#internal processor

https://clarityonfire.com/internal-or-external-processor/

Also, feel free to comment which one you are!

School seems to begin earlier and earlier here. Most of central Florida has begun classes, some students responding with delight, others with disdain. Tiffany and Ramsay’s three children began their new year with different perspectives. Brooklyn, their oldest, entering third grade, is a learner at heart. She loves school, having the chance for new and challenging input, and being with friends.…

There are two types of people when it comes to dealing with difficult things. One type has always dealt with problems themselves and never depended on anyone else to help solve the problems or help them feel better, for one reason or another while they were growing up. That’s just how they learned to deal with things. They are comfortable in that self-reliance. So don’t ask them to talk about their problems if they don’t want to. Don’t push them, or it can get ugly. 

The other type has usually had people around them to depend on and help them process problems that come up. Talking about things out loud helps them to figure out what to do and releases the problem from their bodies. This takes the weight off and makes them more able to figure things out and process emotions. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DEPENDING ON PEOPLE. ITS HUMAN. ITS NATURAL. IT IS GOOD. (both types of processing can be dangerous when on the extreme ends ofc but in general it’s totally ok to rely on people or process things alone)

These types are internal vs external processors. When an external processor says that they need you for a minute or a day to help them process what just happened in their life or if they just need someone to help them feel better, DON’T SHUT THEM OUT BECAUSE YOU ARE A DIFFERENT PROCESSOR AND THINK THEY SHOULD HANDLE SHIT ON THEIR OWN. Don’t not answer them cause you think it will teach them self-reliance.. It is not weakness to depend on others. It is just a different system of processing based on how you learned to cope with things.  There is nothing wrong with dependence in difficult situations. That is how you build community, trust and love. 

Basically, be there for your friends. If you are a verbal processor, your friends are very important to you in hard times. Friends of the verbal processor: your friend needs you. Just be there for them and help them talk things out. DOn’t be selfish with your time or think that they are weak for needing you. 

Friends of the internal processor: if they don’t want to talk about it, leave them alone. But let them know you are there for them anyway. Then leave it at that. 

My mom has always seen me as uninterested in my family’s lives. I leave the dinner table early, I don’t talk a lot, and I act spaced out sometimes. In reality though, I am extremely interested in everything going on around me. However, I pick up information before it is even discussed so I know beforehand how my father’s day was for what my mom did today. Conversations also make me worn out so I get up and leave sometimes.

I've known that I'm an introvert. My personality type is INFJ. Mom didn't really understand what that meant. A few weeks ago I told my mom about being an introvert. I explained what all that meant. I wrote a long text message and sent it to her. It helped, but the problem wasn’t resolved.

Well at therapy my therapist started talking about Internal and External processors. The difference in the two is how people express their thoughts. External processors generally talk out loud and share their thoughts openly. Internal processors don’t need to talk out loud because they already had the conversation/thought/experience in their mind. Of course there are different levels of each processor (Extreme External and Extreme Internal). I am a Semi Extreme Internal processor. I think a lot inside my head, not aloud for everyone to hear.

This combined with being an introvert explained to my mom why I don’t talk much. Not only do I not feel the need to talk as an internal processor, but I don’t want to as an introvert. My therapist told me that maybe I should start sharing my thoughts and ideas. Like when I come to a conclusion in my head, share the beginning, middle, and end of my process. She also explained to my mom that it is perfectly natural and healthy for introverts to want to go spend time in their “hamster ball” by themselves so they can recover some energy.