You broke my heart more times than I could ever count. Yet, I always found it in me to let you back in. You held my secrets and deepest desires, locked away in your heart. Until releasing  them benefited you. I tried to protect you from yourself, because youâre destructive. You tear down anything and everything that could possibly be good in your life, and that includes me. You only wanted me when it was best for you. I gave you my home, and you took my sanctuary. I let you use my car and you made it your own. I gave you my support, and you took my sanity. Everything thatâs ever fallen from your lips has been a lie. And the sad part is, you canât even see it. You are the type of person that uses, and uses until thereâs nothing left, and you canât see that. Because to you, youâre always going to be the victim. Itâs always you that has been wronged. You turn everything so fast, Iâm continuously left with whip lash. You let not one but two men, take everything away from you. One took your baby, and the other, your sense of self. I was the one there, the one who held you as you cried and drank yourself into such a state, you could barely function. I tried to lift you up and to show you who you could be. But you were so twisted, you couldnât ever be that person. You wonât let yourself be that person. So, youâre going back to him. When heâs out of jail for the same thing that put him there before. Sometimes I wish that I could go back to a fourteen year old me and tell her not to waste her time. It wasnât ever worth it. You are toxic. Just like your relationships before. Youâre like an addiction, I couldnât quit you. How can I tell you how bad and abusive your past boyfriends have been, when Iâm letting you do the same to me? You were my soul sister. Or what I thought was a soul sister. I can see that it was me that was weak. I was too weak to tell you no. To step away and let this friendship go. I didnât want to lose you. Now, I see that I never had you. You canât have someone who doesnât even have themselves. This is the hardest thing I think Iâve had to do in a long time. But, itâs only hard for me. You still get to spew hateful and untrue things about me and my family, I canât even call you out on it. Youâve told so many lies, that the truth seems unbelievable. In the end though, it doesnât matter. Because Iâm going to be just fine. I have a man that loves me for me, who would never intentionally try and hurt me. I have an unbelievable little sister who is as fierce as she is loyal. I have a mom thatâs a thousand times better than your neglectful birth giver ever thought about being. So keep this in mind next time your fool of a mother wants to insult my mom. One, if sheâs going to send a multi-published and successful writer an instant message on facebook, please for the love of God, learn the difference between there and their. It only makes you look stupid, and at least do a double check to see if it even sounds semi intelligent. Two, she damn sure better have her facts straight, you didnât give anything compared to what you took. Last I checked $80 out of the five months you lived here wasnât what the rest of us put in. Gas, for the vehicle you were using more than I was doesnât count either. Three, if youâre going to insult someones weight, you might want to have an inside to that personâs medical history. Itâs called Lymphedema, and it causes so much pain that my mom can barely stand up for more than five minuets at a time on a good day. So, yeah, itâs obviously hard for her to hit the gym for hours at a time. And before that development, my mom was more active than I was, and I was a young teenager at the time. Just because you eat your feelings, doesnât mean everyone else does. Some people are actually born thick, oh and sheâs actually lost over 75 pounds and counting. Not that itâs any of your mothers God damn business. Fourth, donât dare come at someone with a holier than thou complex about me sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend. First of all, Iâm a grown ass woman. I can do what ever the fuck I want. Iâm also on birth control, and use protection when I do have sex with my grown ass boyfriend. Which is more than I can say for either of her daughters. Last time I checked, the oldest had two baby daddyâs both of whom sheâs no longer with, and continues to cheat on her current boyfriend with baby daddy number two. As for you, my ex-best friend, last I checked you were also pregnant twice. The first you lost because of your abusive boyfriend, and plot twist, it wasnât even his. The second baby, you had aborted because the second abusive boyfriend told you that you were a whore and he didnât want it. Yet, youâre still going back to that one. And the fact that mamma bear, who had two babies under the age of sixteen, the oldest of which has no clue her Aunt April is actually her mother. A mother, who wasnât even there to take care of her kids, because she was too busy sleeping around with different guys and drinking and doing drugs. Has no room to fucking talk. Oh, and by the way, the ring thatâs on my left hand ring finger, isnât just for show. If thatâs the road you wanna go down, we can sure as hell do it. The thing about it is, youâre always going to be what you are. Youâll never change, because you wonât let yourself. You are never going to be happy being who you are, and thatâs literally why you canât look at yourself in the mirror. Thatâs why every time you turn around, you find something else you donât like about yourself. You are always going to be miserable, and thatâs exactly where you want to be. As for me, Iâm moving on. Iâm leaving you right where I should have left you a long time ago, in the past. Because the only time I was miserable, was when I was with you. I just didnât see it. Now my eyes are open, my head is clear, and Iâm still standing. Maybe one day you will look back and wonder if I still remember you or think of you. The answer will probably be yes, but make no mistake, it wonât be because of nostalgia, it will be of a lesson learned. A lesson I had to learn the hard way. Though as I look back, I will see I didnât actually lose anything. I never had you. You though, youâll never have me back. So, the next time your life falls apart, and your family is nowhere to be found, donât come looking for me. I wonât be where I left you, and you wonât ever catch up to where I am. Have a nice life. Goodbye.
