#existential question

I apologize if I had to make you answer this question. I wrote the previous question in a very distraught and sad way and I wrote to you. Another reason is that I saw myself in you. You are very obsessed with a cartoon character like me. It wasn't only in the manga that there was talk about the weak. It was constantly shown in side materials etc. (I heard that Isayama didn't include this dialog in the anime because he thought it sounded rude. I'm not sure how accurate this information is.) Also because I keep seeing Hcs about how Levi won't be with weak, average people, but with strong ones.

But sometimes I think that my love for him goes too far and if I have the slightest thing that he doesn't like or disagree with, I inevitably get offended and upset.

I've become so obsessed with this character that sometimes if I hear a discourse or hurtful little things, I inevitably get offended and offended. I think I've become very sensitive because of my obsession with him. I hope I can explain what I mean. And whether it's his opinion of the weak, his selectivity, or the fact that he is a supreme being, all this makes me feel even more worthless. Yesterday I really questioned myself and my characterion a lot, and I was even more upset as a weak person oppressed by the strong. I think that might be why I was so offended. I think he has no interest in an ordinary human civilian or an average weak person whose existence is not important like these. That would be replaced by people who are well known, high status or military/soldier. Even though my oc is not a civilian, I have always found the civilian x soldier relationship beautiful.

Sometimes I set up scenarios where Levi and S/o live in a cabin, no matter how painfully non-canon it is. Then when I know that this is non-canon, these scenarios do not seem believable and do not give pleasure. Then, over time, I question whether this would be canon or not in the scenarios I set up, and I lose a little bit of pleasure.

But I don't know if he would have a relationship with a soldier because of his constantly dying comrades. he is unattainable in every way. There is also the risk that if they are in an army they will sacrifice the s/o but make it fodder. That's one of the painful options…

We may not be what anyone wants us to be. They may have traits that they don't like in us. I think it's because I'm running away from that reality that I'm disappointed to find out these things about Levi.

I once thought that as long as we are close to Levi, as long as we are interested in him, we will get his love. But it seems like I'm just now learning that he's so picky and high eyed. I don't know what to do with this information right now haha… Anyway, sorry for taking so rant. I wish I could accept them like you do. I don't know really. Or if instead of falling in love, I was just a fan, or just an ordinary viewer and someone who appreciates the characters in a normal way. I guess I wouldn't be such a mess.

Yippee, nonnie answered!!

First of all I was and am so happy you're reaching out to ME of all people, you're making me feel special haha

And don't apologize for ranting, I get what you mean and I even see myself in you like you see yourself in me. We may be kindred spirits 🤞🏼

Sorry for assuming, but I believe you are young. Maybe just young at heart but I think you're of a young age. Because I felt as confused and sad as you did when I was a young teenager: I saw all of this headcanons that I took too much at heart when they're just that, headcanons. Other people's opinions and views of Levi aren't necessarily true, they're the vision that they have about Levi.

You shouldn't change yourself for anyone. I was like that too. I wanted to be Levi's perfect someone, and whenever I saw something about Levi's ideal partner, I thought about being different for him and it saddened me. Because then he'd only love the mask I'd make for him. I don't think Levi is the type to fall in love. But he cares about everyone, he really does. You just don't have to be a monster, and instead, be a constant in his life and treat him as a human being, not a machine, and you WILL become important to him. But since you're asking me, no, Levi would not fall in love with your oc. Levi would love them, but not romantically. Keep your chin up, unrequited love is the most tragical, most romantical and unique tale of love there is to be! I've grown to be fond of the unique one-sided love I have for Levi, and the deep but platonical bond he has with my self-insert. It's so much more deeper in my eyes, than Levi falling in love, becoming a husband and a father. Nothing wrong with that, shippers! Just doesn't fit Levi or even I. We're odd like that. (Oh yeah and Levi is a total weirdo so he'd love weirdos! See how he cares about Hange lol)

Levi has an odd relationship with strenght. Remember Kenny? The Underground? Yeah. He's learned growing up that all that matters is his strenght. He puts a lot of pressure in himself and it's logical for him to do so with others too, although he doesn't see others as worthless if they were weak, only he sees himself like that. But ofc as a soldier you have to toughen up otherwise what the hell are you doing here!! He would scold you and push you because you MUST survive. Remember Liberio? “Don't die.” He orders his soldiers, comrades, to not die. He cares, anon.

Please don't trust so much the hcs of others. Some are really offensive and dissing Levi and I am NOT here for that. Levi is human, but he's the most perfect of human beings. He isn't arrogant, he isn't almighty, he isn't picky. He doesn't want to get attached in a world where he's done nothing but lose people. Some basic Levi stand think that since he's got a dirty mouth he's an asshole: FALSE. He's definitely not friendly but he IS kind.

Know that the only way for him to actually relax, and then, maybe indulge in a regular life, with perhaps a lover, would be post-rumbling. It's the only way I can see him try to just be him. Not Humanity's Strongest Soldier. It'll take some time though, it's not easy to relax and open up when all of his life has been surviving and being strong.

It's alright to question your feelings. After so many time spent loving him, it's only natural I'd say. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed too and I think “oh my god, Levi is my constant.”

Not so long ago, I even thought I was starting to lose feelings because I didn't get as excited and nervous when thinking of him. And you know what? I was glad. I was glad because even though I thought I lost feelings because of the love chemicals disappearing from my brain, I still wanted him to be happy. You know the very scientific reason why we fall in love? It's so much less human when you learn that just spending time with someone can produce those chemicals. It makes you feel like nothing is genuine and you just love the sensation of loving, not the person. Well when I thought I lost them, I still cared about him and thought fondly of him, with an inner peace that wasn't there because before it was consumed by anxiety over pleasing him and being scared to even look him in the eyes. That's a love that is so deep it cannot be taken apart. It's like “I'm not sure you still make me happy in the scientific sense of falling in love, but I still love you. I know this because I want you to be happy, even if you don't make me happy anymore.” But in the end, that's how I knew I still loved him just as much. Even more deeply perhaps. I realized I reached a state where I could feel comfortable and content by his mere presence, not worrying about if he'd like me and what to say and what to do. There are a couple of songs that reaches this deep place in my heart, soul, that can show you what I'm trying to say. This one is the most accurate one.

(Every variation of this song fits)

am = après-midi