#face 3

My existence seems to be a paradox. I am not a violent person, I don't get angry easily at all, and when I do I express it with words and yells of frustration. Yet each day I'm tempted by a desire to take a different route. To respond to the slightest infraction, not with words, but actions. Each day when someone lets the door slam on you, or gets in my way when we're both just trying to get to class, I hear the call. Something dark, and foul, a voice that tells me to hurt, and to torture. To take the people I see each day, and cut them down with hand and teeth. I don't know if this is something other people have, or if it's some obscure mental warning sign or what, but it scares me. I want to be near others but I don't want to endanger them should I give in someday in the distant future. This probably makes me look absolutely batshit insane in hindsight. Picture this instead: you're with your group of friends, talking with them, having a great time, and all of a sudden for a split second, some evil asshat walks by and yells "KILL." In your ear. Repeat every 10-20 minutes. This is the inside of my head. Has been probably all my life, so it's not like I can't hit him upside the head and go "the hell is wrong with you?!". Ok shit I look crazy no matter what, I don't care.