I mean, there’s this undeniable charm to the Evens. They’re charismatic, cool without trying, bold and loud and beautiful. They have their little artsy hobbies, their eccentric quirks, their confidence that fills a room. They take up space. But the Isaks… the Isaks are different. They’re the quiet ones. Introverted. Sad on the inside, numb on the outside. Carrying so much weight through their lives while no one around them really seems to notice. No one truly sees them. They’re just there; existing in the lives of their friends, their moms, their (sometimes shitty) dads. Loving people they think they’re not supposed to love. Keeping everything locked inside. Bottling it up until it hurts too much. Using substances to dull feelings that are already too heavy. Convincing themselves that this might just be it. That this is life now. That it won’t ever really change.

We often tell the story this way: the Isaks are the ones who save the Evens. Who love them through their darkness. Which is true. But what we miss, what happens so quietly it almost goes unnoticed, is that it’s the other way around first.

I just want to feel wanted

The feelings and sense of being apart

The feeling of someone thinking about you

I was never wanted

It has come to a time when I need

To love on who I am

Feel loved and wanted by myself

Look in the mirror and like that girl

I want to see her

The woman you have become

Full of hope and life and love

Another person to disappear

Another reason to walk away

When I look hard enough I see her

The woman is evolving

Those around her have walked away

Those who were never there

They have all gone

Those left, well I release you too

𝓜𝓲𝓪𝓴𝓪 𝓒'𝓼 𝓦𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰

What does it feel to be wanted?

A common question. A common wonder.

What is it like to hear your name come from the lips of someone, one you see as not jewelry easily replaced, but someone irreplaceable? Someone that doesn't even need to be a diamond, but hold properties unlike no other?

Wouldn't that make you happy? Wouldn't it cause you to feel a surge of unexplained feelings, feelings that are blissful?

What is like to have someone open your eyes to new possibilities, to new feelings, and ideas?

They don't need to alter your perceptions, change your ideas, or belief. It's a way for them to help expand your knowledge. Knowledge that some choose to turn from. But it can't just be anyone. They say, it needs to be the one who holds the greatest significance in your life.

What about a friend?

A friend could do that by encouraging you. They can smack you around playfully, pull you from dark depths of despair, and push you to strive for your goals or to people you need in life. They can make you laugh, they can take you places and help you out of your comfort zone. They can listen to your struggles, and even fight for you. But it's platonic. Platonic love.

What about your family?

Family could do that, one who shares your very blood and always connected to you, but they guide you and influence you in different shapes and forms. And sometimes, you can't always stand them despite the love you have for them. Sometimes, you need it from those who aren't family. Who aren't of your bloodline.

What about people in your daily life? Workers and celebrities?

They are not different, also having the ability to make you feel wanted. But it's not wanted. It's gaining the feeling of being validated, noticed, or having a similar struggle. Or, someone too look at and feel motivated by. A worker could inspire you, motivate you, or assist you with work and files, or idols you look up towards and aspire to be. But to have someone labeled as "special." That does not mean that they are better than the rest, outshining those who hold great value to you, as they value you.

Perhaps I don't have a full grasp or understanding of such a thing either: that feeling, that wanting of someone, and feeling wanted as someone special to the other. But we've all heard what those say about it:

Euphoric. It's beyond what you could have wanted. You can be heard, receive love and appreciation at every hour of the day, and never feel alone. Even when miles away, you feel their heart thumping and beating for you. You still feel their love thriving and growing for you, as yours throbs like there's. That one person becomes your rock, your pillar that holds your ceiling, the building of your very being, and the shoulder you can cry on and never feel judged.

Magical. It's like entering into a world of millions of possibilities, fantasizes, and stories waiting to be told and made by you and them. It's like writing. Together, you hold the pen, the pencil, the quill that will assist you in embedding the world the two of you imagine. Let your mind open, and hand glide swiftly in theirs, above the paper to create a world of your own. A world that is separate from reality, holding secrets and meaningful moments in life that no one but the two of you will understand.

Comforting. Having the chance to expose yourself to them, and them only without fear. You're given the opportunity to show not only your highest moments, but your lowest moments in life. You can show them that you're vulnerable, and they're always there to catch you. They can hold you so tightly, so close, and feel so loved and warm. Even without words being exchanged, you feel comfort. You feel comfortable. You are safe with them, like they're safe with you.

But there's also the negative factors some don't focus on . . .

Stressful. You're constantly making it your responsibility to always ensure they're happy and safe. You want to be there for them, as much as they want to be there for you, but things don't turn out as the two of you wish. And when the other is suffering, you pressure yourself to make them feel better and to fix the issue. You put them first before you, them becoming your top priority. But then you overthink. You overthink the simplest of things involving them, that it can lead to you making it larger than what the real picture is.

Terrifying. The fear of the possibilities that come from being with that significant other. The fear of possibly hurting them, or them being hurt without your knowledge. The feeling of your blood running cold if ever the other finds themselves in trouble, and you're unable to help for whatever reason it may be. The cold sweat running down your face as you wait anxiously for them, worried of what others may say about the other, or you, or the two of you in general. The fear of possibly losing them, and most importantly, the fear of being enough for them.

Misunderstanding. When one misunderstands, things can spiral and slowly crumble, even over the littlest of things. One could misinterpret a gesture, or a saying. One could misunderstand the relationship between one another and become defensive, sometimes creating shocking accusations that may or may not be true. And sometimes, you receive mix signals. Signals you may not understand, or you're able to comprehend, process.

But, that's what happens when you're in love with someone. When you find the one you cherish above all things. Someone you'd want, and that person wanting you in return. It can sometimes be terrible, making life difficult. But that's the beauty of it sometimes. The push and the pull, making mistakes and learning from them to prevent it from repeating again, doing what seems like the impossible, and in the end, possibly achieving the need for affection despite the long journey following it.

Then what do you want? Do you want to feel that? Go through the journey?

I want that love. To feel wanted, cherished, and appreciated. I want to feel that, and take on the journey even if it might not end happily. The journey is the most memorable, and I want to be someone who can also return such a thing. Call it foolish, cliché, or typical. But I'm not the only one who wants this. I'm not the only one seeking this eventually. Maybe it won't happen now, maybe it will soon, or maybe, never. But even if I got just a small piece of it, then, I'm content. I'm content with that: just a small fracture of love, being wanted.

It doesn't matter of gender. Why should that change the fact that they want love too? It doesn't matter of the past, because no one can always have a life of happiness because we all experience the cruel thing in life. Life itself, the struggles, the reality. It doesn't matter who they are now, because it reflects the person they've built, they've created to survive in this life. What matters is how they choose to act to me, their feelings, their dreams, their goals . . .

It may seem as too much to ask for, but let there be someone who can at least do me one thing: Say my name. Then, I will be satisfied.

Tell me. Tell me what it is you see in me. Say my name. Say my name like you mean it. You can scream it, you can whisper it, you can sing my name. But let me hear my name, even just once, from you. Even though there's a chance I can't have you, let me hear your voice say my name meaningfully. Say it like you accept who I am. Say it even if you're mad at me, shouting at the top of your lungs. Say it even if you're disappointed in me, and I will understand. Say it in sorrow, and let me comfort you before I go.

That is all I want.

What a curious want . . . Simple, but meaningful. Why?