how deeply does gwen regret chasing after torchwood that first day? will the pros ever be enough to outweigh the cons, or will her view on the job forever be balanced thanks to her support outside of it?
ty flor for sending this u angel... i've split it into three parts bc i'm odd❤️
how deeply does gwen regret chasing after torchwood that first day?
personally, i don't think she regrets chasing after torchwood that first day. i think when we meet gwen in series one, she's naive, she's got this superiority about her because she's the only one in the hub with a "normal" life and she leans more into her heart and emotional intelligence into the job at torchwood. i think moving into series one, gwen's on a trajectory of accepting that she's messy, she's no better than the rest of them (as much as she thinks she is), she makes mistakes, she has an affair and runs away from her life because of the thrill and the excitement it brings. the affair with owen showcases that, she upheaves her life for the thrill and the chase even if it's only temporary. gwen becomes more complex as the series progresses, she becomes more impulsive, she hardens, becomes colder and thinks she's better than having a normal life. torchwood becomes gwen's personality, she craves the high and she doesn't want to be a housewife or a boring ordinary person walking through the streets. in series one, gwen feels that she's the good egg and she's the one with good intentions, but she's selfish and catty. she's reckless and emotional, she gets too invested because she feels that she has a moral superiority.
in series two, we see a more mature gwen but still messy. we see her taking control and we see the stakes higher than ever before. when jack decides to go after the doctor, gwen takes the lead and i think secretly deep down, she always wanted it. but she becomes more used to the trauma, the blood and the violence. i can't remember which book it's in but there's an extract about gwen finding the death of an alien they encounter funny. i think in series two, gwen is on the cusp of losing her heart and her humanity. it's interesting that jack has to constantly remind her not to let her life go, because he can see it. i would say most of series two, gwen is becoming someone she doesn't recognise. i think meat and adrift are two big pivotal moments for gwen, meat brings her fiance into the mix and her life starts to bleed but adrift shows her how torchwood can really ruin a family and can do everlasting damage. the conversation she has with rhys about kids is really the turning point for her, i think this is when gwen becomes more consistent as a character. i think adrift, we see a shift in her that sets the tone of her next trajectory.
the deaths of owen and tosh definitely have an impact on her, and this is the first personal loss gwen has faced in the series. it's interesting that she tells jack that she can't go on especially after the events of fragments and exit wounds. she took charge when jack was kidnapped and managed to devise a plan to help the city of cardiff. i just know she loved it, she can be quite needy and constantly seeks reassurance until series three. i would say, the deaths of tosh and owen begin to make her question her choices at torchwood and why she's there. the losses of her friends significantly impact her to the point she has to go away and drink heavily. i think it's the first time she seriously considers if this is what she wants to do forever, but there's still a feeling of that she's a survivor.
series three is more of an interesting path for gwen as a character, she's soft yet tough. this is probably my favourite interpretation of the character because she's more consistent with who she is and is able to make quick decisions that don't backfire. she's not as reckless and i think this is the first time gwen starts putting other people first. i quite like the quote in day five in the car when she's with andy and rhys:
It’s Torchwood. That’s what did it. They give you retcon and chemicals and radiation and God knows what. Bloody pill didn’t stand a chance. That’s what Torchwood does, you see. It ruins your life.
but she doesn't mean what she says. she's reactive the situations around her particularly after the loss of ianto. gwen suffers throughout series three because she learns she's pregnant, gets hunted by the government, loses her friend and the other man she loves, leaves her after he killed his grandchild. but she still remains resilient, when ianto dies we see gwen reluctantly give up until jack reminds her of ianto's family, thus doing something for the first time that isn't self serving.
in the audios, she rebuilds torchwood from the ruins again so gwen wouldn't do that if she didn't regret it. i think she seeks the thrill at first and then she develops her motive to actually genuinely wanting to help people.
will the pros ever be enough to outweigh the cons?
the pros will always be enough to outweigh the cons, which i think we see throughout miracle day. even though she's outgrown her dependency on jack, she hasn't outgrown her dependency on torchwood to make her life more exciting:
Because you know what the worst thing is of all? Of all the shit we have seen, all the bloodshed, all the horror—do you know what is worse than all of that? I loved it. I bloody loved it. And I’d keep telling Rhys I was sorry, and I’d say to little Anwen I’m sorry. But I loved it so much. I knew things no one else knew and, oh, I felt so special. And when we lost people, it was so so big. And I could say it was worth it. ‘Cause the bigger it was, the more important I was. And the more people we lost, the more that meant I was a survivor and I was better than them.
it's so interesting that she becomes so hardened in miracle day, but i think she becomes a better person for it. she's consistent again, she's more level headed and thinks about others over herself. the cons of the job are loss, the deaths of owen, tosh and ianto do weigh heavy on her and especially when she brings death back to the world and kills her dad as a result. she knows she must sacrifice her family in order to restore balance back to the planet, she's aware of the risk and acts on her word.
it's interesting that compared to series one, she feels morally superior because she feels she's better than the rest of the team. but in miracle day, she's actually acting out of the best interests of the people and not herself so i would say the biggest pro is gwen becomes more of a rounded and thoughtful person by the end of miracle day. and she actually respects and trusts in rhys, she doesn't allow their relationship to suffer as a result of torchwood.
will her view on the job forever be balanced thanks to her support outside of it?
to some extent, yes. rhys is a huge part of her life and that's why meat is such a pivotal moment for gwen and rhys as a couple because she allows him into her world. she doesn't retcon him. gwen is protective that rhys can be involved in torchwood but only to a certain extent. she doesn't ever want him to kill or injure another person or being, she's the one who tainted the family by becoming torchwood. however, she doesn't regret it. she only regrets it when something backfires or if she's personally targeted.
Have you got what I’m saying to you, Jack? What I’m saying is, No more! Because I know exactly what you’re thinking, Jack. “She won’t do this, not really. Not my Gwen.” “No, Gwen, she can’t hurt me. Gwen loves me. She’d never harm me” and well this is about my daughter. And I swear for her sake I will see you killed like a dog right in front of me if it means her back in my arms. Understood?
miracle day provides a great analysis of gwen's survival mode and how supported she is by her family. particularly rhys and anwen, she values them over torchwood and will do anything to protect them. if you took that away, she'd be more selfish, more impulsive and possibly the most volatile member of torchwood.