#evonner

You: A blind panic had dusted itself over Evan when Connor had glanced down at the letter and begun to read the line that had caught his eye. It had only escalated as Connor turned roughly away, voice shredded and torn, and he found himself lunging after him, his breathing coming heavy as he forced himself to grab onto Connor's arm with his good hand. "I need that back. Please. Can you just- can you please give it back? I can explain, I swear, just-- just, /please/." He held on just a little tighter as Connor tried to pull away. His hands, he was sure, would be shaking if he held them up to look at them properly, but the only thing he could think of in the moment was getting the letter back, and explaining to the only person who had bothered to give him the time of day thus far that he hadn't meant to upset him.

Stranger: To be honest, Connor wasn't sure who he was angrier with - his mom for standing in the way of his plans to just evade school altogether, or himself for thinking even for half a second that anything would be any less shitty than always. If losing his shit at Evan for the other's innocuous exhale wasn't bad enough, he'd tried to... what...? Connect with him, and it wound up with this. He shouldn't have expected more from someone who hung out with Kleinman, though, so it was really probably his own fault. All he knew was that he wanted to be away from where he was. Far away. Executing a plan that he had intended on initially, before letting his mom talk him into school but before he could make it through the door, fingers gripped his wrist. He wasn't entire sure who was trembling in the moment. He tried to tug away but this kid had a good grip and so he turned to him, glaring. That usually got people off his back but somehow he got the impression that he wasn't getting away fast. "Fine," he answered through gritted teeth. "Explain."

You: Quailing slightly under the look Connor was giving him, Evan swallowed hard before forcing himself to take a deep breath. He couldn't do the counting exercise because it was more important to be present and in the moment, but he wished that he had a second, because if anything, the one deep breath only made him feel worse. "Okay okay, first of all I'm really sorry but I do need the letter back because it's a letter that I have to write for an assignment and I can't go to my appointment empty handed because people will be disappointed in me and I really don't like disappointing people--" Another breath. In, out. Still didn't help. Connor was still glaring and Evan talked faster. "AndIdidn'twriteaboutZoebecauseyouwerehere! I didn't know you were in here I thought it was empty because, y'know, people have friends and stuff they hang out with! Not that you don't have friends but anyways I, um, I wrote about Zoe because she's, y'know? Really nice? Yeah she's um, she's nice to me and stuff and she helped me today when you pushed me but! Idon'tblameyouforpushingme I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and um, okay I've been talking too much I'm sorry I just really don't want you to be mad at me Ididn'tmeantoupsetyou."

Stranger: Evan was legitimately intimidated. Evan was /scared/ of him right now. Just like Zoe, hidden away in her room probably looked as he lost it at home, the way his mom looked at him while his dad maintained composure and tried to get him under control again, but never offering any long term relief. He stared back and he was both angry because Evan was afraid of him but it also kind of hurt his feelings, despite giving the kid every fucking reason TO be afraid of him. He was angry that he could relate to parts of what Evan was saying, and he felt vulnerable and disgusting and wanted to get away even more than before. On some subconscious level, he was getting the reaction from Evan that he actually wanted - because whether he was conscious of it or not, he felt that at least Evan would hate him because he'd pushed him to and not just because. It was kind of in his control, that way. Subconsciously. He stayed quiet as the other boy spoke, listened carefully but held a stony expression. He got it, he really did. He didn't want to admit that, though, because that was admitting defeat and vulnerability. He sighed and lifted the hand with the letter, shoving it back towards Evan, all the while yanking his other arm away like a wild animal might if you were to touch its paw. What even was he gonna benefit by standing there, scaring the shit out of somebody? Somebody who just looked at his sister in the way that he, himself had kinda looked at Evan. For a second. But whatever, he had more important things to do, now. He backed away a little. "Yeah, well, she's not as fucking wonderful as you think," he said before he could consider the potential consequences.

You: There were a lot of things that fell under the massive category of 'terrifying.' Answering the door, talking to people on the phone, giving class presentations when he hadn't prepared for them for at least half a school year prior. /People/ were terrifying, in general. But Evan didn't know if he was really, truly /scared/ in the moment as Connor shoved his letter back at him. He was anxious as hell, but he was... pretty much always anxious as hell if there were other people around, so that wasn't anything special in itself. Despite Connor's obvious upset, Evan hadn't once considered that Connor was actually angry with /him/. At the letter, and the fact that he thought that Evan had done something to piss him off? Of course. But even as he stumbled back a little and clutched his newly-reacquired letter to his chest, he found himself frowning in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked, the words coming out too fast and narrowly avoiding sounding like a rushed, smushed-together mess. He smoothed the creases in the paper he was holding absently, staring at Connor with eyes wide with both curiosity and the fear that he could never seem to rid himself of. "She, um, she seems nice? I don't really know her that well because, um--" He coughed, face flushing. "Butanyways I don't know you're her brother and you probably know her better than me? Oh god sorry okay I'll shut up now."

Stranger: By the time he'd said it, Connor already regretted saying the thing about Zoe despite kind of believing it. Like, he was pretty sure she was that fucking wonderful - at least to most people - but that was the thing that pissed him off about her, the thing that made her, to him, so awful to have to deal with. Things were easy for Zoe. That was his perception. She had friends and people liked her. People like Evan. People that could've liked him instead. He couldn't exactly just run off and not answer the question but that would look pretty bad, probably so he just shrugged and tried to feign a sort of nonchalance as he answered. "She's just a fucking bitch, I don't know what her problem is. She's got this stupid fucking diary, you know? She writes all this mean shit in it, and then acts all nice to people's faces. She's probably just being nice to you because she thinks being, uh, genetically similar to me gives her a bad reputation. That's the kinda shit she writes in there," he realized that he hadn't really dug himself out of the hole he'd gotten himself into so he added, "I don't care if you have a creepy crush on my sister or whatever, I guess. Just like, I think it's bullshit, you know? How everyone adores her and kisses her ass. It's fucking annoying," he decided.

You: "I don't know if I actually have a, like, a crush on her?" Evan spoke before thinking, and he just /knew/ his face was beet-red. Still, he'd let the words escape, and he was going to go with it, because it was the truth. He'd been thinking about it for a long time because the way that Jared talked about girls and the way he thought about Zoe? He /liked/ her and she was /nice/, and he would probably even like to kiss her! But beyond that? He honestly hadn't thought anything through, which was a big part of the reason he hadn't been able to talk to her in the first place, because if he'd just had a PLAN, it might have been at least a little bit easier. "And I don't, um, I don't think I kiss her, um, ass? I just think it wouldbenicetohaveafriend y'know? I didn't know she writes stuff like that." Evan shook his head. Now that Connor had calmed down a little, Evan found himself glancing down at his own arm, the one with that cast. The one that now had Connor's name written across it like a beacon. His handwriting was nice, he thought distractedly. Blocky, but not messy. It was weirdly confident handwriting, for someone who seemed just as bad at interacting with other human beings as he was. Because that was what Evan had gotten from his anger. They were both bad at people, just... in different ways. "Being, um, genetically similar to you isn't a bad thing?" he added as an afterthought, staring at the cast as he spoke and then glancing up after the words had left his mouth. He curled his fingers around the paper he was still holding, consciously stopping himself from continuing to smooth it out. "Sorry, that was... You probably know that. That was dumb, sorry." He shook his head again. He didn't know /why/ he couldn't go two seconds without putting his foot in his mouth, but here was was. Putting his foot in his mouth. Constantly. As always.

Stranger: Living in Connor's head could be difficult because some of the time, he felt like ...why wouldn't everyone like Zoe more than they like him but other times he felt like people should just give him a chance to be nice to them instead of assuming he's gonna be a dick which then, in turn, causes him to act like an asshole because it made him angry. The worst is when he felt both of these conflicting emotions at one time. It happened more than he'd like to admit. He focused on Evan's speaking instead of on whatever bullshit he was thinking or feeling about Zoe, but that just made him tense all over again; the way he could relate and how uncomfortable that made him but how it also made him think maybe... but no, that was stupid. Evan wouldn't want to be his friend now, not after how he'd acted to him that whole day. He pushed the thought out of his mind, at least for the time being. He had to focus here. On getting away from this whole interaction and following through on what he'd promised himself he'd do earlier. Dead or alive, he'd still be a burden to his family - but at least the former allowed him to not face the consequences of it but before he could think of a good escape tactic, he was letting out a snort at the mere concept of being genetically similar to him not being a terrible thing when it also meant that you'd be genetically similar to Larry Murphy which was, as far as he was concerned, the worst thing you could be. Besides, his family was all kinds of fucked up beneath the traditional family veneer that thinly veiled the reality of things. "No, trust me, being genetically similar to me sucks.. She's not wrong. Just. Fuck, man, I don't know..." he hadn't really said anything, but he felt like he'd said too much so he deflected - "You apologize a lot."

You: Evan realised that he was breathing again, more normally than hyperventilation. It wasn't perfect, but it was a lot calmer than it had been when Connor had first gotten angry, so he would take it. It didn't seem like Connor was upset anymore, but there was a bitterness just below the surface, one that he recognised from their previous interaction. It was strange and contradictory, and Evan wanted to know more despite the fact that wanting to know more made him nervous. "Y-Yeah..." Evan gave a nervous little laugh and then cleared his throat immediately afterwards. "I don't know. I just feel like I have a lot to apologise for? It's, um, easy to apologise and stuff, so that nobody ever gets upset or anything, y'know?" He moved his hand as he talked, the unbroken one, and winced a little as the paper flopped around in his hand. "I'm gonna, um..." He gestured to the table next to the computer where his bag was still sitting, and made his way over to place the letter safely down so that it wouldn't be a casualty of his social awkwardness any longer. "I, um? Don't really think that's right, though," he told him, looking up from his letter. "The, um, geneticallysimilarthing?" Slow down. Breathe. Talk like a normal person, Evan, come on. "You're not a bad person? Neitherisshe, because--" Breath. "Um, because writing bad things might just be a coping mechanism? Sometimes, y'know, people have those and it's not always the best but it happens." He shrugged, bit at his lip. He'd been rambling again. "Sorry."

Stranger: Despite the way that his demeanor was cooler than it had been initially, there was still a monster that controlled him lurking beneath the surface of his now cool exterior. It was always there and ready to snap and he didn't have any control over it at all, quite the opposite of that, really. He nodded a few times, despite the fact that he couldn't even recall the last time he'd said sorry at all, let alone actually experiencing remorse when he said it. Probably on some level, it was because whenever he'd done anything wrong, he'd been told to apologize and now he didn't like doing it. Especially not when he felt that he was owed an apology, too, which was... well. A lot of the time. He watched as Evan moved back to his things and he pushed the crappy feeling out of his head that came from antagonizing this poor kid since that morning. Connor probably should've been more understanding about unhealthy coping mechanisms, he had a few of his own but he could justify his own and as far as he was concerned, Zoe's reasons for feeling how she felt were shitty and selfish and that made him feel angry, and made his hands tense into fists but he tried to maintain the calmness that he had fallen into. "I guess," he said because it was the best thing he could come up with without just spilling his guts. And Evan really, really didn't need that. Neither did he. Not when he was going to do what he was going to do once he left. "It's just like, that's the shit that makes me cynical about everyone else, you know? Like, fuck. I shoved you. I shoved you cause I thought you were laughing and you weren't even fucking laughing, cause I have that fake bullshit to deal with. With her. Makes me doubt everyone," he said. It was almost an apology, right?