#everythingbeforeus

On the search for a relatively okay independent romance film, I came across this one.

The cinematography wasn’t as bad as I though it would be and the mostly Asian cast was a fresh relief from many of the English-language romance films that I’ve been seeing.

Cast included: Aaron Yoo, Brittany Ishibashi, Brandon Soo Hoo, and Victoria Park and it was directed by Philip Wang and Wesley Chan.

(Brandon is too adorable. It’s a shame.)

The film is based on the notion that relationships are the deciding factor in the way that people will live their lives. The DEI - or Department of Emotional Integrity - rates people based on their relationship trials and tribulations  - or lack thereof. Loans, employment, and even college admission is based on the score the DEI gives. The film seeks to perpetuate the notion that relationships are complex, can’t be quantified by a statistical system, and are more about feelings, which don’t necessarily dictate our relationships with others, than our lives as a whole.

The film follows two main relationships - two young lovers who believe that they can transcend statistics and power through a long-distance relationship after one of them goes away to college and a man whose past relationship never really gets out of his system.

Because I actually don’t want to spill the details of the film - it’s actually quite engaging - I won’t get into them.

I find most compelling the notion that the director feels that mediation tends to alleviate much of the problems that couples tend to have. A DEI score can be elevated simply due to cordial reconciliation and acceptance of the events that led up to the “termination” of the relationship. This, needless to say, is actually a dose of reality. Many people would more easily allow themselves to be immersed in the heat of angry passion, negating the possibility of reconciliation much less conversation, and can leave a relationship without considering whether or not it can be reconciled. Having a relationship score diminishes that possibility - people have their lives to think about when considering a partner as well as whether or not to end a relationship. In our society, people are more or less (if you let any article online tell it) inclined to float from relationship to relationship, or situation to situation with no consideration as to whether or not it will have an effect on their futures much less reflect their personality. As both of main characters figured out, their DEI scores were inaccurate reflections of their personalities. They were not only more loving, courageous, social, and brave than their scores would have suggested - they were also more suited to having lasting relationships due to their personalities and abilities to be truthful with their own selves, in my opinion.

One of the characters, within the reconciliation portion, chose to take full responsibility for the demise of the relationship so that his ex would be able to achieve her dreams. His love for her prevailed over the selfish need to push blame upon her (the party with the most blame would see a largely diminished DEI score) and was exemplary of the fact that the statistics were absolutely not indicative of the reality of the human emotion spectrum.

Would something like the DEI work in our reality? I don’t think so. As the film related, human interactions are far more complex than statistics and numbers. A person who may have bad relationships may not necessarily be a bad person. A person with good relationships (on the outside) may not necessarily be a good person. Would we hold ourselves more accountable for our relationship choices if we were held to a numerical standard? I don’t think so - after all, the heated passion of love makes one biologically insane. This insanity can create a multitude of thoughts - from thinking that the impossible is possible to giving one courage to doing what they wouldn’t do otherwise to creating stability within the least stable person.

Nevertheless, love, as the film explained, is supposed to be the thing about life that is crazy, unexplainable, and confusing. It’s not supposed to be something that dictates the rest of our lives or even our place in life. It doesn’t quantify our technical, social, or design skills - much less our analytical or any other skill that isn’t related to loving someone with all of our being. Relationships aren’t always perfect  - but it’s possible that you can love an imperfect person perfectly, or even love someone the best way that you know how. The important thing is that you love them honestly - as honest as YOU can be.