stopped Jensen.  “If you leave, I’m assuming you won’t go to another psychologist, and therefore you won’t get better.  Do you want to-”

“Yes! Yes, I do want to get better.” Jensen shouted.

“If you are going to remain in here, you are going to be quiet and not disturb the other clients in this building,” the doctor said deeply.  “Furthermore, that’s not what I was going to say.  Are you going to stay and try or are you going to interrupt me and then I kick you out?”

Jensen quietly looked away from the doctor and walked back to his seat on the couch.

“What I was going to say was: do you want to play a game for me to get to know you, or would you rather start telling me about yourself?  I still don’t know your motivation for coming other than your foster daughter said you should.”

“Whatever.” Jensen gave in.  “Look, my foster daughter, YN, and I saw some scary shit.  We made her go see her school counselor.  I didn’t think I was affected by it.  I blew up at her after she ignored our rules to keep her safe because of what happened.  Well, sort of.  I was stressed, and I had been thinking about what happened.”

“Sounds terrible.  Do we need to get to know each other more before you tell me?” Dr. Brown readjusted his shirt and waited.  

“Someone kidnapped her.  We found her, but then the guy got killed because he came at us with a knife.  Cop shot him.  Cop said to get down, so we dropped to the ground.  I covered her so that she wouldn’t get hurt.”  Jensen put his head in his hands.  

“Ah.  Yeah, that’s pretty messed up,” Dr. Brown agreed.  “It wouldn’t also have anything to do with that, would it?”

Jensen looked down to see the small scars on his skin.

“How’d you know?”

“Saw the news when the fire happened.  I recognized you from the news report.  Apparently you’re famous.”

“To some people, I guess.” Jensen sat up straighter.  “Yeah, okay, fine.  That’s the real reason why I freaked, okay?”

“And what does a fire that you were injured in have to do with YN?”

The doctor saw Jensen take in a deep breath and not let it out.

“Let’s try something else.  What do you like to do for fun?”

“Umm.  I like to box, hang out with my wife. I’ve run a few marathons.”

“Good.  You have some good coping skills.”

“I sound like a freaking science experiment.”

“No, you sound like you have some positive ways of dealing with stressors.  How’re the Cowboys doing this season?”

“Eh.  I just watch it right now to fall asleep to.”

“That’s what I use it for too,” the doctor smiled. “Tell me about YN.  She seems to have an impact on you.”

Jensen went on to explain YN’s history and what he knew about her. He told the doctor that YN had been through a lot, and she was seeking help.

“She is the hardest working kid I’ve ever seen.  Sad thing is, it comes from a terrible place.  YN had to be perfect at home.  We never put that pressure on her.  If anything, we try to get her to relax.  I’m hoping seeing the counselor will help.”

“Wow.  I can see the connection you have.  She is a lucky girl to have you and your wife…” he looked at Jensen’s file.  “Danielle?” Jensen laughed.

“Danneel,” he smiled.  

“Right,” the doctor nodded.  

________

So how’d it go?” Danneel wrapped her arms around her husband as she snuggled into him on the couch.  

“Okay.  I don’t like it, but YN-”

“If I have to go, so do you,” YN walked in and crash-landed to the couch next to Jensen.  

“How’s it going for you?” Danneel looked beyond Jensen to see YN.

“Okay,” YN said quietly.  

“Yeah, not so easy to talk about, huh?” Jensen growled.

“Oh, shut up, Jensen!” YN screamed and stood up.  “You’re not too good for this.  You almost burned to death.  Let’s be real.  And we saw someone die in front of this.  No big deal or anything.  Stop being an ass about it, and do the work!  You’re turning into my dad with your attitude and the way you treat me! No thanks! When I turn eighteen, I’m out of here!”

“YNN-“ Jensen sighed, defeated.

—————-

“You cut?”

“How did you know too?” Jensen rolled his eyes. “You gonna tell the world? Everyone seems to know.”

“You’re crossing your arms, wearing a long sleeve shirt that is Big and Tall. And it’s buttoned up all the way.”

Jensen stared past the doctor.

“Jensen?”

“Oh. Yeah. Fine, yes. Am I going to get in trouble with you too?”

“People don’t get in trouble here. I’m guessing someone found out?”

Jensen explained that YN found out first and then Danneel had been treating him with kid gloves since the girls found out.

“What’d you do with the blade?”

“YN and I threw it out.  She made me walk it to the trash. I didn’t want it in the house for her to find anyway.  She used to self-harm too.”

“Wow. You three are really close.”

“Not anymore. Not after a few days ago. YN won’t even talk to me, and Danneel is acting weird because she found out I was hurting myself. I know she looks me over to see if I’ve done it lately. She doesn’t say anything, but I know she does.”

“Can you blame her?”

“No,” Jensen sighed.

“What happened the other day with YN?”

“I told her I didn’t like coming here and I didn’t want to talk about anything related to therapy, and she flipped out and said I needed to deal with my stuff and just do it. No offense, doc.”

“None taken. I get it. People don’t want to talk about feelings. Psychologists are often the faces of negative feelings.”

“True.”

“Homework,” Dr. Brown smiled.

“No,” Jensen whined.  

“Therapy is work, my friend,” the doctor put his notes to the side.  

“Check on YN two times a day.  Text, call, be in the same room, whatever fits the context.  You don’t even have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

“That’s it?” Jensen squinted at the doctor.  

“You’ll find it’s harder than you might think,” Dr. Brown laughed.  “Go, get out of here.  I know that’s what you’ve been thinking about for the last hour.  You’re free, go home,” Dr. Brown opened the office door to a hallway.  

“Thanks, doc.” 

FEELING THE BURN

@supraveng​

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The nurse walked in quietly and told Jensen what she was going to do.  

“You should feel a little bit better soon, Mister Ackles.”

As she left and he relaxed, Jensen opened his eyes to find his arms mummified in bandages.  

“WHAT THE HELL?” He tried to sit up.  “Shit!” Jensen had no choice but to lie back down.  YN woke, startled.  

“Jensen,” YN realized he was awake.  

“What happened?  I don’t remember.”

Danneel became quiet, not being able to focus.  YN took over.  

“You were getting my car out of one of the garages at the brewery and it lit on fire. You called us to let us know that they were bringing you here to check your lungs.  When we got here, you were in surgery because your arms had been burned.  Skin graphs and all that.  We don’t know how bad it is though,” YN explained.  She sat Danneel on the bed carefully next to Jensen.

“What?  Am I-”

“You’re not going to die,” YN said soothingly.  

“Dee, why don’t you go get me a coffee? Please?”  Jensen asked his wife.  

“Umm.  Okay, sure, babe.” YN stepped to the side so that she could stand and leave the room.  

“Sorry, I just need a minute.”

“Oh, of course.  Excuse me then, Jensen.” YN started to walk toward the door when he asked her to stop.  

“You’re wise for your age.”

“Eh,” YN dismissed his compliment.

Jensen let a tear slip down his face.  YN saw it and took a tissue from a tissue box to wipe his face for him.  

“You can cry,” YN smiled.  “It’s okay.”

“Says the toughest girl I know,” he chuckled.

“I cry.  It’s how I process.  You can too.  I’ll go catch up with Danneel, and I’ll give you a moment.” With that, YN turned on her heel and left his room.  

YN walked swiftly to catch up to Danneel.  The wife looked as if she was walking aimlessly and made a left turn instead of going straight.  

“Dee!  This way, come on,” YN wrapped her arm around Danneel and walked her to the cafeteria.  “He’s okay,” YN reassured her.  “He’s talking and alert.  Those are all good things.” YN had Danneel stand off to the side and got Jensen’s coffee.  Danneel looked ahead blankly, not registering what was going on around her.  Silently, they walked back to his room. YN laid her down on the extra bed and grabbed a chair to drag next to Jensen.  YN looked over at Danneel slowly closing her eyes, drifting into sleep.  

Jensen looked lifeless, almost.  His face was faint in color except for the pink cheeks which was evidence he had cried while they were gone.  

“That coffee is for you, not me, kid.  I can’t exactly serve myself,” Jensen tried to laugh but coughed instead.  

“I know it’s a lot, but you know you’re a hero, right?”

“What?” He looked at her in utter confusion.  “That’s Dean Winchester, not me.”

“Nah.  You’re her hero,” YN motioned to a sleeping Danneel.  :You’ll get through this. Oh, shit.  Did you want me to call anyone? I completely forgot to ask.”

“Nah, I’m sure Danneel told everyone that needed to know.”

“She froze, Jensen.  She hasn’t told anyone.”

“Oh.  Umm. Can you grab my bag of clothes and stuff?  My phone should be in there.  Put it up to my face and that way it will unlock it.” YN did as told.  “Look up Ms. Moose in the texts and send it to Gen.  Tell her I’m fine, everyone is fine.”

“Got it. Oh, she’s calling.  Here,” YN put the phone up to his ear.

“Hey, Gen.  I’m fine.  YN is going to talk to you.  I’m tired.”

YN placed the device next to her ear.  

“Hi Mrs. Padalecki.  He’s okay.  No he’s- ma’am.  Yes, Danneel knows.  She’s here.  Why don’t I call you after we’ve all gotten some sleep?  Okay, thanks.”

_________

“It hurts!” YN woke up to Jensen screaming.  

She gasped, trying to remember what had happened.  Danneel was not in the room.  Jensen continued to wince and whine, trying to hold in a growl.  YN pushed the nurse emergency button.  One came running in.  

“He says it hurts really bad.”

“Mister Ackles is going to be just fine.  I’m giving you some pain meds, sir.  I’ll bring you your breakfast.”

A few minutes later, Jensen calmed down.

When his food was brought in, he realized he couldn’t feed himself.  Watching Jensen discover this, YN scooted closer to his bed, maneuvering the tray.  

“So… unknown meat or clumpy squishy stuff?”

“Jello,” Jensen’s voice was soft.

“No, something of substance first.”

“Meat, I guess.”

YN cut up his food so that she could serve it to him via fork.  

“I can’t believe you have to do this.  I should be able to do it by myself.  I’m not helpless,” he bit back harsher words.

“Look at your hands,” YN instructed.  

He did.

“Can you feed yourself right now?”

Jensen looked back up at her.

“No.”

“Right.  So your choice is that I can do it or you can watch it from afar.”

“Fine,” he sighed, feeling defeated.  

“Open,” YN was about to give Jensen his first bite of breakfast when they heard talking.  Turning around, YN smiled as Danneel came through the door with a cereal bowl in her hand.  

“Hi, babe,” Danneel said quietly.  

Hi, sweetheart,” her husband stated.  

“Here, Jensen,” YN waited for him to open his mouth. He took a bite.  Jensen slowly ate and became frustrated that it was taking so long.  

“I’m done, thank you.  I need to talk to Danneel, can you get yourself something to eat?” He asked quietly.

“Oh, of course,” YN said quickly.  “Excuse me.” YN picked up her purse and left Jensen's room.  

When she was gone, Danneel apologized.  

“Why are you saying you’re sorry? You are here with me.  You’re my best friend.”

“I froze.  I could barely drive here.  YN had to take over.  She’s sixteen, she-”

“And she handled it.  Don’t worry.  She’s been through a lot.  It was fine.  Baby, I’m really tired.  And I have to use the restroom.  Somehow…”

“Babe, not to be gross, but they put in a catheter.”

He winced.  

“Okay,” he said.  “Maybe that’s why I haven’t felt the need.  Ugh,” he sulked.  

“We’ll be okay.  It’s okay.” Danneel whispered.  They heard footsteps and turned around.

“Hey, bud,” Jared said quietly. “How you feeling?”

“Rotten.” Jensen smiled for the first time in twenty-four hours.  

“Hi, Jay,” Gen walked up to the bed and rubbed his upper arm.  They grabbed extra chairs and sat around the bed.  After a few minutes, YN walked back into the room.  

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She backed out of the room not wanting to interrupt.  

“Come here,” Jensen said quietly.  YN walked in.  

“Thank you,” Jared reached her before she could take another step.  He wrapped his long arms around her.  “Thank you for helping my friend.” YN grunted.

“You’re welcome,” YN whispered.  “I didn’t do anything.  If anything I’m the reason he is hurt.  My car was in the garage, and he was moving it out.”

“No. There is no way you would have known,” he whispered, the others not hearing the conversation.  The two turned back toward the main conversation.  

________

“YN, go with Jared and Gen, please.” Danneel asked the girl.  “It’s Sunday, and you have school tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to leave,” the girl sighed.  

“I know.  Look, they live next door, and you can use one of our cars.  Please, just go.  He will be here for a while.  And you need some sleep. On a BED.” Danneel smiled.  

“Okay.”

Gen and Jared poked their heads in the room.  

“We’re going, gonna let you guys get some sleep.”

“Can you take YN back to the house?  She has school tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah.  Let’s go, YN.” Gen motioned for the girl to come with.

“Go, they said I’d be home tomorrow anyway.” Jensen tried to wave.  

“Okay.” YN picked up her personal belongings and said goodbye.  

_________

“If you need anything, let us know,” Gen told YN as they cleaned up after dinner.  

“I think I just need some sleep, but thank you.”

YN walked to the guest house and unlocked the door.  

Before she knew it, she was asleep.  

__________

Jensen came home the next day with wraps on his hands and arms. YN heard the car pull up and walked outside to greet him.

“DON’T!” Danneel yelled at Jensen. “Don’t use your hands. Let me open the door,” Danneel ran around the car.

“Are you being an ass?” YN smiled.

“No!” Jensen spat back.

“Mhmm,” YN rolled her eyes.

“He’ll be a terrible patient,” Danneel opened his door for him. YN took his bag out of the car.

“Come here,” YN put her arm out so that Jensen could wrap his arm around hers. “Glad to be home?”

“You have no idea…”

“I think I do,” she smiled. “Never really had a good one,” YN shrugged. “Come on,” she guided the small group into the living room. “I’ll go put your stuff upstairs. Here’s your phone,” YN dug through his hospital bag and handed him the device. “Be right back.”

Danneel walked in with all of her things and dropped them on the wall tree.

“Do you want a shower?”

“Yeah, actually, but I need help,” Jensen sighed.

“And you think I wouldn’t?” She smiled and winked.

————

“Ice and painkillers,” YN put them in front of his face.

“You’re not my doctor,” Jensen rolled his eyes playfully.

“Self-appointed,” YN grinned. “Take them, come on.”

He gingerly took them from her hand but dropped a pill onto his knee.

“I can’t even do this-“

“Don’t,” YN interjected. “Yet. You can’t yet. Pick it up.”

Jensen groaned but did as prompted.

“Lay out your arm out so that you’re comfy. Here,” YN put ice packs on his arms. Jensen hissed at the cold hitting his skin.

“Sorry,” YN winced.

“Doc said twenty minutes on, twenty minutes off,” Danneel walked in the room with wet hair and pajamas on. “Have you moved your stuff from the guest house? I got the guest room ready for you.”

“Oh. No. I’m sorry. I’ve been so tired.”

“Speaking of, why don’t you go do that, and then do your homework?”

“Finished it. Couldn’t sleep last night. Finished the next few days’ too.”

“Better plan, move your stuff and then bed. We’re all exhausted.”

“Really, I’m okay. Been through a lot. My brain is used to a crazy schedule.”

“Go, please,” Danneel stood her ground.

“Okay.” YN slowly walked out the back door and shut it quietly.

“Here is your other ice pack,” Danneel gently laid it on his left arm.

————-

YN walked into the house at 8pm.

“How many hours did you work today,” Danneel crossed her arms.

“Three…” YN said slowly.

“Mhmm,” Danneel rolled her eyes. “How many are you supposed to work a weekday?”

“Two- but I don’t have homework and-“

“Exactly. When you don’t have things to do, you REST. Not fill your time.”

“Sorry…”

“Babe, I’m not trying to be a jerk. I just want you to be healthy. Not doing things can be good.” Danneel smiled. “You’re probably used to being busy so that you don’t have to go home, Huh?”

“Yeah,” YN kicked around an imaginary rock on the floor.

“Put your stuff away and put on your PJs. Come back down when you’re done.”

“Yes, ma’am,” YN relaxed her shoulders and walked up the stairs.

_________

“Hi, Jensen.  Need me to re-wrap your bandages?” YN walked into the living room where the man was watching football.

“No, thank you.  Dee did it already.  How do you know how to do that, anyway?”

YN’s face turned red.  

“You had to do it for yourself, didn’t you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” YN quickly turned on her heel.  

“I’m sorry, YN. It sounds like that’s not something you feel you want to share.  I didn’t mean to bring up something.  Come sit down, I won’t push it.” He slowly used his arm and fingers to motion to the couch. “You like football?”

YN’s slipper-covered feet walked her to her seat. She sat at the other end of the couch, giving Jensen some space.  

“I don’t really know much about it.  It’s not- I don’t know.”

“Not something you ever bonded over?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Jensen sat up straighter.  

“Do you want me to explain it to you?”

“If you want to…”

__________

“Do they know what happened with the brewery?  I mean, I lost my car in the whole thing.”

“No, I’m not sure.  I have been sleeping a lot and probably over-medicated.  Dee said she would keep up with that.  You can take the Explorer.  It’s an extra car that we only use for certain stuff,” Jensen said, groggy.  

“You’re half asleep, old man.  I’m not borrowing a car from someone who doesn’t know exactly what he is saying,” YN laughed.

“We talked about it already,” Danneel walked into the living room.  “You can drive it,” she smiled.  

“Really?  I mean, I know I’ve been driving it, but I thought that was just as an emergency.  I’m saving for another one,” YN stated.

“Well, save your money, and we’ll see what happens,” Danneel crashed into a chair.  “How are your arms?” She gestured to her husband’s arms. He slowly lifted them.  

“I can move around more,” Jensen responded quietly.  

“Progress.  That’s good.” Danneel tried to cheer up her husband.  

“Dee, please.  I’m just trying to get through the day over here.  I appreciate the encouragement though.”

“Sorry, babe.  I know.  You’re doing great.”

“Besides, he says he’s gonna beat me at ax throwing when he gets better.  Which he’s not, by the way,” YN stuck her tongue out at him.  

“Sure... “ Jensen smiled.  “I think I need another nap.  Can one of you help me upstairs?”

“Sure,” YN jumped at the chance to help him.

“Thanks, YN.” Jensen slowly stood up.  YN stood behind him on the stairs so that she could guide him to the ground if he fell.  When he sat down on their bed, he asked her, “So, how you doing, kid?”

“Huh?” YN started to pull his covers over him, but Jensen didn’t move from his sitting position.  “Oh.  Fine.”

“Mhmm.” He hummed.

“Really.  It helps that I am busy with work and school.  Keeps me from going insane.  Have you thought about the fire though?  Seems kinda funny.  It’s not dry here right now.”

“You mean like it was on purpose?” Jensen’s eyes almost popped out of his head.  Why hadn’t he thought of that?

“Do you think- never mind.  Get some sleep, Jensen.  You look like you’re about to fall over.” YN giggled.  Jensen slowly lied down, gingerly placing his hands in a position that was comfortable.  “Sleep well.”

_____________

“Hey,” Danneel strikes Jensen’s face. “Gotta wake up, baby.”

“Why?” He rolled over with a whine.

“Dinner. I know you want to sleep but you need to get back in your schedule. Come on. YN made us dinner.”

He slightly smiled.

“Did she poison it?” Jensen grinned.

“I did no such thing!” YN laughed and walked into the room.

“Busted,” Danneel helped Jensen sit up.

“Thanks.”

“I cut up the chicken for you. Bigger pieces though so that you can use your fork easier,” YN grinned, proud of herself and Jensen’s progress.

“Thanks, sweetheart.” He stopped. He didn’t want to cross a boundary. “I’m sorry, YN. I just meant it as a compliment. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

YN stopped, thinking.

“It’s okay. I just haven’t been called that in a while. Recently it’s been bitch, preppy princess, or whore.”

“Who in the hell called you that?!” Danneel stepped forward.

YN stepped back, ashamed that she shared the information.

“My parents…”

“You know that not right, right?” Danneel said quietly.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good. You are none of those.” 

FEELING THE BURN

@supraveng​

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