#tw euthanasia

“Dr. Robby, it’s Jess. She sounds pretty upset.” Princess said, handing him the phone. Robby grabbed it with more force than he meant, shooting an apologetic look to Princess.

“Jess? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Roger! H-he’s vomited three times today, I can’t get him up! He won’t get up!” She sobbed.

“Okay, take a deep breath for me. You need to take him to the emergency vet, the one on Penn. I’ll meet you there, okay?” Robby did his best to keep her calm. He knew there was no way she could.

“Okay, okay. I’m going right now. I can’t do this!” She sobbed.

“I know. But you have to be there for him now. I’ll get there as soon as I can.” Robby hung up.

“Everything okay?” Princess asked.

“Nope.” He sighed as he dialed the one person he knew would drop everything for a dog.

“Why the fuck are you calling me when I’m sleeping?” Jack grumbled.

“I need you to cover me. Roger’s not doing well.”

“On my way.” Jack hung up the phone.

“Dana, Jack is coming in to cover me. I’m going to try to stay until he gets here. Might need to speed off.” Robby cleared his throat.

“Everything okay?” Dana put her hand on his arm. Robby felt his throat get tight.

“No. Roger’s sick.” He cleared his throat.

“Oh. He’s a tough little guy. You think it’s bad?”

“I think we might have to…he might not come home tonight.” Robby rubbed at his eyes.

“Cap, I’m so sorry.” She sighed. Robby nodded and ran off to busy himself. He was grateful that Jack didn’t live too far. He ran up, giving him a tight hug.

“Nothing hurts like losing a good dog, and he’s a great one.” Jack shook his head.

“Yeah. She’s not going to handle this well.”

“Call if you two need anything.” He nodded.

The drive to the clinic felt like a dream. His mind couldn’t focus on any one thought. It was a flipping Rolodex of memories. He pulled into the parking lot and ran in.

“My wife is here with our dog, Roger?” he asked the receptionist.

“She’s in room two. This way.” She brought him to the room.

Roger was lying on a dog bed the clinic had given him. Jess was lying on the floor next to him, gently stroking his fur. He was panting, straining every muscle to breathe. Robby knew what that meant.

“He started panting like this when we got here.” Jess sniffled. Robby sat next to her. Roger lifted his head slightly, wanting to acknowledge Robby but too tired.

“Hey buddy. You just relax.” Robby petted his back.

“They called our vet to try and get results. They didn’t have anything, so they called the lab and put in a rush. They took a sample and are looking at it here.  They’re going to do an ultrasound.” Jess’s voice shook.

“They’re going to do everything they can.” Robby rubbed her back.

“I don’t know what to do without him. He’s been with me for so long. I don’t remember what it was like without him.” She choked back a sob.

“We’ll figure it out. You’ll survive, I promise.” He pulled her into his side. A knock on the door had them tense up. A woman with a kind face came in with a tech.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Gilmore.” She introduced herself to Robby.

“Dr. Robinavitch. How’s he doing?” Robby asked, knowing the answer.

“So, I looked at the sample under the microscope and confirmed with my colleagues, unfortunately, it looks like he has a mast cell tumor.”

“Cancer? He has cancer?” Jess was frantic.

“Yes. Right now, I need to know if he has any other tumors internally. We’re going to use our Butterfly ultrasound to have a look. It’s not a great view, but it’ll give us enough information on how to move forward.” She noted.

“He could have more?” Jess looked to Robby.

“They could be on his organs. She’s going to see if that’s what’s causing his breathing.” Robby explained.

“Are you okay if we start?” Dr. Gilmore asked.

“Please.” Robby nodded.

The tech helped position Roger while the doctor moved the wand around his body and watched the iPad. She paused a few times, taking measurements. Robby was watching over her shoulder. He wasn’t familiar with canine anatomy, but he saw the mass and he knew that it was big. He tensed, and Jess’s head snapped to look at him.

“You saw something. What did you see?” She begged.

“Honey, I don’t know dog anatomy. I don’t know.” He took hold of her hand.

“Mrs. Robinavitch, it looks like Roger has a splenic mass. It’s quite large and is causing fluid in his abdomen.” Dr. Gilmore said.

“So, fix it!” Jess snapped.

“He has masses throughout his abdomen. At this point, it’s beyond surgical intervention. I’m so sorry.” Dr. Gilmore gave the tech the equipment and nodded for her to leave.

“No. So use medicine! C-chemo! Right? That’s what you do for cancer, chemo!” Jess was desperate.

“Honey-”

“No! Not yet! No, he was fine last week!”

“These types of tumors and cancer often show few symptoms until it’s too late. You didn’t miss anything. I’ve seen this more times than I’d wish to.” Dr. Gilmore said.

“So what? I just have to put him down?” Jess sobbed.

“It’s your decision. I would recommend euthanasia at this point, to minimize suffering.”

“He’s suffering? He’s in pain?” Jess suddenly felt more scared than she ever had.

“Yes. He’s in pain right now.” Dr. Gilmore nodded.

Jess couldn’t speak. He had done so much for her, did everything in his power to save her. Now, she had to say goodbye to help him. It felt impossible. It felt unfair.

“It’s the humane thing to do, Jess. It’s the only way to stop his pain.” Robby’s voice cracked.

“Okay. Okay, I don’t want him to suffer.” She sobbed.

“I’ll get everything ready for him. Please, take as much time with him as you need. Our tech will come in with papers to sign and go over the process.” Dr. Gilmore nodded and left.

Jess threw her arms around Robby, sobbing into his chest. Robby held her tight, the tears falling down his cheeks.

“It’s not fair…” She cried.

“Never is.” Robby sniffled. Another knock at the door made them jump.

“I’m sorry to disturb. My name is Maria, I’m just going to go over everything with you. Let me know if you need a break at any point. This goes at your pace, this room is yours for as long as you need.” A young woman in pink scrubs came in. She had a sympathetic look. She looked exhausted, the kind of exhaustion dealing with death all day caused. Robby could recognize the look a mile away.

“We have a couple of options as far as remains go. Communal and private.”

“Private. He’s coming home.” Robby blurted out.

“Okay. I have a few urn samples that the cremation company offers. You can choose whichever you prefer.” Maria brought out a bucket with several urns. Jess looked over all of them. Nothing felt right.

“We can put him in something else later, Honey,” Robby told her.

“Right.” She whispered. She picked up a wooden box with an intricate flower carving on the top. “This one.”

“It comes with a plaque on it. Do you want to say anything special or just his name?”

“Just his name.” Jess winced.

“Okay.” Maria typed on her iPad. “I’m going to go over the process now. You can sit with him for however long you need. This is a doorbell to the treatment area. We’ll hear it back there when you’re ready to say goodbye.” She put a little button on the floor next to them. “I’m going to take him to the back and place an IV catheter. We’ll bring him right back to you. When you ring the bell, Dr. Gilmore will come in. She’ll have a few syringes with her. One will be clear, and that’s just saline flush; the white one is Propofol, and that’s just going to sedate him. He’ll be asleep, and he won’t feel anything. The last one she’ll have is pink, and that’s the Euthasol. It’s going to stop his heart. She’ll listen and confirm he has passed. You can sit with him for as long as you need. I’m going to check you out now, so when everything is all said and done, you can just leave. We ask you to ring the bell again, so we can come in and take care of him. No having to deal with anyone.”

“Jesus.” Jess sighed.

“Do you have any questions?” Maria asked.

“No. You explained it well. Thank you.” Jess nodded.

“Let’s get you checked out, and I’ll get him all set.” Maria nodded. Robby paid her and helped lift Roger off the bed. The small woman effortlessly lifted all sixty pounds of Roger and carried him to the back.

“You’re doing the right thing, Jess.” Robby ran his fingers through her hair.

“I know. But it hurts.” She squeezed her eyes shut.

“Yeah. It does.” Robby sighed. She laid her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her.

“Okay, he’s all set.” Maria brought him back in. “He was a very good boy.” She smiled as she put him back on the bed.

“He’s the best.” Jess said.

“Maria, here’s the snack bin. Put a cupcake in it.” A tech handed a basket to Maria.

“Right, thank you, Sarah.” She nodded. “He can have whatever snacks he wants. It was one of our techs’ birthdays, so he gets a cupcake if he wants it. Chocolate too. There are goodbye kisses in there, cheese, tuna, and milkbones.”  She handed Jess the basket. “We’ll leave you be.” Maria gave a tight smile and left.

“That was nice, huh, Roger? Give you a cupcake.” Jess sniffled as she put the treat in front of his face. Roger licked at the icing, testing it before devouring it in one bite. Jess and Robby laughed.

“He was a good boy.” Robby nodded.

“He kept me alive for years. He saved me, not just the seizures.” Jess lay down, pulling Roger into her chest.

“He brought us together.” Robby cried. Jess reached up to him. Robby intertwined their fingers as he lay down next to them, Roger snug between the people who loved him the most. “He gave me the life I never thought I’d have.” He kissed Roger’s head.

“Me too.” Jess gave a watery smile.

“We should take a picture.” Robby pulled out his phone, taking a snap of them cuddled together.

“I don’t want to wait too long.” Jess sighed.

“Probably right.” Robby cleared his throat in an attempt to gain control of his emotions. He pulled himself closer to Roger. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you did for us, buddy. You’re a very good boy. Thank you.” He kissed his head.

“You are my best boy,” Jess sobbed into his fur. “My hero. You kept me together, and you took care of me so well. You care for my kids, too. I’m sorry I can’t save you the way you did for me too many times. I love you so, so much. Thank you.” Jess cried. Robby squeezed her hand.

Robby reached over and rang the bell. A few moments later, Dr. Gilmore came in.

“I’m just going to attach an extension to his catheter. You two don’t have to move.” She said as she reached over to his front leg and attached a tube. “I’m going to push some saline to make sure the catheter is still good.” She said as she pushed the clear liquid into his veins. “Okay, I’m pushing the propofol now. He’s going to start to fall asleep. He might snore, it’s normal.” She pushed the white liquid through the tubes.

Roger’s head grew heavy until it fell on Jess’ chest.

“You are such a good boy. You’re such a great dog.” She whispered into his ear.

“I’m going to push the Euthasol.” Dr. Gilmore said, as the pink liquid surged through the tube.

“Thank you, sweet boy. Thank you.” Jess sobbed.

“You did a good job, buddy.” Robby said, his voice tight. He felt Roger’s chest stop moving, his body stiff, quiet.

Dr. Gilmore put her stethoscope on and listened to his chest.

“He’s passed. I’m so sorry for your loss.” She said and left.

A sob ripped from Jess’ chest, pulling him close. She felt untethered in a way that was new and uncomfortable. She was on her own in a way she wasn’t used to. It was scary.

Robby held them both, knowing there was nothing he could do to fix this. They would just have to feel the pain. The only way out was through.

They lost track of time; they lay with Roger for what could have been fifteen minutes or two hours.

“Let’s go home. We can’t stay forever.” Jess sighed as she sat up. Robby climbed to his feet, helping her up.

“We’ll figure this out.” Robby kissed her cheek. He rang the bell as they left. The air was cold as they entered their new, uncertain world. It felt heavier.

One Year Later

Robby came bounding through the door, a big smile on his face. He slammed the door behind him by accident, sending Jess shooting to the ceiling from her position on the couch.

“What the hell!” She gasped.

“Get your shoes, we have an important date!” Robby said, tossing her shoes at her.

“What are you talking about?” She looked at him like he had lost his mind.

“Let’s go, we can’t wait!” He smiled.

“Okay! Chill!” Jess laughed as she put on her shoes. Robby dragged her out to the car and sped out of the driveway.

“Do I get a hint?” Jess chuckled.

“Nope.” Robby shook his head.

“Weirdo.” She scoffed.

They spent the car ride playing twenty questions, or at least Jess’s version, which was just her asking the same thing over and over. The car pulled up to a big barn-like building. The sign read Pennsylvania Service and Guide Dogs.

“What?” Jess whispered.

“They called me this afternoon. I put you on the list the day after Roger died.” Robby said, unsure if she would be mad.

“Oh.” She said. They sat in silence for a minute. “Let’s go see them, then.” Jess jumped out.

They walked into the building, and a receptionist smiled up at them.

“You must be the Robinavitch family! I’m Tina.” She got up and shook their hands. “We’re so excited to help you out. Your husband gave us a rundown of what you need, and we have the perfect match for you. She’s a little young, but she’s the smartest of her litter.” She smiled.

“I need a smart one. She’ll need to keep up with my kids.” Jess snorted.

“You have kids?”

“No, I’m a teacher. My last dog, Roger, used to help me teach.” Jess cleared her throat.

“It’s always hard, losing a service dog. It’s normal to feel off with your new one. Don’t feel bad. But she’s got a good personality. I don’t think you’ll have a hard time loving her.” Tina smiled as she led them into a big meeting room.

“I’m sure she’s great.” Jess gave a tight smile.

“I’ll be right back with her. Sit down, relax.” Tine said as she ran out of the room.

“It’s not going to feel the same. But she’s going to help us. It’s been a struggle without him, in more ways than one.” Robby rubbed Jess’ shoulders.

“I know. It feels wrong, I know that’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb.” Robby kissed her forehead.

The door opened and Tina came in with a young and energetic red golden retriever. She had a sweet face that looked like she was smiling. She saw Jess and started wagging her tail.

“This is Betty.” Tina brought her over, handing the leash to Jess.

“Hello, sweet thing.” Jess hummed as she petted the dog. The puppy looked up at her happily, tail swishing as she melted onto the floor and rolling for belly rubs.

“She’s been in training since she was born. She was trained for epilepsy and seizure disorders. We’ll go over her commands with you.” Tina smiled.

“She’s adorable. The kids will be very excited.” Jess chuckled as she rubbed the dog’s belly.

“She’s already got a human name, too.” Robby smiled. “She was born the same day Roger left.” Robby whispered. Jess’s head snapped up to look at him.

“It’s true. When we saw your husband’s application for you and the date you lost your boy, we knew she had to be yours.” Tine nodded.

“Oh.” Jess whispered. She pulled Betty into a sit and scratched her head. “Did he send you? He knew I needed someone to keep an eye on me, huh?” Jess’s voice cracked.

“He knew you needed a partner in crime. I’m too responsible.” Robby chuckled.

(Curse of Withering masterpost)

(Curse of Withering) All-content taglist: @whump-till-ya-jump @floral-comet-whump @paingoes @bonbonbobomb @inhurtandincomfort @half-duck @lumpywhump @loonybun @justanotherchangeling @ichortwine @weibun-art @melpomenelamusa @sacredwrath @whoooompp @catnykit @thegoatchild @hueningplushie @pumpkin-spice-whump @nosanehumanallowed @technicallydeliciousdeer @zozgreenery

Send an ask or comment on this linked post to be added to one of the taglists, or to switch taglists! :D