#evson

ALEX! How rude. I demand satisfaction in Warbler tradition.

I’m not sure why that was the first thought that came to my mind, but it was. Probably because I was thinking about Smooth Criminal earlier.

This is a tricky question and I think it depends on the context. For that reason, I will be providing a variety of answers.

A real physical fight, during high school. Sam+Finn would win this one. They both have a size advantage over Kurt and Puck. Kurt+Puck put up a good fight though, and to everyone’s surprise Kurt does an especially good job of holding his own, but in the end it’s not quite enough to win.

A real physical fight, after high school. This time I’m giving it to Kurt+Puck. Finn and Sam underestimate Kurt, but he’s gotten stronger and he’s bigger now and all those stage combat classes at NYADA are paying off. Kurt and Puck get the upper hand early on because Finn and Sam were expecting it to be an easier fight, and by the time they realise it’s not, it’s too late (though even if they hadn’t underestimated Kurt+Puck, they still would have lost, just not quite as badly).

A “just for fun” physical fight. It doesn’t matter when this happens, Kurt+Puck would win. Both Sam and Finn are too scared of actually hurting Kurt or Puck, but Kurt+Puck don’t have the same problem and have no issues with playing dirty, so they win pretty easily.

A non-physical fight. Kurt wins this. He doesn’t even need Puck, though he’d get a few good lines in there as well. Finn and Sam don’t even come close to winning this one.

“Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home.”

"I wish I knew what you were talking about....but it's three am so bug Italian Clooney."

“He is a pimple on the cock of humanity.”

"SO you finally realized? Good, now stop bringing him the fuck up because it only makes me want to kill him more."

“The wounded recognize the wounded.”

"It's not the time for a lecture, Evan. At least I didn't cry like you did..for three days straight."

“I’ll have to act out by wearing lots of eyeliner and doing the drugs.”

"That would've worried me when we were in college...but I know that's code for doing a lot of shopping and leaving me in awkward silence with Leo."

“I feel like it’s November first, and I’m that discarded jack-o’-lantern whose heart and guts are splattered all over the boulevard of broken promises.”

"You need to stop watching sad Disney movies and drinking in bed. He told you he'd be back next week, relax."

“I know you know who I am.”

"I refuse to acknowledge anyone who continuously pointed out that my wife and I can't have sex any time during the day or you wedding."

“We need some light.”

"Right well, we won't have any. I told you I have no interest in becoming a part of this issue. It's all for you and him to figure out."

“Why didn't you take me with you?” (Past Evson)

∞  For an altered state of mind text. (Drunk, drugged.) || Evson

[text]: Did yu kniow italian boy has a fucking WINEVINERY PLACE?????? good man. bettr wine thoguh.

# For an angry text. || Evson

[text]:STOP TAKING MY WIFE, I HAVEN'T SPENT TIME WITH HER ALL WEEKEND WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

[text]: Going to let Max into your shoe closet. Whatever that dog does is not on me. 

♦ For a rushed text.|| Renemily

[text]: tell Addie to come back for a quick sex please

[text]: omfg I MEAN SEC.

[text]: She left her phone in my bag....


♥ For a regular text. || Renemily

Evson:

"What? Why the fuck are you pregnant you aren't even married. Fucking hell Evan. I'm going to kill your fucking Italian if he doesn't own up to this.....is it his? Have you told Diana yet? You should have told her first."

Mila/Shannon:

"What do you expect me to say to that?!"

"What I expect you to say? I shouldn't have to expect you to say something that would only make the situation, that's for damn sure. You know what, it would've all been better if I had done all the talking because you clearly can't be trusted to say a simple yes or no. Now, it's all gone to hell. We're lucky this investment was only as a goddamn favor."

"Well, you made your bed, so you might as well sleep in it."

"I can't- haha Evan... Sleep. No one has time for sleep when we can continue drinking and watching one of your many many Disney movies. What did we even watch right now? I'd rather watch another than talk about how little I care that she's back with TK... We're gonna need more to drink though. A loooooot more of it. "

"This relationship doesn’t need a chaperone."

"Yes it does, Evan... have you even looked at this guy? Hahaha, please he looks like he bought his shoes at a discount store.. You don't date people who shop at The Gap. That's what it's called right? Come on, tell this loser goodnight and we'll go get a drink before I punch him in the face."

"So is this how you solve all your problems? You walk away? Genius. I wish everyone thought like you.”

"Yes, everyone should take a page from the Mason Valmont: How to Fuck Everything Up book. You can't even listen to fucking reason, so I have no clue why I should even be here anymore."

"You don’t have to protect me."

"Evan, it's not about having to..it's about wanting to. Because you need someone to do that for you."

"I’m not scared."

"Yes you are. Think I haven't noticed how you look down at your phone whenever Frollo's on the screen?"

"We used to be best friends."