ok so "after-images" is a hannigram fic that is PURELY self-indulgent bc i am nothing if not a perv and a sadist akdbajjdbd (in my defense hannibal is horrible and deserves to be tormented by will. tho it backfires bc he's into it. whatever its still fun) its set sometime in season 2 of nbc hannibal while will is doing his whole "seduce and trap hannibal" thing and basically its will sneaking into hannibal's house while he's gone (probably at the opera or something) and jacking off in hannibal's bed and then just. not cleaning up after himself before leaving so when hannibal gets back he can smell him and knows EXACTLY who was in his house and what he was doing while he wasnt there and. well. I want him horny, enamored and frustrated about it and maybe I want him to jack off to the smell of will and the thought of what he had been doing. for science. definitely not just for me. ok. akdnwjdjebdk

"good morning" is. also deeply self-indulgent but in a nicer way lol nobody is being psychosexually tormented this time XD its a zhoudu fic about fei du waking up horny and deciding to wake lwz by grinding against his hip/thigh and where that leads (i was torn between having lwz guide fei du with his hands on his hips till he comes against him or having him pin fei du down and suck him off while fingering him but my friend decided: both. both is good. fei du is young anyways he can go again fairly quickly. so both it is :) ) it was brought about by me seeing a picture and sending it to a friend where we then proceeded to go through this whole scenario together bc... well thats just how we are together skdhsbdkcn ok blame me tho bc i definitely lead it there on purpose :P zhoudu are just terribly horny and after everything they've been through they deserve some soft morning erotic fun!

ok im doing "need to feel you there" next bc I have A LOT to say about the other one so I'll leave it for last. anyways this one is also zhoudu and its set after they nearly die by bomb (the second time. for fucks sake guys stop trying to die) and theyre home safe and everything but fei du is. not okay. he's pretending to be but he's NOT. lwz decided to be reckless and heroic and STUPID and try to defuse a bomb on his own with no training or protective gear or anything and fei du very nearly lost him and he's struggling to cope. between the stress of what happened and the intensity of his own reaction to it and how scared he was over the possibility of losing this man, fei du is a bit. frayed around the edges still even after the adrenaline has worn off and everyone has calmed down. he isnt prepared to deal with caring this much and needing someone like this and is coping in the best way he knows how which is to just pretend its not there. shove it as far down as he can and continue like it never happened. unfortunately for him, lwz knows him too well by now. he can tell something is wrong and is not going to let him pretend it away but even if fei du WANTED to walk about it he isnt even sure what just happened with himself so theres no way he can just explain it so in typical fei du fashion he tries to seduce lwz to distract him but theres still something off about him and lwz in some way understands maybe that fei du had been genuinely afraid and still sorta is and that this tactic may be intended to distract from the issue but also might be something he actually needs so he goes with it this time. not to let himself be distracted but to ground fei du in a way he might not even realize he needs. so sorta frantic semi-rough sex ensues bc fei du needs to be able to feel lwz in and around him, to see and hear and touch him in a way that cannot be anything but real to convince himself that he here. lwz is alive and he's here he's okay theyre okay and lwz did not die a stupid horrible reckless death bc he's murmuring and panting into his skin and fucking him into the mattress and leaving bruises on his thighs and hips instead. I just really feel like fei du would need some kind of grounding (they probably both do) after the insane emotional rollercoaster that day put him through bc my god he was coming apart at a speed that nobody was prepared to handle and if he'd actually lost lwz I dont think anyone could have prevented the fallout and then he just. seemingly stuffed it all into a box afterwards like it was nothing. fei du my dear that is not the kind of thing you can just tuck away without it spilling out the cracks. so yeah long story short: its "thank god we're alive/holy fuck I hate you dont ever do that to me again/its okay im here we're here its okay" sex :)

OK SO "through pain I feel you, through love i see you" is my beloved zhoudu soulmate au that is only sorta a soulmate au. it is in the sense that im using the soulmate au concept of being able to feel each other's physical pain but it is NOT in the sense that im not doing it in the typical soulmate au fashion. so many soulmate stories are deeply aphobic (whether its blatant and loud about it or someone made an attempt to include us but failed to actually do it in a way that was successful or anywhere in between) and it makes reading them not very fun bc even when people have good intentions it is made clear that people see me and my fellow aspec people as something other and strange, if not outright wrong or broken and it really sucks bc soulmate concepts are cool as hell! there's so much you can explore with the concept of being inexplicably linked in some way to another person you may or may not ever meet but will always know exists but through the Power of Amatonormativity (sarcastic) it is always tainted with a constant feeling of alienation and disappointment for me. even stories with platonic soulmates still portray the idea that everyone must be searching for someone and we must all be paired off and those that aren't and dont even want to be have something wrong with them, that maybe something isnt wired right or actually they secretly DO want this and are just bitter and cynical bc they dont have it! or any number of things which just aren't true. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to do a soulmate story without causing this problem and I eventually realized that the answer is to stop making it so unlinked people are a minority of the population. if linked people are no longer the majority or are even a minority themselves (bc lets be real here, that makes a lot more sense in the grand scheme of things. if everyone had a bond like that then its not nearly as interesting anymore) then it solves the issue of making those of us who dont fit into it into a bizarre anomaly and lets us just exist off doing our own thing in peace. so for this story im basically just surgically removing the pieces that I like from soulmate concepts and leaving behind all the bits I dont like (and this is NOT the "bound by the universe to fall In Love no matter what" variety of soulmate either. thats a horror concept to me not a love story. this is the "you are linked to this person and what you do with that is up to you" variety bc i refuse to ruin zhoudu's story by deciding any of it happened bc The Universe Decreed It So)

(ok im sorry ranting about aphobia and amatonormativity is done now onto the actual fic) SO this fic is about zhoudu being linked by being able to feel each other's physical pain. its a favorite soulmate trope of mine and there is just SO much potential with it for these two. im specifically obsessed with lwz finding fei du's torture basement and just the dawning horror of realizing what exactly goes down in there bc he's felt it and suddenly linking all the other things he's felt over his life to fei du as well and realizing just how much he doesnt know and its just delicious. i also want to play with the whole "shock therapy" thing from lwz's perspective and what its like for him to experience this but not know what is happening on the other side or who it is happening to and if it ending is even a good thing. i love the idea of him knowing someone is suffering and not being able to do anything about it and this sick double-edged blade of how feeling this means that something terrible is happening but feeling it is the only way he knows theyre still alive on the other side and wrestling with the complicated mess of emotions of wanting it to stop for both their sakes but wanting them to live and only having this pain to use as their connection and what that might be like for him. theres also just a lot of scenes with them that involve pain in some way and I think it be very fun to explore them in this context. this is not going to be a full canon rewrite bc that would be so much work and very overwhelming but I am going back through both the novel and show and picking out scenes (as well as creating some pre/post-canon ones) that I feel would be good for exploring this and I think theres a lot of room to play with the horror and trauma and discomfort and invasiveness but also the potential for understanding and connection and the way this could change a shape people and their relationship. theres two sides of it in how the link can be a comfort and a pain in its own right, with how its both a window into your life without your consent or control but also a reminder that youre not alone and there is someone out there who knows that you live and that you suffer.

also what this is like for them is heavily inspired by the thai bl Not Me (which i highly recommend) which has a set of twins who are linked in a way that they can physically feel the other dying which i was a bit disappointed in how didnt explore it a bit more in the show (its surprisingly irrelevant to the plot) but its very interesting to me so im kinda playing with it on my own now here lol. if you'd like examples of it: here from about 10:20 to 11:12 is a scene where one of the twins feels his brother being attacked and beated into a coma and here from 3:14 to 4:37 is a scene where he feels him start dying again while in the coma. both of these are very much the vibe im going for with a fair bit of this (tho no all of the story, I promise not to make it all horrible) and im really hoping to manage it well bc i think it could be really good. idk there is just something deeply fascinating about this to me and this is definitely a big project for me but I just HAVE to do it

very long story short: soulmate story but im deeply aromantic and intense about it

ok thank you for asking! I love rambling about these but ik its a lot lol so sorry about that. I think between you and hidey we've got all 5 zhoudu fics now XD but feel free to continue if you'd like, I will gladly answer them (tho you dont have to) ok byeeee