#except sammi

Oof. Honestly? I think it's both.

This is one of the top ten scenes that people pillory Ian but one thing I think gets ignored is that the scene is told to get us to sympathize with Mickey. I find that fascinating, since I think it probably WAS reshot -- and in fact, maybe that's why it is the way it is. Because if you were going to ask me "What is the most brutal, stab-you-in-the-heart moment in all of Gallavich" I'd be fighting between Ian-gets-kicked-in-the-mouth and... *pause to sob* Mickey Milkovich running through the streets to get to Ian just so that he can get dumped.

And then we get moments like this:

Like. Look. I know Mickey isn't being an angel while Ian is gone but I think he's acting out in a way that is acceptable within their relationship. Like I don't think it would be much of a lasting thing between them. I do think the show spends a lot of time showing us how emotionally devastating Ian's disappearance is to Mickey. It's really, really hard to be in the place Mickey is in where Ian is just GONE and he might be fine and he might be dead and Mickey has no idea. Just none.

So Mickey -- no angel, but during this period I also think he's sort of the best. He is really earning his stripes in the partner department. Mickey is the only person in Ian's life who has what I consider a healthy perspective on Ian's illness. And maybe it's a little simple -- Ian's sick, so he needs to do the things to be less sick. Take vitamins, avoid alcohol, eat with his medication... I never get the sense that any of this is a big deal with Mickey. He's just focused on this very simple and essential goal -- get Ian feeling better. One forehead kiss and one bottle of Gatorade at a time.

Which is why this sucks so much because while I DO think Ian breaks up with Mickey both to save Mickey the pain and agony, AND because he doesn't want to be with Mickey anymore, I think that's all happening because of other people. Namely, the Gallaghers.

I get why Ian's siblings react the way they do when Ian gets sick. It's obvious that they've been traumatized and that they are really scared of what it means that Ian is bipolar. But it's still so hard to watch those moments where Fiona says things like "Mickey doesn't know what he's in for" and where Lip speculates that Ian's "doomed to be a piece of shit" like their mother. Ian isn't stupid. He knows how they feel. They never say that to his face, but I think he's very, very aware of it. And that pain of that has to be breathtaking.

I think inside the awareness of how very little faith his siblings have in Ian's ability to overcome his diagnosis, it's really hard for Ian to see what Mickey is giving him as something he can rely on. Or as something he deserves. We talk a lot about how Ian's love for Mickey gives Mickey things that he has never had before. That's just as true in reverse, because while Ian has other people who love him and support in him a way that Mickey doesn't, Ian doesn't have another person who loves him like Mickey does. Mickey loves Ian with his whole heart. Ian is his favourite person. And he loves all of Ian. He isn't thinking about how it would be great if this whole chunk of Ian didn't exist.

Like... I love the Gallaghers, but who else feels that way about Ian? Who else has he ever gotten that from? I'm not sure Ian can even recognize, at that point, how unconditional Mickey's love is. He flat out can't take it in.

The Ian that Mickey encounters on the porch is a mess. He needs a whole lot of things he isn't getting -- mostly notably time, acceptance, space to figure his shit out and some continuity with his medication! I think what we see in that scene is Ian venting his rage and heartbreak at what's happened to him... but he's also giving Mickey up because he doesn't know how to BE anymore, let alone be with Mickey. He can't conceptualize what he has to give to him anymore. I don't think he can see the future, full stop, and I think the part of the scene that seems the most damning -- when Ian barely reacts to Sammi showing up and pulling a gun on Mickey -- is exactly the moment that shows us how disconnected he is. He's practically in a fugue state, just unable to take in what is happening around him. It takes him almost a whole other season to start to get his feet under him in any meaningful way.