#false bthb

“Hm.” Virgil leaned back on xyr hands and looked up at the low ceiling of their underground paradise. “Can’t really see the stars from here, no matter how many stickers Princey finds and puts up it can't really be compared to the real thing.”

Logan had made the mistake of going on a tirade of space facts a few months into his stay in the hideout, Remus patiently listening to the extensive infodump of constellation facts and space physics and planetary rotation. Having a limited amount of books to entertain oneself with for extended periods of time meant memorizing entire books on one subject, which Logan had used all too happily as a figurative escape from his situation in the past until he had actually managed to escape when he was 16. Hearing Logan speak so passionately about the subject had apparently made his mind up that he was taking Logan outside for their first “official” date to view the stars, which had then landed Logan in his current state of panic as he realized that date was today and he was decidedly not ready for what might lay in store outside of safety of the hideout.

“I can stay close by if you want. I won’t spy or anything and Remus won’t have to know.” Logan looked over as his thoughts were interrupted by the offer, Virgil turning invisible and reappearing a couple seconds later to emphasize xyr point. Smiling Logan shook his head, knowing the other derived as much joy from going outside as Logan felt about going himself.

“Thank you for the offer though, you’re very kind.” Letting his thoughts drift again he idly wondered when Virgil had discovered xe could disappear and reappear at will and if xyr parents had tried to hide it before the government had found out. His own parents-

-----

“Logan?” A very small Logan turned at his mother’s voice, losing his concentration which made the hidden jar of Crofters fall from its suspended place in the air and smash to the floor. His parents hadn’t known he possessed any sort of powers, and even as small as he was he still understood the position he’d put them in if they ever found out. Fearfully his hands dropped to his sides as his mother covered her mouth in shock, tears rolling down her cheeks as she took a step back.

Men in suits and long coats were there just a few hours later, speaking in hushed voices while both of his parents cried and he was ushered out the door and into an unmarked car, quiet as he understood yelling and crying would do him no good now. What’s done was done, all he could do was be compliant and hope to be treated gently.

-----

The room suddenly brightening with a flickering light brought him back out of his thoughts, Roman entering with his signature bright flame held proudly in his hand. The image of him in his rather scrapped together Princely outfit posing subconsciously in the doorway was almost enough to make Logan roll his eyes but he didn’t want Virgil to think it was because of xem so he managed to restrain himself.

“My dearest brother has been pacing in the same spot for two hours now and I haven't been able to calm him down soooo I thought to check on our resident nerd.” Roman declared with his usual flare. Logan actually did roll his eyes this time but Virgil did as well so he figured it was fine.

“The ‘resident nerd’ is doing fine, Roman. Though it's concerning to hear Remus is nervous as well considering he’s the one who suggested the date.”

Roman waved his hand at Logan dismissively. “He’s just a sap- moreso than me surprisingly. He doesn’t want to do anything to put you in danger but he wants to do something nice, so he’s worried that’s all. Remus is an idiot but I trust him with my life; believe me when I say you have nothing to worry about except his terrible sense of humor.”

Logan merely hummed in response, staring at the way the flame moved around as Roman gestured with his words.

-----

He panted as he rolled out of the way of another flamethrower, singeing the tips of his hair in the process but he couldn’t afford to slow down enough to worry about that. Years of training with different fighting styles had earned him incredibly fast reflexes but a good portion of his accuracy in knowing where to step and when was owed to him working even harder to focus his powers. Thoughts from others constantly surrounded him on a regular basis, getting more and more prevalent the older he grew. Learning to block out the constant string of stimuli was a useful skill to keep him sane but learning to hone in on specific thoughts to predict actions was what had kept him alive.

He ducked below another bullet and brought up his leg in the same motion, kicking a throwing knife to the side and sending it to clatter harmlessly between one of his assailants feet. A twirl to the side and a tilt of the head let another bought of flame boil the air beside him while another knife just barely brushed his ear. The constant bang of bullets and roar of flames and whistling of knives was overwhelming and made the air so thick he could barely draw a breath and it was becoming a struggle to concentrate the way he needed to and-

A high pitched alarm sounded one, twice, three times- a blaring flash accompanying it that left him blinking painfully. His shoulders slumped as the barrage finally ended, another successful training day completed. He watched as everyone began putting their weapons away, laughing and congratulating each other, clapping themselves on the back and discussing whatever they had planned after this. No one even spared the thing they had been firing at seconds before a spare glance, save for the director of the branch, who took long steps forward to stand in front of him only to snap his fingers and motion forward no doubt to see him back to his room until dinner. Absorbing the sounds around him he drank in as much praise as he could that wasn’t his and would never be for him; people rarely congratulated weapons after all.

-----

“Is this where we all decided to hide today?” Logan looked up to see Patton sitting cross legged on one one of the beams in the ceiling, grinning happily down at them even as their fluffy ears twitched nervously and even fluffier tail whipped back and forth in agitation. They must have come back from trying to calm Remus as well, Logan mused; Patton had never done well being in the same room as Remus who tended to voice his thoughts abruptly and without much care to how they might sound to others which always managed to set Patton on edge no matter how hard they tried not to show it.

Patton was a rare mutant in that as opposed to being born with abnormal traits or abilities they had been a science experiment from the start- an effort to create super soldiers rather than stealing them away from families and training them. Even rarer was the fact that the DNA splicing had taken extraordinarily well by pure chance as Patton was born with a mutation that left their DNA incredibly malleable- a mutation that never would have been discovered had cellular manipulation not been the reason for them being in the experimental branch that they were. They had tried cloning Patton at first to see if their power could be duplicated but when that failed to work they began trying to combine them with different animals to see if desirable traits would come forward. By manipulating them on a physical and anatomical level they were able to change some parts of them to be more cat like, intending, Patton had guessed, to turn them into a kind of stealth soldier but they got away before they completed it, leaving them with heightened agility and surgically coaxed cat ears and a tail. They were only a child when the lab had done this but somehow they were never bitter, simply preferring to leave their past alone and embrace whatever future they could make- a trait Logan greatly admired them for even if their unending optimism could be somewhat grating at times.

“Did Janus brush your tail out Pat? It looks fluffier today.” Patton preened at Virgil's compliment, their tail beginning to wave in a more relaxed manner as their mind was distracted from whatever it was Remus had been ranting about.

“He did! He found a cat brush and got it for me so I could finally get the undercoat out!” Jumping down and landing lightly on their feet they posed a little and flashed another wide grin.

“Beautiful as always, Patton.” Roman said genuinely as he lowered his hand into a barrel to light up the paper scraps and wood in it for the night, the dim sunlight that had filtered through the grated having long since died. The home was a modified branch of a sewer system, thankfully the part most removed from the city where it flowed without the stench and was sealed off inconspicuously enough that in the ten years Janus and Remus had been using it no worker had ever found it.

-----

It had been Janus and Remus who had found him, beaten and bloody from an escape attempt he had made just days before his real one. He had made a weak attempt to coax the scientists into a false sense of security, holding back the full scoop of his powers during training for a year in anticipation for his final escape. He had punished severely but had simply thrown him in his regular cell, assuming he wasn’t strong enough to do any more damage than they had seen him do already and trusting that they had beaten him down enough that it would be a while before he tried again- if he ever did. Not six days later the mangled metal of the front of his cell was tossed into a group of guards, walls torn apart in a straight line to the exit and the huge buzzing gates leading to the outside world thrown open wide and stuck there with varying amounts of heavy debris.

The outside world, as it turns out, was a lot bigger and louder and downright terrifying when you weren’t being sent out as a personal assassin or field missions or training sessions- all controlled on some level to keep him from being killed and compromised. Without the begrudged protection from the labs and moreover having to hide from said lab was another story entirely. The times they searched for him and how closely they came to his spots were random and made it incredibly hard for him to pick out their thoughts from anyone else’s in the city and figure out how close they were. On more than one occasion they passed right by him crouched under piles of garbage or laying low under a hedge, his breath held as he tried desperately to keep himself as still and quiet as possible, thoughts of what they would to him once they found him pounding against his head and making him squeeze his eyes shut to keep his terrified tears from falling.

That was how Remus had found him. It had been dark and hours had passed since the searchers had left that park he had been hiding in. He had still been hiccuping down his sobs as he rolled out from under the hedge that he hadn’t bothered to scope the area for anyone’s close by thoughts, having shut out as much as he could after they had left to try and block out any other hate fueled thoughts that may send him spiraling again. His heart had leapt in his throat so high his breath caught painfully, immediately shifting to offense as he tensed, ready to fight as long and hard as he could. He couldn’t go back- he wouldn’t. No matter what they did or promised him or punished him with; he’d go down fighting or not at all.

But Remus had only raised his hands in the air in a motion of peace, eyes widening as he locked onto the government issued bracelet that marked him as an experimental mutant. He had grinned impossibly wide then Logan remembered, briefly disappearing from his sight and reappearing a moment later, setting him even more on edge but curious nonetheless.

“I’m like you.” Remus had said quietly. “Basically I run real fast and the government hasn’t figured out how to get me yet.”

Logan had watched as he jiggled his wrists a bit for emphasis, bare save for colored chords that he assumed didn’t associate him with any government branch since they didn’t look official.

“Are you okay?” Remus had asked next and mutely Logan nodded, unsure of how to react to this fellow mutant who had never been caught by any sort of lab, apparently living as free as one could when you were as different as they were. He stepped back as another man appeared behind him, Janus he later learned.

“Liar.” Janus had hissed, making Remus reach around and smack the back of his head.

“It was a polite thing to ask that he tried to dismiss Jan. Let the adults speak for a second.”

Logan had noted the faint pout on Janus’ face though he was still trying very hard to look intimidating. And then all at once his eyes had turned cold as his attention was once again focused on Logan, glaring menacingly from beneath a black bowler hat. “I’m younger than you and yet I’m the one that has to put my foot down. He’s being chased clearly; we are not bringing him back with us.”

Remus has turned, Logan seemingly forgotten for the moment. “That’s not how it works! He needs help and we’re not leaving him to starve or be found in the middle of a park! What would Patton say?”

“Patton is a soft fool who needs to figure out where their morals stand. I myself am choosing not to compromise our place of hiding and three other people that you know those power hungry idiots would love nothing more than to get their hands on!”

Remus rolled his eyes so hard his head had lolled with it, face going pale as he watched something in the sky. It was then that Logan heard the telling sound of a helicopter flying low and getting closer but he had barely tensed before he found himself gripped around the middle and held vertically with the ground flying underneath him. They stopped abruptly and he was set down, blinking in rapid confusion as Remus grinned sheepishly at him.

“Welcome to the hideout?”

Logan’s eyes had widened and his breath had caught yet again, chest tightening as he shook his head vehemently. “You can’t- I need to go back! They’ll do anything to get me back-!”

He was stopped from going forward with a finger to his chest, his blue eyes locking with beautiful brown as Remus held his gaze. “And we will do everything to keep you safe.”

Safe. With that one word Logan was his. He hadn’t known why and he still didn’t quite understand it but he had trusted Remus with everything he had- and he still did. Even as Janus had stalked off grumbling and Virgil and Roman had kept their distance at first Remus had kept him close and showed him how much better his life could be, even if they were living in a modified sewer system.

Back in the present he looked up as a hand was thrust under his chin, smiling softly as he took Remus’ hand and let himself be led away from the others’ idle chatter. He counted himself extremely lucky in the end that Janus had eventually come around to him, seeing how happy he made Remus and how Remus made Logan feel it had been him to finally talk to Logan about it and get the two to officially talk about how they felt, going on about the being “hopeless gay idiots” when they had finally started to date officially. Logan wasn’t sure what he’d do without Remus at this point, just a year later and he was so attached to their small group of hideaways he wouldn’t trade for the world.

They approached the exit to the sewers, Remus swinging their hands between them. Logan held his breath right before they crossed the threshold, closing his eyes and letting it out slowly as his feet met grass and he opened his eyes to the darkened field. There were a few tunnels that lead out to different places depending on where they needed to go and this, Remus had told him, was his favorite because of how empty it was. The city lay far in the distance so there was almost no light pollution to block out the sky. Soft grass and flowers brushed his ankles as he scanned the area carefully, seeing nothing but trees lining the far end of the field with a road so far away he could barely, make it out in the darkness. Remus tugged his hand softly to get his attention, searching his eyes for any hint of discomfort.

“Is this okay?’

Logan took another breath and let it out, the last of his nerves fading away as he took in the quiet. “It’s perfect Remus.”

The other grinned and tugged a little harder this time, walking fast to the middle of the field where he stopped suddenly and raised Logan’s arm up to lead him into an impromptu twirl. Logan laughed quietly and then louder as he was dipped, secure in Remus’ strong hold as he reached up to grip the back of his neck. He was safe. He was free and safe and happy finally with someone who truly loved and cared for him. His breath caught in his throat again but this time in awe, Remus chuckling as he was laid down carefully tucked into his side, till with his arms around his neck.

The stars shone bright and winked lazily while swirls of color dusted faintly behind them. The moon was waning, a barely there light that let the beauty behind it show fully as the wind whisked away any clouds that dared to try and cover it. It was everything Logan had ever hoped it would be and more, excitement thrumming through him as he squeezed Remus tightly in an attempt to convey it. He felt Remus grin against his scalp where his face was buried in his hair.

“It’s beautiful isn't it?”

Logan looked back at him, light from the stars reflected in his eyes and wild brown hair framing his face. He leaned up slightly and kissed him, a faint brush of their lips that left them both grinning like the idiots they were. Placing a hand on Remus’ cheek Logan smiled at him, thumb brushing over his cheek in adoration.

“Absolutely stunning.”

This work and others are also available on AO3!

It was a couple of days after the incident, most everyone wanting to let things calm down at least a bit before taking the situation to Thomas though they all knew it would have to be done sooner rather than later. Rage had been as secured in his room as he could be, now that Thomas knew about him and had at least put a name to his function there wasn't much he could do to get out of having a physical form, making the boards they had nailed to the outside of his door and the chains they ran and secured through a thick lock adequate protection for everyone else's security. Unless he figured out a way to force the door down through brute strength alone, which Janus was very doubtful he'd be able to do, they would be safe for now; a thought which put most of their minds at ease though Logan was understandably still a bit shaken and had taken to hanging out in Remus’ room more often than not, the sight of the hefty morning star and various other weapons throughout the room putting his mind at ease that he wouldn't be so easily taken a second time. Yes, he had told the others, he was there for his own peace of mind and no other reason. 

Though if he was leaning more heavily on Remus from his place on the couch, the Duke having an arm thrown over the back of the couch to just barely brush the back of his shoulder, no one said anything. Janus merely rolled his eyes at the display before turning his attention back to Thomas. "Though it certainly isn't the most elegant solution, it will work for now, giving us the time to talk you through things and prepare you as much as possible before you meet him and actively try to work things out with him."

 "I just don't-" Thomas dragged a hand over his face and gestured to Logan. "He was locked in a cage! And told he was useless! i don't think that I- Logan I don't think like that."

 Logan smiled thinly at Thomas and sat up a bit straighter. "I know Thomas. What was said and done wasn't the result of some underlying goal that you secretly wanted to have happen. It just so happens that Logic is a fairly versatile tool when used to overcome certain negativities in your mind, so I was the first to be targeted as a result."

 "But I-"

 "Thomas." Logan cut off patiently. "I assure you- I am shaken but unharmed. Best to discuss what we can do moving forward rather than what we could have done. I don't hold it against you, so don't hold it against yourself."

 Thomas ran a hand through his hair slowly, looking as if he still wanted to argue but didn't want to risk upsetting Logan by bringing it up further. Deciding to concede for now he turned to Janus who was waiting patiently for the conversation to move to something more productive. "Okay. I...okay. Janus?"

 "Yes, Thomas?"

 "What do we do now? How can I- I'm not...Janus am I secretly a violent person?"

 Janus' eyes blew wide. "Thomas what- no. Why is it that everytime you learn you have a less than favorable trait- actually we’ll table that for another time. Considering just how often it is that you attempt to maul anyone who so much as looks at you funny speaks for itself I should think."

 "So why is Rage so violent then? And why do I even have a side dedicated to anger? It doesn't seem like that would be something that would ever help me."

 "Rage is..." Janus screwed his mouth to one side trying to think of how to explain it without causing more trouble. "He's not violent...usually. In that he isn't going to always take every opportunity to attack someone or influence others into shouting matches they wouldn't otherwise get in. Anger, as an emotion in and of itself, is a response to something you find unfair or unjust. Whether the belief is founded or not, anger is a part of you that rises up when you feel you have been unfairly treated, or something or someone you care for has been unfairly treated."

 "It's like fear," Virgil piped up with a quick glance to Janus. "It's a part of you that responds to your surroundings and makes you aware of how they're affecting you. Anger is a part of you that cares for you and wants you to see the possibility that things could stand to be better for you or those around you."

 "Exactly, thank you Virgil." Janus smiled at the anxious side who only nodded and went back to fiddling with his hoodie strings. "It's usually not something that's an inherently bad thing to have unless you frequently find yourself blowing up at even the smallest inconvenience. Like most things it's good in moderation."

 "So then why is Rage such a..."

 "Raging dick?" Remus helpfully supplied.

 "Language.' Patton chided quietly. 

 "Oh stick it up yours, Morality."

 "Remus." Janus warned, effectively shutting up the intrusive side. "But yes, your anger, Rage, acts the way he does for much the same reasons that Remus acts the way he does. He's been suppressed."

 "But I didn't know I was suppressing him!"

 "Just like you didn't know you were suppressing Remus. Rage works the same way. He gets pent up and bored and then frustrated that he isn't being acknowledged. Which again, he wasn't acknowledged for the same reasons as Remus. You didn't want to see him, so I hid him away. Anger isn't a bad thing in moderation, but to deny you have it at all is almost as detrimental as letting it out too much."

 "It's my fault again, kiddo. Part of being a good person, in my mind, is having patience and understanding." Patton hung his head. "I thought that meant it would be better if you just didn't react then...when things made you mad."

 "Everyone loves a martyr Patton truly." Patton's head snapped up, hurt flashing across his face.

 "That is to say, it isn't solely your fault." Janus quickly amended. "I also had a part in it, as did Virgil and even Logan to an extent. Now isn't the time to see who can carry the most blame, we're trying to get Thomas to understand what went wrong and how we can fix it."

 "But how can we fix it? I know I get angry; I was angry about the wedding, I get frustrated when I don't meet my deadlines or something happens that prevents me from doing the things I want. I even swear at traffic jams. What more am I supposed to do?" Thomas looked from Patton to Janus and back and then desperately at everyone else when no one spoke up. He just wasn't an angry person, there were always going to be obstacles preventing him from doing things or some unfair policy that made it more difficult for his friends to do something which was always upsetting. How much more angry did he have to be to satisfy a side he had never met?

 "I think," Roman spoke up. "that just letting yourself feel the full extent of it more often would help. Acknowledge it and actively work to fix whatever it is that's making you frustrated would probably be a good start. You're a very passive person Thomas and while in theory that's a very good thing to be, well..."

 He gestured to Remus. "No offence but it doesn't always have the best result. You just let things sit and fester, believing that any slip up is a moral failure on your part, and it makes you miserable- whether subconsciously or not. I love you Thomas, and will always fight for you, but there are some battles you have to lose to come out the other side."

 "We're not saying you have to start kicking puppies and beating kids." Remus ignored Patton's pained gasp and held Thomas' gaze. "Just like- get a punching pillow or something. Or walk away and scream. All you do is push everything down when you get too full. But eventually you're going to have to take the trash out, and I think you'd rather deal with three day old stinking onion cuts than maggot filled meat."

 "I- okay yeah I get it. Thank you Remus." Shaking the image from his head, Thomas nodded and looked back to Janus. "Do you think starting to do that would calm him down enough that he'd eventually listen if we summoned him up?"

 "Hard to say. I don't think it should happen for a while yet anyway; letting him tire himself out before we start trying to work with him might be the best course of action. I had definitely realized just how physical he was willing to be to get the acknowledgement. Absolutely no tact but really he comes from you so I don't know what I was expecting." Janus winked letting Thomas know he was only kidding, making their manifestor roll his eyes and sigh deeply. 

 "So all we can do is wait and see then?"

 "Essentially yes. We'll keep watch over his room to make sure he doesn't come after one of us again and when the time comes to call him up we'll have to make sure proper precautions are taken so we're all safe when doing so, but there isn't any harm that I can see in letting him throw himself against the walls for a bit. Rather amusing to see him get so riled up after lurking in your subconscious for years, only coming out occasionally to nudge one of us into conflict like a child tugging the tail of a dog." Janus smiled at Thomas. "For as violent and scary as he is, at his core he only wants to protect and fight for you, even if his methods can be immature at the best of times. You are and always will be in charge when it comes to us. Once you understand that he has as much influence over you as you let him he’ll be much easier to communicate with, and we all trust you that you will never let it go too far."

 They all nodded in agreement as Patton spoke up. "You are a good person Thomas. Having anger and intrusive thoughts or telling lies- those are things everyone deals with. It's how you choose to let them influence you that makes the difference. As long as you realise when you've let things go too far and work to fix where you've gone wrong, well- that’s all anyone can ask for."

 "Thank you, Patton." Thomas smiled as the fatherly aspect squeezed his knee affectionately and stood, stretching before placing his hands on his hips.

 "Welp," He glanced around. "It's getting pretty late, and we have work to do tomorrow so I think we'd all benefit from a good night's rest."

 "Agreed. We can better address this in the morning when we can put together-" Logan shuffled through a few notecards. "...a game plan. As much as I would love to have this resolved sooner rather than later we have other responsibilities that need our attention."

 "Just remember what we discussed here moving forward," Janus suggested as he stood and snapped away the chair. "and we'll have a much easier time handling Rage when the time comes to do so."

 "I will. Just- be careful. I don't want anyone hurt because I can't seem to handle negativity."

 "We're imaginary Thomas, it's almost impossible for us to actually be hurt." So saying Roman sunk out, quickly followed by Patton after giving Thomas one last reassuring smile.  

 "You got this." Virgil gave a two fingered salute before sinking out himself, making him smile as he watched Logan nod and sink out with Remus. 

 "Thank you again, Janus." Thomas turned to the only side left in the room.

 "As much as I'd love to take all the credit, I'm hardly deserving of thanks. I'm just one side, guiding you through your constant moral dilemmas as you question yourself as a person; truly not as big a deal as it seems." Janus sniffed as he tugged at his glove, smirking as Thomas waved him off playfully.

 "Alright, alright. Get out before I decide to bring something else up I've been suppressing since childhood."

 "If only you knew." Janus mumbled as he sunk out, coming up in the hall where all of their doors were located and looking to the one at the end covered in boards and chains. Seeing nothing amiss he turned on his heel and made his way to his own room across the hall, content in his belief that everything, for now at least, was fine.

 -----

The hallway had been suspiciously quiet for a while now- a week to be precise. Janus tested the chains occasionally, careful not to make any noise so the room's occupant wouldn't be suspicious of anything going on outside their confinement. Through all his caution and constant checking and even Remus and Virgil's fussing over what might need to be added to keep the door more secure the room stayed stubbornly silent. It wasn't a bad thing per se, it might mean that maybe Rage was calming a bit since Thomas actually had been taking the time to acknowledge and let out his feelings however and whenever he could, usually through a good vent to one of them or a close friend.

 Later, much too late for him to do anything about it, Janus would realize that's where he went wrong. They had all become complacent, assured in their safety with Thomas taking the proper steps on his part and the heavy chains on the door putting all of their minds at ease that for now, everything was okay. Even Virgil began to feel as if things were relatively safe, only occasionally venturing far enough down the hall to make sure things truly were. None of them stuck around long enough to hear the careful scratching on the other side of the door, evidence of which was hidden by the thick boards nailed over it, large gouges and holes gradually growing bigger to weaken the door as much as possible without anyone being any the wiser from the other side. Janus kicked himself for not expecting it, so used to Rage being brash and heavy handed in everything he did that he didn't expect him to do much more than relentlessly throw himself against the door until he was forced to simply sit and wait his sentence out.

 So when Logan felt brave enough to check the door himself- read that as when Remus let Logan out of his sight long enough for him to check the door himself- Janus should have been expecting the sound of splintering wood and chains being whipped against the wall. He should have expected the short lived shriek followed by the dull thumping sound of a body hitting a wall or floor. He should have expected it so he could react better- faster. But as it was by the time he had burst from his room, staff fully extended and hat flying off behind him as he ran to the scene, Logan was already in the air, legs kicking as hard as he could against the side that held him by the neck, fingers digging into the soft flesh where bruises were already forming from the harsh treatment.

 "Remus!" Janus' scream threw the other dark side off for just a second, but it was enough for him to slam into him heavily, catching Logan's waist with the crook of his staff and using the momentum to swing him into Remus as he pinned Rage to the ground. He was only just able to confirm that Remus had caught their logical side and was carrying him away before he was violently bucked off the one he had pinned, getting a fist slammed into the side of his head as he was tossed aside like a ragdoll. He rolled to his feet despite the black spots dancing in his vision before they engulfed his vision completely, causing mild panic before he heard Virgil's echoing voice booming through the darkness.

 "Get him up, Remus, make sure Thomas is blocking him!" Janus braced himself as a wave of pure, unfiltered fear crashed over him, gritting his teeth against the screaming darkness and hanging onto his staff for dear life as it passed him over him in favor of its actual target.

 "Janus?" He felt Virgil's shaking hand brush his arm and he immediately grabbed it in his, squeezing gently to let the anxious side know he was there. "Go up with them, I can handle him."

 "Like hell." Janus growled and pulled him a bit closer, eyes finally adjusting as he brought his staff to rest in front of them both. He saw Virgil's eyes flash brightly but he held his gaze firmly until the other huffed and faced forward.

 "Fine, but I'm only saving your ass once." They watched as Rage stumbled to his feet, cracks appearing in the floor underneath him and flaring a warning in bright orange. Shadows still licked at the edges but fizzled out as they got too close, making Virgil growl in annoyance beside him. Janus stepped forward as the cracks grew bigger, scales glowing bright yellow through the darkness themselves, determined to protect his family- Rage included- for as long as he could.

 -----

 "Hey Lolo." Logan winced as he cracked his eyes open, mouth parting to speak but all that escaped was a thin whine as his throat flared with pain. "No no no, don't try to talk! Here, this will help."

 Something soft and featherlight was placed across his neck and then a light, cold pressure was applied, instantly making him close his eyes and sigh with relief. The pain mostly calm he now noticed he was laying on a rather lumpy surface- most likely the couch- and that his head was being cradled on something warm and squishy. Opening his eyes once more he was able to focus on the fact that Remus' head was directly above his own and quite close, which meant he was being held in his lap, on Thomas' couch, with Remus looking at him with eyes so full of concern it made him want to cry if he wasn't certain that would make his throat swell.

 "We'll do this and then see if you can swallow some tylenol to get the swelling and pain down and then- Logan? Am I hurting you? Are you uncomfortable? Do you want me to call someone else up to-"

 Logan reached up quickly, wincing slightly with the movement but managing to lay a careful hand on Remus' cheek. He really wasn't able to speak but he was hoping his thanks was conveyed through eye contact as he smiled gently at the other. Remus gave him a small yet loving smile as he brought his other hand to Logan's and turned his head, kissing the palm lightly. "Fucking asshole. You're so smart but you pick the dumbest times to be out of sight."

 Logan huffed through his nose and flicked the Duke's playfully, getting a quiet laugh in response as he lifted the ice pack and readjusted it so it covered more of the bruising. "Thought I was gonna come out and you'd be stuffed in a cage again and beaten this time or strung up and hogtied or-"

 Logan tapped his cheek sharply to stop the spiral. He was far too hot despite the ice pack and he knew he was smiling quite stupidly up at the other side even though tears were streaming down his face and he wished more than anything he could just speak-

 "I love you so much, Logan. As soon as you heal I'm kicking your ass for scaring all of us." Remus swept his hair out of his eyes before resting his hand on his cheek. "We'll take care of it though, and we'll take care of you and everything will be fine."

 Logan made to reach up again, a question in his eyes but Remus beat him to it. "And before you ask: Virgil and Janus have done this...too many times; believe me when I say they're fine. Thomas, Roman and Patton are right in the kitchen. Everything's fine, just rest for now."

 Dropping his hand to the one on his cheek, Logan would take a ridiculous amount of time to admit he snuggled in further on the Duke's lap, content for now that everything was fine.

This work is also available on AO3!

“Roman I- this is it.” Logan held up the syringe full of liquid, the smooth glass reflecting the full moon’s light shining through the window. The room was dim save for that; dim lighting didn’t make for accurate scientific endeavors  but Roman hated the bright lights, especially when he- well, he cared more for his friends comfort than any rules he learned getting his degree. He supposed it was odd, going from working in a small research lab to making one of his own out in the middle of nowhere. An unassuming cabin with just enough homey touchy to assure no one would break in on the assumption it was abandoned. Enough furniture had been moved to it that it was a comfortable weekend stay to any who may wish it, fireplace stacked with wood and no perishables shoved into the cabinets for overnight stays. It was comfortable but he and Roman usually only came here once a month. Two days out of the month this was their home, though they usually stayed in the basement.

The basement that was also well stocked but with very different supplies. First aid kits lay on practically every surface with more advanced surgical supplies within easy reach anywhere you happened to stand in the room. Sterilized countertops were a;ways optimized to have something laid on them for examination and two big industrial sinks were set on either side of the room considering  how messy the work often was down here. A dolly and cart sat nearby the steps to get any supplies Logan needed from upstairs to down in the basement and ample shelving space provided room for it all. The biggest installment however, was a rather large, iron and silver coated cage; Logan didn’t know if those metals really helped anything but when it came to this he wasn;t sure if “overprepared” was ever a word he’d use.

Roman sat cross legged in the middle, hair tousled messily from running his fingers through it all night from stress. His too large hospital gown pooled around and left him looking small and vulnerable, which was a far cry from his normally boisterous and extraverted self. He was only twenty-five but the lines on his face spoke a different story, wrinkles pulled far too many times from stress and pain and regret, bags sagging under heavy eyelids as he struggled to even look Logan in the eye. Par for the course when they were down here together, neither of them ever quite ready to address what they knew was coming whether they ever wanted it too or not.

Logan gripped the vile tightly, the needle covered for now as soft music played in the background. Everything was tuned to Roman as much as Logan could possibly make it. Soft disney instrumentals played to fill the tense air, lights turned dim so the brightness never hurt his eyes, hospital gown made by him and Logan themselves using softer but cheap materials so it was comfortable but didn't cost too much to fix or replace when it was torn to shreds. The clock was put in plain view for Roman to see since he often got time based anxiety when he was down here, which Logan could hardly blame him for. They had tried lining the cage comfortably with pillows and carpet and blankets a couple years back but it hadn’t gone over as well as they had hoped so they had  spent a couple days extra at the cabin cleaning up the unexpected mess before agreeing that unfortunately, a bare cage worked best for their purpose. 

“Logan.” Roman twisted his fingers together and looked up at him finally, face tight and eyes wide as they caught the time and the angle of the  moon. “Can you...not the whole time obviously but...can I maybe hold your hand?”

Logan had always prided himself on keeping his emotions in check even through the most painful situations. Scientific research often had you making tough calls and difficult decisions that needed to be made fast with any guilt pushed to the background as you carried out what needed to be done. But hearing Roamn ask for such a simple thing, voice hesitant and quiet, his heart nearly cracked at the mere thought of denying him though they both knew how dangerous it had the potential to be.

“Roman, of course.” Immediately he was on his knees, vial stored safely in his pocket and reaching out with his now free hands to clutch at Roman’s desperately, squeezing every ounce of reassurance he had into the gesture as he smiled thinly. His chest grew tight at the realization that this really was all he could do, hold onto Roman pale, shaking hands through a cage while they both sat on the floor and waited. Both of them let the simple ambiance of soft violins wash over them as the minutes ticked away, their hearts beating rapidly through their hands.

“I said- I said goodbye today. Just in texts I- normal send off from talking about nothing. They don’t know that I might...I didn’t make it obvious.” Roman hung his head. “We don’t know if this one will be the cure right?”

Logan swallowed thickly, not daring to look up. “No, we don’t”

“If it doesn’t work...I don’t want to leave.”

“I know.” The last one hadn’t worked, and Logan was determined for this to be the most comfortable setting he could muster. He wouldn’t break, not yet, not while Roman still needed him. Over the past month he had hid his expenses from his friend, setting things up he knew Roman would enjoy. He could tell Roman had an idea it was his “just in case” plans and played along accordingly. Logan didn’t have the heart- no, the courage to tell him he had known it was the end a month ago. The last “cure” he had tried had failed to reverse anything like it was supposed to. Years of research carefully poured into a mix of perfect chemistry failing miserably and settling its weight on his heavy shoulders every time he had taken Roman to that restaurant he liked, or the park where they had first met, or the hill they had first danced on. All of the memories  that brought joy and laughter to Roman’s face spoiled in Logan’s eyes every time the thought that he had failed him entered his mind. 

He had successfully kept Roman in the dark however, knowing how hard Roman would take it. They had discussed this before, Roman knew on some level that this was coming, it was Logan’s job to tell him when. But...Roman had said his goodbyes. He had lived as best he could, he trusted Logan to know what was best. Even if Logan felt as if he was simply taking an old dog through the motions one last time, the thought made even worse with the fact that he had stolen enough euthanizer from a vets office to serve his purpose. But Roman was relatively happy, he was still hopeful, he still clung to Logan like a lifeline; so Logan couldn’t tell him there was no cure left. There was nothing at all but a syringe full of death that Logan would use when Roman had turned because it was easier to see the pain of a beast's eyes rather than the pain of the person he loved most.

He fell backwards suddenly as Roman shoved him away, face already twisted as his limbs began twitching. Logan forced himself not to look away- this was his punishment. He had to watch every second of this to burn it into his memory as petinance for what he had done, what he was going to do. He hoped it tortured his mind every second until he died and continued to do so while he burned in hell. He hoped Roman hated him for it, resented him and told him so in his dreams if he ever managed to sleep again. He watched wide-eyed and stiff as Roman curled into himself, a pained whine escaping through his mouth as his back spasmed and split, instantly soaking the gown he wore with thick, dark blood and splattering on the bottom of the cage. Twisting limbs slid on the slippery surface as joints popped and bones cracked under the force of his transformation, becoming longer and bent to accommodate for the hulking form finally shredding the gown as it flopped to the floor. His face was the worst, mouth open in a shrill scream that echoed in the soundproof basement as rows and rows of teeth shattered the pre existing ones and the jaw jutted forward to accommodate them all. Acid spilled from it, making the swelling tongue writhe in pain and temporarily cut off the scream, replacing it with a dull gurgling that had haunted Logan’s worst nightmares for years. His hair fell in clumps as his ears tore from their usual place to reposition themselves, becoming pointed and alert before folding back as his body shifted one final time to adjust itself to the beast it had become.

Roman’s new forn barely fit in the cage, twitching muscle pressed painfully into the bars as the skin worked desperately to knit itself back together, sticking to the bars in its haste and being torn away as he attempted to turn in the small space. Growling low the beast swiveled its massive head to look directly at Logan, as if he knew exactly what was going to happen as Logan slowly stood and wiped the annoying rivulets of water that ran down his face. He wasn’t crying, he needed to hold it together for Roman. Roman needed him right now, more than he ever had in the years after Logan had found out about this, in the years he had studied to be able to help him, in the months leading up to the final try. Roman needed him and Logan would be damned if he wasn’t there for him as he needed him to be.

Taking shaking steps forward he fumbled in his pocket for a second before grabbing the syringe and bringing it out. The beast looked warily at the needle as it was exposed, the glint from the moon flashing briefly in his eyes. Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, his features softening as he saw the worry in his friend’s face. He took a steadying breath as he reached the cage, bringing his hand up slowly, both of their eyes locked onto Logan’s hand as he positioned it correctly on the plunger. With a quick movement the liquid disappeared from the glass, the caged beast jerking away as far as he could but only succeeding in distancing himself an inch or two. The empty syringe dropped to the floor at the same time Logan’s knees hit it with a resounding crack.

Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, his features softening as he saw the worry in his friend’s face. He brought his hand up to lay on the bars of the cage, trying his best to smile in reassurance. Roman's eyes flashed once before they began to dull, muscles finally untensing as he slumped to the floor slowly. Watching as he closed  his eyes Logan reached in carefully to take his deformed hand  in his own, squeezing it gently despite the burrs that dug into his skin. He held it long after blood began to run from his much softer flesh, long after it grew cold in his palm and the blood dried and the fingers relaxed, long after the sun came up and went down again and enough time passed for whatever it was that plagued Roman’s body to leave once more leaving only a small, scarred form behind. A form that was far too cold and stiff to be Roman’s but one that Logan forced himself to accept that it was. His back hurt and his legs were numb while his stomach growled and his dry throat spasmed in unspoken sobs but he refused to move. 

Moving meant he had control of his actions. And that meant he had had the choice of doing what he had done. He could have tried and convinced Roman to bear through the pain just a few months longer while he tried to find something else. But he hadn’t.

Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, his expression set in death to haunt Logan with its misplaced hope and fear and trust. He hoped Roman had finally found peace even as he prayed he himself never would. The lights buzzed faintly as Logan looked at their hands still intertwined together as comfort for him or Roman he couldn’t remember.

This work is also available on AO3!

Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, and let go.

Puttering around the kitchen while he waited for the tea to boil he caught sight of the time on the oven’s clock. Four pm already? Where had the day gone? He glanced back to the couch and frowned, worrying at his bottom lip. More importantly, where had Janus’ day gone? He should definitely be up by now and usually at around this time he was the one starting dinner; unless Remus had tied him to the furniture again there shouldn’t be any reason for him to not be up and moving around. Especially since none of them had had to do any particularly strenuous work lately that he knew of. Snapping his head around with the kettle’s whistle he quickly took it off the heat and poured the boiling water into the prepared mugs, still mulling over the possibilities of why Janus was laying on the couch. Taking both mugs in hand he hesitated in the doorway, fidgeting from foot to foot and trying his hardest to come up with a reason why Janus should simply be left alone. 

There were too many variables to think of, too many things that his brain was telling him might be wrong but none of which could be confirmed until he actually went over and checked. He knew this, he definitely did but at the same time- what if Janus was just ignoring him hoping he’d go away so he wouldn’t have to talk to him? That had never been the case before but who’s to say it wasn’t now? Maybe he had pulled an all nighter and was just now geting rest and Virgil was going to selfishly ruin it because he was concerned about dinner- that wasn’t all he was concerned about but Jnaus wasn’t a mind reader and he’d probably assume that that’s what Virgil wanted because Anxiety was incompetent and stupid and couldn’t do anything for himself. 

That last thought definitely wasn’t true and he knew it. Janus loved him and even if he could be a bit of a dick at the best of times he still cared a great deal for Virgil and he knew that. He doubted Janus would actually care and would probably think the embodiment of anxiety worrying over him would be sweet...as annoying as that was. All he needed to do was go over, shake him awake and ask if he was alright. Then he could go back to sleep or get up and Virgil would help make dinner and try to flush Remus out of whatever hell portal he had sequestered himself into that particular day. They’d all have a late start to their day and maybe watch movies or something and it would be fine just like it always was: the three of them- four on rare occasions- hanging out like nothing had ever been different and he’d be able to laugh off his panic in the morning before he found something different to worry about. All he had to do was step forward, one step and everything would be set in motion and he’d see that this day was fine and nothing at all to fret over.

Blowing out his cheeks he gripped the handles tightly and stepped forward, the steps getting easier and easier to take the further he went. He didn’t even glance at Janus at first, simply placing the mugs down on the coffee table coasters because “We aren’t heathens, Virgil.” and listening for the sounds of his soft snoring that he was all too familiar with from curling himself up next to the deceitful side on night’s he couldn’t sleep and nothing else he did helped except cuddle as close as possible to someone else to feel safe. Most of the time it didn’t work and he’d leave in the early hours but there were a few occasions when he’d wake up gripped tightly around the middle with the other breathing against the back of his neck. He liked those nights the best, he slept well for weeks afterwards. 

His heart sped up however when the sound of snoring never reached his ears but rather quiet, rasping gasps that sounded like it was almost painful to draw breath in. Leaning over and down quickly he placed a shaking hand on the oblivious sides’ forehead only to quickly retract it with a worried hiss. Janus was far, far too warm for his liking and when he looked closer he could see beads of sweat running down his cheeks as his lips parted to breath those shuddering, rasping breaths. It wasn’t often any of them got sick and when they did it was usually nothing more than a small head cold that was gone within a couple of days- provided they were resting properly. One look over Deceit had Virgil guessing this had been coming on for at least a week but it had gotten ignored in favor of working and then overworking, which again, the hypocrite was constantly chiding Virgil and Remus both for. Always remember to take your breaks, he said; a ten minute break was better than a ten week one.

“Of course you can’t even listen to your own advice, you idiot.” Virgil growled under his breath, running quick fingers through his hair as he looked around for what he could do. He knew how to take care of someone who was sick with a mild cold or odd bout of nausea, but it was something else entirely when the person in front of you was practically comatose while he burned alive on your couch. Burning! The way to treat fevers was to cool the person down first- so his first step should be stripping Janus of his gross, sweat stained clothes and into something that breathed better and maybe getting a damp cloth for his forehead. Nodding to himself he sunk into Janus’ room quickly to find what he’d need.

“Remus!” Pulling open the drawer he knew pajamas to be he quickly got out thin cotton pants and a shirt hoping that they would be more comfortable than the everyday layers that the other had fallen asleep in. Foregoing gloves and deciding Janus would just have to deal with it he left the room and made his way to the bathroom to get the damp cloth. “Remus are you here?”

He didn’t want to shout loud in case he woke Janus but he doubted Remus would answer anyway. The last they had seen him had been a couple of days ago when he informed them he was working on a new project deep in one of the forests so realistically he couldn’t expect him to be within yelling distance. It just figured that now that he was mostly alone with no one to ask for help caring for a sick side outside of said side Remus decided to fuck off into the woods somewhere. Huffing in frustration he wet the cloth and slammed the faucet off before sinking back down to the common room, holding the clothes out and changing Janus with a snap of his fingers and gently placing the washcloth across his forehead. Janus winced slightly but made no other indication he minded the change, relaxing after a few seconds but looking no better for the time being. Wringing his hands Virgil paced around, unsure what to do and not knowing who to ask. Remus wasn’t here and- well best not to approach him unless it was absolutely necessary, not that Virgil would know where to look anyway. And then there were the main three on the other side of the mindscape- but they would be almost impossible to reach as he and Janus were. Defeated for the moment he plopped down to watch Janus, forgotten tea cold and unwelcoming as the room grew darker with the setting sun.

-----

The next morning was worse.

Virgil didn’t know when Janus had last eaten anything but he knew vomit shouldn’t look that dark for someone who was barely gagging anything up. His eyes were unfocused and Virgil had to practically carry the side to the sink to rinse his mouth. No amount of prompting seemed to get through to him however and Virgil ended up having to cup water in his own hand and hold it to his mouth to try and get him to rinse and them drink something but most of it just dribbled down his chin as he weakly clutched to his hoodie and panted for breath he couldn’t seem to catch. Frightened, Virgil sunk them back downstairs and laid him onto the couch, where he fell into a heavy sleep once again as soon as his head hit the pillow. The cloth wasn’t helping and no amount of googling gave him any answers as to what he should do. When regular people got sick like this it often made sense. There were symptoms that matched with certain diseases or viruses and you got treated for whatever one you had. Sides however, got sick differently. Stress could turn a cold into something that resembled death. Creative block could manifest into a coma. Anxiety could have someone thin as a rail from lack of appetite and dehydration. With careful monitoring and proper care one could avoid the extremes, but sometimes there was nothing you could do and you just had to ride it out and hope you made it to the other side.

This was different though, He was alone and had no idea if this was from stress or exhaustion or fear. He didn’t know if Janus had ignored it for so long it had decided to hit him full force to teach him a lesson. All he knew was that it was bad and he needed help but he didn’t have any so it was only going to get worse which could end one of two ways: he watched as Janus pulled through or he watched as he continued to get worse until he reached a point he can’t return from.

Tears pricked his eyes at the thought. They didn’t always get along, but to lose him entirely- he glanced out the window and subconsciously pulled his jacket tighter around himself. He was going to have to go to the others and hope that maybe they could help if he wasn’t immediately turned away. Listening to Janus rasp painfully in the otherwise silent room, he really didn’t have any other option.

Mind made up he stood and snapped his fingers, instantly bundling them both up tight and warm, wincing in sympathy as Janus’ face contorted with discomfort. “I know, but it’s a lot better than the alternative. Let me try and get you attached here-”

The alternative being freezing  to death in the constant blizzard that separated them from the other sides. Princey was petty but so was Remus so they had both decided the best idea was to make sure neither of them could enter the others’ domain without permission or extreme difficulty. They had made a simple snowfield at first, but everytime a bit of tension rose it turned into a snowstorm so thick you had only your instinct to go by if you wanted to walk in the right direction. Freezing temperatures and biting winds and a frozen lake that was hopefully snowed over so they didn’t slip went on for a mile or so between the two spaces, which really wasn’t a lot but added with the other variables it made for an extremely dangerous journey that Virgil was loathe to bring Janus into but he couldn’t see any alternative with how things were currently going. 

Cursing Remus and the sids across the mindscape one last time he got Janus’ arms secured around  his neck, hoping to everything Thomas his last bout of vomiting actually would be his last- at least until Princey was in their sights. Tucking his hands underneath his thighs he took a deep breath and stood, nearly bursting into tears on the spot as he realized just how light Janus was. 

“It’s fine, you’re fine. We'll get you there and it’ll be fine.” Repeating the mantra desperately he hurried to the door and managed to jimmy it open without jostling his cargo, shutting it behind him with his foot and looking out across the field.

He could see the other house from their porch but he knew as soon as he stepped beyond their “line” it would immediately be obscured by the snow. Settling Deceit one last time and making sure he was facing towards the house he began to walk towards the line, becoming more and more grateful he had bundled them the way he did as the temperature lowered the closer they got to it. Taking one last deep breath right before the barrier he stepped forward with determination.

And almost immediately got blown back with the wall of wind that slammed against him, filling his eyes with stinging snow and covering them both with a thin layer of ice in a matter of seconds. Virgil swore as he hugged Janus closer to himself and walked further into the field, having to fight his way through snow that piled up to his knees in the deepest parts. He only just barely understood why the others didn’t like them in the first place but going so far as to make it this difficult to get to them was a bit much in his opinion. As far as he knew they had only had a few major fights about certain decisions Thomas had made throughout their lives- he had always been kept more in the background of things and with how chaotic things could get he wasn’t about to complain- things had always been resolved one way or another though so this level of “protection” was hardly warranted. Leave it to them to take such extreme measures to keep out opinions that didn’t line up exactly with their own.

The wind howled as snow continued to fall around them and for as hard as he was trying to get through the storm he felt like he had barely made any progress. The only indicator that he was moving at all was the burn in his thighs and hips from having to bring his knees practically up to his chest every time he took a step to prevent his feet from getting stuck in the snow. It was freezing and he could feel the snow beginning to soak into his clothes making them stick to his sweat soaked skin even more than they already were. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear- hell he could just barely feel the weight of Janus on his back as his strength began to fade and nothing but sheer force of will kept him moving, his mind numbing along with the rest of his body. He had always had a terrible sense of time and in hindsight he really should have brought his phone or put a watch on to keep track of it, feeling as if he had already been walking for hours and not being able to see the house through the blizzard to keep track of his progress. They were just stuck in a field of white snow and white noise and cold, and a harsh wind that pushed him back two steps for every one he took. 

Despite the seeming hopelessness of the situation Virgil simply grit his teeth and pushed on. There was no turning back now, he honestly didn’t think he could find his way home if he did. Janus needed help that he couldn’t provide and he’d be damned if he had dragged them both into this mess for nothing. He concentrated hard on making sure the deceitful side was still held securely in his arms and that his numb legs were in fact still pushing them forward, he had stopped feeling the burn in his legs from pushing through the snow a while ago and had nothing else to go on but the sight of his boots breaking the bank every now and again. Just keep moving, first one foot and then the other, try to breathe evenly despite the burn in his chest preventing him from taking deep breaths-

He gasped as his foot sunk deeper than normal and the snow came up to just below his pelvis. Trying to backtrack just made him overbalance however and with a shout he twisted just in time to take the brunt of the fall on his side as they sunk into the snow, losing his grip on Janus as his arm twisted painfully underneath him and snow found its way under his scarf down his neck. He lay there for a few seconds breathing hard and shivering, feeling himself on the verge of tears as he began to crash and felt suddenly exhausted, wondering just how long he could get away with just staying down and maybe closing his eyes for a few seconds. He needed rest and the snow wasn’t that cold when he really thought about it- it was soft enough to be at least a little bit comfortable and at this point he’d take what he could get. His vision began to darken so he shut his eyes and breathed, feeling himself drift as he finally stopped shivering and began to warm up after so long of being achingly cold. Everything would be fine after he slept; sleep always fixed everything.

He snapped up in a panic as a coughing fit that wasn’t his own brought him out of his thoughts. Swearing loudly he crawled with some difficulty over to where Janus was currently attempting to hack out a lung, curled into himself and wheezing painfully. Virgil brushed as much snow off of him as he could with stiff fingers he could barely move and searched around desperately for any sign they were close to their destination. If he squinted to his left he could just barely make out a large looming shadow maybe a few yards away though the blizzard tried desperately to obscure it from  his view. That had to be it! Only a few more yards and he could know on the door and hope to everything Thomas they would let at least Janus in to recover; he didn’t think he’d be able to carry him all the way back if they refused. Getting up on shaking legs he realized he wouldn’t be able to carry him even this short distance either, fingers refusing to cooperate as he clumsily tried to get the other back onto his back. Biting back even more curses he managed to swing Janus’ arm across his shoulders and get a grip around his waist to hoist him up that way, taking a limping sideways step towards the house while dragging the deadweight along with him. His limbs were weak and numb and he felt like he could collapse again at any moment but he had to get Janus to safety- to someplace warm where someone would hopefully know how to take care of him. Just a few more feet, Virgil could do that.

Janus’ boots thumped loudly against the side of the steps as Virgil slammed his way up the porch clutching him as tightly as he was able. He didn’t dare take either of his hands away for fear of dropping him, instead opting to kick the bottom of the door as hard as he could with stiff, uncoordinated jerks while trying his best to keep his eyes from shutting. He blinked as the door swung open and a sword was suddenly in his face, eyes roaming upwards until he caught sight of Princey's confused expression.

“I didn’t know where else to go.” He croaked weakly, stumbling forward as darkness claimed him at last.

-----

“Not on his arms Patton.”

“But that’s where he’s cold!”

“And that will cause the cold blood to circulate which can lead to cardiac arrest or shock. Put them on his chest and under his neck and then cover him with blankets. His limbs need to come to room temperature and then warm up on their own.”

Virgil was only vaguely aware of the conversation around him as he tried harder than he had ever done anything in his life to open his eyes or move his limbs in some way. Panic swelled in his chest as everything remained unresponsive, leaving him at the other sides’ mercy for whatever they planned to do to him for invading their side of the mindscape. His thoughts were cut off as something dry and warm was pressed against his chest, instantly relaxing him as he revelled in the new found warmth. He felt as his head was gently lifted and another dry but warm thing was tucked under his neck and then a calming, heavy weight was draped over him, trapping the heat and relaxing his muscles even as he couldn’t stop shivering. Oh, he was shivering. When had that started again? And where was Janus? They had taken him too right?

Still fighting to open his eyes he began to heave himself upwards, uncooperative limbs be damned he needed to know that Janus was safe. A panicked whimper escaped him as he was gently pushed back down, being shushed by whoever it was that had tucked him in; he was guessing it had been Morality.

“Shh honey, you’re okay. Deceit is too. He's on the other couch beside you. Logan said he had a bad cold but it’s nothing we can’t fix with medicine and rest okay? You’re safe I promise but you need to stay here.” Virgil barely registered the second part of what had been said, simply hearing that Janus was alright was enough to ease his worries and had him slipping back into unconsciousness before anything else could be said.

-----

The next time Virgil awoke he was able to move much easier, which he did fairly quickly to bury his face in the blankets to block the sun from melting his eyes. Until he remembered where he was and he threw the blankets off so fast Janus would be proud of him if he was awake to see it. As it was he was snuggled into just as many blankets as Virgil had been, curled on his side and looking so much better than he had been- sporting a happy blep to boot. Smiling softly in relief he reached over to lay a hand on his forehead, sagging further when he felt the skin was cool and dry. He actually would be okay then- Virgil wondered what it was exactly that the others had done to cure him so quickly but he shook away his suspicion of now to glance towards the kitchen where he could hear soft murmurings filtering through to where he was sitting.

“I’m not making an exception! Yes it was an emergency this time but you really want to make it easier for them to come over here? What if they get to Thomas?”

“We would make sure they wouldn’t-”

“That outside is making sure they wouldn’t, Lo! We’re all busy enough without having to make sure a window isn’t smashed with someone running unsupervised trying to do God knows what-”

“Patton, you’re being unreasonable.”

“Roman you aren’t telling me you’d trust you’re brother in here?”

“I...no. I definitely wouldn’t.”

“See Logan? We’’l just set up better communication for them so if something like this happens again we don’t run the risk of them fading but we preserve the safety of Thomas. It’s perfect.”

Virgil stumbled back into the back of the couch, slapping a hand over his mouth as he reeled in shock. Morality was so...cold. But- he had been so nice when he was half dead on the couch, why would he act like that if he didn’t actually care? He shook his head and turned back to Janus; they needed to leave and they needed to do it now- he knew he shouldn’t have trusted them.

He was just uncovering the reptilian side and trying his best not to wake him up as he got into position to carry him when the sound of a throat clearing froze his blood solid. He turned defensively, eyes already starting to glow as he stepped fully in front of Janus when he saw Logic lift his hands in a peaceful gesture, not helping to lower his guard but making him curious as to what the other wanted.

“Pat- Morality and Prince are gone, I told them I needed time to check on you alone.”

Virgil narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Alright.”

Logan gestured to Janus. “He’ll be fine, just make sure he’s well rested and keep him in bed if you can. Things have been...stressful lately; that’s most likely the reason he fell ill in the first place.”

Virgil nodded again, not letting his eyes stray from Logic’s hands for a moment. He knew what the other could do; he had only seen it once but once was always enough if the action was impactful enough. The only thing ensuring Virgil didn’t try anything stupid was the fact that he couldn’t sink out and he wouldn’t get very far through the snow.

Logan softened, lowering his hands slowly. “I know that....well, it actually doesn’t matter. I hope he recovers quickly and completely. The barriers are temporarily lowered. I suggest you sink out with him before Morality notices.”

Heart still hammering in his chest, Virgil scrutinized Logic’s face for any hint of deception, finding none didn’t really make him feel any better though. He wanted out and if the other was willing to let them go he’d take the chance before it was taken away. Laying a careful hand on Janus’ shoulder, he spared the other one last look before mouthing a quick “Thank you.” and sinking back into their side of the mindscape, shoulders sagging in relief that that’s actually where they ended up and he wasn’t set up into a trap. Janus huffed softly and snuggled further into their own couch, which made Virgil smile and run careful fingers through his soft hair in a soothing gesture for both of them. Blepping happily in his sleep the deceitful side leaned into the motion and relaxed completely, looking healthier than he had in a long time.

“You’re lucky you’re cute or I’d tell Remus to set fire to your favorite hat for what you put us through.” His tone was joking but he wondered briefly if anything would be any different moving forward. Logic out of all of them seemed the side one would trust the least but from what he had heard- he shook his head and sighed, reaching up to grab a blanket to cover Janus with. That wasn’t what was important right now and as much as his function screamed at him he didn’t have the energy to worry about it. Nudging Janus over he made himself comfortable on the edge of the couch and sighed heavily, closing his eyes against the onslaught of thoughts that would plague him long into the future.

This work is also available on AO3!

Of course it could all be ruined in an instant. One wrong step and he could certainly plummet to his death. The scaffolding could crack and he’d be impaled on a jagged piece of wood. He could break every bone in his body or be paralyzed for life and be a burden on everyone who knew him and- Remus shook his head impatiently, willing the thoughts away as he turned carefully and began making the rest of the way across the catwalk. Thoughts like that kept him on his toes at least but it was best not to dwell on them too much. He was always careful and he wasn’t about to jinx himself by thinking of everything that could go wrong on the job.

He almost laughed when he felt it: a shift under his feet that meant something could be loose. Of course he would manage to have the most ironic timing in the world. Carefully stepping back he looked closely to see if he could tell what the problem was but he saw nothing. Biting his lip he looked back up at the last couple of feet he had to walk. He should definitely turn around and tell someone to look and fix whatever might be wrong, but he could also save the time and try to figure out himself what it could be if he could just get a better vantage point. It was only a couple of feet, if he stepped wide enough he might be able to avoid whatever problem there was.

Mind made up he stepped forward again more gingerly than he had ever done anything in his life, faintly hearing the lunch bell ringing and the gradual silence that was left from the various machines being turned off and tools being put down. Good, he thought, that way if anything happens no one’s around to get hurt. He screwed his mouth to the side as he quickly dismissed that thought as well, mentally kicking himself for the possible jinx. It was only a couple of feet, just one step and he could hug the wall and lean over to see what the problem was. Honestly with the way the skeleton of the wall was he could probably squeeze himself between the gaps of the unfinished floor and climb down to safety to avoid even having to hop back to the catwalk and go all the way back around. Leaning forward a bit for stability he brought his arms out and quickly lunged for the one, grabbing a hold of two support beams and digging into them so hard his fingernails began to ache. Despite that his new position seemed to be fine, no more shifting under his feet as the tips of his boots found a bit of purchase on the floor's framework by the wall. Grinning through the adrenaline rush he maneuvered himself around until he was facing back towards the room and carefully surveyed the floor. They had laid the framework out in a hurry- ill advised but for the time crunch they were under it had seemed necessary. The consequence for them rushing it though thankfully just seemed to be a missing support plank, making a couple of the beams bow under the catwalk when they were walked on. An easy enough fix and thankfully one that would be relatively quick.

Remus looked down with a grimace. He could climb down...but he had already gotten in trouble once for using scaffolding as a jungle gym even if he was trying to be careful not to be caught. He’d rather not be labeled as a liability not even halfway through the project and since in reality there wasn’t that much wrong with the floor he really didn’t have an excuse not to walk back the way he’d come. Sighing in disappointment he stepped forward and began to make his way back across, the shifting under his feet only making him slightly nervous as he took a bigger step to avoid the worst of it- only to immediately regret it as the entire catwalk shifted to the right as the board he was using slid away from the framework. The catwalk was mostly just a series of shorter boards placed in a sort of grid pattern so you could walk around without there actually having to be a floor. The board he was standing on and currently trying his hardest to rebalance on had shifted under his weight making the edge fall off the board underneath it, meaning it was now hanging onto a beam less than three inches thick by a couple of inches at its end. So not only was then the floor not laid well but the catwalk hadn’t been properly secured either, and if he squinted even closer there wasn’t much of  the floor that was laid completely securely.

Swearing profusely a selfish part of him wished someone else was in this position besides him, maybe they could have figured out a way out of this mess. As it was it was just Remus alone up here, everyone else gone on lunch break and if they noticed he was missing they probably assumed he was either in the bathroom or fucking around somewhere he probably shouldn’t be...such as on the second story unsecured catwalk watching the floor settle and resettle under his weight with sweat dripping down his face. This was supposed to have been a quick job- ten minutes at most of him poking around to find something and now that he had he was risking practically the entire floor collapsing underneath him. He didn’t want to call out for help in case it actually did fall through and trap someone beneath it so it seemed as if it was simply going to be a waiting game in which either he or the floor would come out on top.

And with another shift underneath him it didn’t seem like it was his lucky day.

-----

Patton sang softly along to the song playing through the radio, tapping his fingers along with the beat on the wheel. He didn’t do this often but he really wanted to surprise Remus at work with a lunch. He had packed a little extra for dinner as well hoping he wasn’t too late to give it to him. Remus had said yesterday he’d have to stay a little later than usual to look over some things and do...whatever it was he had said he had to do to play catch up in the huge project the company had undertaken, an apology heavy on his tongue that Patton had preemptively forgiven him for with a peck on the lips and a smile. Though he wasn’t happy how over worked his husband often was, he more blamed the company and commissioners than Remus himself. He worked hard and it showed, and Patton was always proud of him. So, packed lunch and dinner it was with hopefully a quick visit before he had to leave since he was in no way authorized personnel but the people in charge often simply rolled their eyes and waved him through, vaguely threatening him with promised of forced exit if he stayed too long, which Remus never let him do anyway since an active construction zone wasn’t exactly safe.

The sound of sirens in the distance cut off his thoughts as his blood ran cold. Sirens didn’t have to mean anything of course, there were many reasons you’d hear them- but this was practically out in the middle of nowhere, near a construction zone which was again out in the middle of nowhere. Cursing he sped up just a little bit, desperate to get to the site and hopefully disprove what he already knew he’d see. He nearly started crying right then when he turned into the long drive only to see the house surrounded by emergency vehicles and people in uniform bustling from point to point to do whatever it was they had to do. He could see the part of the collapsed house beyond that, what looked like a cave in from the second story that had taken the supporting wall with it, though how something like that had happened Patton couldn’t fathom.

He hadn’t even clicked the engine all the way off when he was out of the car and running to who he knew was in charge, dodging out of the way and trying not to make a nuisance of himself so they didn’t have a reason to kick him off the property. There was no sign of Remus as far as he was looking, not even the sound of his rather loud voice cutting through the worried din of everyone else’s voices which only served to drop his stomach further as he swallowed hard around the nausea. Please God no, he thought. Please please please-

“Where’s Remus?” Patton didn’t think there was a need to bother with formalities in this kind of situation. He just needed to figure out where his husband was, go to him and make sure he was safe. It was a simple plan, the simplest set of goals he’d ever set in his life, but his heart sank as the supervisor turned to him with a grave look on his face that told Patton everything he needed to know before the other even began shaking his head.

“There was an accident. The floor- the floor must have been loose and nobody thought- I didn’t think to check on him after he went up there. We all know how he is.” He gestured helplessly to where several people were gathered around a section of rubble, the weight of a whole building bearing down on whatever they were puttering around. “We know where he is; it’s just getting him out.”

Patton didn’t need to hear anymore, noticing some of the people leaving the group and leaving a bit of space he could see the mess through. Most of it was just wood beams sticking out in every direction like a crudely placed beaver damn, some insulation from the ground floor poking up at the bottom. If he squinted though he could just barely make out a small space that had been cleared, a small hole that he could only assume was what they could safely clear away to see if Remus was still-

Pushing forward before he could finish the thought he hurried over to where the space had been made and knelt down next to it, laying a shaking hand next t o the rubble and iting his lip tp keep from crying.

“Sir you can’t be here-”

“That’s my husband in there.” Patton cut the woman off sharply, only feeling slightly guilty for his tone.

The woman softened. “I understand but-”

“I’ll leave when I’m in the way but right now no one’s doing anything so I’m staying right here so I can be with him. I’m not going to touch or disrupt anything but I’m not moving.” Patton looked up, defiantly daring her to continue, but after a moment she just nodded and backed away. He turned back to the space as a slight moan alerted him, gasping as long fingers emerged from the cramped darkness and reached out. A high pitched whine left Patton’s mouth at the sight of how bloody it was but he nevertheless reached forward desperately and grasped the fingers in a gentle hold. Faintly he heard a warning not to pull him as assistance was yelled for but he only shook his head as tears streamed down his face. Everything in him was screaming to lift the beams himself and drag Remus to safety but he knew it couldn’t work like that. This was a delicate situation that needed to be handled with care but the frustration only built as the seconds ticked by and nothing seemed to be getting done.

“Remus honey, I’m here okay? I’m right here and so are people that are going to get you out of there. You just hold onto me baby everything  will be okay.” He nearly choked on his own uncertainty but he couldn’t afford to let emus think he was anything other than certain he’d make it out of this. His fingers squeezed weakly and Patton’s breath hitched in relief, continuing to rattle out reassurances that he’d be out soon and they were doing what they could he just had to hold on a little bit longer. His head snapped up as a hand landed on his shoulder, one of the paramedics motioning people forward with equipment.

“Keep holding his hand and talking to him, you’re probably helping keep him awake.” Patton decided he didn’t want to think too hard on what  that might mean, instead simply scooching over slightly to make room for whatever it was they were doing and running his thumb gently over Remus’ knuckles as he took a steadying breath.

“They’re going to get you out Remus. They have equipment they’re setting up to get you out and then everything will be fine.” His fingers were squeezed again gently and the medic must have noticed since they paused and leaned down.

“We’re going to put two sturdy boards on either side of you to help stabilize what’s laying on top of you and then put airbags on the other side of them to lift everything up. That should give us enough room to remove you safely. If at any point your space gets too cramped or you feel things settle down on you more, squeeze your husband’s hand and he’ll let us know okay? We’re working as quickly as we can to get you out.” Remus squeezed his hand again and the medic nodded, signaling for things to begin. “This is called cribbing. It’s just putting a basic framework underneath everything to hopefully stop it from settling down more. And then those long tubes will be put in and inflated to lift it up, at which point you'll have to move out of the way so we can get him out.”

Remus squeezed his hand again and both the action and explanation Patton felt his anxiety ebb the tiniest amount. He nodded to the kind woman and moved to hold Remus with both hands as if doing so would make the process go any faster. As the emergency crew bustled around him and got everything into place he simply sat with cramping legs and blurring vision, reassuring the trapped man through soft touches and softer words as they moved thick, wedged shaped beams in front of the pile of debris. Holding his breath Patton tightened his grip slightly as they began inching the beams underneath, focusing his attention solely on the bloodied hand in his grip, poised to react at even the slightest twitch of discomfort. The boards were halfway in when his hand was squeezed weakly, jolting him out of his tense state to yell out a loud “Stop” to the team. They froze and looked to the woman still holding Patton’s shoulder, who leaned forward to be heard.

“Squeeze once if the pile is shifting, twice if we’re hitting you with the boards.” Two quick squeezes were felt and she nodded slightly. “Is there any way you can move without endangering yourself so we can get them in a bit more?” 

He felt a slight squeeze on his hand before shuffling was heard accompanied by a quiet  whimper that tore straight through Patton’s heart as he fought to simply hold the hand in support and not yank him out himself. He nodded as his hand was squeezed again and kept up his quiet reassurances, speaking just loud enough for Remus to hear him over the directions the medics were constantly throwing back and forth. After what seemed like an eternity the wedges were in place and Remus gave the go ahead to squeeze in the air bags. No one dared breathe as they were squeezed into place, no response from Remus unless they asked for confirmation that everything was still okay. 

Everything was going fine- the bags were filling up and Patton could see the rubble being lifted slowly but surely up and off his husband. They were so close to having him out and okay that it almost didn’t register when Remus’ hand went limp in his own. Patton felt the muscles slacken and the hand become sudden deadweight in between his own. Eyes widening he squeezed his hand gently, then perhaps a bit too hard as panic gripped him.

“Remus honey? Are you okay?” The slick hand remained still, fingers not even twitching to indicate he had been heard. “Remus? Remus!”

He thrashed as he was pulled away, screaming louder than he ever had in his life as Remus’ hand slipped away from him and he was hauled to his feet and backward. The medics crowded to fill the space and he lost sight of his hand completely, screaming louder and scratching madly at the arms around his middle.

“Let me go! Let me go, he needs me!” The logic that Patton more needed him than Remus needed Patton over the medics at the moment was flung out of the window as he bucked backwards attempting to throw off whoever it was but the person just held him tighter as they walked him away, heedless of his ear splitting screams. Vaguely he was aware they were talking to him but Patton couldn’t care less as the phantom sensation of Remus’ hand going slack in his own tore his mind apart.

“P…….Pat…...Patton please!” Virgil’s yell finally cut through the panicked fog and provided the window he needed to haul Patton the rest of the way over bside the parked ambulance and sit him down on the ground. “They’re going to get him, Patton, it's okay. I promise you He’ll be okay. And we’ll ride in the ambulance and go into the hospital with him and they’ll make sure he’ll be back to making idiotic decisions in no time.” 

The words meant to reassure him didn’t make Patton feel any better but all the fight left him, adrenaline running its course as he buried his face in his friend’s chest and wept. 

-----

Remus had Patton and Virgil as his first two people to call in an emergency and since Patton had already gotten there and hadn’t checked his phone someone must have then called Virgil when he hadn’t picked up. As bad as he felt he was grateful the other was there as he all but collapsed while they finally got Remus’ still, limp body out from under the wreckage and onto a stretcher, stabilizing him as much as they could before ushering him into the ambulance and driving away after denying them riding along since they needed the extra room. Patton all but dragged Virgil to his car, the other swiping away his keys and insisting he drive as Patton was in no state to and Patton really just agreed if only to get them going faster.

They didn’t get to go in Remus’ room for hours after that, apparently suffering a broken legs and ribs, a sprained risk and a minor concussion that had taken the rest of the day to fix, nearly sending Patton into hysterics when they were informed with the final comment being that he had gotten off lucky. Thankfully Roman and Logan had arrived at that point and they were able to sit with Patton through the night and morning before Logan suggested he take Virgil to get a change of clothes and other necessities so they’d be able to stay longer, Roman volunteering to come along to get Patton and Remus’ things as well.

The hospital room was quiet save for the soft beeping of the machines lining the bed and the gentle huffing breaths of Remus as he slept, thankfully peacefully, in the hospital bed that Patton had his chair pulled all the way up to to hold his now bandaged hand between his. He yawned loudly  and laid his head on his arm, eyes fighting to stay open as he promised himself he was merely resting his eyes but drifting off rather quickly considering the stress of the past couple of days. Confident he would wake if anything happened and trusting the others to come back soon he allowed himself to drift off.

-----

Patton awoke slowly to the feeling up fingers running through his messy hair, taking the time to gently brush out all the tangles of the previous day. He hummed happily and snuggled further into the tough, only to grunt in pain as his neck protested the action with a rather loud crack. Reality hit him all at once and he picked his head up to see Remus smiling tiredly down at him, Head wrapped neatly and already crooked nose set after what must have been the third or  fourth break he had already suffered. Patton’s eyes filled with tears as he  sat up and slowly reached for his husband, hands coming to rest on each cheek to make sure he was really there and alright. Smile tugging wider Remus brought his own hands up to rest on Patton’s, thumbs slowly running over the knuckles like he had done when Remus had been trapped.

“If I wouldn’t hurt you more and get hauled out by security I would slap you so hard for what you did.” In his tired state Patton honestly couldn’t think of anything better to say, but Remus only chuckled weakly and nodded.

“I love you too.”

Laughing softly with him Patton leaned forward to rest his forehead against Remus’ before pressing a featherlight kiss to the tip of his nose and softly whispered “I’m so glad you’re safe.” 

“I always am with you.”

Later a nurse would come in and smile at the two: Patton tucked under Remus’ chin and clutching onto his hands like a lifeline as they both slept. Quietly, he would turn out the light and shut the door, reassuring the people camping on the chairs outside that they were alright and they would sigh and shake their heads with amusement. The scolding could wait, they decided. For they would leave them to hold onto each other for as long as they needed.

This work is also available on AO3!

He was a great teacher and an even better friend. Patton had known him since college and since then they were inseparable, boisterous but genuinely caring personality making him a perfect match for Patton who liked to nearly smother his loved ones with attention that Roman practically lived off of. From there he had met his brother Remus who acted just like him except more...demented, and his husband Logan which Patton was surprised about until he saw how well the more logic based man reeled the chaos in when it got to be too much and Remus knowing just how to push the others boundaries to remind him to have fun. Meeting Virgil who’s anxiety brought some much needed caution to the often very impulsive group had created an incredibly tight bond that Patton could sincerely say he wouldn't know what to do without.

An idea struck him suddenly as he looked at Roman’s hands, a bit dry and without their usual coating of colorful polish since he had been so busy lately. Patton looked down at his own ragged hands from always chewing on them, never quite breaking the habit even if he did set a terrible example for any of his own students who might catch him in the act. Decision made he interrupted Roman mid rant, feeling slightly bad for not paying attention for at least five minutes but pushing on excitedly nonetheless.

“We have a week off for winter break don’t we? Why don’t we go get a manicure for the holidays, something to relax and feel pretty.”

Roman grinned back at him, thankfully not seeming to care that he had been cut off. “Patton that’s perfect! We can actually hang out together properly instead of only catching each other over lunch. Oh! I just got that new polish from Virgil too that I can bring in!”

They set a time to meet and went off in their own directions, warmth pooling in Patton’s chest at the thought of finally being able to properly talk to Roman rather than stealing whatever time he could in between classes. He loved his job and he knew at the end of the day Roman did too, it was just you had to try so much harder at friendships as an adult with a job than you did when you lived in the same dorm in college. He shook his head. It didn’t matter; they had a relaxing date set and short of Remus and Logan blowing up their kitchen again and calling him and Roman to help clean up before the landlord noticed nothing was going to ruin it.

----

Patton was worried.

Winter break had been just what they all needed to unwind. The whole gang had gotten together at Logan and Remus’ house to celebrate the holidays, Virgil hiding a smile as Roman had shown off his bright red and sparkly nails to anyone who would pay attention, which was everyone considering how loud Roman could get when he really wanted to. They had all exchanged gifts and everyone had been overjoyed that the gift they chose had been received with excited happiness. Movie night had then gone off without a hitch with all of them being too tired and comfortable to go back to their own homes for the night so it had ended up turning into an impromptu sleepover where everyone scrambled to find something to wear as pajamas...unless you were Remus in which case you just stripped, wrapped yourself up in a blanket and faceplanted on the floor. Patton’s mouth twitched up a bit from his worried frown; no amount of yelling from Roman had reversed that decision and eventually they had all settled down and accepted the late morning in store for them the next day. 

And now a few days had passed- a week to be exact. Patton had sent out a text or two to the usually talkative man to see how the rest of his break was going and if he wanted to hang out again before their holiday ended, not receiving any response. He had tried not to be hurt about it since as little time they had to spend with each other they also had just as little alone time, so Patton just took the lack of response as Roman needing to decompress a bit before coming back to classrooms full of students and meetings full of teachers, silently congratulating him for setting his own boundaries and taking the time he needed even if he wished Roman would have said something first. But now Patton was at school, teaching his class, while Roman was not. A sub had had to be called in when it became clear Roman wouldn’t be showing up and didn’t answer the call the office had sent out to see if maybe he was just running late. Patton had sent a couple of texts himself with no response, the ones he had sent before break ended left unread.

So Patton was worried, and he was going to go to Roman’s small apartment directly after school and see what was wrong or at the very least why he seemed resolute not to answer anyone’s calls or texts or voicemails or- Patton shook his head a bit. He had a full day to get through and he truly could not afford a meltdown in front of his students. He made a vague gesture towards the board saying something about due dates and homework before he flopped heavily onto his chair and tried not to look at the clock too much as a small courtesy to his students. Instead he busied himself organizing random files in his computer until the bell rang, making sure to tell everyone goodbye just like always while packing up faster than he ever had to get out the door as quickly as possible. Driving to Roman’s apartment building was a blur- he had done it so many times he was startled when he realized he had made it there without even noticing. Logan and Remus lived in this building too in a slightly bigger apartment since they were still saving up for something better. Patton and Virgil lived in a building not too far away where the rent was just slightly cheaper but the apartments a little more lived in as a result. Quickly sending a text to Virgil, Logan and Remus letting them know what he was doing he got out of the car and made his way up, Virgil shooting back a text that he’d be there in ten and was bringing their mail with him.

He hurried up the steps as he sent another text to Roman telling him he was coming up, hoping that maybe he’d finally answer but as he stood in front of the silent doorway with no answer his mind was made up. He only hesitated a moment before knocking loud enough the neighbors could probably hear, opening the noise would scare Roman into answering.

“Roman, open up this prank isn’t funny!” Fishing the spare key out of his pocket he quickly fit it into the lock and pushed his way inside. Politeness be damned he wasn’t going another second without knowing what was going on. 

The apartment was dark, curtains drawn and the lights off making it look like he had just gone on an extended holiday rather than what was supposed to be a short winter break. Flicking on the light revealed a thin layer of dust covering everything and absolutely no sign of Roman, even as Patton searched more and more frantically through the small space in a desperate attempt to find something, anything, that could point towards where he had gone. The bed was made neatly with clothes draped over a chair like he was going to change into his teacher’s attire the very next morning, coming in late to twist some dramatic speel about why he hadn’t been in and what adventure he had found himself sucked into. But there was nothing. Hallway to closet to living room to kitchen to bathroom to bedroom. Over and over and over again until Patton was thoroughly sick with worry turned up not a hint.

Patton sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands. Should he call the police? File for missing person’s? He’d call Logan first; Logan would bring Remus and Remus could try and find something and Logan would know what to do. That was fine. Shakily he opened his phone to find he was still in Roman’s messages, blinking back tears as he sent out one last “Where are you?” before exiting and finding Logan’s contact info.

And froze as a sharp buzz cut through the silent apartment.

Snapping his head he looked around in confusion. Surely not- he opened up Roman’s messages again and typed out a quick “Hello?” hearing that same sound a few seconds later coming from the living room. Standing on wobbly legs he typed out a quick “Come up.” to Logan before stumbling into the adjacent room to search for the phone. Said phone was sitting upside down on the coffee table, overlooked in his panic from earlier. He sat heavily on the couch and reached for it, numb fingers fumbling until he finally got a firm hold of it and typed in the password. They all knew each other’s phone passwords in case of emergencies, Virgil and Remus had insisted on it when it became clear they were a unit, and Patton had never been more grateful to both of them.

So many message notifications- all from him and Logan and Remus and Virgil; all of them simply assuming he needed his space since he did sometimes disappear for a day or two for self care. It annoyed them all but they had learned to respect it, staying out of the way until he showed up again more energized than usual and up to his normal idiocy and flamboyance. But this time...this time something had actually happened, and Patton had done nothing for a week. He had been worried and had done nothing and now Roman was gone with no way of knowing where he was or what had happened and-

“Patton.” Patton looked up to see Logan, Remus and Virgil all standing in the still open doorway, all of them glancing around in concern.He shook his head and weakly held the phone up for them to see, Remus’ eyes blowing wide as he took large strides across the room to snatch it from his hand to start scrolling through it, trying to find some kind of indicator as to what had happened. Virgil walked over as well but chose to sit next to Patton, setting the mail down on the dusty table and wrapping an arm around his shoulders to pull him close. 

“Your thoughts are really loud, Pat. This isn’t your fault, we'll find him.” Patton bit his lip to keep from crying, instead glancing over at what the other had brought up only to sit up suddenly to get a closer look at the lone package sitting on top. It was addressed to him but he didn’t recognize who it was from, the return address from some town he had never heard of. He picked it up as Remus threw the phone back down to the table and stalked into the kitchen where he and Logan began whispering. Patton paid it no attention, transfixed as he peeled up the tape and opened the box. In it was a sealed box, small and sitting innocently surrounded by paper packing for padding. He carefully dug it out as Virgil stood and he numbly followed, peeling up the tape of the smaller box intending to throw the other one away. Carefully he folded back the flaps and picked away the paper, frowning as some of it stuck together with what looked almost like rust. Which he knew it couldn’t be... since paper doesn't rust. 

He blinked as he stared at what was underneath the paper, brain having to work double time to catch up to what his eyes were telling him was there. Pale, solid and very real, laid a perfectly intact finger. 

Patton was fond of pranks. As much as he loathed spiders, the occasional plastic one being hidden somewhere he’d find it was a classic. Canned snakes and a dumb joke were always a sure way to make him laugh. Even a dumb Halloween prop could get a rise out of him in the right context. But looking at the finger didn’t make him laugh. Nothing about the crusted blood flaking off the severed stump made him want to giggle. The scar on the second knuckle he knew to be from a stick sword fight earned as a six year old couldn’t make him smile. And the slightly chipped, glittery red nail polish coating the neatly filed nail failed to even make him smile. Instead he dropped the box, rusty paper and neat package slipping through his fingers and hitting the floor with a dull thud.

He barely registered his friends looking over to him before he turned to the side and spilled the contents of his stomach over the tiled floor. His brain shut down as his throat burned, clutching his stomach like a lifeline as he faintly heard a gasp and then one of the others gagging as well while Remus outright screamed, the sound barely cutting through the fog that settled over Patton’s thoughts. If he had just come sooner, had called more, if they had checked on him  after a couple of days instead of simply assuming- who had even done it? Why would someone- he couldn’t finish  the thought, his stomach and brain both rejecting it as he dry heaved through mounting panic. 

He didn’t know who it was that took him out of the building and sat him on the curb. He barely saw the police lights and definitely didn’t hear any questions directed towards him, shock settled so deeply that it was a chore to simply move from the curb to a car to an office and sat down in an uncomfortable creaking chair. His hand was squeezed tightly but he did nothing in return, simply staring at a file in front of him as various people made their way in and out of the room they were in. He was numb and cold and wanted more than anything else for this to be an elaborately cruel prank that would end any second now. Roman would come through the door and hug him and apologize and Patton would never, ever forgive him for making it go on so long but eventually they’d be fine because they always were. And Patton could wave at him in the mornings and laugh with him about Logan yelling at him for breaking into their apartment again to jump on Remus to wake him up.And they’d smile and sort paperwork until their classes came and everything would turn out fine.

Everything would turn out fine in the morning.

This work is also available on AO3!

Mind made up after he was sure Thomas would be alright with Janus he quickly sunk out to the regular common room, seeing no sign of anyone let alone Roman he made his way up the stairs and towards the door he had walked to so many times it was muscle memory at this point. All the sides had different kinds of relationships with each other, whether it  was familial, platonic or romantic and Patton and Roman were certainly no exception. With their shared enthusiasm fo the things they were interested, their strong urge to take care of the members of their family and Thomas and their passion to make other happy no matter what it was never really a stretch to imagine the two of them together; so it came as a surprise to know one when just that ended up happening. 

The mindscape had certainly been a brighter, happier place since they had made their relationship official, even if Virgil did cringe and scoff teasingly while Logan simply rolled his eyes and requested if they they were going to engage in public displays of affection then to please do it elsewhere or at least warn him so he could leave the room. Hand holding, hugs from behind, cheesy musical numbers, forehead touches, cuddles at movie night- nothing was below them when it came to showing their love for one another. But everything started to change when Janus began to come around, especially since Patton was the first one he had impersonated.It had hit Roman hard that he hadn’t recognized the deceitful side until later on ,and no amount of Patton telling him that that’s what he did and was supposed to do and he wouldn't be Deceit if he wasn’t good at well...deceiving could convince Roman of anything other than Janus was a horrible person from that day forward. A villain meant to be shunned and punished like any other Disney villain should be. At first Patton had somewhat agreed with him but as time passed he began to doubt that notion more and more...until today he realized he needed to take a step back and really evaluate what it was that Janus contributed to their family as a whole.

He lamented his mistakes of how he handled Janus’ situation- all of the “dark sides” situations really. All they were doing was their jobs how they knew how to do them, and maybe their methods were a bit misguided but so were his own to an extent. He needed to learn how to adapt and let go of past misconceptions- and that came with getting Roman to understand that as well.

He stopped short of knocking on the Prince’s door to listen for any sound coming through, from his or any of the other doors. He figured Logan wouldn’t be particularly happy to have been dismissed and replaced yet again but that was something to unpack and fix on another day. So Logan and Virgil would most likely be boiled up in their respective rooms waiting for the figurative fire to die down before venturing out again. Remus was most likely preoccupied with something Janus had left him to keep him busy and away from making Thomas’ mental state even more scattered than it already was and Janus himself was going to be occupied with their manifestor for at least a couple more hours after everything that had happened. He and Roman would have plenty of time to themselves then to work out what needed worked out for them to hopefully be okay again. 

Taking a deep breath he tentatively knocked on the door and, hearing no answer, knocked a bit more firmly before easing it open and glancing quickly around the room before his gaze landed on Roman. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, still in his rumpled prince costume with his hands folded between his knees and his eyes shining with unshed tears as he made stubborn, steady eye contact with the floor. Patton sighed quietly as he stepped inside, shutting the door behind him and carefully stepping over to sit beside the other. 

“Roman-”

“Am I-”

They both stopped as they started at the same time, Roman ducking his head down further and angrily swiping tears off his cheeks. Patton was thankful when the hand he placed on the others knee was left there, looking back up at Roman’s face and smiling kindly. “Go on Roman, I wanted to hear your thoughts.”

“You’re about the only one.” Roman muttered, looking away and towards the door as if debating how quickly he could run and hide somewhere else before his shoulders dropped as he resigned himself to his fate. “Patton, am I..am I still needed?”

Patton gasped quietly, squeezing his knee tightly. “Of course, why would you think-”

“Because if Deciet is coming around, being accepted...if he’s going to be a part of things now...I don’t know what that means for us. For Thomas.” Roman finally turned to face him, his eyes shining earnestly. “I always thought him the villain, someone to vanquish when his deceitful means seeped into the mindspace too much, someone to wave my sword at to defend my and everyone else's honor. But if he isn’t the villain...and I was in the wrong...doesn’t that then make me-”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.” Patton gently took Roma’s face in his hands and leaned closer, making sure to capture his eyes. “You are not the villain Roamn, you never could be. Sometimes...well sometimes there doesn’t even have to be one and that’s okay. Things are changing and that’s okay.”

Roman scoffed quietly. “Patton, you’re the one who likes change the least out of all of us.”

“Which is why I’m the one that needs it the most.” Roman was quiet at that, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against Patton’s softly, making him small and moving his hands from Roman’s cheeks to loop around the back of his neck gently. It was comforting and quiet, neither of them wanting to move and speak again in fear of ruining the temporary standstill they had come to. Eventually Patton shifted, pressing his lips softly to the prince’s nose and smiling when he was rewarded with a soft laugh. 

“It’ll be okay, Roman you’ll see. Everything always works itself out.”

“But what if something happens? We can’t just leave him with Thomas.”

Patton grinned at him sheepishly. “Well...he’s already with Thoams and has been since I left. Nothing bad has happened yet has it?”

Roman’s lips thinned as he looked down at his lap, twisting his fingers in an uncharacteristically nervous way. “What does that mean for me? I- I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” He looked up imploringly. “You- Patton you need to be there when I mess up. I still trust you to know right from wrong and if you’re there to keep me in check I’ll be their hero again!”

“That’s not quite how-”

“No it’s perfect; I’ll just tell you everything I’ll do before I do it and you can say yes or no and then I won’t mess up again!”

“Sweetheart I can’t do that.”

“Patton no you have to! Everyone already hates me, I have to do better, I can’t just- not be better.”

Patton grasped his hands and squeezed, hoping to distract Roman from his spiraling thoughts. “Nobody hates you honey, I swear on my honor as a side of Thomas. But I can’t be there all the time. We’re going to make mistakes going forward, and the ones we’ve already made are still going to hurt, but all we can do is try our best and let that be enough. I wasn’t lying when I said we still love you.”

He brought Roman’s hands up to his lips and planted a chaste kiss on the knuckles. “And I will never lie when I say I still love you, Roman. We aren’t our mistakes, we are the growth that comes from them. It’s going to be okay.”

Patton wasn’t sure if Roman truly understood but accepted the other nodding his head anyway, even if Roman did look incredibly deep in thought. It had been a long day for all of them, they both just needed some rest and hope that the next day would be a better one. Nodding to himself, Patton stood and gently ran his fingers through Roman's hair. “It’s getting late. Wanna watch a movie and cuddle before bed?”

Roman leaned into the gesture and moved to reach for his laptop; Patton, taking that as an agreement, snapped them both into their pajamas and summoned a fluffier blanket for them to snuggle under. Any more conversation could wait for tomorrow, now was the time to wind down with his favorite person in the mindscape.

-----

The next few days...weeks...worries Patton to say the least.

Roman could never be found less than a few feet from his side, and although he’d usually find it sweet and endearing the way his every movement was tracked like he was small prey being hunted had begun to make him twitchy. If the others noticed they didn’t say anything, which made Patton feel as if he was simply overreacting and just more jumpy than usual from the frog incident. He giggled at the thought- that would certainly make sense.

But it wasn't just that. Despite their heart to heart Roman was consulting him before nearly every decision he made, down to whether he put creamer in his coffee since that might be taking away from the others. Patton had hoped this phase would only last a couple of days and then they could move on but it honestly didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. He was loath to speak to the others about it since everyone was still a bit touchy and Roman couldn’t be shaken long enough to talk to anyone else in private anyway. Which left talking to Roam about it himself.

Which Patton...also didn’t want to do. He loved Roman with his entire being, and their relationship had always been a steady, even give and take. They had pretty good communication considering their individual track records and always made sure to set and respect boundaries, but with Roman being a bit testier...to say the least. More demandant for answers that Patton simply didn’t want or feel the need to give. Picking what T.V. show to watch, especially if it was just the two of them was not an entire dilemma that needed solving before they could move on!

And yet...when he didn’t answer, Roman had started to get more and more demandant. Throughout their relationship Roman had never once raised his voice at him, but it was becoming more and more a constant occurrence. He needed constant reassurance that he was doing fine and no one hated him and Patton still loved him which he would normally be happy to give, but it was so much. It was too much for any side alone to undertake upholding an entire sides’ mental health. To the point where he could feel his own slipping, and still he said nothing. For the first time in his existence Patton was almost...afraid of Roman. He had so many outbursts now and his movements towards Patton were always so jerky and it made him twitch away which only meant Roamn needed more reassurance and so the cycle continued. But enough was enough.

Breaking things off with Roman was surprisingly easy for how much his stomach was twisting with the nerves. Roman remained passive through it, expression so neutral you could pretend they were discussing the weather or what tp have for breakfast the next day. He was so afraid, so ready to have to call on another side for help, but he shouldn't have and he immediately felt incredibly silly for even having the thoughts. This was Roman, and Roman would never hurt him no matter how much he was spiraling right now. He’d wait a little longer for everything to cool off and then they’d have a meeting and discuss how to move forward. Simple. Then maybe when both he and Roman gained more solid ground to stand on they could try again and everything would fall perfectly back into place.

-----

That night Patton crawled into bed alone for the first time in years, missing the warmth of strong arms wrapped around his middle and holding him close until morning. He consoled himself with the thought that things weren’t completely over between them; it was just a small break. Everybody needed those from time to time and Roman had understood completely. He had just settled in to sleep for the night when his eyes snapped open suddenly. What was that?

He sat up in bed and listened carefully, sure he hadn’t been imagining the sound. Just as he was about to shrug it off and lay back down he heard it again faintly.

“Patton.”

The voice was so faint but now that he had heard it there was no mistaking it. Ripping off the bed sheets he hurried to his door and swung it open, listening carefully to hear the voice again.

“Patton.”

Moving to the stairs and rushing down them he turned into the living room and gasped at what he saw before him.

“Patton.” Janus’ voice was relieved but pained, tugging at the restraints that held him fast to the back of the rather small cage he was being held in. Dark bruises littered his face and his eyes blinked slowly as he struggled to focus on Patton. Rushing to the door of the cage Patton fiddled with lock as he looked desperately around for a key, his mind whirling too fast to form a coherent thought.

“Janus who did this? How can I get you out?”

“Patton you need to leave me.”

“I- what?” But you called me down, he wanted to say, shaking the thought away. Janus was clearly in no position to voice coherent thoughts. “No. We need to get you out. Do you know where the key is? We can start there.”

“You need to leave, I deserve this. I’m the villain- I deserve to be punished.”

Patton’s eyes widened, shaking his head vehemently. “No. No, you don’t, don’t talk like that. You deserve just as much as any other side and right now that means not being locked in a cage.”

Janus coughed out a laugh weakly. “Are you sure about that?”

“Of course, honey. Let me just-” Frustrated Patton shook the bars of the cage, pausing when Janus locked eyes with him, a steady glare boring into his very being.

“Wrong choice, love.”

-----

Patton cowered in the far corner of the cage, eyes tracking Roman’s pacing fearfully as his wrists rubbed raw above his head. He still couldn’t dispel the image of Janus’ face melting into Roman’s, the cage falling apart only to wrap around and trap him instead as Roamn had straightened in front of him, eyes filled with nothing but passive disdain as Patton had pleaded desperately, mind confusingly fuzzy and still trying to comprehend what had happened. The had sunk out into Roman’s room, where he had been pulled to the far side of the cage and tied to the bars so that there was no chance of jiggling the lock on the far side to escape, leaving him trapped and scared and at the mercy of whatever it was Roman had become in the face of his perceived rejection.

Suddenly a knock was heard at the door, Patton tensing as the tip of Roman’s sword was thrust in front of his face.

“Roman? Patton? It’s after 9, Lo made breakfast.” Virgil’s voice came through the door. Roman nodded his head, an unspoken warning in his eyes as he gestured for Patton to go ahead. 

Swallowing hard, Patton called out. “We’re both in here kiddo! Just- finishing up a project; might take a bit though.” He struggled to contain himself, to contain the anxiety rolling off him in waves so Virgil wouldn’t sense it and god forbid become suspicious. He needed to keep everyone safe, even at his own cost. 

There was a pause, and then: “Are you guys sure? I can bring something up.”

“No need hun, thank you though. We’ll get something in a bit.”

“Okay.” They both listened as the footsteps faded away before Roman turned to face Patton, grinning wickedly.

“So, my heart; what is it that we’re doing today?”

Patton swallowed against, tears pricking at his eyes. “Getting rid of Jan- Deceit.”

“Good.” Roman moved the sword to gently caress his cheek. “And you’re going to do exactly as I say. I’d hate for this beautiful face to become just as deformed as that snake’s.”

He snapped his fingers and Patton’s pajamas were changed out for his regular attire, albeit a nicer variation of it. He could feel makeup cake his face thinly and he knew from the weight in his hair that his favorite barrettes had been pinned in neatly. Roman smiled and reached in to cup his cheek gently and Patton felt himself leaning into the touch despite the spike of fear he felt. 

“There,” The prince crooned. “A sweet little doll to puppet as I please. Deceit never could resist coming too close to what was out of his league now could he?”

Stifling a sob by biting his lip Patton could only watch as Roman moved away to begin concocting another illusion that would draw in Janus later that day. Hanging his head in shame, he sagged against his confines, feeling the ropes dig into his wrists and the cage run painfully against his spine. A useless doll thrown to a corner, forgotten in its disuse after its purpose was met.

Sliding into the car with a ready smile they shared a quick kiss before Patton buckled himself in and they began to move towards his college. He gripped the straps of his backpack and relaxed in the seat processing just how much his life was turning around and how lucky he was that he head found Roman- or rather that Romann had found him. He brushed that thought aside quickly; he had never brought up the fact that he had noticed Roman’s car practically everywhere significant he went, chalking it up as either coincidence or happenstance. He trusted the other now wholeheartedly and it wouldn’t do any good to bring up his nervousness now nearly half a year into their relationship. Spring break was coming up and he knew Roman was planning a small trip to relax, they shared nearly everything they had in the apartment, grocery getting and meal making was always an even split between them and he could never have asked for a better listener than Roman. For the first time in a long time Patton was completely happy; he wasn’t about to start questioning things and ruin it.

“We’re here, my sunshine.” Roman’s voice brought him out of his thoughts abruptly and he leaned back up and smiled. “You were miles away love, are you alright?”

Leaning over and pecking his boyfriend on the cheek, Patton unbuckled his seatbelt and sat his bag on his shoulder as he opened the door. “Just thinking about my classes, it's gonna be busy today. Thanks for the ride Roman, I hope you have a good day at work.”

Before he could leave his wrist was caught in a vice grip making his heart leap in his throat. Forcing himself to calm down Patton turned only to be met with a loving smile that immediately set his nerves somewhat at ease. “No proper kiss this morning then?”

Patton laughed and leaned back in, capturing the other’s lips somewhat messily and wriggling his hand free with a little effort, finally escaping the car and waving. “I have to go you goof! See you later.”

He didn’t watch the car leave as he walked to his first class, heart still beating a little faster than normal but chiding himself internally to calm down already. Roman was needy with physical affection that was all, no need for alarm bells to go off every time something like that happened. It was just- that happened a lot. Even on days Patton didn’t particularly want touched but that was just what you did in a relationship. He thought so anyway having nothing to compare it to. He shook himself out of his thoughts again, appalled at the line they had crossed. Roman was gone a lot for his job, he didn’t really know what he did other than “business” but it sounded important and it meant he was often out of town for the day, so it made sense he’d be more touchy and affection neddy after such long days working so hard at what he did. The least Patton could do was reciprocate and not be so ungrateful, even if it was only in his head.

Classes went by surprisingly quickly; unfortunately with spring break approaching it meant there would be a lot of projects and essays being piled on as a final hurrah before the two blissful weeks of doing nothing but his job. Bag full to bursting with papers and notes and an extra book or two he sighed as he realized he still had his shift to cover at that restaurant before he could go home. He took a deep breath as he began to get overwhelmed, thinking of work schedules and homework schedules and how much of what projects he could get done before, during and after the break was making his head spin. He knew this would all be worth it afterwards, being able to put all of the busy work behind him and be able to figure out what he wanted to major in and focus on that instead of math he barely understood and classic literature that was nice but frankly did not belong on his priority list right now.

It din’t take him long to get to the restaurant but when he did the full parking lot made him want to turn right back around and go home. It was going to be so busy and with him already being so tired he wasn’t going to lie to himself and say this would be an easy shift. No breaks would be had meaning all the school work he had would have to wait until he got home. Sighing and squaring his shoulders he went in, donned his apron and watched as his switch practically bolted out after waving to his nearly full to bursting section. Plastering on his favorite smile and whipping out the notepad and pen he started towards the closest table and hoped for the best.

-----

Hoping, as it turned out, wasn’t suited for high stress situations in which at any given moment he could feel his sanity slipping away from him.

Since quitting the job at the warehouse he had taken up a couple more hours at the restaurant to make up for the lack of a second paycheck even though living with Roman made money trouble’s much easier to handle. Which meant he was running around on his feet more rather than splitting that with ;lifting heavy boxes , which in and of itself wasn’t bad, but that was on a good day. This was decidedly not a good day. It had been so busy that when one table emptied it seemed he had scarcely wiped it down before it was being taken over by another family or couple waiting impatiently for their orders to be taken and their food to be made and brought out. No matter how much he smiled and suppressed his tears at being insulted or yelled at and pushed down the frustration of being left a one dollar tip or none at all the afternoon turned to late evening and it still hadn’t gotten any better.

His shift was finally ended with one last wipe down of a table and he trudged into the back room utterly exhausted, dragging his feet behind him with every step and his thoughts only filled with a hot shower and bed. Swinging up his heavy backpack reminded him however of all the work he had yet to get done and he felt tears threatening to spill all over again. He was so tired, he just wanted to sleep after the incredibly crappy day he had had and on top of all that he remembered it was his turn to make dinner. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly Patton stumbled out of the restaurant and towards the parking lot searching for Roman’s car since he had taken to picking him up from work since the move. No dark blue Sudan to be seen. For once, when he was looking for it and not searching nervously for it back before he had met Roman, the ever present car was nowhere to be seen. Adding insult to injury it started to rain slightly, prompting his tired legs to move quicker to avoid the inevitable soaking he’d get.

He was halfway home when a car pulled up beside him, his mind telling him to run and his heart clenching with nerves before a voice- Roman’s voice, called to him as he got out of the car.

“Patton, I’m so sorry! Jeez, come get in the car!” Numbly Patton followed him to the passenger side where he was buckled in and his bag set on the floor, too tired to wave off Roman’s apology as he slumped into the seat. He was too tired for anything really, chin touching his chest more than once on the short drive home. He heard Roman chuckle softly as the engine shut off and he struggled to get his eyes open enough to unbuckle his seatbelt and leave the car. His door was opened before he could, however, backpack being scooped up and then himself being lifted from his seat as he woke up a bit more and wrapped his arms around Roman’s neck, feeling safe and content and secure.

He was set down on the couch before too long, where he could hear Roman bustling around in the kitchen as he had his eyes closed still. Shooting awake and up after a few minutes he made his way over and began rolling up his sleeves, intent on shooing Roman out of the kitchen so he could make the meal.

“Go back and rest Patton.’ Roman didn’t even look up from where he was slicing tomatoes.

Huffing at the dismissive tone, Patton shook his head and grabbed out the chicken patties from the freezer. “It’s my turn to make dinner that isn’t fair.”

Setting the knife down, Roman gently pried the box out of his hands and steered him back to the couch. “What isn’t fair is that you had a rough day and then you had to walk halfway home in the rain and are now exhausted. Take a quick nap Sunshine; I’ll wake you for dinner and then I can help you to organize your school things so that you don’t have to be so worried about it okay?”

“Roman-” He was stopped by a finger to his lips.

“What kind of Prince Charming would I be if I couldn’t help my damsel in distress?” Patton giggled and leaned into the forehead kiss, relaxing back into the couch and closing his eyes.

-----

He hardly remembered scarfing down his dinner or Roman helping him organize his planner. If he could get just a little bit done each day he shouldn’t be thrown too far off schedule and he might actually be able to enjoy his break. Exhaustion dragged his eyelids down and he settled back into Roman’s strong chest and open arms, smiling contentedly as he felt himself be wrapped up in warmth. Everything was so fuzzy, and he was so tired-

“Did you think maybe you’d be a lot less stressed if you didn't have to work at that restaurant anymore?”

The question nearly succeeded at jarring him awake but with Roman gently rocking him and petting through his hair it hardly seemed to matter. He merely hummed in response, barely entertaining the thought as Roamn shifted seemingly to get more comfortable.

“I could even write an email of resignation for you. All you would have to do is sign off on it.”

Patton hummed again, shaking his head slightly though he wasn’t sure if Roman noticed. He liked his job; sure it got frantic and frustrating sometimes but he could handle it. He had to, how else would he help pay for staying here? Loving as Roman was Patton doubted he’d want to-

“I can fully support you without any problems my love. You’re going to college, that should be the only stress someone like you should have to worry about.”

Faintly he heard typing but it was so distant he could barely concentrate on it. He was so warm and floaty and comfortable and safe- it was fine, they’d talk it over more tomorrow, Roman would never make a decision lille that for him while he was halfway to Dreamland.

“Sleep well my sunshine. I’ll take care of everything.” And with a final kiss to the top of his head, Patton was gone, drifting off peacefully in Roman’s arms.

-----

“You agreed it was for the best!”

“I was ASLEEP, Roman! How am I supposed to support myself now? They already had a replacement filling in for me, I can;t go back now!”

“Then it was probably for the best that you got out before they fired you!”

“Why on EARTH-” Patton took a deep breath and held it before letting it out in a whoosh. “They always have temps as back ups, especially in a college town, Roman. And since ‘I’ quit, I’ll have a really hard time getting back in.”

“But I can help you with that-”

“I didn’t ask you to-”

“It doesn’t matter!” Patton took a step back, fear crossing over his features at the darker tone Roman’s voice had adopted. His angry expression smoothed out after a second, but Patton didn’t miss the way hsis fingers twitched. This wasn’t really the first time Patton had been afraid in their relationship but this is just what people did- at least he thought. Roman must love him, that’s why he’d been taking care of him and why when he saw Patton so stressed he had only wanted to take that stress away- Patton really had been an idiot. Hanging his head in shame he walked forward and gently brushed his fingers against Roman’s.

“I’m sorry. I know you were trying to help, I just- I was so tired yesterday, I wish you would have let me think it through properly. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

Oh, my sunshine.” Roman leaned down to press his cheek against the top of Patton’s head. “You never could be.”

-----

“You never could be.” So many months later and those words still ring painfully in Patton’s head. Stupid. He had been so stupid. There had been so many warning signs and yet Patton had been too stupid and selfish to see them for what they were and now...he looked mournfully down as his thin frame, skin stretched taunt over what little muscle he had. He was cold. He was miserable. He wanted nothing more than to back in his shitty apartment with his two jobs and college classes he had been trying his best at; but instead he was here, sitting in a dingy room while he waited for someone else to pay for him to make their fantasy come true.

It had been the little things: Roman always being out of town “on business” he would say. Patton scoffed quietly. Some business. The second cell phone that he had found while cleaning, anger crossing Roman’s features before he brushed it off as his work phone, snatching it away just a little too forcefully to avoid suspicion. Then there was that night, his third night of break where Roman had sprung a surprise trip on him “to a nice hotel and restaurant” and too tired and worn to decline Patton of course agreed, glad to be away from the textbooks for little while at the very least.

He had been told to dress nice, some stopping Roman in the hotel’s hall but he had waved him towards the room saying he was just paying room service early. But Patton had seen the huge money exchange and his suspicion seemed to immediately be founded, but where was he supposed to go? H knew n one except Roman, his work contacts were strangers now, he couldn’t call or just simply go home. He was completely and utterly trapped. And Roman knew it. The entire ride to the restaurant Patton had wanted to throw up. He knew what was going to happen but there was no out for him. He was terrified. Terrified to go with Roman but terrified to even attempt escape. He didn’t know how long he had been stalking him, whether it had been when he first noticed the caar across his apartment building or even earlier than that. He should have trusted his instincts, called the police, anything other than brush it off as coincidence and then as an even bigger one when it turned out to be his date's car. He should have left the first time he got scared around Roman, the first time he noticed he was off but he hadn’t, because Roman was his dream come true, the answer to all his problems, his knight in shining armor come to help him get back on his feet.

Instead he was led into a darkened restaurant where he was stared at while Roman left, coming back with a notebook and showing him all the expenses he had managed to wrack up from what he had taken as Roman being sweet and kind. Every rent bill, overdue book, gas, groceries, heating- he had kept tabs on all of it. And It was all very, very expensive.

“Here's what's going to happen.” He had said. “We need a new face to bring in business, so I found you. You’ll work and pay me back every centt, and then you can go. In exchange you get a free ride through college. Fair?”

And in that moment, that crucial moment, Patton simply nodded. What was he supposed to do? Say no? He knew now what saying no would have risked and his stomach growled painfully at the reminder of the punishment he was carrying out. “Deny a client,” he had said. “Deny me and I promise you you won’t want to do it again.” The warning was always close to the forefront of his mind, though he did stills lip up now and then. A no meant no food for the day, since he had already lost the money it was only fair he lost a meal. Simple on paper, excruciatingly difficult in practice.

He curled further into himself as his stomach growled again, going on the third day of his punishment, too tired to care, too utterly exhausted to question when his fall classes started so he could attempt to fix himself up before then. He existed, he floated and that was enough for everyone who came in the room at any given moment, so of course it had to be enough for him.

Patton existed, and his stomach growled and his muscled tightened when he thought he heard noises from outside and his eyes squeezed shut when they dared threaten to let any of his unshed tears fall because the last time he had gotten dehydrated no one had cared until he couldn’t be woken up for an hour. His joints creaked under the weight of his odd position but it didn’t matter, nothing did. He existed and he floated and his groaned and his stomach growled and curled tighter when he thought he heard noises.

And that was enough.