my oc (whos development is still in the Very early stages) is a mexican girl with two mothers. she was separated from them as a child and was raised by an aunt, who is bigoted in a very liberal sort of way. a huge part of her arc is about realizing the injustice done to her mothers and finding them. she spites her aunt by openly recognizing both mothers as hers, not just her birth mother. when i learned how mexican last names work, with one from each parent, i thought of her (1/2)
(2/2) of her doing that, keeping a last name from each of her moms, and have it hyphenated (bc itâs in the US). would this be inappropriate for me to do? and how would it work among gay moms, when the first surname is usually the fatherâs? would it be strange at all to do, and i should instead have her go by the new single surname their moms chose, instead of her birth motherâs maiden name that her aunt had her use? should i avoid writing a bigoted latina family member at all? thank you
Gay Parents And Apellidos
1. Would giving apellidos to a character who is the daughter of a gay couple be inappropriate?Â
Inappropriateness is a matter of perspective: Â to the Catholic Church (relevant if only because Mexico is Catholic), Iâm sure itâs inappropriate on the generally Catholic outlook of being against homosexuality. Â To the secular world, itâs not inappropriate because the secular world could give a damn who you choose to wed. Â If youâre asking âwould this be inappropriate to my readersâ then, most readers probably wonât care one way or the other and then a small handful of readers may be uncomfortable with it for religious reasons. Â So, basically: no, itâs not inappropriate, unless you want to consider very traditionally Catholic viewpoints, but even so, that doesnât mean you shouldnât do it. Â
2. How would apellidos work among gay moms when the surname is usually the fatherâs?Â
Which name comes first is up to you: alphabetical, it sounds nice, she was closer with one versus the other at one point, the one who gave birth to her got the âfirstâ apellido because she was the one to give birth to her⌠the world of possibilities is open to you.  Because your character lives in the United States, then the case will tend to be be, for legal documents, that either her last name is hyphenated or her middle name is actually one of her apellidos.  For example, there are plenty of people whose middle names, on legal documents, are Rodriguez, Flores, et cetera, rather than what youâd think of conventionally as a middle name.Â
3. Is it strange to do this?
Yes, but thatâs only because normalcy is relative and there arenât a lot of gay Mexican couples who retain the tradition of apellidos in the US because, frankly, the more traditional families also tend to be more religious. Â That doesnât mean that gay Mexican parents donât exist, or that they have to magically assimilate and surrender their apellidos, it just means that itâs not common. Â Itâs not a bad thing to be rare or unique.
4. Should I have her go by the new single surname their moms chose?Â
Thatâs up to you. Â Not having apellidos doesnât automatically make you a mexi-canât. Â Do what you want. Their choice to have this new surname they decided together could be a symbolic thing for their relationship for one another, after all. Â Anecdotally, nobody is going to actually call your MC by both last names, itâs just going to come up in legal, hospital and/or church documentation. Â That might come up for you of course given that your character is trying to track down her parents, but, just so you know, nobody is gonna be like HEY, HEY PABLO DIEGO JOSE FRANCISCO DE PAULA JUAN NEPOMUCENO MARIA DE LOS REMEDIOS CIPRIANO DE LA SANTISIMA TRINIDAD RUIZ Y PICASSO â CAN YOU PASS THE SALTÂ
5. Should I avoid writing a bigoted latina family member?Â
No. Â Just because someone isnât white, doesnât mean they canât be bigoted. Â Just because you are writing a nonwhite character doesnât mean that you have to treat that character like a different class of people when it comes to constructing their morality or lack thereof: they are just as human as the white characters. Â Let me tell you something: many Mexican-Americans â especially the ones that were born before 1960 â can be incredibly bigoted, especially anti-Black, and, because of our strong Catholic roots, incredibly homophobic. Â They also can be incredibly anti-chicano as well because they equate chicano with a class of untouchable lowlifes. Â And even the younger ones among us can be like this as well.Â
Hell, it can potentially be relatable to younger Mexican-American audiences to see your MC having to deal with her bigoted aunt if they have been in similar situations.
There is nothing believable about someone who has no flaws. Â All that represents is you being afraid or unable to write conflict and controversy. Â If someone reads your bigoted aunt and thinks that all Mexican-Americans are like her, then the problem is with their worldview, not your writing. Â An often discussed tactic here to offset unflattering characters of a given ethnic group is to provide redeeming characters of the same group, which it seems youâve already done with the whole fact that your main character and her parents are Mexican-Americans and/or Mexicans as well.
-Rodriguez
