I hate having meltdowns over the inability to make decisions or do simple tasks like cook my own food on the stove when other people are around. I hate the way my lips, hands, and face go numb when I panic. I hate the way my brain lags compared to everyone else around me... I hate the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when i realize I response froze when someone asked me a question.
I don’t think neurotypical people realize how lucky they are as they effortlessly order food on a daily basis, or count change correctly on the first try, or when they don’t have to script everything they’re going to say to the cashier, or don’t question if the doors are locked 106 times a night, or don’t have fear of getting lost on their way home even though they’ve never forgot the way home yet. Or they can have multiple types of body wash and shampoo in their shower at a time because they can just pick one and don’t get stuck an extra 20-30 minutes in the shower because of executive functioning issues.
Sorry, typing out this post is how I calmed myself enough to be able to go make a can of tuna fish so I can eat before bed today, because I’ve never cooked in my kitchen yet and I hyped myself up enough to go try to pick a pot for Mac and cheese and when I couldn’t find a pot the right size my brain completely error coded out and I cried in my room for 20 minutes because I’m just a fucking mess.
