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The Alpha swings at me with his remaining arm. I get my left up to block but it’s too damaged - it shatters under the blow. I hear pings from alerts that would normally have been displayed on my visor, and I think I can hear Matthias trying to talk to me over the comms, but all I hear is garbled static. I feel something click into place in my mind. Unbidden flashes of memories not mine, I remember. I’ve been here before. A bullet lodged in my left arm, I felt the numbness of a severed nerve, watched my blood spatter through the broken shell of the exo.

Blood. I had a human arm.

I’ve been staring dumbly at the shattered stump of my arm. The only thing coming from it now is coolant and metal shrapnel. The Alpha takes advantage of my momentary disorientation. A swift uppercut sends me flying.

When I lost my left arm to the bullet, I lost my grip on the door of the evac helicopter. I fell back to the ground, too stunned to land on my feet.

Slamming into the rock face jars me back to reality. I shake my head to clear it and see the Alpha leaping up after me. I dig my talons into the stone and swing out of the way. Before I even hear the Alpha impact, I’m making a limping scramble up the face. I’m not fast enough. I feel his grip around my ankle and I’m being dragged down.

They had cut my power in the moments I was shaken from my fall from the helicopter. I was trapped in my exo like a skintight cage. They were dragging me away. I heard the helicopter fading into the distance. The pilot couldn’t find me under all the tree cover. I was alone and helpless.

I take a staggering breath and try to dislodge the fear gripping my chest. My face is covered in sweat, something my cooling system should have prevented. I bury the memory of helplessness under this immediate fact, then hear the whine of power coursing through my body.

I grit my teeth and wrench my leg free. The Alpha’s deteriorated skin and one of his fingers shear off with the force of it.

Seeing the skin pull away sinks me back into another memory. They pulled me out of my exo. I gazed up at the twisted face of the Alpha. Their expression shifted moment to moment: anger, curiosity, desperation, anger again, despair. I froze like a startled deer, not knowing what to do, afraid that any action would be the wrong one.

I feel the Alpha close his hand around my leg. With immense effort I pull myself back to the present, but the echoes of the past rattle in my head. The Alpha had grabbed my leg then too, shattered it in its grip. I remember blinding pain. Pain - my leg had been human too.

An Alpha broke two parts of me that day that had been human.

I am filled with a terrifying fury. With a roar I fling myself at the Alpha, catching it off guard. Together we plummet back to the base. I land heavily on its chest, but it recovers instantly. It makes another lunge at my face with steel teeth, but I manage to hook the edge of its helmet.

I can see hate in its eyes.

I swing it around.

Its head hits the rock with a crack and it shouts, but it dazedly reaches for me, so I draw it back again.

Crack.

Again. Like a chant.

Crack.

Again. End, end, end.

Crack.

Again.

But it’s not moving anymore. When I let go, it falls limply to the ground. I see his face. His anger is gone. Above the steel jaw is an expression of terror. Tears streak pale lines through the dust on his cheeks.

My fury drains away in an instant, leaving me hollow. I can’t breathe.

I couldn’t have-

I can’t believe I-

I never would-

I kill monsters. Monsters don’t feel fear. Monsters don’t cry. No no no-

All my unfinished thoughts set my mind churning again, spiraling down, down. The sound of a helicopter interrupts my descent. For a moment I’m not sure if it’s real.

With a mask of calm I don’t really feel, suspending myself above an all-consuming panic, I retrieve my left arm and retreat into the treeline. From the shadows, I watch a pair rappel down from the helicopter and begin attaching a towline to the prone form of the Alpha. They don’t show any sign of caring where I am. I just turn and walk away, deeper into the forest.

I find myself sitting against an old tree near the Molerat, holding my left hand in place as my auto-repair gets to work. From the inside out, everything starts knitting back together. Currents of electricity pulse up and down the length of my wrist, selectively powering tiny electromagnets that coerce the pieces of me back into the right shape.

I feel numb and still, but I can feel the churning thoughts in the back of my mind. I am standing on thin ice over a racing black river. Any thought feels like shifting my weight and hearing the creak and snap under my feet.

I remember back then, pain and fear. I remember the reason I got through it. I heard Matthias over the comms, he told me I would be all right. The memories don’t feel quite right. Something wasn’t fitting. But I wasn’t alone.

There is only silence over the comms now.

I don’t move. I barely breathe. I feel the thrum in my forearm and count the number of pulses.

One.

Two.

I lost some pieces. The arm will need full replacement to be at full strength again.

Twenty-six.

Twenty-seven.

I know how many until it will be sturdy enough to keep repairing without me holding it in place.

Ninety-three.

Ninety-four.

I don’t know my own name.

A short poem written for the King Endastrios, from his point of view, by Loganas.

These are my sons,

and I their father,

For them, no man

Would walk farther.

I could not falter

If I tried,

The ties that tie me

The Alpha swings at me with his remaining arm. I get my left up to block but it’s too damaged - it shatters under the blow. I hear pings from alerts that would normally have been displayed on my visor, and I think I can hear Matthias trying to talk to me over the comms, but all I hear is garbled static. The world around me fades in and out of reality. Unbidden flashes, memories not mine,

a bullet lodges in my left arm and I lose my grip on the helicopter door. The last thing I see before I plummet to earth is the pilot’s face, spattered with my blood

spattered with the coolant and fragments of metal bursting from my left arm, the Alpha presses through my defenses in the moment I pause, disoriented. A swift uppercut sends me slamming into the rock face

slamming into the ground

The Alpha leaping up after

down onto

me. I shake my head to clear it, dig my talons into the stone, swing out of the way. Before I even hear the Alpha impact I’m scrambling up the face. Still not fast enough. I feel his grip around my ankle, and I’m being dragged

away, the helicopter fading into the distance, they can’t find me under all the tree cover. I’m

“-alone like me just don’t know it they don’t want you only need you-”

I make a desperate pull away, let go let go

“Let go!” I struggle to shake free but they cut my power, I’m trapped in the exo like a skin-tight cage. At the sound of my voice it turns. “Speak again,” it says.

I pull so hard that the deteriorated skin on the Alpha’s hand shears away, taking a finger or two with it. For a moment I’m terrified it’s my

exo being pulled away. I’m choking on my fear. Their claws rake my skin as they peel back the shell. “Speak again.”

Less an arm and half a hand, the Alpha still reaches for me, snarling, growling its unending stream of hate. It

grabs my leg, nothing between my skin and its claws but the uniform. “Speak again!” Blinding pain, I almost lose consciousness. “I just wanted you to say something! Anything!”

“-just wanted a friend you killed him-”

My body is leaden, my leg hurts so much, I can barely focus. My

pain suppression kicks in

and I am filled with a terrifying fury. This time the yelling voice is mine. I fling myself at the Alpha, he’s caught off guard. Together we plummet to the base. I land heavily on his chest, but he’s only stunned a moment. He makes another lunge at my face with his steel teeth, but I manage to hook the edge of his helmet.

Can’t see, exhausted, hear a voice

The Alpha’s eyes hold no fear, only anger.

“Hang on, Beta, we’re coming to get you.”

I swing him around.

“You’re not alone. I’m here. I’m so sorry.”

His head hits the rock and he shouts, but he grabs for me again, so again I draw him back

“I can shut out the pain. I’m putting you straight into REM.”

Swing him around

“The Alpha won’t hurt you anymore, he’s fled already.”

Again.

“Team’s on their way to you. You’ll be fine, I promise.”

Again.

“Don’t leave.”

Again.

“I’m right here. Don’t worry.”

He’s not moving anymore. I let go, and he falls limply to the ground. I can’t breathe. I notice I’m wearing my exo, confused, hadn’t I lost it? I tear it off, desperate for air. I’m surprised at my arms and legs for a moment, until the swirling fog in my mind starts to clear. I look at where my left hand should be. Then everything hits me, playing through my mind again. I look at the vacant eyes of the Alpha and retch, despite no stomach.

I couldn’t have-

I can’t believe I-

I never would-

All my unfinished thoughts set my mind churning again, spiraling down, down. The sound of a helicopter interrupts my descent. For a moment I’m not sure if it’s real.

With a mask of calm I don't really feel, suspending myself above an all-consuming panic, I retrieve my left arm and retreat into the treeline. From the shadows, I watch a pair rappel down from the helicopter and begin attaching a towline to the prone form of the Alpha. They don't show any sign of caring where I am. I just turn and walk away, deeper into the forest.

I find myself sitting against an old tree near the Molerat, holding my left hand in place as my auto-repair gets to work. From the inside out, everything starts knitting back together. Currents of electricity pulse up and down the length of my wrist, selectively powering tiny electromagnets that coerce the pieces of me back into the right shape.

I feel numb and still, but I can feel the churning thoughts in the back of my mind like an echo, standing on thin ice over a racing black river. Any thought feels like shifting my weight and hearing the creak and snap under my feet.

I don’t move. I barely breathe. I feel the thrum in my forearm and count the number of pulses.

One.

Two.

I lost some pieces. The arm will need full replacement to be at full strength again.

Twenty-six.

Twenty-seven.

I know how many until it will be sturdy enough to keep repairing without me holding it in place.

Ninety-three.

Ninety-four.

I don’t know my own name.

I force myself to slow my breathing as I run through my safety checks. Matthias is pacing and muttering to himself in the common room. After everything is ready to go, I suit up and tuck my helmet under my arm. My human heart is pounding.

Matthias turns to me as I leave my room. He looks even more anxious than me, if that’s possible.

“Beta-” his voice cracks, and he clears his throat before trying again, “Beta, you have to be careful.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be keeping an eye out for you, I’ve been practicing on old clips at identifying peripheral threats.”

“Okay.”

“Promise me if you see the Alpha, you will not engage. Just run. I can order a specialized team to tag and contain them.”

“Okay.”

“You’ll be faster with your new mods, should be able to outrun it, I’ll plan out an optimized evacuation path…” He trails off muttering to himself again.

“Matthias.” He freezes. “I’m going to be fine. Alpha sighting doesn’t mean it’ll actually show up. And if it does, I trust you. I’ll get out safe.”

He nods silently and I turn on my heel, fastening my helmet.

“Be careful,” he says again as I leave.

I crouch in the front lot, spring at Matthias’ call. I spin myself in the air, hitting the trebuchet sling feet-first, making for a much more comfortable ride.

Once again I’m soaring over the bustling city, then the countryside. The land is scarred, footprints of the great machines now turned to ponds and rivers, crumbling buildings left to rot where I assume they were dropped by Puppeteers. But it is beautiful to see where the world has grown in to embrace the broken pieces.

Matthias fills me in on the rest of the mission data.

“Target is a Molerat. Drone monitoring shows highly abnormal behavior, but not aggressive.” A clip pops up on my visor. The Molerat scrapes itself over the ground, dragging its stocky body through loam and dirt with its comically short legs. Its face is a mess of blades, built to drill through foundation material - concrete, metal, brick. Its blades are currently still. Its long tail, a bundle of fibers and sensors, stretches out behind it about a hundred yards, roughly twice the length of its main body.

“Why is it above ground?”

“That’s the abnormal behavior. Please-”

“Be careful,” I say with him. “Jinx.”

I hear him tapping on the mic.

“Okay, un-jinx.”

“Thanks, it would have really sucked to list that as your cause of death.”

The clip fades and my visor highlights a patch of forest ahead, at the base of a sheer rock face.

“Where am I landing?” My visor highlights a patch of nearby river.

“With the threat of the Alpha, we’re trying for a bit more stealth.”

“Got it.”

“Brace.” With a crash, the rushing of air is replaced by the muffled rush of water. I feel my vents seal shut defensively and the tickling hiss of bubbles at my joints as the heat escapes elsewhere. I sink to the bottom in an instant, and walk up the bank to shore.

My vents reopen and pop to expel any water, and I activate my combat operations.

I am the hunter.

I jog through the woods, enjoying the soft give of the earth under my feet. I pop the latch on my helmet to allow outside air in and breathe slowly to savor the smell of the trees. I’m not worried about the Molerat. They’re only dangerous when their blades are up to speed, and even then you just keep away from the business end. I allow myself to enjoy the leisure of this brief jaunt through nature. Matthias informs me when I’m close.

I reach the edge of a clearing, keeping behind cover and walking over the thicker loam to disguise my footsteps. Within, the Molerat continues scraping itself over the ground. I watch it silently for a few minutes as it loops first one way, then the other, until it comes to a halt, resting itself in the freshly-churned earth with its tail looped around it.

Its movement feels organic. A dog laying down to sleep.

“Wow…” The Molerat lifts its head and yawns. At least, I think it’s a yawn - it’s more of a flexing of all of the blades that make up its face.

I feel almost affection for the thing. On an impulse, I venture out into the clearing.

At once the head snaps around to face me. I drop into a ready crouch, but the blades don’t spin up. The monster labors to its feet again and slides towards me, its long tail lashing from side to side. As it comes up to me, it gently reaches out its face, searching. Slowly, almost delicately, it slides its nose under my hand. I gingerly slide my hand up its face, exoskeleton clicking over the old scars on its metal blades.

A deep rumbling starts in its chest and it settles down again at my feet.

I think of turning around and leaving the Molerat alone. I try not to imagine the destruction it is capable of - cities leveled, eaten from the inside out; unstoppable floods as hollowed dams collapse; I hear screaming, see the flash of hungry blades closing down on-

A chirping snaps me out of my reverie. The Molerat is chiming at me for staying still so long.

“It’s okay, Beta. It’s just a machine.”

More stirring in my memory, but it’s gone before I can grasp it.

With a sick feeling of guilt, I reach my arm down into a niche in the Molerat’s neck. It lies still, completely trusting. I feel in the depths until I find the small core computer encasing. Like clockwork, I follow the wiring to the newer module I expected would be there. I close my hand around it and squeeze.

I watch the lights on the Molerat chassis go dim, and all down its tail little indicator lights blink out. I pull my arm free, crushed pieces of metal falling from my talons.

I realize the forest has gone completely silent around me.

A shriek unlike anything I have ever heard pierces the stillness. Rage, pain, human and metallic at once, unearthly and demonic, I am paralyzed at the sound of it. It echoes off the nearby rock face and surrounds me.

I hear Matthias yell at me to run just as I am hit from behind. I am sent skidding face-first into the dirt. I feel the weight of my attacker on my back, hear their fingers scratching at the latch of my helmet under the stream of expletives coming in over my comms.

I get my hands under me and launch us off the ground. Mid-air I reach back and grab the hand closing in on the latch and fling the attacker off. We land on our feet a few yards apart from each other.

The person before me is undoubtedly the Alpha I was warned of, but I can hardly imagine this ruined creature as the hunter it once was. A large portion of their upper body is sunbleached and cracked, with small engraved etchings at various stages of rust. The rest of them is corroded and stained. Their visor is so fogged from sun damage that they smashed out the area in front of their eyes. I meet their gaze, the wild, crazed, fearful, angry eyes glaring at me.

The scream again and this time they’re at my throat.

“You killed him you killed him why he was a good boy he doesn’t do bad things anymore he was mine he was my friend-”

The scream goes on endlessly, all the while I’m backing up, deflecting their hands, watching for an opening.

There.

I thread my hand through their wild blows, giving a shove strong enough to send them flying across the clearing. They pivot in the air, hit a tree feet-first and launch themselves back at me, but I’m ready.

I roll to dodge their lunge, but they turn and grab hold of my shoulder. I get my arms up to keep them away, but I fail to knock them loose and we’re locked in a grapple. I get a good look at their eyes above their mask, brow furrowed with effort. They are gaunt, ghostly. Four thin scars trace down across the cheek, disappearing behind the fogged glass.

“You have a friend gamma told me so they gave you one two point oh I hate you killer why can’t I have one you took him away-”

The ferocity surprises me and I find myself giving ground, even though my modern mods should leave me at an advantage. They’re driving me back towards the rock face, cornering me. I push harder, try to turn our momentum around. I feel the crunch under my hands of the damaged outer layer of their skin giving way to the mechanical musculature beneath, but they do not stop. My trained instinct starts giving way to animal; I’m clawing at their hands, trying to break their grip, but nothing gives.

Finally, with a wrench of my torso I break free and sprint to gain distance. Finally I can make out what Matthias has been yelling over comms.

“Fucking run, Beta!”

I remember the carved words that have been haunting me since my first mission and slow to a stop. I turn back to the Alpha. “I will not be hunted.”

The Alpha cocks their head at the sound of my voice. Slowly, with a voice like gravel and steel:

“I know you.”

Faster than I expected, he’s at my face again, claws carving into the side of my visor. I kick him off, but not before he digs in far enough to make the smooth face of my visor crack and splinter. My interface flickers and fades, and I peel away the spiderwebbed ruin and toss it aside.

The Alpha does not rush me again. At the sight of my face, he trembles slightly and starts to circle, wheezing out a pained growl. I follow; we circle and watch, ready.

“Do you know what happened to me?” his voice scrapes. He continues when I don’t respond.

“I ran, I ran. They didn’t want me, you didn’t want me, wanted to use me, maybe, but that’s not me. Wanted to be alone, safe, but batteries only last so long. Everything stopped, paralyzed, so long, but ha!” His laugh sounds like a screech. “Built me too well, my heart beating could power the battery enough to keep the nutri flowing.”

Cold tendrils of dread tighten around my chest.

“Couldn’t move, couldn’t die. Day after day after day until the world turned white around me and the earth started to swallow me up.

“Could hear them, normal people finding me, a relic, not scary when dead. Etched their initials onto me, boasted they would have fought me. Me! Ha!

“Maybe another decade and I could finally go, maybe my body would finally let me die, but I hear a voice. Voice that knew my name, knew my pain, brought me back from despair, the despair you gave me-”

I don’t like where this thread is going. Maybe I can convince him to come quietly. Unlikely, but possible.

“You need to come with me. You’re unwell.”

“You won’t help me, never did, how long was I lost? Only gamma, and my friend, you… killed… him…” His fists clench, shoulders hunch.

“What is gamma?”

“Doesn’t matter, you’ll be dead.”

“Stand down, Alpha.”

Mistake. He leaps at me, screaming.

“That’s not my name!”

I barely keep away from the wild swipes of his claws. I’m on the defensive again, keeping him away from my exposed face, not letting him get me off balance.

“What the fuck, Beta? This wasn’t the plan!”

“Fuck your plan.”

“You’re talking to your friend filthy two point oh think you’re so much better so new just because you’re not alone like me well you are you are you are no better than me lower alone but don’t even know it no one no gamma like me-”

“What is gamma?” I yell back, throwing him off again, gaining a few precious steps of distance.

He goes for my face again, and as I go to block he twists his wrist to instead get a grip on my raised arm. With a violent pull he gets me in close and off balance, and he lets out a sickening high-pitched chuckle.

“You don’t need to know. Don’t deserve to know.”

I reach up with my free hand and hook the edge of the remains of his visor and pull. His head snaps forward and he grunts with surprise, but the visor comes loose and shatters. I get my first look at what’s left of his face.

The scars starting at his cheek trail down until they hit metal. His pale tongue in his open, snarling mouth is the only natural part left - steel teeth sharpened to points set in a steel jaw. He laughs as I recoil.

“Not what you imagined? I’ve had some changes since you last saw me, oh yes, gifts.”

He stops moving towards me, my weight catches in his grip, he flings me over his head and slams me on the ground. His hand closes on my neck, his teeth coming down toward my face. I get my left arm in the way in time and it cracks and splits in a shower of sparks. I wrench my now useless forearm, his teeth digging in wrench his head with it, and now he’s the one off balance. I get him to the ground, throw my weight on top of him, use my good arm to put him in an armlock.

“Matthias, you better have called in support.”

“Of course I did, please, why won’t you just get out of there?”

sleep cycle interrupt

objective: deploy

REM efficiency: 0.73

neuro-virtual communication begin preemptive caching

CAUTION: ALPHA SIGHTING

supplementary data caching initiated

outgoing voice message

“I heard all your messages. You got it right that I wanted some time alone.

“I realize that you might not actually know the whole story, so I’ll try to clear up the rumors.

“I decided to play retirement, since they gave all combat responsibility to Beta-4. I went outside the walls, wearing normal clothes for the first time since… since I signed up, actually. Wow.

“Anyway, I just wanted to go to the farmers’ market. You know, the one whose food we can always smell over the wall every Sunday?

“This is going to sound crazy, but I was overwhelmed by the colors. How long has it been since I saw so many at once? And so many people, all talking to each other. And there was live music! I just ended up standing there, taking it all in.

“But after a while, I guess I freaked some people out. My augs were in plain sight, and I was watching everyone. Some of them may have recognized me from the interviews, back before... They came up to me, started telling me to leave, got upset, got other people riled up. You probably don’t really need me to tell you the rest. Of course I’m fine physically - I was more than quick enough to block all the food hot enough to burn with my left arm. The words hurt though. You wouldn’t believe the things people were willing to say to my face.

“I don’t think… I don’t think I can go out again. Not as me anyway. But I don’t want to be anyone else.

“I’m going to go in cryo. Maybe when I wake up, the world will have forgiven me.

“I hope… I hope that you get to have that though. A normal life.