#febfocus 💫👑🙏🏾🙌🏾👌🏾✊🏾💪🏾 https://www.instagram.com/p/CKWbQPWH1Bf/?igshid=1kyjl9485czul

And my shoutout today goes to those two lovely ladies above! I've loved every second of being part of this challenge! Thank you for hosting it <3

I think I've only had 2 cups of water so far today :O which is unusual because it's normally all I drink. But I'm choked full of cold so I've been craving comforting things.. I've had a cup of camomile tea, a passion pop smoothie and a chocolate milkshake 😈 Right now my health wish is to be healthy again! Free from shin splints, bruised knees and this cold :( but in the future, I want to do better than that! My ultimate goal is to run the New York Marathon 🙏 thisbeachbutterfly smileygirl13000

Something like 88oz of water today. Since I got this app I've been really good about staying hydrated so yay plants! My main fitness goal is pretty short term. I want my ankle to get better so I can finish my race. I don't even care (much) about my time anymore, I just want to finish. smileygirl13000 thisbeachbutterfly

First workout since my fall and it went surprisingly well. I kept my pace around 100 per minute and I have no clue how that translates to miles haha. I then tried a quick test on the treadmill, just a few seconds at a slow pace. It was.....it could have been worse. It wasn't searing pain but it was uncomfortable. Maybe I'll try taping my ankle or wearing a compression sock or something Idk. I guess I'll just keep taking care of my ankle like I have been and see what happens. Yeah. That's all I've got to say about that.

Snacks! My favorite thing!!!! If given the chance I will eat all the snacks. But my favorite would have to be apples and peanut butter with maybe a little honey mixed in. Followed closely by bananas (thanks Gwen stephani) and peanut butter. And ya know...girl scout cookies but let's not talk about that. smileygirl13000 thisbeachbutterfly

So today my little sister asked me how fast I've ever ran a mile... She emphasized EVER. She knows I'm not nearly as fast now. I replied by thinking back on a day that I ran 2 miles in 17 minutes. So through simple math my 1 mile should've been somewhere around 8.5 mins. It just sucks. I'm sick, and I was debating about running today. I finally decided that I shouldn't because I'm sick. And then she comes in and asks that. Like I think it's great that she is getting into running like me, but it also reminds me how just like 2 or 3 years ago I was able to run 2 miles in 17 mins and how I'd run up to 10 and 12 miles on my long runs. Now I see myself... I've gained probably 30 lbs since then. I tell myself it's muscle, but I know it's not. It's just me making excuses for myself. Then I see my running... I can't even RUN a full mile! I have to stop and take walking breaks! My legs get tired, and my lungs burn. Running isn't flying anymore; running is work; running is effort. It never used to be. I know it's my weight that's holding me back from being fast and strong again. I've tried so many times- multiple and MULTIPLE times- to lose weight. And I can't do it. I only gain. Why can't I get back to being healthy? I want it so bad, but I can't. My body will not give up the weight. The scale hasn't gone down in years... Only up. I say I love my body for what it does, and I do.... But I'm also disappointed. I see my past...and I realize, it's just my PAST. I don't want my past to be my best. I want NOW to be my best. I want to be fast and strong and, I'm sorry, but I want to be skinnier. I just don't know why I can't get there, or how to get there. I'm sorry for the rant... I'm just under a ton of stress. And things have been building inside, and I just needed to let it out somehow