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I want to scream from a top of a mountain: I am not perfect. I'm not good. I've struggled with pornography for a long time. This needs to end right now. No more visiting traumatic memories through porn. I feel like a hypocrite. I need to be serious about God since He has been serious about me since the beginning. I desperately want to follow Jesus and I can't let anything get in a way of that. God help me for my flesh is weak and my mind is foggy. I need to start fighting.
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There are so many days, God, where I come to the end of myself, and its not easy. These are the days when I’m so tired and feel so done with everything, that I seriously don’t know how to carry on anymore. These are the days when my heart is hurting bad, and my eyes are red from crying, and my throat is all scratchy that i can’t speak any longer. These are the days where I experience the end of myself, the end of my strength. These are the days where I truly can’t any longer, where the next step seems like an impossible feat. But You are just so good God. And I have to believe that. Just like David knew and believed with his whole heart that You would be there with him as he faced Goliath, and that You would help him win, I have to believe the same with my life. These are the days where You are the one who is moving me, who is not only guiding my steps, but moving my feet, too. These are the days where I witness first hand just how much You move in people’s lives, Lord, and I’m grateful.
Before me, a giant roars; blocks out the sun. It might be that I lose, but I don't want to run.
"The Unlikely," Ava M.
Facing Goliath
"Anyone can run away from a challenge but only a few can face it head on. Be strong! Be Courageous!" - Chinkee Tan
I had no enough courage to fight the race in UPH-System as HR Assistant/Executive Assistant of the Developmental Organization Department. I had no enough strength to pursue and not to run away. I let it go. December 3, 2013 marked my last day in the system where I only started last November 11, 2013.
I experienced once again the fears, tremors, and pressure also known as my "anxiety/panic" attack that I once experienced in nursing that caused me to shift to Masscom.
I wasn't really 100% sure if I made the right decision to run away from it basta ako, alam ko, I just want to get rid of it in my life.
So now, what's my giant? My goliath?
-- The answer is very clear. It's my career. My work. My future.
It feels like I've been crashed; My hopes, my plans, my dreams. It's very hard to move-on and stand up again. I really don't know what lies ahead of me but one thing I'm sure of, My future, My life is in God's hand and I know for sure that these things happens for a reason.
For some, I'm a weakling.
For some, I'm stupid.
But again, I've been reminded, I may ran away from this but then I know I'm still victorious because I have Jesus and that Jesus conquered all the fears I have right now. I am Victorious because of my Saviour.
I faced the goliath of letting go of my work with no assurance of my tomorrow, but, God reminded me in Jeremiah that He has plans for my life, Plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me HOPE and a FUTURE.
