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Every time something I make reminds somebody of Monty Python or Douglas Adams my brain goes “gee that’s a huge compliment but also, is it that obvious that I’m completely influenced by British comedy my entire life?” WHY WAS I RAISED ON KIPPER AND WALACE AND GROMIT AND THE TELETUBBIES AND ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY BRITISH MEDIA.
Why do I speak British English, Russian, and French. Why did I become this human mess??
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
До скорого.  
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The End of the World
I know it’s not just me. But I really do get the feeling like the world is going to end, soonish. I’m not really afraid of dying, or the end of the world, it will happen when it will happen and there’s not much that I can do about it. What I am scared of is the things I haven’t done yet, the places I haven’t seen before they stop existing, the people I haven’t loved, the friends I never met.
It somehow makes me feel sad and nostalgic for things that haven’t happened yet and maybe they never will. Will I never get to meet my great grandchildren? What if I never do anything about that one fetish I never told my partner about? What if my non-monogamous status just stays theoretical and I never get to experiment with other women, men and everything in between?
These what-ifs really haunt me in my dreams, or should I say.. nightmares? My dreams are sometimes so freakishly vivid, I feel I go to a parallel universe when I am in them and when I wake up I feel like maybe the “waking world” is actually fake and my dream world is real. Sometimes I wake up and it takes me more than a second to realize where and when I am.
What is even real anymore?
The only thing I know for certain I did right, is that I’m here. With you. And I think for now that’s enough, even if the world does end. Does anyone else feel this way? I sure hope I’m not crazy...
S!!
for S I guess I love the sun, it could literally blow up at any second and there is nothing we can do about it, honestly iconic, and it lets me live my live with existential dread in such a way that I don’t care if I mess up cause life is meaningless but i also strive to be the best person cause life don’t matter in the long term
life is honestly so weird. what a strange concept that i am existing in this orb floating in the middle of an eternity of blackness speckled with stars. what an incredible thing it is that i can sit on a bench and watch the sky change colors. life is so much bigger than we think. theres so much more out there than my problems, my inconveniences, and my annoyances. life is beautiful, and i think i see something different every day that convinces me that its worth living. life is also hard. life is short. life is painful. every day i see somebody different struggling to see the beauty in life. every day i am struck with the raw nature of life, and how cold and cruel it treats people. life can sometimes be a very unfriendly thing. but i still see joy in life. i still see people living with happiness even though life treats them with pain and suffering. i still see laughter and smiles when theres hurt present. and thats really what life is. the balance between pain and joy, between sadness and love, and the way opposing forces work together is what makes up life. its a constant push and pull like the oceans tides, a constant struggle to balance contradictory feelings. and once you find a peace between your grief and joy, and once you find a presence of happiness in your hurt, then that is how you know you are alive. that is how you know you are part of this weird universe which is always maintaining balance and beauty.
Help, I'm alive!
Help, I’m alive!
OK, that’s maybe not the title I’d have gone for if I’d been going for informational value. I just have the song running through my head at the moment. “Help, I’m alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer.’ Let me see if I can find it somewhere so you can have it running through your head too.
All of which is an enormous aside,…
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I am so fucked up by thinking about becoming an adult as a concept because on one hand, you stop waffling about who you are, and have a firm sense of identity, but also, the further you pursue a career, the less options you have, & your dreams die and you slowly turn to Dust
Inanimate objects I am strangely sexually attracted to:
Wind turbines, clouds, paper airplanes, succulent plants, plastic folders, large glass bowls and some varieties of metal clasps
Lucy
Hey so I've heard a lot of crap about the movie Lucy, most of which before it even came out. Some valid points about racism and the like were spoken, but I like to keep an open mind until I have actually seen the film myself; and while I'm sure there is a lot I could talk about in that regard about this movie, thats not what this post is about
First of all, I enjoyed the movie, it was different and had an interesting premise. Heres where the spoilers start.
*SPOILERS*
The fact that Lucy gave humanity a chance with the ultimate knowledge despite the scientists misgivings is something that actually gives me a lot of hope. Most movies these days end by saying mankind isn't ready, or we'd only destroy ourselves, and Lucy didn't do that. In the end, she trusted humanity enough to give us the chance to grow, even as she herself outgrew humanity. Im going to be very interested in how the film does, not from a racial, or feminist perspective but because it will tell us how our generation views the future. In the fifties the future was flying cars, and better medicine and peace. These days all too often its an apocalypse. That tells you a lot about how we as a people feel about the future.
Because Lucy is the first in a long while where we don't doubt humanity, and we don't purposefully abandon ourselves to a darkness because we aren't ready for the new age. "Knowledge is never a bad thing" I want this film to do well, to show me humanity is ready to hope again, that we are ready to stop seeing ourselves as a doomed people, to be felled by our own nature. I want to see this generation rise about that.
*SPOILERS*
