#ex boyf

Okay, so when we first got together, i thought he was the sweetest thing ever, i still thought he was the sweetest thing after being with him for like a year. and then he dumped me in september, and we ended things well, it was a very teary break up, but we managed to be friends after that.

but that got me some time to think and i’ve realised what an ignorant little twat he is :)

Okay, so let me tell you somethin

(i’m gonna put a tw for suicide and self harm here)

okay, so he made me feel bad for so many things. He knew/knows i have anxiety, but like back then it was so bad, worse than today, and he knew this and every time i got anxious he just told me “you’ll be fine” and brushed it off and told me to hurry up if we were going somewhere like he didn’t want to deal with me

(here’s where the tw comes in)

i don’t know how tf the subject came up, but we were talking about suicide, i think he found out that i was cutting myself again (he knew about my self harming too) and i was talking about the time where i attempted (he knew about this too) suicide and almost put into a psych ward for it. YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THIS MOFO SAID

“people who commit suicide or attempt are just attention seekers and are selfish”

like r u fucking kidding rn. are u fuCKING KIDDING ME?”?””?”!!>3

like he knew i tried and all that shit, he knew everything about me, i told him everything, and he had the AUDACITY to say that to me??!! also his cousin had tried to commit suicide one time, also he knew my dad had tried too! 

dfdsilfvgdk;

ffs im so angry

also, whenever i didn’t want sex or to do “other things” (u kno) he’d say 

“yeah but i want to”

like that was a valid reason, and i’d always give in after saying no like a million times. 

also when i was like half asleep, im 100% sure he touched me “down there” (sorry i know thats very 50 sog) without my consent. im p sure he did it more than just once too

-

and one time, he sent me a snapchat face of him with what i thought were bruises on his face, with the caption “just got beat up on the way to the shop” with tears in his eyes

okay. so i was going fucking crazy. i had a fucking panic attack. this person who claimed to love me just caused me a fucking panic attack.  so i started messaging him over facebook like wtf happened are u ok. no answer. 

then after no answer for a while, he facebooked me with

“haha, its just pencil! i didn’t really get beat up. i’m filming a video, i wanted to see if you’d believe it!”

…………………………

like is he for real rn?!!

i had a panic attack over this bastard and all he can do is laugh??

so i messaged him telling him i was worried, and it was like he got this sick pleasure from it..?? like he was asking me all these questions like

“aw were you? what were you like? what was going thru ur head? were u rly worried about me? did u actually have a panic attack? aw haha”

…

i just. 

why was i with him..? 

also i was talking to him yesterday about something, and he called me stupid.

now, i hate when people call me this. i used to be bullied really badly when i was in school, and the thing people called me the most was stupid. and it triggers my anxiety. and he fucking knows this. like i said above, i told him everything.

so i was like “please don’t call me stupid u know i don’t like it”

no reply

so i tried again

“i know it sounds daft, but it triggers my anxiety, so please don’t call me that”

no reply

no apologies.

he is so up himself i can’t

he is the number one dick head.

also he’s a fuckboy

on many occasions after we split he’s asked to see my boobs because “he’s horny”

—-

okay so i know it’s been a while since we split up, but these thoughts have made get the fuck over him and realized what a piece of fucking trash he is and i needed to rant because i can’t talk to anyone else because they think he’s perfect (except my friends ofc but they don’t know the whole story) and there is a load more to tell btw