#fay posting

Aaron let out a huff, but when he answered the door Collin was on the other side of it with his trademarked grin taking up most of his face. "Hey, Farris."

"Oh." Aaron blinked in surprise and put a matching smile onto his face. "Hey, Collin. Merry almost-Christmas. What's up?"

"Just came by to give you this," Collin answered, holding up a small wrapped box. When Aaron only stared at it, Collin personally lifted Aaron's hand and placed the gift in his palm.

"What is it?"

"Hm. I was thinking of calling it... A present." Collin said with a flourish as he stepped further inside. He pushed the door shut and nudged Aaron over until he was sat on the couch. Collin followed right behind him, nearly on the same cushion. "Open it."

Aaron peeled the wrapping paper back to reveal a small flat box. He glanced at Collin, who was watching intently, and pulled the lid off. Inside, Aaron found a silver necklace with a pendant of the letter C dangling off the chain. He blinked at it and dread made a home in his stomach just as the microwave beeped. His popcorn was ready.

His popcorn was ready, but he had a necklace in his hands.

He looked from the necklace back to Collin, who was still beaming. Aaron offered a nervous smile back and tilted the box so that the jewelry glinted. After a few seconds, Collin took the box from him and pulled out the necklace. His arms looped around Aaron's neck and he clasped the ends before letting it fall. The C hit Aaron's chest just between his collarbones, and Collin eyed it appreciatively.

"It looks good."

"Uh," Aaron licked his lips and took a breath. "Col?"

His gaze remained on the necklace but he hummed a, "Hm?"

"Why'd you get me this?" Aaron asked cautiously. For some reason it was really dawning on him that most of the building was empty. That Cats' Keep was near vacant. That they were really alone. 

"Well, you told me when the semester was over we'd be together. And it's Christmas, so it just made sense." Collin slipped his thumb under the chain and the sensation of the cool metal against his skin had Aaron shivering.

"I- I didn't say that."

"Yeah, you did. Remember, when I asked you out in October you said—"

"I said I didn't want to date, Collin. Period. I told you I wanted to focus on school." Aaron reminded him. Collin nodded.

"And school is out now." Collin's hand trailed up the side of Aaron's neck and cupped his jaw, turning Aaron to face him. The action was so overwhelmingly familiar Aaron closed his eyes and almost leaned into it. Then he remembered where he was, who he was with, and jerked away from Collin's hand.

"I just want to be friends, Col." Aaron told him. "Okay? Just... friends, like we were before."

The smile fell away from Collin's face and his gaze hardened. "So you lied."

"I didn't lie! I- I never s-said I wanted anything else. You're just... You're remembering wrong or s-s-something." Aaron stammered. He saw a Christmas tree, a broken window, and a busted lip when he looked into Collin's eyes and it was so unnerving he stood up to get away. Collin grabbed his wrist though, and roughly pulled him back down into his seat.

"I am not 'remembering wrong', Farris. I know what you said. Why are you lying?" Collin demanded. His face was devoid of all emotion and it was such a stark contrast to the fury in his voice Aaron flinched. "It's Alex, isn't it? You're messing with him, cheating on me already?"

Aaron felt like they were having nine different conversations. Alex was one of their backliners. He was plenty nice but had an IQ in the low 30s. Well that was pretty mean, Aaron thought, but he really wasn't very smart and—

"I'm not messing with anybody. And we're not together anyway." Aaron tried to pull his arm away to no success. Collin's nostrils flared with anger and his expression changed to one that was entirely unfriendly.

"I have been waiting since June." Collin said every word slowly, like he really wanted Aaron to understand. "That's six. Months. Aaron."

Aaron couldn't move. His heart was racing and his palms were sweating and he needed to get away, needed to find his siblings and hide and— No. No, no. He's not— That's not...

He swallowed and tried to settle down but his eyes were huge and words still came out in a whisper. "Waiting for what?"

Collin didn't answer. Instead he looked towards the bedroom's open door. "Nichole and Riley went home, didn't they Farris?"

Aaron gave a jerky nod. Riley left yesterday morning and Nichole just an hour ago. "Why?"

He didn't get a reply. Collin just stared at him for a moment. Then suddenly Aaron was being shoved backwards. His head slammed into the armrest hard enough to make him see stars. He flailed and tried to sit back up but Collin stopped him with a hand on his chest and a knee between his legs. Hovering over him, Collin looked him dead in the eye and Aaron stopped breathing.

"Collin. Stop." He said in a small voice. Collin didn't.

Instead he brushed his knuckles against Aaron's cheek and leaned in for a kiss. As their mouths connected Aaron went still, completely and utterly still, and stared wide-eyed up at the ceiling. This couldn't be happening. Why was this happening? Collin's tongue was in his mouth and there were tears in Aaron's eyes but he couldn't move. His body wasn't connected to him anymore, he couldn't feel it anyway. Where were his hands?

Collin quickly grew frustrated with Aaron's refusal to reciprocate he pulled away with a snarl and squeezed his hand around Aaron's neck until he choked. Finally Aaron regained control of his limbs and tried to pry Collin's hand away but he couldn't. He tried to shove him off, but Collin wouldn't budge.

Had Aaron always been this weak? Surely not. Right? He and his father had taken turns beating the shit out of each other since Aaron was Dylan, since Dylan was thirteen. But this was different. So fucking different. And he didn't know what to do, so he gave up.

"Kiss me, Farris," Collin commanded as soon as Aaron let his hands fall to his sides. Since he had little other option, as soon as he could breathe again, Aaron did. Collin hummed happily against his mouth and bit at Aaron's bottom lip like he wanted to tear it off. It hurt.

"Good," Collin said as he pulled away to ruck Aaron's sweatshirt up. He ground himself against Aaron's crotch and let out a sigh. "God, I knew you'd be good."

When Aaron blinked tears slipped out from his eyes and ran down to his ears. Collin either didn't notice or didn't care. He was too busy taking off his coat, then unbuttoning Aaron's jeans. The sound the zipper made in that moment would be imprinted into Aaron's memory for the rest of his life. He opened his mouth to beg but Collin kissed him again, cutting him off.

Aaron's breathing kept catching in his throat and the tears wouldn't stop. The next time Collin pulled away he looked at him and cooed, kissing a path to Aaron's ear. "Hey, shh, it's okay." He whispered softly.

It was not.

It was very much not okay.

"I know. I know you're nervous. I know it's new. But I won't hurt you, I promise." Collin sounded more like himself now, happy and kind. That he could make himself sound so sweet while he doing this made Aaron feel ill.

Still close, Collin petted a hand down Aaron's abdomen then further south to cup his crotch. Aaron whimpered but Collin only took it for encouragement, stroking him gently and sucking a mark into the skin below his ear. Oh god. Aaron was... disconnected again. Surely he wasn't actually hard. He wasn't, it was just—

"Ah." He gasped when Collin gripped him tighter. And his head was suddenly full of static. Like the snow on a TV. Oh, the TV. Aaron glanced towards the entertainment center and sniffled. All he'd wanted to do was watch Rudolph, but now he—

He thought he heard a key in the lock.

Collin must've heard it too because he froze up for a second and cocked his head to the side. A couple seconds later the door opened and in came the sound of footsteps. 

"Can you believe I was literally inside the airport when I realized I forgot my mom's present! I swear I think I'm losing my fuckin' mind." Nichole walked right past them into the bedroom, then came back out to do a double take at the situation going down on her couch. Her voice was notably deeper when she said, "Holy shit, what the fuck is this?"

Collin raised his head to look at her. "We're busy, Nikki. Get what you need and go. Your plane's waiting, you know." He was smiling playfully, like he was just a bit annoyed to be walked in on. He didn't look guilty at all. Nichole looked around him to Aaron and he stared at her with huge eyes trying to communicate without words. She seemed to hear him just fine.

"Aaron, are you... Where you wanna be?"

Aaron jerked his head side-to-side, a very clear no. Nichole shrugged off her coat and grabbed the bat she kept by the door. "Are you gonna leave or am I gonna make you?" She asked, offering a choice. In that moment, Aaron hated her for that. He hadn't had a choice. Collin considered it for a few seconds, before realizing Nichole definitely had the upper hand. She had a weapon plus she was bigger than him. He rose to his feet and collected his own coat off the ground.

"See ya next year," he said, smiling at Nichole. Collin left without a fuss, without even looking back in Aaron's direction. Nichole watched him leave then went to lock the door behind him. As soon as he heard the lock twist into place Aaron was finally able to move. He sat up slowly, adjusting his clothes and his breathing hitched as he fixed his pants. He needed to burn these jeans, he thought.

Aaron fumbled with the button and his hand went over his mouth. He was shaking violently. He just might throw up. No, he definitely would. It was only a matter of where—

"Hey," Nichole came around the couch to sit next to him. "Hey, it's alright now. What happened?"

Aaron summoned a somewhat croaky voice and explained all he could. That Collin seemed to think they were dating, that he wouldn't let Aaron say no. That Collin had forced himself all over Aaron. As he spoke, Nichole looked more and more devastated.

"That's not like Collin at all," she said when he finally ran out of words and only hiccups were coming out. He gave her a look and she shook her head. She started to put her arm around him, but he jerked away from the touch. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's— No, I believe you. I do. I just... I've never known him to hurt anybody."

"He's been coming onto me since I got here," Aaron choked out. "At first I thought he was just kind of touchy but he doesn't do that with anyone else. Just me. He's always in my space, Nichole. Haven't you ever noticed?"

She thought about it for a moment. "I guess I have. I just didn't realize it wasn't... mutual. I'm so sorry." She looked like she might try to hug him again, but Aaron braced himself and she didn't. The two of them sat there in silence for several minutes, the weight of what nearly happened in their dorm like a fucking miasma smothering them both.

Aaron at last noticed her suitcase by the door and cleared his throat. "Oh. You better go, you'll miss your flight home."

"No way! I'm not leaving you after—" Nichole gestured in his general direction.

"I'll be alright," Aaron told her with confidence he didn't really have.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I know your mom's been missing you. And your grandad's sick, Nichole. You should go." 

She stared at him for a moment before she nodded and went to collect her things. Aaron had been the one who wrapped the gift for her mom, he was better at it Nichole told him. "Lock the door, okay? And I'm gonna call you later to make sure you're good."

Aaron gave her a probably-pathetic smile and she blew him a kiss on her way out. When she was gone, Aaron sprang to his feet and went to the door on shaky legs. He turned the lock on the knob, plus the deadbolt and the chain. Then he dragged Riley's recliner in front of it as a barricade, just in case. Once he was as secure as possible he went to take a very hot shower to melt Collin's hand prints off his body. And he scrubbed his lips raw, too.

When he finally climbed out of the scalding shower Aaron saw the necklace still gleaming against his reddened skin. He reached behind his head to take it off but his hands were shaking so bad he couldn't get it undone. He cried a little during this debacle and finally just yanked it off over his head. He crammed the necklace into its box, then shoved that into the drawer on his desk. He didn't want to see it. He didn't want it in the room. But he wasn't sure what else to do with it.

He thought about flushing it down the toilet.

Instead he redressed in pajamas and a hoodie, then took his ice cold popcorn from the microwave. At last he pushed the tape into VCR, and as the movie started he pretended everything was alright.

-

Collin texted him that weekend.

sorry didnt mean it, he said. wat r u doin 2nite

Aaron stared at the messages until he had to blink, but he didn't reply. He dialed Olivia's number for some reason. He supposed he felt the need to tell someone what happened, maybe ask for advice. It rang six times but she didn't answer. Aaron wondered what good a phone was if one didn't answer it. Then he wondered if cell phones even worked on cruise ships.

Maybe he should've gone with her after all. Because he was going stir crazy. Aaron had been holed up in the dorm since Wednesday. Since it happened.

He was afraid to leave. He needed to go grab some groceries. But he wouldn't risk stepping one foot outside, because Collin might hear the door open and come to hurt him again. Aaron found the stack of take out menus Nichole kept on top of the fridge and ordered in from a Chinese place. He ordered enough for half the team and basked in the feast.

When he was full he tucked all the leftovers into the fridge and, in a very rare moment of stupidity, considered calling the old landline to see if anyone would pick up. Aaron hadn't talked to either of his siblings in over a year now. The last he heard of his brother was that Austin had broken into his hospital room in May, tried to claim his personal effects— which meant he'd tried to rob Aaron was he was unconscious and recovering from the bullet that should've killed him.

That rotten little bastard.

Aaron wanted to kick his ass.

Aaron wanted to hug his neck.

He'd never do either again. 

Because he was not Dylan Faust anymore. And he couldn't call home anyway, since everyone there thought he was dead.

Before he left for UK he left a note in his family's mailbox. Aaron couldn't quite remember what he'd written now, but it was something to the effect of, "I just bought a gun from a pawn shop and I'm going into the woods with it. If you find me before the bears do, just leave me. They'll give me a proper funeral eventually."

Dramatic perhaps, but necessary. That's what he'd thought anyway, when he did it.

After he pulled that stunt, Ryan called his phone twenty-three times. She left him just as many voicemails, none of which he'd ever opened. Their mother also texted his phone. Told him to just come back home, that they'd work something out. It was sad, he thought, that it took him supposedly killing himself for them to care. 

He'd almost died in the park that night. He'd been tied up in the fucking hospital for weeks after and none of them ever bothered to show up, to come see him. He hated them. He hoped they hated themselves for throwing him away. He didn't need them anyhow, did he? His parents were hateful, terrible people. His siblings were... 

Aaron blinked away tears and pretended his chest was not aching.

It was good none of them ever supported his exy career. None of them ever 'understood' the game enough to keep up with it. And they never had cable anyway. That meant they'd never see him playing on TV and figure out he was alive and well, just an hour away.

After sitting in the dark for a little while Aaron called Marcus's phone. He'd had the number memorized for three years, and Marcus's parents had left it in service specifically to keep his voicemail message alive. Aaron was infinitely grateful for that. He held his breath as it rang. Once, twice, then...

"Heyyyyyyyy, it's Marcus. Yeah, I know you need to talk to me. BUT I'm busy bitch, so call me back later. Unless you're my little bird, then I'll be calling you baby. Bye!" The message cut off abruptly like it always did, no matter how Aaron wanted him to keep talking. But he just dialed the number again. And again. 

He fell asleep with the phone in his hand.

Almost as soon as he walked into the Wildcat's exy stadium, he was given some spare gear and put into the goal. Dozens of balls were lobbed at him and he deflected almost all of them, only missing three. With a low whistle and a clap on the shoulder Coach Osborne welcomed him to the team, had him sign some things, and said they'd need to get his sizes for uniforms. Aaron did as he was told, nearly signing the wrong name like a fool, then watched the coach go to talk to someone else. He felt dumbstruck by the whole thing.

Was it really that simple? 

One silly scrimmage and a couple signatures and he was playing for UK? He was getting to go to college? He pulled off the helmet he'd been loaned and tucked it under his arm, trying to keep himself together. The two who'd been aiming balls at him came over to the goal, each of them looking pleased. He knew them already. Or, he knew of them since he watched UK games now and then. 

Veronica Spencer and Collin Scott, backliner and striker respectively, were the team's co-captains. His co-captains, what a thrill. When they reached him, Veronica beamed and told him she was excited to have him on her defense line. Each of them gushed over his stats from high school, and the tapes they'd been sent by his old coach. They'd been impressed by him.

"Collin and me butted heads a lot trying to help scout, but we both knew we had to have you." Veronica told him, making Aaron fluster. He couldn't believe it.

"Really?"

"Yeah! You've got crazy reflexes, dude! That's what we need in a goalie."

"Thanks, Veronica."

"Hey, call me Ronnie. The only one that calls me Veronica is my grandma."

"Thanks, Ronnie." Aaron corrected immediately. She ruffled his hair playfully and went to go speak with Osborne. Collin stayed behind, leaning on his racquet. Aaron looked at him. "Do you really think I'm good?"

"Definitely." Collin grinned and put an arm around him. "You'll be unbeatable after a couple months training with me."

Aaron almost felt lightheaded with happiness. For the first time in months, things were going right.

-

It didn't last very long.

Sure, sure. Aaron got the classes he needed, plus a French elective he was nervous about. He met the rest of his team and got plenty of praise from them during their first practice together. He got put into a dorm room with a couple of teammates—Riley was a dealer with hair almost as short as Aaron's and a lethal stare. Nichole was a backliner, a head taller than Aaron, and supremely nice.

It was great. For a while.

But a couple months in Aaron realized Collin seemed a little… territorial about him.

From the day they'd met Collin had been sort of touchy-feely. He constantly hung by Aaron's side and went out of his way to talk to him. If the team was in a huddle, his hand was on Aaron's lower back. If they were in the locker room, he made an excuse to touch him— like straightening Aaron's uniform or adjusting his pads for him. If they were on their way to a game, he would always share Aaron's seat. 

Since he was a captain he had Aaron's schedule and would sometimes meet him after class to walk him to the next one. And it wasn't really that Aaron minded. Not really. He sort of liked it, the attention the Collin didn't seem to give anyone else. It was like he finally had a friend that was just his and he'd never had that before, after a lifetime of playing third or forth or fifth wheel.

But… Collin started running off Aaron's other new potential friends with dismissive comments or looks. People from Aaron's classes stopped talking to him because Collin was mean to them and always there, right next to him like he had to breathe the same as Aaron or he'd fall over dead.

The good thing was Collin never followed Aaron into GSA meetings. He'd joined the Gay Straight Alliance as soon as he found out it was a thing. There were twenty-four people the day he wandered in. He'd never seen so many gay people in one room his whole life. And he adored all of them.

A boy called James had handed him a tiny gay flag the instant he stepped through the door. It was duct-taped to the wall by Aaron's bunk.

There was a meeting on Aaron's birthday. They surprised him with a little party, even sang to him. And someone brought cupcakes arranged like a rainbow with two candles, a 1 and an 8, sticking out of the middle. He cried. A little. And got hugs from everyone, plus a kiss on the forehead from Katie Jackson— who insisted she was everyone's favorite lesbian. Aaron didn't disagree.

So yeah. Things were amazing for a while. But amazing things didn't tend to last for Aaron.

The day after he turned eighteen, Collin met Aaron outside his French class like usual. As they walked across campus toward his psychology class, Collin asked Aaron out. For some reason it came out of nowhere, completely blindsiding him. Aaron froze up and took a moment to process the question, sure he'd heard it wrong.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted to go out sometime," Collin repeated with that happy go lucky smile he usually wore in Aaron's presence. "I've wanted to ask for a while but... Well, you know. Illegal."

"I don't. Um..." Aaron swallowed. "I don't think so."

Collin's smile fell away, replaced by a hard look. Aaron suddenly felt quite nervous. He'd seen this expression before, usually right before his father was about to bounce him off the wall. He'd never seen it on Collin, not outside the court.

"Why not?"

"It's not personal. I just, I don't wanna date anybody right now. I just want to play and get through the semester. You know?" Aaron said with a slight shrug. In a blink, that searing look changed into another easy smile. Collin affectionately ran a hand over Aaron's grown out buzz cut.

"I understand." He said. They walked the rest of the way in silence then Collin slinked away with hands in his pockets, leaving Aaron with sweaty palms and an increased heart rate. His flight or fight was broken, he thought. Collin wasn't going to hurt him.

When he called explain his absence and ask for another chance, he received only a curt dismissal in the form of: "Ravens are not mental patients. Try South Carolina."

He didn't get a chance to question what that remark meant; the man hung up a breath later. A couple minutes after, Dylan realized he'd been referring to Palmetto State and its band of merry sociopaths. With a bitter laugh Dylan threw the phone at the wall and it burst into pieces. Maybe he would've fit in at PSU, too bad they hadn't offered him a place.

After pacing for a few minutes he put his phone back together and turned it on. He called for pizza— because that's what Marcus would've done— then sat in the foyer of the Butler's home until a dinky car with a sign on its roof pulled up. He opened the door and descended the steps just as a twiggy guy hopped out of the car with a pizza in hand.

"Er… Dylan Faust?" He asked, checking the box. Dylan held in a grimace, nodded, and handed the man twice what he was owed—because that's what Marcus would've done— and started up the steps again. "Oh. Hey. Thanks, man!"

Dylan threw a hand up in a wave and went back inside, to the kitchen. When he opened the box he was bewildered at what he found inside. He'd forgotten he didn't actually like Hawaiian pizza. It was Marcus's thing. Dylan ate it anyway, a couple slices. Then he left the box on the counter and went back to Olivia's room.

As he went in he noticed something he'd missed earlier. A stack of envelopes on the dresser, the ones he'd had that night in the park. Someone must've found them. He wondered whether the EMTs grabbed them or one of the Butlers. The orange envelope from Tennessee still split down the middle, one half stained with something brownish-red. Dylan tried not to think about whose blood it was, choosing to pretend it was just mud. Mud or clay dirt or anything else.

He eased the other envelopes out from under the soiled one. The UK envelope was bright blue and it had a smiley face drawn on one corner. Marcus had put it there with a marker the day it came, hung it on the fridge like he was proud. It was the first one Dylan received. When Dylan told Marcus UK was his second choice, he'd said, "Why? You'd look good in blue."

Dylan hadn't even opened the envelope yet. He thought he wouldn't need to. He sighed and ran his fingernail under the flap, then dumped the paperwork out on the bed. He skimmed it, looking for a date and expecting it to have passed already. Dylan didn't breathe again until he saw it.

June 18th. He had time. He had, he glanced at Olivia's pretty pink calendar to check. He had fifteen days.

He needed to practice. He really needed to practice. He wondered if there was an Exites nearby. Dylan called for information, found an address. He'd need a ride later. And he also needed some help.

-

He poked his head into Marcus's father's office that night. The older man was talking on the phone in a hushed voice until he saw the boy at his door, then he murmured a goodbye and hung up. "Hey, kid. How you doing?"

Dylan didn't know how to answer that. He was doing terrible. 

"I wanted to ask you for a favor." Dylan said, coming further into the office when he was waved in. He took a seat in a plush leather armchair opposite the desk, perching on the edge of it. "Uh. Mar-" Dylan took a moment, and a breath. "Marcus told me you could sort of pull some strings for me?"

Marcus Sr.'s eyes narrowed, "What kinda strings?"

"Um, I. He said you could help me get my name changed?"

"Oh." A sigh of what seemed like relief followed and the older man cleared his throat. "Yeah, I can probably handle that. Why are you changing it?"

"I never really liked Dylan." Dylan said. But the real reason came out through grit teeth, "And I don't want my father's name on my jersey."

"Makes sense. You got a new one picked out?"

"Not yet." Dylan admitted. He and Marcus had talked about it and the other boy had promised to help him find one, but it was too late for that. His father made a face and opened one of the drawers on his desk, he rummaged a bit then pulled out a book. He slid it across the desk.

"Take this and find one, then come back to me. Okay?" He said. Dylan looked at the book in question. 'The Complete List of Baby Names', the title read. It felt brand new.

"Did you know I was gonna ask?"

"Didn't have a clue. My son left it in here a while back. Thought he got a girl pregnant or something." Marcus Sr. said flippantly. The idea made Dylan's insides twist. Evidently Marcus's father realized that because he quickly said. "But I was wrong, he was making a list for you."

"He was?"

Marcus Sr. hummed. "It should be in there. Take it and see if you can come up with something. Oh, you'll need this one too." He drug out another book and handed it over. 'The Surname Handbook'. "That one's mine, so I'll need it back. I suggest opening it to a random page and pointing, spending too long looking will drive you crazy."

Dylan was beyond confused by that but he took both books and stood up, offering a thank you as he left. He settled into bed with the two name books and a pen, and when he opened the first one he found a slip of scratch paper inside. It was covered in Marcus's almost unreadable scrawl. Dylan fondly ran a finger over the page.

He returned to the office a couple hours later. 

"Aaron Farris." He said when Marcus Sr. looked up from his work.

"Aaron Farris," he repeated thoughtfully, sitting back in his chair. He considered the name for a moment and nodded slowly. "I like it. Have you got your original papers? Birth certificate, social security card, all that?"

Aaron nodded. "I took them when I left my parents' house. They'd be at Marcus's, I guess."

"Good. Then it'll be easy. I won't have to pull too many strings. Come sit down, Aaron."