#facts&tips

Rehearse these lines, so you'll be ready for any barb hurled your way--no momentum killing pause, no stumbling over your words, no thinking of the perfect comeback hours too late. This is your moment to shine, when you can truly put your skills to the test and leave others in your comeback wake. 

For a particularly mean insult, you'll want to have an equally cutting reply. For the complete idiots, or the utterly demented, make sure your retort expresses just how unoriginal or nonsensical your attackers are. Or, when you've simply had enough, unleash an end-all line that will shut them up for good.

Depending on your relationship with the attacker and the manner in which they attack, there are many ways to craft your response. In some instances, you'll simply want to --short, sharp, and direct.You can select one that is dismissive, suggesting they are not worth your time, or one that's potentially dual inciting, in which case you'll emerge as the silver tongue victor.

When insulting a smarty-pants, be sure to use the correct jargon. On the internet (natch), the distinctions between nerds, geeks, dweebs, and dorks are minutely parsed. A nerd is an iconoclast with eclectic intellectual interests, while a geek is a nerd who specializes in an area of extreme passion; though socially outside the mainstream, in the computer age both are considered somewhat cool. Dweebs and dorks, however, are still losers, so fire away.

Despite the age-old saying that "words will never hurt me," we all know that a biting comment can be a devastatingly effective slap in the face. It's not easy being mean, but Insults and Comebacks for All Occasions will increase your self-assurance and establish your superiority. By attacking those who need to be knocked down a peg, you'll make the world a better place one moron at a time. Bring it on!

When selecting your words think about lines that best reflect your personality; intention, and desired outcome. Direct or slow-burning? Humorous or heinous? Ending or provoking a battle? Also Consider your relationship to the insultee and the severity of the offense. Are you faced with an obnoxious driver, a reckless asshole with no regard for others? Or are you combating a friend who desperately needs encouragement to get in the shower? In addition, be sure to plan your delivery. Panache and confidence will help take the wind out of your opponents and garner the respect and admiration of others. Finally, whatever your purpose, always be sure to get in the last word. 

If you're at a loss for what to insults just remember the theory of relativity. Relatively speaking, someone is always fatter or skinnier, older or younger---even if only by a few ounces or days. If they're more stupid than you, pick on their intelligence. If they're smarter, mock their arrogance. If they're mean, impugn their character. If, on the other hand, you find yourself at the receiving end of a disparaging remark, you'll find the chapter on comebacks useful, an array of witty ripostes for every occasion.