#everyday changes

Speeding up your Metabolism (Simple Tricks)

Our Metabolism is the functions in which our bodies convert what we consume into energy that we use. While this diverse biochemical process is happening, calories in the food we’ve ate and the beverages are coupled with oxygen to release the energy our bodies need to function on a day to day basis. Many times you will hear of people complaining that they haven’t been able to lose weight or have a…

OUT with the OLD & IN with the NEW 2015 DESIGN TRENDS

OUT with the OLD & IN with the NEW 2015 DESIGN TRENDS.

First off, I want to wish everyone a happy new year! I hope things are doing well with you guys and that life is treating you alright.

I've been away for the past few days, looking for apartments in Oakland to start my new life. Unfortunately not only for finding apartments but for my goal, I allowed my father to dictate what I'm doing with my life and I ended up walking out of Oakland without any apartment. Standing up to my father and accepting that I am an adult that should have control over my own life is something I need to work towards.

But! I still have had little victories despite what setbacks I might have.

I had a long talk with my mom about my personality and my dad's abusive nature. It helped to talk about it with my mom, not only because it was a bonding situation with someone I am emotionally distant to as a result of the abuse cycle (she always took dad's side), but it helped me better understand myself and my own tendencies.

Every bit of understanding I gain about myself is a step towards fixing what problems I have.

I took a bit of a break from posting because of the holidays, but I've been working towards my goal slowly but surely.

As of today, I've been taking my pills for more than 2 weeks without missing any days, I've been calling property managers in hopes of finding an apartment in the Oakland area, and I opened a new bank account separate from my parents'. I've also talked to my girlfriend about our problems, and we've scheduled further mediation, and I am looking over worksheets given to me by our mediator that will help me understand and combat irrational thoughts and teach me how to express myself properly in arguments.

This is all very important stuff to me. I have really started to adjust now that I've been taking my pills regularly, and I've been a lot calmer and able to cope. My depression is slowly becoming more under control the longer I keep this up. Calling property managers to move is not only a sign of me facing my fears of judgment, but it's a step towards me moving away from the abusive atmosphere that bred a lot of my bad behaviors. Opening up my own bank account separate from my parents cuts off another way they have been controlling me, which is also a helpful step towards escaping the abuse.

The mediation is incredibly important towards my interpersonal relationships and how I deal with my anger and my abusive tendencies. And the papers teaching me techniques is incredibly important in that respect too.

I am excited. I feel like I am heading in a good direction.

I hope that your holidays are going great, and that you're keeping up your journeys towards betterment. The New Year is coming up--I know I rag on New Years Resolutions as things that no one keeps to, that seem more of an obligation than an actual attempt towards making your life better, but maybe we can change that this year.

Today I had an earnest talk with my girlfriend, where we discussed not only how much we loved each other, but how we were going to deal with what problems we had and what we need to improve on to pave the way for healthy communication and a healthy future. 

Happy end of days people. This little victory might have to include an extra-long explanation, because I'm not sure people will quite understand why it's important to me.

Today, I decided to renounce John Lennon as my number one personal hero.

I still admire him a lot, I still think he was one of the greatest song writers of all time, I still consider him as someone I look up to creatively. But I feel like my constantly naming him as my hero, jokingly saying "IamJohn Lennon," and pointing out our similarities gives me a subconscious excuse to continue some of my bad behaviors.

I know it sounds strange. But, I've talked to my mother about this, and she talks about how while drawing comparisons between myself and others can work in a positive way, there is also a negative side effect that I'm prone to. I try to become more like the person I draw comparisons to, whether consciously or subconsciously. While this may be good in some respects (I may become more musically creative, I might become more ambitious, I MIGHT LIKE PEACE MORE, WHO KNOWS), there are certain personalities with aspects that I take on that are a lot less healthy.

John Lennon was abusive and angry, didn't communicate with people well, was manipulative, and didn't learn to apologize and open up about his feelings until much later on in his life. I have used him as an excuse before. "I'm an asshole, just like John Lennon"--"I know I can be mean sometimes, but I can also be really nice! It's the contradictory side of me, just like John Lennon"--"I am like John Lennon," she thought grimly, while screaming at her girlfriend for no reason apart from jealousy that she's too proud to admit to aloud.

Maybe I will take him up as a personal hero sometime when I'm older and I feel like I've leveled out my problems, and I can admire him as someone who changed himself, like I will have to. But right now I'm using him as an excuse. I still like him, and I will look at his later transformation as something to look towards myself, but I need to change before he did--I want to change before I alienate people, and lose the person I love, and hurt as many people as he ended up hurting before he learned his lesson. 

So, for now, I'm sorry, John. But getting rid of negative role models is important for me to look into myself and move on.