#external processor

No, I've frozen because I've just heard what my mouth said, Moist thought. I don't have a clue, I've just got some random thoughts. It's...

"It's about desert islands," he said. "And why this city isn't one."

"And that's it?"

Moist rubbed his forehead. "Miss Cripslock, Miss Cripslock...this morning I got up with nothing in mind but to seriously make headway with the paperwork and maybe lick the problem of that special 25p Cabbage Green stamp. You know, the one that'll grow into a cabbage if you plant it? How can you expect me to come up with a new fiscal initiative by teatime?"

"All right, but--"

"It'll take me at least until breakfast."

https://clarityonfire.com/internal-or-external-processor/

Also, feel free to comment which one you are!

I generate some words that start generating other words, and soon I’m writing pages and pages, getting ideas as I write down other ideas, watching the world assemble and character motivations materialize faster than I can put words to the page.

I get a first draft done. It’s messy and has more holes than Swiss cheese, but it’s mine and I am excited. It’s out there, it’s crap, but it’s a place to start from and re-writing can begin.

But my second draft isn’t even complete before I’m realizing how brittle the structure of the piece is. I’m doing three times the amount of work I need to in order to fill in timeline gaps and justify the world, and the voice I was using to tell the story isn’t adding anything to it. In fact, it’s detracting from it and creating more problems for me than it is solving.

So I ditch the second draft and start on the third. I’m considering dropping the original chronological element of the storytelling entirely, and I’m thinking of centering the piece in one moment in time - one conversation probably - and telling the story of how they arrived at that moment through flashbacks and newspaper headlines.

But that would require a complete re-thinking of the piece....

Which brings me back to my original question:

There are two types of people when it comes to dealing with difficult things. One type has always dealt with problems themselves and never depended on anyone else to help solve the problems or help them feel better, for one reason or another while they were growing up. That’s just how they learned to deal with things. They are comfortable in that self-reliance. So don’t ask them to talk about their problems if they don’t want to. Don’t push them, or it can get ugly. 

The other type has usually had people around them to depend on and help them process problems that come up. Talking about things out loud helps them to figure out what to do and releases the problem from their bodies. This takes the weight off and makes them more able to figure things out and process emotions. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DEPENDING ON PEOPLE. ITS HUMAN. ITS NATURAL. IT IS GOOD. (both types of processing can be dangerous when on the extreme ends ofc but in general it’s totally ok to rely on people or process things alone)

These types are internal vs external processors. When an external processor says that they need you for a minute or a day to help them process what just happened in their life or if they just need someone to help them feel better, DON’T SHUT THEM OUT BECAUSE YOU ARE A DIFFERENT PROCESSOR AND THINK THEY SHOULD HANDLE SHIT ON THEIR OWN. Don’t not answer them cause you think it will teach them self-reliance.. It is not weakness to depend on others. It is just a different system of processing based on how you learned to cope with things.  There is nothing wrong with dependence in difficult situations. That is how you build community, trust and love. 

Basically, be there for your friends. If you are a verbal processor, your friends are very important to you in hard times. Friends of the verbal processor: your friend needs you. Just be there for them and help them talk things out. DOn’t be selfish with your time or think that they are weak for needing you. 

Friends of the internal processor: if they don’t want to talk about it, leave them alone. But let them know you are there for them anyway. Then leave it at that.