#false labor

Prodromal labor is a false labor stage in pregnancy where painful contractions occur but don’t intensify or get closer together like true labor.

Frankly, they are never helpful tips.

Castor oil: an emetic, causing horrific intestinal cramps, nausea and diarrhea. Supposedly takinng a shot of castor oil will irritate your uterus enough cause contractions. While yeah, this is basically true, I cannot think of a more horrific way of going into labor. Raging shit streaming from my butthole? Hard pass.

Have sex! Or alternatively, masturbate.

Uh, do you think I could find my own vagina with both hands and a map, much less direct a partner to the appropriate orifice? Semen does contain prostaglandins, which are a cervical ripener. And orgasm itself is a kind of uterine contraction. But you would have to reserve literal CUPS of the stuff and be shooting it up there turkey-baster style for it to do much of anything besides make your cervix a tiny bit softer. Orgasm while also being a type of contraction, is not the RIGHT kind of contraction. It is more likely that the oxytocin released by orgasm does more for dilation and effacement than the physical reaction.

(Not to mention that a pregnant person may not feel up to having someone all up in their biz. Being giant can be super uncomfortable, you might have a lot of pelvic pressure and having ANYTHING in or even near your vagina can bring involuntary tears to your eyes.)

Walk! Yeah, no. You could walk a marathon and it isn't going to force you into labor. You're more likely to just exhaust yourself and risk dehydration. Dehydration can cause contractions and muscle cramps, but they are STILL not the right KIND of contractions. It's not going to do much other than make you super uncomfortable.

Fry some eggplant! You got me folks. I have no idea what it is, but old wives alike all swear by eating fried eggplant to induce labor. Who knows? I'd try it.

Eat Spicy Foods! Yeah, I think this is an extension of the castor oil thing. It's just as likely to not do much other than give you liquid lava pouring out your anus.

Go for a drive on a bumpy road! This is one that surprisingly *can* help speed things along...But you gotta already be pretty well-primed. The jostling can cause your membranes to rupture and your water to break. But unless you're ready dialated a certain amount, or your membranes are ready to go, this just may be uncomfortable.