Moving on from Routine, letās look at Emotional Self-Care. This is Self-Care that you use to improve your emotional stability. This is what Emotional Self-Care can take the form of (though I do not use all of these; I will talk more about the ones I use):
Taking a āmental health dayā
Napping and/or Sleeping In
Binge-Watching Comfort Shows/Reading a Comfort Book/Listening to a Comfort Podcast/Comfort Music/Comfort Video Games/Etc.
Taking a Walk Outside or Hitting a Treadmill
Turning away from Social Media
Lighting a scented candle
Crying/Screaming/Emotional Outburst
Playing with and/or Petting a Pet or Animal
Telling Other People You Donāt Want To Interact With Them (Right Now)/Boundary Setting
Treating Yourself (non-food)
Every time I googled āemotional self-careā, I got some things like āset boundariesā, ālearn to say noā, and ācreate a support systemā ā all of which are very good things, but they donāt really fit the quick regulation criteria that Iām going for here.
So, which of these do I personally use? Comfort Food, Mental Health Days, Sleeping In, Comfort Media, Venting, Reflecting on the Good, Meditation, Hitting a Treadmill, Scented Candle, Giving Gifts, Crying, Animals, Boundary Setting, Cleaning, and Treating Myself.
Iād take care of plants but right now I donāt have a good space for plants.
Iāll look at comfort food last, because I have a list of food.
Mental Health Days, I usually try to schedule ahead of time, around days or times I know are going to be hectic. I know that after a convention, for example, I need ācooldown daysā, so usually I will take the following Monday-Wednesday off from work to cooldown from the convention.
If I donāt know ahead of time, I do feel comfortable enough to call in sick, but I vastly prefer being able to plan it, simply because of who I am as a person. It is sometimes a necessity. Sometimes there is just too much going on, and I need to step away from everything. Usually on these days, I will sleep in, or sleep for most of the day, with the promise to go back to normal tomorrow ā and that is how it should be.
These are tricks to put you back in line in caring for yourself! To get you back to normal!
Now, most weekends I do sleep in a little. I wake up every day at 6am, so on weekends, I will absolutely let myself sleep in to like, 9-11. Itās a good thing I have this blog on a schedule.
Binge-Consuming Comfort Media: I do not consider this the same as observing New Media, because often for me that is a Personal Self Care, and not necessarily Emotional Self Care. It can be, but more often than not, it gets my thinking fired up and engages me in a wholly different fashion. For example, I consider playing Final Fantasy XII to be a ācomfort gameā, but I will not consider playing Elden Ring for the first time to be ācomfortā, so much as Personal, because the former I have already done, while the latter is something new and is creating new experiences for me. One regulates my emotions, the other does not do so in a foreseeable fashion. In new games, I do not know the experiences I will have, whereas with old games, I can predict them.
I will usually use Binge-Consuming Media in downtime that I have nothing else to fill, but do not have the energy to try something new right then (usually with the promise that I will return to new things in the near future, usually the following day when this happens on a weekend, or the next weekend if this happens on Sunday). Binge-Consuming Media also tends to occur normally on Weekday Evenings, as I tend to lack any desire for new media after work. It thus helps me to stay in a calm mood throughout the night, and prepares me for the next day of work by maintaining mood, rather than changing it.
Venting has to be done with care; I have friends I can vent to, but the vast majority of them only end up aggravating me more when I vent to them. Venting is something I tend to reserve for after Iāve figured out what Iām going to do, and I just need someone else to know my pain, because very rarely are people actually able to give me decent advice. Yet, venting is still useful because it lets me finally express it, and lets other people into my life, which is healing, and allows me to move forward without feeling like Iām keeping a secret.
Akin to that, reflecting on the good is a bit more of a solitary action, but itās useful to remember that a ābad dayā isnāt a bad life. To think of the people who love me, to think of the good things that did happen, even amidst the bad, and to remember there are more good things to come. After a particularly bad day at work, remembering good things, good phone calls with customers, and just good people, is always helpful, and can prepare me to continue through the rest of the day.
Meditation is something I try to do every day, and I do feel that it helps me focus on the moment, as well as helps me work through my thoughts when Iām not meditating.
Back when gyms were safe, hitting the treadmill was great for days I just couldnāt fucking convince myself to do my weight training. It still got me in the gym, it still got me exercising, and it helped me beat out the anger while listening to a podcast or music. I felt like I could breathe. I miss this, a lot, and I look forward to being able to return to this, or getting the āJust Danceā games for my home so I can do a similar thing, without going to the gym. I was then usually able to resume weight lifting the next day ā and it kept me from breaking my streak of going to the gym, back in the day.
Aromatherapy is just a thing. I enjoy it, it helps me, and I love candles, haha.
Giving Gifts is also something I like to do. Making other people happy, makes me happy, and this is often a surefire way to do that. It can be as simple as a bit of chocolate, it doesnāt have to be anything extravagant. Of course, I have to make sure I am financial stable enough to do that.
Crying ā when I need to. Sometimes I will have to kind of force it, by putting on a movie I know will make me cry, because just bursting into tears from stress without additional stimuli can be hard, but once itās done, it is so relieving, and it allows my brain to start to function again without feeling as much in a daze.
Itās true I do have pets, and theyāre kind of around me everyday, so this is more of a routine one ā the animals are a constant source of comfort, but if you donāt have pets, visiting a pet store may be beneficial to give their animals a bit of affection, or going to an animal shelter. Or perhaps watching cute animal videos if those arenāt options.
Boundary Setting is also important. While sometimes, it can be good to help others when youāre going through a thing ā I find it helpful sometimes ā at other times it is just too much. Being clear on that, and also giving your friend some idea of when to ācheck inā, is good. It also lets your friend know a bit of a time period, so they know it isnāt a permanent block on conversing. Being open and clear about your situation can only do you good when it comes to your friends ā and checking in with them when youāre ready!
Cleaning is oddly enough something I do when Iām preparing for something that is Good. I feel like I must cleanse the area in preparation of the New Good Thing. I will do this when I buy a new gaming console, or a long-awaited game, for instance. It makes things feel fresh and rejuvenated. It lets me walk into the New Thing as if it is a New Thing, and it starts it off on good footing. Some of the anxiety and anticipation of it, is quelled.
Treating Myself, when itās non-food items, is usually things like clothing for me, or new PJs lately. I will also invest in books I plan to read, one day, eventually, cute Star Wars things, shows and/or movies to watch that are new, or things that generally speaking bring joy into my life. Sometimes emotional regulation, is also about reward. If youāre doing good in your life, you absolutely SHOULD be rewarded for it! Otherwise, why bother with balance and moderation? Why not live a hedonistic lifestyle? That would be far more pleasant if balance and moderation donāt have rewards. Not all emotional regulation is just to stop being sad, itās also to be vindicated and celebrate good events. Celebrating IS regulating, when it calls for it, obviously. So Iām not encouraging here spending your money on whims because you are sad, but spending it more when youāre happy, and doing good.
And then we get to Comfort Foods. What do I use for comfort foods?
Chipotle Gouda Pasta Salad
Lime-Chipotle Pasta Salad
āChickenā Fried Steak (Scare quotes because Iām a vegetarian so itās fake meat)
Cheesecake, particularly raspberry white chocolate, or turtle.
Ice cream, particularly from Cold Stone, but usually either Rocky Road or Raspberry with Chocolate Chunks. Thereās also Love Potion #9 which I have to drive a significant distance forā¦.
Extra Lattes (note the extra ā I already have these planned in with my meal plans).
Potatoes OāBrien and Gravy
The idea behind Comfort Food: Eating tasty food often restores a mood, or at least puts us in a better mindset. They arenāt always the healthiest things, though they arenāt necessarily unhealthy. They have to be done in moderation, as you see I indicate with lattes itās āextraā lattes that go on the comfort food side. I usually have two decaf lattes a week, one on Wednesday, and one on Friday.
Comfort Foods are for a ālimited timeā. An extra latte means I donāt get one the following day, or I donāt get one every single day of the week. I take the comfort it offers when itās needed, and resume my usual drinking habits.
Things like Pasta Salad are for weeks when I need a bit of help, or when Iāve done good, because theyāre multiple serving things. So like, my birthday week, eating a pasta is good. Or a week where everything went to hell, and I canāt focus on making something ānewā and I just need to eat ā but then itās right back to normality after that week. This is not have pasta for an entire month, this is a way to set intentions, and work on orienting myself back to normal with food I love, and food I can make with my eyes closed.
Single-serving things, like cheesecake or hot chocolate, are usually Reward self-care. Like fuck yeah, I did great, I should give myself a little treat. It encourages my good behavior, and does not become an indulgence. It also ends up āplannedā, and so the rest of the meals work around that indulgence so I donāt go overboard with it, either.
Knowing what foods, and what I use them for, helps me to use them when they will be most beneficial for me. Things like āextra lattesā also makes me think: Do I really want to do this now, or wait until the day Iām going to have it? Is there a reason I need it now? What will I do after I have it? How does this impact everything else in the balance?
So these are kind of the āquick trickā emotional self-care tools I use. Obviously, you should try to have a steady way of regulating your emotions, but shit happens. Cars break down, work days suck, friends are angry, people dieā¦we need to have tools to get āback to normalā, or close enough to normal.
And you should also, absolutely, take time to treat yourself in self-care! If you donāt reward yourself, whatās the point in being ābalancedā, and not just living a hedonistic lifestyle? Thatās why comfort food as rewards is a thing! Itās why you can use these as rewards, if it helps, for doing good!
These are just what I do, and what I suggest. These are ideas to get you thinking about what you could put on a list, and how that could help you. If these same ideas work for you, great! If not, you just have to feel out yourself to determine what will help you! Brainstorm with your loved ones!