#fc5 shitpost

Jacob : "Good. Cull the herd."

Jacob Seed fostered my praise kink. [That should be a shirt.]

Cull the Herd, Rook.

Literally everyone else:

The Deputy:

John watching through his binoculars seething like the sad lil man he is; Deputy you have five seconds to put down the launcher, leave my sign alone and come to me to confess.

Deputy : fucking bold of you to assume I can count.

Sharky - "The Cult recruited people here with barbecues. I went ONCE. Worst fuckin' potato salad I ever had in my life. I thought, 'Ain't you supposed to poison people AFTER they join the cult?!'"

The unexpected laughs I have when taking this man out to kill Peggies are absolutely delightful. I adore Shark and he goes with me everywhere.

Yes, even when he burns the fuckin' hides I was gonna sell for top dollar. Charred as they are, I can only get a whoppin' $5.00 for 'em now.

Or when the grass catches fire and we have to haul ass or wind up toasty like marshmallows.

Burn away, Shark. Burn away.

Hey, he's a good guy.

Rook [Far Cry 5] meet

Rook [Veilguard]

Rook - Far Cry 5 - Nicknamed thus because they are a rookie cop, AKA Junior Deputy, or some say it is because Rook is their last name. Either way. You are a new cop, and later become The Judge in FC New Dawn.

"Rook" aka Junior Deputy - [Yep, if my hairstyle is available you best believe my badass woman is going to rock it.]

The Judge -

Snazzy.

Rook - DA Veilguard. Nicknamed thus by Varric for fuckall reasons. [Other than the symbolism behind becoming a chess piece to be moved about.]

Both of these individuals thought that what they were doing was righteous. They were fighting to save the people! Innocents needed to be protected, and to do so required them to stop a force seemingly hellbent on destroying things.

What winds up happening in Far Cry 5?

The Seeds were right. [not their methods, mind you, but Joseph's predictions.]

Which is a large part of the reason why I love FC5. You spend an entire game fighting these sick, twisted cultists. You are so damned sure that what you're doing is for the greater good. You're stopping insane practices, protecting people because someone HAS to... only for it to culminate in the "villains" being RIGHT.

Everything you did, you did for nothing, and your actions in fact cost many lives.

The moment Rook fucks up:

Honestly, the game is absolutely brilliant.

For once, the player isn't the hero despite their best intentions. [Road to Hell, anyone?]

Rook never wins unless they simply walk away in the game's prologue. [Yes, an actual canon ending to the game.] Thus, "the only way to win is to never play the game".

"Sometimes the best thing to do... is to walk away."

Beautifully clever.

(As an aside, I regretted killing Jacob, aka The Wolf. Still do and am dreading that this play. "I cull the herd, it's what I do.")

"Only you..."

[What in the hell is it with me and guys with knives and scars?!?! *coughHancockcough*]

This song will always give me pause thanks to this game.

Rook in Veilguard? You think you're doing the right thing as well, only to later find out that you lacked critical information. (Through no fault of your own at the time.)

Your actions result in a clusterfuck for all of Thedas by freeing ye olde blighted funky elf mages. (Who look like they're rising from the dead like some shitty, dime store Nosferatu.)

They knock the dust off and commence to being bitter villains. Doom, Gloom, Blight, a surprising amount of tentacles...

Oh, and Solas.

My what fun! All of this you now have to set back to right. Or as "right" as things can be given, well... <waves around Thedas vaguely> everything.

Now it is your problem to solve.

Solas: "GG."

/snort laugh. At least this one can have a "happier" ending.

Depending upon the story.

Rooks? Time for a drink... or some Bliss.