I got the job bitches!!!!!!!!

I first discovered Redwall when I was in third grade, I was around eight at the time. The first book of the series I read was Redwall, and I got hooked. I wanted to know who this Martin guy was. It took a week for me to find out that there was a series and I tore through Martin the Warrior and I tore through the rest of the series equally fast. And then I read them again, and again, and again, and again, until my parents had me go through a period where I couldn't read Redwall because that was 90% of what I read (the joke's on them though, as usual. It put me off religious reading material for the rest of my life, and reinforced my world view that I wasn't missing anything). When Jacques died I found out maybe a day or two late. It didn't hit me like a mace to the chest (as I had thought it might), I didn't break down crying, it didn't bring me to my knees. What I did feel was a sudden, dull numbness, like the sun (and my life with it) had just grown a little colder in a way that couldn't be fixed. A couple years later I was going through a large second-hand bookstore, looking for Redwall books to complete my collection, and I found "Mariel of Redwall" one of my favorite books in the series. I opened it, and there was Mr. Jacques' signature. That hit me like a mace to the chest. He touched this, here was something I thought that I would never, ever own because of where I lived. It was like a last gift, even if it was signed with someone else's name on it. It remains my greatest possession. Other of course than what Jacques gave us that came with reading his books. Redwall has framed a great deal of my philosophy on life and my general worldview. It was the reason I was so insistant on joining the military in pursuit of a combat role, even if they refused me three times (Marines, Army, Navy). It has introduced me to one of my best and most valued friends who is like the best sister I could have. It got me into my first RP group. I published my first fanfiction because of it (it won't ever be finished, too many character development issues I don't know how to logically resolve) .And with characters like Mariel, Iris Streambattle, Grath, and Romsca it shaped the way I think about women, and consequently is probably responsible for me falling in love with the girl I did in high school. It gave me a home away from home. Many times to the point that I feel more at home there than I do in this modern world that has no room for uncomplicated, politically incorrect honesty or self-reliant determination that no one should have authority over what I do with my life other than me or a person that feels that now his chosen profession has been wrenched from his grasp there is no role he can feel truly comfortable in. I am no expert on the afterlife, or religion. But I know that whenever I die, there could be no better heaven for me than Redwall and the Dark Forest.  And It gave me a community I will always have something in common with at a truly deep level.  It's not like Star Wars or Harry Potter, where the fandom is so large that it almost feels like it dwarfs you and as though it is as much a part of society as a computer or a phone. Or else like a very large city, that you can get lost in. The Redwall community is more close knit than that and it has a genuineness that I have never seen elsewhere. Redwall, it seems, is a part of each and every one of us on a level so deep that if it was taken from us it might take a part of our souls with it. It certainly is for me.