#failwolf friday

 x.x.x.x.

 “I really want to go back to Beacon Hills,” Allison said the next week at breakfast, stirring her yogurt with a discontent, melancholic sigh. If she didn’t miss Scott so much, Derek would assume Laura had a hand in it. “Do you think we can go up?  For the weekend, maybe?” 

“Therianthrope goes into production soon,” Derek reminded her with regret, though after everything that had happened with Stiles recently, he wanted that too.  He would foolishly follow a boy back to his hometown for another smile because Derek was sad and pathetic. 

 “Which means it’ll be at least six months before we can go back,” she pointed out.   

“You and Laura can go without me.”

 Laura made a face at him. Derek was tempted to make a face back at her. 

So he did. 

“In fact,” Derek continued. “Why don’t you stay there for a while? I’ll be working 80 hour weeks and at one point we’ll be shooting on location, so you can come back then if you’re tired of the idyllic countryside.”  He directed the last bit towards Laura.

 “Really?” Allison questioned, jumping up to hug him from behind.  “Thanks Der.”

 “She didn’t even ask me if I was ok with it,” Laura said, watching as Allison hurried off to pack. “Does she expect to leave right now?”

 Derek shrugged and smirked, taking a bite from his toast.  “Have fun in Beacon Hills.”

 “Oh no,” Laura said, pointing her finger at him.  “You’re coming up for a few days or both of us will stay here and I’ll start boxing up your werewolf figurines and send them to Stiles as presents.  He’s seen them now.  He’ll know who they’re from.”

 As far as threats went, that one wasn’t very effective.  It was actually a fantastic idea.  Stiles would love… “Okay,” Derek blinked, surprised by his train of thought.  “Okay.”  He could afford to take the weekend for himself at this stage and the best way could think of to spend it was to maybe get a chance to talk to Stiles in person, because every second he spent with Stiles felt like something new, and Derek didn’t know how to say no to that.

 .x.x.x.

 Derek finished lap ten when he realized he had a spectator, and he slowed his breaststroke to a crawl. Stiles was watching him from the side of the pool, tapping his foot like he was impatient, but also with no intention of actually stopping Derek.  His keen eyes were fixed on Derek’s back, and even though Derek was kind of really bad at figuring out cues, he knew Stiles was checking him out.

 Again.

 “I hope this isn’t strange,” Stiles said, handing Derek a towel as he pulled himself out of the pool, water sloshing around him as his arms supported his weight.  He easily brought a leg up and used it to help himself stand, showing off a little at his ability to get his foot right on the edge of the pool and practically step out with a push of both his arms and his leg, going from in the water to standing in about two seconds.

 Stiles inhaled sharply as he handed the towel over, clearing his throat as Derek used it to swipe off his arms and face, before rubbing it over his chest.  He could feel water trailing down his legs from his swim pants, and he had a moment to wonder if they had dislodged and he was giving Stiles an eyeful, but he thought that Stiles’ expression would be very different than it was. For some reason, Derek thought Stiles would leer, not flush slightly and look away from Derek entirely.  

 “It’s not strange,” Derek assured him, moving to put his shirt back on.  It stuck a little to his damp skin, his hair dripping onto the collar almost immediately.  “Nothing you haven’t seen before,” he mentioned in an offhanded tone, sitting in one of the chairs on the desk.

 “Uh… yeah,” Stiles answered quietly, sitting beside him.  “Only the opposite of nothing I haven’t seen before.”

 There was a compliment in there somewhere, Derek thought, looking over at Stiles.  Maybe.

 “Everyone went to get sushi in the next town over and I came back to see if you wanted to come with us.”

 “Sushi?” Derek questioned.

 “Best in the area,” Stiles answered, fidgeting with a fray on the hem of his shirt.  “Which means it’s only mediocre, and we both know how discerning your palate is,” he finished in a teasing tone, seemingly regaining his equilibrium.

 “Mine?” Derek answered. “Remembering the rules you have about food would take a study guide.”

 Something crossed Stiles’ features.  “But you do remember them, don’t you?” he asked in an amazed tone.  “You do.  You did.”

 “I…”

 “Never mind,” Stiles finished, getting to his feet.  “Do you want sushi or not?  Because I’m really hungry.”

 “You didn’t have to come back for me.”

 “I don’t even know why I bothered,” Stiles answered in a self-defeated tone.  “Of course you don’t want to come.  Mediocre sushi isn’t exactly a major draw to get you to come out with us.”

“Wait,” Derek said desperately, reaching for Stiles.  “You’re right, it’s not, but I’ll come.  I don’t mind spending time with all of you.”  Stiles specifically.  If he could just convince Stiles to stay with him instead of joining everyone else, it would make Derek’s entire week, but Stiles never had wanted to spend time with just Derek, and Derek didn’t know why that would change entirely.

Stiles paused, really looking at him.  “You should put on pants,” he finally said.

 Derek wasn’t sure what he was doing.  He didn’t even care for sushi, had never been able to get into it no matter how popular it was in Los Angeles.  The moment he stepped into the restaurant, his sisters would know the real reason he agreed, and it didn’t really bother him after months of them knowing the things he’d do for Stiles, but it made him feel a bit pathetic because he received just a tiny bit of attention and was ready to drop his plans for the afternoon for the guy he was in love with.

 But, as he considered this, he wondered why Stiles had come back to get him when both Laura and Allison knew how he felt about the type of food they were eating.  He didn’t know what the story was there, and could barely even hazard a guess, but shouldn’t they have stopped Stiles?  If this was really about food, shouldn’t someone have said something?  That told him that one of his sisters (or both of them) had deliberately kept silent, which was practically unheard of unless they wanted him to spend time with Stiles.

 The catch there was that neither of them really cared to allow him to be alone with Stiles, not since Stiles broke his heart on the internet.  They’d warmed up to him after the panel, but he didn’t think that they’d come so far as to actually encourage Stiles to come get him for sushi.  

That left the possibility that Stiles was acting alone and hadn’t told anyone he was coming to see Derek, which seemed even more unlikely than the first option.  But… not as unlikely as Derek would have assumed.  He pulled on a pair of jeans quickly at the idea, hurrying back downstairs to find Stiles poking at his digital movie collection streaming to the PS4.

 “Would you like to get pizza instead?” Derek asked, pulling on his leather jacket.  “I hear there’s a great place in town.”

 Stiles looked up quickly and then grinned at him.  “Yeah,” he said, dropping the controller on the table.  “I’d like that.  You’ll love it.  They even passed the testing from the FDA.”

 Yeah, Derek would take that risk in order to spend time with Stiles.  What was one more risk, really?  Eating a bit of pizza because Stiles liked it wasn’t a big deal in the long run.  “Have you had it since?” 

“No way,” Stiles laughed. “Scott still gets nauseated at the scent of dough and cheese, but Scott’s sensitive.  So sensitive, dad had pizza pockets for lunch one day and Scott could smell it on his breath and almost yacked.  I should train him to scent out all foods dad shouldn’t be eating.” 

“Scott puked in front of Allison.  I think he’s justified in still being a little wary.” 

“I’m sorry I missed it,” Stiles agreed, getting to his feet.  “Just let me,” he trailed off, pulling his phone out of his pocket and typing on it.  “There, now they’re not waiting for me.  It’s time for pizza.” 

x.x.x.x. 

It was strange.  We had lunch and he told me about the time he played a mini werewolf in one of his folks’ movies, even credited on IMDB, and the time Laura took one of the props and scared her entire fourth grade class, and how instead of decorating for Christmas like everyone else in their neighbourhood did, his father decked their entire Bel Air mansion out for Halloween.  He didn’t even wince when eating the pizza, and he laughed at my dumb jokes.  He’s really snarky.  I didn’t really notice that before.

 I think I like him as a person. 

And remember when I said that it looked like his abs were legion in quality beneath his shirt?  Well I’ve seen them now.  I’m going to have to grade celebrities on the Derek Hale scale, which seems really unfair because celebs are basically paid to develop abs, and his are still better. What is life?  I feel like I’ve been lied to.  Normal people just aren’t supposed to look the way he does and not have some kind of work out addiction and unhealthy aversion to pizza.  And ok, so now I’m rambling judgmentally about ab muscles… but wow. 

“Admit it,” Scott said, sticking his head in the door.  “I think you kind of like him, fess up.” 

“I did!” Stiles exclaimed, throwing a book at Scott’s head.  “I already said that.” 

“I don’t just mean as a person.”  Scott laughed.  “You like him.  Someone is in denial.” 

“Shut up Scott!” 

“I don’t LIKE him,” Stiles said to the camera.  “I just really hate the fact that I didn’t give him a chance before.  I know, I know I already admitted that I’m an asshole, but wow, that’s what he meant when he said that I don’t give first chances, let alone second ones.  If I had given him a first chance instead of jumping to conclusions….” He trailed off uncertainly. 

“Well, I didn’t, so it doesn’t matter.”

x.x.x. 

Production was set to start on Therianthrope, and Derek felt like he was going insane trying to perfect it. He still managed to eke out time for Stiles’ vlog.

He probably always would. 

x.x.x. 

“Hi, I’m Scott, Stiles’s brother.  You can see him lounging on his bed behind me all lacksidasial with exhaustion from finishing his final review of the Therianthrope movie.  He said I could do today’s vlog, with his supervision of course.  The thing is, I don’t have much to say about horror movies besides “scary” or “not so scary” so I was thinking we could re-enact some of my favourites with the sock puppets.  So I have the Derek Hand puppet and the Philes Philanges puppet, and there were probably a few more puppets at one time but for some reason these were already out on Stiles’ desk when I got here.  Better desk than nightstand, right?” Scott attempted a wink. 

“Scott!” Stiles called out from the bed.  “Don’t!” 

“Really?” Scott retorted, facing away from the camera.  “I thought it was a good one.” 

“Yeah, ok.  It was,” Stiles conceded.  “No more, though.  I’m trying to nap.” 

“So as I was saying,” Scott said, returning his face towards the camera.  “Movie re-enactments.  What do you think?  Jaws? Dah-nuh Dah-nuh.” Scott made Philes chase Derek around the screen with his mouth opening and closing like pacman.   

“Segueing into Sharknado! That’s horrifying, right?” Scott said, spinning Philes through the air.  “Oh no Shark! Don’t eat me!” Scott made Derek Hand say.   

“Charles, what a deprived childhood you must have had,” Scott continued with the Philes character.  “I guess we’re doing X-Men: First Class now.” 

“That’s not a horror movie,” Stiles said from his place on the bed, his head hanging over the side of the mattress so he was watching Scott upside down.  “But awesome reference.” 

“I had a perfectly pleasant childhood, thank you,” Scott finished with Derek Hand.  “But it is a truth universally acknowledged that I am a rich asshole in need of a wife.” 

“Not it!” Philes said. “Even if you are attractive, Mr. Derekcy.” 

“What?” Stiles said from the bed, sitting up with a jolt. 

“Ok, StiLizzie. But I will love you from afar anyway.  I will give you everything you have ever wanted, and I won’t try to take credit for it.” 

“Owwww, motherfucker!” Stiles yelled, getting tangled in his sheets and falling off his bed.  “Stop it, Scott.  That’s not funny. Don’t make fun of him.” 

“Ok, Mr. Derekcy. Maybe my feelings towards you will change in the passing months to the point where our story is more Pride and Prejudice than Bride of Chucky.” 

“Bride of Chucky! That’s a terrible reference! Don’t go with Bride of Chucky!” Stiles yelled from his position on the floor where he was obviously flailing.  “Ouch. No.  Scott.  Don’t say that at all.  Retract. Redact. Why would you think my feelings have changed?  Don’t put this online.  Why am I still stuck in this blanket?”

Scott gave the camera a raised eyebrow and the most sarcastic look he was capable of.  “I don’t know, Stiles.  Why would I think that?” 

“Fuuuuck,” Stiles moaned meaningfully, going limp and allowing his body to fall back against the floor.  “Oh my god.”  For good measure he banged his head against the floor.  “It’s not Pride and Prejudice.  Oh my God.  Am I falling in love with Derek Hale?  Did he pull a Mr. Darcy on me?” 

“I don’t think it’s his move or anything,” Scott retorted.  “Is this actually news to you?  You spent the last 3 weeks talking about how amazing he is, and the 4 weeks before that talking about how great the producer of Therianthrope is, and they’re the same guy. And before that you kept mentioning how he was an ok guy apropos to nothing because you were the only one bringing him up.” 

Stiles whined pitifully and flopped over on the floor, lying there like a starfish.   

“How many of you saw that coming?” Scott asked the camera.  “I know some of you are actively shipping it and have been since the beginning. Believe me, you’re not alone. There’s a real live support group right here in Beacon Hills.  Like… we didn’t actually think Stiles would turn him down the first time.” 

“Stop, Scott don’t make him rehash this.  You know Derek never misses my blog.”

“Allison,” Scott said, looking directly into the camera.  “You owe me $20.” 

x.x.x.

 “I’m holding in my hand a Lycaon werewolf action figure circa the 1990 promotion of Lukánthropos, limited production.  Only about 100 of them were ever made, and I… just received one from Derek Hale with a thank you note.  It’s… I…” Stiles looked at the werewolf in his hand.  “Thank you.  You have no idea what this means.” 

“No… I… know that you do, and that makes it mean a lot more.  Derek.” Stiles was looking directly into the camera, completely serious. 

Then an edit jumped forward, showing his smiling face as he held up the cover of the next movie he was going to review.

 x.x.x.

 “Hi,” Stiles said, giving the camera this intent look from beneath his eyelashes.  He licked his lips, giving the lens a direct look and held up a DVD. He was smiling, a flirtatious thing that translated over the computer screen.  “I think you’ll enjoy this movie,” he said, and Derek felt like Stiles was talking right to him.  “It’s has extremely witty moments and uses tension rather than gore as a fright tactic. The protagonist tries to be intelligent, but fails, and in my opinion that’s the failing of this movie.  There are some parts you’d really enjoy, though,” he raised his shoulder in a half shrug, glancing up at the camera again. “But maybe not.  You should take my word for it, though.  I think you’ll be surprised, and I don’t just mean by the sex scene.  It made me think of you, and while I don’t mean the sex scene specifically, maybe it did. What would you think of that?” 

Derek didn’t know what to think of Stiles’ message. It felt like Stiles was talking to him, and only him, but he understood enough about the process of filming to know that everyone who watched it probably felt that way.  Derek couldn’t identify a single part of what Stiles had that was for him and him alone, but at the same time he couldn’t identify any of it that wasn’t. It seemed to him that Stiles had done that on purpose, as a way for his followers to feel included in what he was saying, like Stiles was filming the message right to them in that dedicated, flirtatious tone he had adopted. 

And wow.  Just wow. He’d never really experienced Stiles’ charm full force before, and even now it was diluted through the screen and the knowledge he was sharing it with thousands of viewers.  He was glad it was happening that way because if Stiles was actually flirting with him, Derek wasn’t sure he could take it without doing something very forward.

 Stiles wouldn’t thank him for making things even worse between them if he grabbed and kissed him. Stiles would probably consider that the last straw, and Derek would feel terrible on multiple levels, because you didn’t just grab and kiss someone, no matter how intense their come hither eyes were.

 And Stiles’ were intense. Derek didn’t think it was just a matter of being swayed by the fact that he was in love with Stiles, mostly because Cameron from the AV department stopped by his office, made a show of fanning himself, and said: “Whoo, your boy.”

 “It had to be for you,” Allison assured him.  “I’ve never seen him like that, not even when the waiter at the sushi place was really coming on strong and Stiles tried to flirt back.  Who else would he be talking to?”

 “Any one of the people who comment on his vlog regularly.”

“They don’t love it as much as you do!  Stiles responds well to people who can have a discussion with him about what he talks about.”

Ouch.  Derek had never once left a comment for Stiles.  He’d thought about it.  He’d thought of creating a fake account and praising him every time he posted something, saying things to Stiles that Derek would never be able to say as himself.  When it came time to try, though, he realized he didn’t want to say those things to Stiles as anyone other than Derek Hale, which was definitely a catch.

 “Derek,” Allison warned, seeing the expression on his face.  “Why are you self-flagellating?  Do you realize that none of them can have the discussion about horror movies with him that you can?  Do you realize that Stiles knows this, and he doesn’t care about people who blindly love him, he wants discussion.  He wants arguments.  He wants you.” 

“We established that he doesn’t,” Derek pointed out. 

“Months ago!” 

“I don’t think I can go through being turned down again.” 

“Oh, Derek,” Allison answered compassionately, but Derek wasn’t listening.  He knew that her assurances would make him feel better, empower him to maybe take another chance on Stiles, but he didn’t know if that was the direction he was headed in.  He wanted to. He did.  Stiles was worth all the chances in the world, but he didn’t think he could go through all that again and come out the other side of it.

They were in a good place now, he and Stiles.  

A solid place.

x.x.x

Derek was at yet another horror movie panel trying to convince himself that sitting in front of a room full of people analysing his every movement, his every thought, was just part of the process.  It was just part of the process.  If he was good enough, made enough interesting points or markedly witty rejoinders, it would help promote his movie.

That didn’t make it easier.

Part of him wished Stiles was there.  Stiles had a unique ability to make Derek focus on him rather than on the people in front of him, staring at him.  When Stiles was with him, it felt like people were staring at the two of them, and sure maybe that should bother him, since their relationship was a festering gossip in the small horror movie press sphere, but it didn’t.  It gave Derek an ally in all of this, someone who had his back when he tried to bring questions back around to the movie itself.

Not questions like: “Don’t you think Stiles owes you more respect than what this latest blog post showed?”

“First: Stiles doesn’t owe me anything,” Derek hissed, back straightening and all sense of shyness dissipating like it never existed.  “That isn’t how life works, or at least it isn’t a good way to think.  If you think that he owes me now out of… duty, or worse, you seriously need to re-examine your definition of a healthy relationship. Second: he can flirt with who he wants to on his own blog – I don’t even… do you think there’s a contract somewhere stipulating that while he works for me he can’t flirt with anyone… again, reassess your thought process.  Third, and final: Stiles’ love life has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with Therianthrope.” 

(as an aside, his angry indignant face became a short-lived social justice meme with the caption reassess your thought process. Derek assumed Laura made the gifs herself, but then Stiles appealed to a lot of people outside of the horror industry who watched because they thought he was attractive and charming.) 

x.x.x

“I wasn’t flirting with someone,” Stiles blurted out the moment Derek answered the phone.  “Not just anyone.  You said some really good things today, things I appreciate, but I wouldn’t do that, not now.  Not with someone random.”

“Okay,” Derek answered slowly.

“I’m not sure it is,” Stiles answered.  “But that’s not something I’m up to talking about right now.  More importantly, did you watch the last movie I recommended?”

“Yeah,” Derek answered, a smile crossing his features as a warmth spread through his chest.  “Yes.  I particularly enjoyed the scene with the deer.”

“I thought you might.”  Derek could hear the smile.  “Listen, I got to go.”

“Hold on!” Derek said quickly, wanting to prolong this moment as long as possible.  “We’re going to do some location shots in Beacon Hills next week.  Do you want to get some first-hand experience on set?”

“Yes!  I really need to go, Der, but yes.  Yeah, I’ll be there.  Bye.”  

“Bye,” Derek responded, ending the call.  He felt warm and pleased, happy at nothing in particular, but because of everything Stiles.  It took him a moment to pick out the use of his nickname in everything about Stiles that made him feel amazing.  It was what his sisters called him, but Stiles using it made all the stress he was feeling because of the movie melt into something secondary. 

Beacon Hills couldn’t come soon enough.

 x.x.x.

 Derek was barely on set, his legs stiff from the long drive up to Beacon Hills following the equipment trailer.  The sun was bright overhead and he squinted against it, pulling his sunglasses out of his hair and shoving them over his eyes.  He took out his phone to text Laura that he was in town, not surprised to find a string of texts from both his sisters that had gone unanswered while he was driving. 

“Derek!” 

It wasn’t strange for someone to need his input, so Derek looked up as he texted, surprised to see Stiles walking towards him. He hadn’t expected for Stiles to arrive before he did, but he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t anticipated it.  Stiles lived in Beacon Hills.

Stiles was more enthusiastic about the movie than a lot of the staff. 

He waved, and Stiles waved back.  

“Hey, just the person I was looking for,” Stiles said with a strange smile.

Derek frowned at him, turning his head to the side as he observed Stiles, from the rigid set of his shoulders to the way he was flexing his hands, both definite signs he wasn’t happy.  “What’s wrong?” he asked.  Maybe someone had given Stiles trouble for being on set?  Derek hoped it was as easy as that.  Derek hoped it wasn’t him that was making Stiles unhappy again.

“I… nothing’s wrong, per se,” Stiles promised. He stopped and looked carefully back at Derek, laughing uneasily.  “It’s just… I need to do this now before I chicken out. You really meant it, didn’t you?  You’re really in love with me?” Stiles said with no lead up.  It certainly wasn’t where Derek thought this conversation was going. 

“Of course I did,” Derek answered, frowning.  He took off his sunglasses, because it seemed unfair to hold this conversation while Stiles couldn’t see half of his expressions. 

Stiles looked at him intently. “Has that changed? Do you still mean it now?” 

“Are you asking me if I’m still in love with you?” Derek asked softly.  Of course Stiles had concerns about working with him.  Derek had been behaving inappropriately recently, sending him presents hoping that maybe Stiles was warming up to him.  He couldn’t do anything but be honest, because Stiles deserved the truth.  “Of course I am.  That doesn’t just disappear.  Maybe it could, with time.  I did try. Your emails made it impossible to think of you in any other way but the one I see you in, but I can try to stay away this time.  If that’s what you want from me.” 

“No,” Stiles said, shaking his head.  “No. Derek, fuck.” He ran his fingers through his hair, turning away and pacing a few steps, before moving back in. He looked frustrated, and Derek felt his hope return. “You’re everything I didn’t know I needed until I realized you were standing right in front of me.  I turned you down. I broke what we could have been before it even happened.  I don’t understand how you can just stand there and tell me you’ll try harder to forget me, you should have cut me out immediately and you didn’t.  And that’s perfect.”  Stiles paused, breathing heavily.  Derek was surprised to find that he was doing the opposite.  He was holding his breath waiting for Stiles to finish.  “All I want is for you to give me a chance to make it up to you.” 

Derek had no idea what to say.  There had to be the right words somewhere to tell Stiles how much he wanted that, but how unnecessary it was for Stiles to have to prove himself to Derek.  It seemed almost foolish to suggest, because Derek believed in Stiles without reservation. “There’s nothing to make up.” 

Stiles squinted at him.  “You’re giving me confusing signals.  Is that a yes?” 

That’s when Derek realized what Stiles was asking, what Stiles was trying to say.  Derek had given Stiles a piece of himself so long ago, and Stiles was finally offering a piece of himself back. 

“Of course,” Derek breathed.  He could never say no to Stiles.  He’d been a lost cause the second Stiles first vlog opened with the words: Let’s get one thing straight.  My favourite movie will always be Lukánthropos, the cheeky werewolf tale put out by Lycaon Productions in 1990.  I might claim that other movies are my new favourite, but nothing will ever be better than my memories of watching that movie with my parents.  My mother, in particular, loved it.  She loved it in a way that she could never get sick of it, she told me once, right before she died.  So you see, it’ll always be my favourite movie.

 Stiles closed the distance between them immediately, his long fingers curling around Derek’s jaw as he leaned into Derek’s space. His eyes were all Derek could see, and the warmth in them still took him by surprise.  “Thank you,” Stiles said, so close that Derek could feel the words against his mouth until Stiles moved closer still, his lips pressing against Derek’s.

 It was a great first kiss.  Derek felt like he was buzzing with the sensation of Stiles pressed against him, warm against his front, and so gentle with his hands. Derek ran his fingers over Stiles’ spine, and smiled against Stiles’ mouth before pulling back.

 “I didn’t do anything,” Derek said, leaning his forehead against Stiles’.  

 Stiles snorted.  “Derek, you did everything.”

 x.x.x.

 “So I considered doing this live for about a second because it seemed just and fair and right, but… I didn’t.  Instead I did it the moment I saw him because I couldn’t not say anything.  I saw him and couldn’t wait.  I asked Derek if he wanted still wanted to date me.”

“I said yes, by the way,” Derek said from off camera.

“You asshole, you were supposed to come in frame for that,” Stiles frowned to his left.

“Like this?” Derek questioned, leaning in and giving Stiles a quick kiss.  He looked smug for a second, and then moved back outside of the frame.

“And there you have it,” Stiles finished.  “The man I’m dating.  Turns out the perfect person for me really is Derek Hale.”

~FINI

[EPISODE LIST] Part 2: EPISODE 10 | EPISODE 11 | EPISODE 12 | EPISODE 13 | EPISODE 14 |EPISODE 15 | EPISODE 16 | EPISODE 17 |

A/N: again, don’t follow me for Sterek. You can follow me if you think I’m cool, but don’t follow me for Sterek.

so Erica gets sent to the castle/palace/whatever and Stiles is still adamantly opposed to the whole marriage thing but it's cool to have Erica around, at least. he keeps telling Derek that something will work out, he'll convince his dad to change his mind, something. Derek knows better than to hope for that, though.

around this time Derek gets called away on, like, knight business, I dunno. he's gone for a while, a few weeks at least, maybe a couple months. when he gets back all he hears about from the people are how the prince and Lady Erica are inseparable, that they've grown so close since she came to the castle and everyone's really excited about the upcoming-yet-still-unannounced wedding and, y'know, babies.

and Derek's like, well, crap. maybe the rumors are just exaggerated? maybe the general public doesn't understand what's really going on? he's been gone for a while, yeah, but Stiles couldn't have stopped loving him in that time, right? 

but he's getting this bad feeling about the whole thing -- still trying to be hopeful, because he knows Stiles, because Stiles promised him -- but at the castle everything's the same: all anyone can talk about his how wonderfully Stiles and Erica get along, how they're rarely seen without the other. 

and normally Derek would go find Stiles right away after getting back from a trip, but he's feeling weird about this, and if Erica's always around he doesn't know how to talk to Stiles alone, so basically he just wallows in assumed misery until Stiles finds him and is like DEREK YOU'RE BACK THAT'S GREAT THE BEST THING HAS HAPPENED.

but he won't tell Derek what the good news is; he says the king will be making an announcement the following afternoon (or something) and Derek has to be there, okay, promise me, Derek, you have to listen to this. and Derek doesn't know whether to be hopeful or anxious but he tells Stiles he'll be there, of course he will. and Stiles smiles and kisses his cheek and leaves, and Derek doesn't know what's going on.

when it's almost time for the announcement, of course, there's some sort of accident -- maybe one of the knights gets hurt, or someone from the castle is hurt, or like...just something serious and immediate -- and Derek has to deal with it, he can't just leave, even if he did promise Stiles. he tries to hurry but by the time he makes it to the square (or wherever these announcements happen, I dunno) everything's over. there's this buzz of excitement among the people there, though, and Derek stops someone to ask about what the announcement was. they say "there's going to be a wedding, the prince has fallen in love!" and Derek's whole world pretty much crashes down.

the person might keep talking, he doesn't know because he can't hear, and all the other excited chattering in the square doesn't register. he goes back to his quarters in a daze. he doesn't understand, because Stiles -- Stiles promised, but then promises aren't always kept, and sometimes things change. feelings change. and it's -- if Stiles has to marry her, it's better if he loves her, right? Derek can't fault him for it. it's not like Derek didn't know he was going to lose Stiles eventually, he just...was delusional enough to think he'd never lose him like this. 

so Derek is basically in shock, and then Stiles shows up at his quarters, and he's basically bursting with excitement, and talking about how great it is, the wedding's set for the end of spring, they're going to be married, Derek, and Derek tries to just smile and nod, but he can't react more than that, he can't say anything, because -- because doesn't Stiles know? just because his feelings changed doesn't mean Derek's did, and why -- why is he expecting Derek to be excited about this? but of course Derek should be excited for Stiles, that's all he wants, all he should want as a knight, is for his prince's happiness, and if this makes Stiles happy, then -- but couldn't Stiles have given him some time, a day, at least, to learn to hide his own heartbreak? Stiles has him at a disadvantage, here.

Stiles catches on to Derek's unresponsiveness, and is like okay, obviously you're a bit overwhelmed about all of this, we'll talk more about this later. BUT IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING, DEREK. and he does it again, kisses Derek's cheek and leaves, and Derek is left alone and his heart hurts.

Derek spends the next few months up until the wedding in a state of mild shock -- he throws himself into his training and into training the younger knights, and he's constantly bracing himself for the next time Stiles comes to him about the wedding. because it keeps happening -- Stiles asks him his opinion, tells him about the things they're planning, and it kills Derek every time, especially -- especially when Stiles mentions things Derek has heard him say before, back when Stiles used to talk idly about him and Derek getting married, used to plan things aloud. those plans were theirs, Stiles and Derek's, and now Stiles is having those same things in his wedding to Erica, and...it makes Derek angry, a little, but mostly it just makes him feel more empty. he can tell that Stiles is noticing something is wrong, because Stiles is getting more and more tentative around him, but he never asks -- why would he, it should be obvious -- and Derek never mentions a word of unhappiness. by the time the wedding is a week away, Stiles actually seems nearly as miserable as Derek feels, but it's hard to tell because they hardly see each other and Derek is so far removed from everything at this point that he can't trust his own judgment on other people's feelings -- although maybe he never really could.

he can't -- he can't be there for the wedding, though. he just. can't. he'll leave, he'll come back well after the newlywed period is over, and he'll do his duty as a knight. he can still protect Stiles, at least. protect his heirs.

so Derek leaves. he waits until the day before the wedding, to minimize the chance of anyone trying to stop him -- they're all too busy with other things. he takes a horse and some supplies and he just goes.

he's in the woods that night, sitting by a fire and lamenting his general existence, when Scott -- knight, werewolf, best friend of the prince -- finds him. Derek can tell he's angry but he just stands, waiting for whatever Scott wants to say to him. 

Scott jumps off his horse, marches up to Derek, and punches him in the gut so hard he falls to the ground. when Derek glares at him and asks him what the hell Scott says he's lucky Lydia told him he wasn't allowed to punch Derek in the face.

Scott calls Derek a coward and an asshole and not worthy of being a knight, not worthy of that title or their kingdom or much less of Stiles. and if -- if Derek didn't love Stiles anymore he should have told him, he should have just let him marry Erica and maybe they could have been happy together but it's too late now, the wedding is going to happen and Scott is getting Derek back to the castle if he has to knock him out, tie him to a horse and drag him back. his face will heal.

and Derek -- is just really confused, and says he doesn't understand, what -- and Scott's like look, Lydia can explain the political crap to you, I don't care about that, what I care about is that you broke my best friend's heart -- and I can't fix that, but I'm not going to let you embarrass him on his wedding day in front of the whole kingdom on top of it. so are you getting on the horse or is this going to get messy.

Derek is beginning to think he may have made a mistake somewhere.

he has to ask, he has to be sure he -- Scott, are you saying that, this wedding, the people getting married, are, are Stiles and --

you, yeah, Scott says, confused, because, because did Derek think -- wait, what did you --

but Derek's stripping, clawing at his clothes and ripping them off and then running and shifting, and Scott yells after him but it's no use, he's a wolf and he's gone. and Scott sighs and rolls his eyes, puts out the fire and grabs Derek's horse before getting back on his own and heading, quickly, to the castle. he leaves Derek's stuff in the woods; serves him right for being a moron.

Derek can get to Stiles's window from the outside; he can't get in on his own, because there's wolfsbane and mountain ash and other things Derek doesn't really fully understand protecting it. but he can get to the window and hope he hasn't completely ruined everything, that Stiles will still let him in.

Stiles comes to the window with an unreadable expression on his face, and isn't that strange -- Derek used to be able to read him so well. Derek doesn't know what his own face is doing, either, but whether it's his expression or the fact that Derek is clearly naked or something else entirely, Stiles does open the window for him.

Derek slips inside, and he can't -- he can't look Stiles in the eyes, he's too full of shame and guilt and terrible, crushing hope. he also just ran full-speed all the way back to the castle, so. he collapses to his knees in front of Stiles and hangs his head and there's so much he wants to say but nothing will come out, because what can he say, after failing his prince so thoroughly.

Stiles says his name, tentatively, questioningly, and Derek closes his eyes. he wants to lean forward, to reach out, to touch, but he doesn't dare, doesn't deserve that. Stiles does dare, though, and brushes his fingers lightly against the side of Derek's head. Derek leans into the touch, because Stiles -- Stiles thinks Derek doesn't love him, and he has to --

"Derek, you're crying," Stiles says, and Derek hadn't realized it but he is, there are tears streaking down his face. "I don't, did something happen, I thought you left, did you..."

Derek still can't find his words so there's quiet again until there's a soft shout from outside -- Scott at the window, Derek can tell without looking. Stiles takes his hand off Derek's face to go open it again, but Scott doesn't come inside. 

"what happened?" Stiles asks him. "I told you to just--if he doesn't want to--"

"I just found him," Scott says. "I just knocked some sense into him. Stiles, he thought -- I don't know what he thought, but it was wrong, whatever it was. but he ran back on his own, so I'm pretty sure...you thought wrong, too."

Scott leaves without saying anything else, and Stiles comes back to stand in front of where Derek hasn't moved. then Stiles sinks down on the floor too, so they're at eye level, and Stiles takes Derek by the chin and tilts his head up until their eyes meet. 

"tell me I was wrong," Stiles says, "tell me you didn't come back out of some warped sense of duty--"

"I love you," Derek says, because it's the truth, because Stiles needs to hear it, even if Derek doesn't think he deserves to say it yet. something changes in Stiles's expression at the words, there's hope there, and it makes Derek go on. "I left because I love you, and I came back because I love you."

Stiles is holding his face with both hands now, and Derek can't tell which one of them is trembling. "I don't understand," Stiles says, and his eyes are starting to look watery. "if you still -- if that's true, why did you go? why have you seemed tortured ever since the announcement?"

Derek raises his own hands to rest on Stiles's and forces himself not to lower his eyes, to face his own shame. he tells Stiles he didn't hear the announcement, he didn't make it in time, and all he heard was that Stiles was in love and getting married, and he thought -- he was such a fool, but he thought -- that Stiles had fallen in love with Erica.

but there was more to the announcement, of course -- Stiles and Erica had together managed to convince the king that letting Stiles marry for love would be the best thing for the kingdom, far more important than the line of succession. after all, Stiles marrying a woman wouldn't guarantee heirs, so if they might have needed to figure out an alternative anyway, why not let Stiles marry Derek?

so yeah, the king said "my son is in love and he will be married in a few months' time" but he also said "Lady Erica has offered to help with wedding preparations for the happy couple" and never named the person Stiles would actually be marrying (because Stiles knew Derek wouldn't want the attention).

and Stiles tells him this and is like you utter moron. how could you think I'd be so cruel to come to you about my wedding with someone else?! and Derek says he didn't think it was intentional cruelty, just that Stiles was blind with love.

"I was," Stiles says, "obviously, if I couldn't see how badly you were hurting." he had thought at first that Derek was just overwhelmed, but when his behavior got more withdrawn and things between them just seemed to be getting worse and worse he thought maybe Derek's feelings had changed, or maybe Derek only loved him when he thought it was safe, when their marriage seemed like an impossibility. 

and Derek tells him how wrong that is, and they're both like 'ugh we were so stupid' and they apologize to each other for letting everything get so out of hand, and then there's love declarations and kissing and etc.

(and Derek tries to leave to go back to his own quarters because they're getting married the next day and everything and Stiles is like UH NO YOU'RE STAYING HERE and since Derek's kind of gross from being in the woods and running back and everything he gets a servant to bring some water and he helps Derek wash off (Derek has insisted on putting on some underwear or something by this point) and lets him borrow some clothes and they crawl into Stiles's giant comfy bed. and Derek's like 'you know I missed out on all the months of anticipation and nerves since I didn't actually know I was getting married until like 2 hours ago' and Stiles is like 'well I'll be here all night, right next to you, anticipate away' and they proceed to torture themselves by not actually having sex. except really they're both just so relieved and happy to have each other again that just being next to each other is enough. they sleep easily and well and actually oversleep and Derek has to basically sneak out of Stiles's room the next morning and finds Scott waiting for him. Scott rolls his eyes but he's grinning and he drags Derek off to get ready. for his WEDDING.)

the end.