#especially five

“Luther, are you alright?” Looking over at Allison you spot her staring at Luther, who was still dazed and confused from what just happened. 

“I don’t know yet. I’ve just never had my ass handed to me like that before. It’s like…” He makes a motion with his hands. “...Here you go. It’s your ass.”

There’s a pause before “Okay I think Luther’s concussed!”

“Luther, how many fingers am I holding up?” Klaus holds out three fingers and you slowly push them back down again. “Don’t honey, just…not right now.”

“Oh, shit. Vanya!” Luther suddenly sits up but quickly relaxes as Allison points her finger at the figure coming their way.

“Oh, thank god you’re alive!” She breathes out and flops onto a park bench.

“You okay?” Allison asks and she nods her head tiredly.

“Apparently, so is an alternate version of Ben and [Y/N]” Klaus throws out. “Who are apparently lovers or some shit like that.” you shudder at the thought of the two of them kissing and Klaus and Ben have the same reaction, if the sounds of shuddering and fake gagging are anything to go by.

“Yeah, who are also complete dickheads.” Allison adds.

“They’re all Dickheads.” Diego has a point, you note.

Luther nods his head “Dickheads who can fight.”

Five sighs, irritated. “Alright, the next person who says dickhead is getting a punch to the throat.”

There’s a brief pause, where you all look at each other. Then suddenly…

“Dickhead.” -Luther “Dickhead” - Diego “Dickhead” - Allison “Dickhead” - Klaus “Dickhead” - Ben “Dickhead” - Vanya “Dickhead” - [Y/N]

Five just sighs and hangs his head. He honestly didn’t know what he expected. 

“Hey.” Diego looks over at you and Klaus, “Did dad tell you why he was calling them his kids?” Oh, look there’s the white hot fury again. Oh, how you missed her. Klaus places his hand on your clenched ones and the motion doesn’t go unnoticed by Five.

Klaus laughs in disbelief. “He sure did! You ready?” You slowly sit up but continue to hold onto Klaus’ hand. “He was so repulsed by us back in Texas, that he adopted an entirely different group of children, just so he wouldn’t have to raise us!” Scoffing, Klaus adds “That’s just peak Reggie!”

“Isn’t it?” Luther scoffs. Vanya looks a little heartbroken at that.

“What, so he didn’t want us anymore?”

Allison just shakes her head. “Did he ever?”

“And [Y/N]? Why was there a double of you with a complete personality shift?” Five is cautious in his approach, treating you like a wounded animal and you can’t help but growl a little in anger. You suddenly stand and move so that your back is facing everyone. You could feel their eyes on you though and wrap your arms around yourself in a makeshift hug. 

“...Reginald remembered what I had said about being taken from my old universe, and instead of getting taken in 2020 like I remember, he stole me when I was a baby.”

There are gasps around you and a few “son of a bitches” are thrown around for good measure. You continue on when it was quiet.

“My personality is the way it is because of what I faced growing up. Just like it was for all of you. I adapted and overcame any obstacle back then, and it shaped me into the people pleasing, snarky moron you see today. But that version of me you saw back there didn’t grow up with that. She grew up knowing about her powers from Day one, but the trade-off was her human decency. I must have been the very first, hence the “Number Zero”” You take a shuddering breath and try to steady yourself before turning back around, steadfastly ignoring the looks of pity they’re all giving you.

You can cry when you're alone. And drunk. 

You look over at Five and send him a tired look. “We never should have gone to him for help in ‘63. Five, we fucked up the timeline hard.” Five gulps hard and looks away as you continue on. “What else do you think might have gotten changed because of our actions?”

“Shouldn’t you know?” Allison points over at you as if you held all the answers and there it is. This was exactly what you were waiting for. When all else fails go to the person who knows the show. 

You can’t look at Allison when you answer her. “Yeah, my knowledge only went up to Texas in ‘63.”

“Wait, what?” Allison scrunches her brow in confusion “What do you mean?”

You turn back around. This isn’t something you were looking forward to explaining. “Um, in my universe, a third season got greenlit, but they had just barely begun pre-production when I got taken in late 2020. Filming wasn’t meant to start until at least early 2021 due to the pandemic. There wasn’t even a plot synopsis yet. If i had to guess i’d say we’re in the third season right here, right now, but i have no idea what the story even is.”

Allison just scoffs and turns her head, and you take a step back and let your face fall a bit. You should have expected this reaction, sadly. This always happens once you lose any usefulness.

“Okay, guys, look. It’s fine.” Vanya tries to reassure everyone while you move back to sit next to Klaus, head kept low, “We still have the commission’s briefcase. So, worst case, we can just go back in time and fix it.”

“Lovely thought, Vanya,” Five starts “But there are 2 problems with that statement.”

“Here we go,” Klaus declares.

“Yeah, we get it, Your jobs are so hard!” Diego’s mockery is gonna get him punched, you swear. “Just…what?”

“Problem one:” You start. “Time travel is finicky and complicated. All it takes is one big ripple in a tiny pond and…” you make a big KABOOM motion with your hands for emphasis. 

“Problem Two:” Five picks up from there, “I no longer have the briefcase.”

You raise an eyebrow at that. “How did you lose something that big and clunky in such a short amount of time?”

“I don’t know, but I did.”

“Five, where the hell is the briefcase?” Allison demands and you have to hold your hand up to stop her from reaching over and throttling him. “Just…stop. Alright? Let’s all just, take a step back, get our bearings, in Five’s case maybe a nap and a shower-”

“Hey!”

“-you reek dude, let's not mince words here. Then we can figure out where to go from there. Sound good?” Everyone gives their general agreement but Allison, who has her gaze in the other direction. “Allison.” You reiterate, “Sound good?” Your tone gives no room for argument.

She merely scoffs and lets out a quiet. “Yeah. Yeah, sounds good.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You all have been walking for almost half an hour now, with no clear indication as to where to go next. You and Klaus are in the back, while everyone else is up front chatting about where they could possibly stay. You’ve been holding onto his arm as you walk, rubbing your thumb along his pulse point.

It’s maybe a minute or so before Allison throws her arms up in disbelief. “What are we doing?” She demands. Five just looks at her innocently - well as innocently as Five is capable of being - and quietly responds, “Ruminating.”

“Why is everyone staring at us?” You and Klaus side eye a couple giving you all weird looks as you pass by them.

“Because we look like the damn village people just lost a fight.” and with that Diego snags the hat Klaus had been wearing with a “Give me that!”

Klaus lets out a “Hey!”, before nudging you off to the side next to Five and Ben while they scuffled around like kids. It…honestly, it was kind of refreshing to see after all the serious crap you all had just endured. You can’t help but smile, but it quickly disappears as Allison proclaims, “You know what? I need to go find Claire. I will catch up with you guys later.”

“Woah, hey, Allison, bad idea!” You announce, and Vanya is quick to agree with you. “[Y/N]s right. First let’s go somewhere safe, clean up those cuts, and then we’ll go find her.”

“Man, I hate those guys.” You look over to where Luther was glaring and you can’t help but flinch back at the banner of Zero, Marcus and Alt. Ben floating on the side of a building. You quickly look down and away, briefly missing the look of concern Klaus is sending you.

“Gotta say, they are not high up on my list of favorite people right now.” Ben remarks next to you and you nod your head in agreement.

“Look at 'em, with their…stupid smug…” Luther can barely get the words out it seems.

“You can do it! You can do it!” Klaus encourages.

“S…S…smug…smugness.” Klaus sighs and pats him on the shoulder. “Keep working on it big guy, you’ll land one. Eventually.”

“But honestly, what are we doing?” Allison is quick to bring you all back up to the forefront of what’s important. “Because we can’t keep standing out here bleeding out in the middle of this park.”

“I don’t know but we better gear up fast before they come back for round 2.”

You raise an eyebrow at Diego’s line of reasoning. “Why would they come for round 2?”

“Because I would.” You merely blink at his simple reply. “Well thank our lucky stars they aren’t you then, huh?” 

“I mean, we DID break into their house.” Klaus notices and wraps his arms around you.

“Our house.” Allison corrects.

“Bust up all their nice antiques and shit.” He continues as if she hadn’t spoken. You frown in thought. “Pretty sure I bashed an ancient chinese vase over sparrow Ben's head. Oops.”

“Yeah, I don't think the crime fighting… super nerds are gonna let that go.” Luther is still glaring at the banner. 

“Luther.” He looks over at you. “Stop staring at the banner.”

“Let’s just think of someplace off the radar where we can lie low and not draw attention.” You can’t help but blink at that. 

“Five, where the hell are we gonna go that won’t draw attention?”

“Yeah,” Diego is quick to agree while you slowly look next to you and see Klaus swinging your arms and smiling like an idiot. “What kind of a weird-ass place are we not gonna draw attention?”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, you honestly weren’t sure what you expected when you came upon the Hotel Obsidian, but uh…

Seven dumbasses all trying to squeeze into a revolving door was not one of them. Quickly spotting a perfectly good side door, you easily walk through and stand off to the side as the dumbass brigade push their way through and stop once they realize you were already in.

“Side door.” Was all you had to say before pointing to the object in question.

Pushing past the rest, Klaus quickly grabs your hands and twirls you around “Oh, Hotel Obsidian, I missed you, you slutty old dame!” He quickly inhales…something, and wraps his arms around you “Absorb her. Absorb her into your bosom!” You laugh as Klaus does another twirl with you and the two of you face everyone. “You know, cause back in her heyday, she played host to world leaders. Roosevelt, Gandhi, Stalin, Gorbachev, Castro, King Olaf of Norway, one of the Kim Jongs, Tito, Dalai Lama, Elvis, and not one but two Kardashians, allegedly.” 

You can’t help but notice all the other patrons giving you weird looks and Allison is quick to ignore everything and everyone as she makes a beeline for the payphone. “What – where are you going?”

“I gotta make a call.” She throws out and Klaus quickly shrugs before wrapping his arms around you once more, your back to his front. “Nowadays, she’s just a flophouse, a party house for those of us not looking to be judged by society's norms.”

“Is that why all the guests in the lobby have been side-eyeing us this whole time?” Once you point it out, the others begin to notice as well and are all equally weirded out by it. 

“Ah, we’re a new thing!” Klaus declares. “A novelty, and once it wears off - in like 3-7 days - we’ll blend right in!”

“So it’s a place to hide?” Luther is quick to state and Klaus nods his head eagerly. “Exactly! It’s perfect! And the best part of it is, she’s gonna look after us, no questions asked! Never ever, right?” 

Klaus backs the two of you over to the front desk with a “Come on!” and you’re quick to notice yet another thing. “Klaus.” You announce.

“Mmhmm?”

“How exactly are we meant to pay for this? I’m not entirely sure…” You quickly check your wallet and groan at the measly amount you have left over. “...75 bucks and a stick of gum is gonna be enough for all of us.”

“Adapt and overcome, my dear universe hopper! We’ve done it before, we’ll do it again! Ah, Chet!” Klaus leans on the table as the concierge…holy shit. Is that?

No.

It can’t be.

But it would be fitting, wouldn’t it?

You don’t know whether or not you should say something just to gauge his reaction.

“Mon frère! It’s so great to see you! I’d like my usual suite, Por favor!” and Klaus rings the bell for emphasis.

“I’ve never seen you before.” ‘Chet’ Deadpans. Ah, no. Maybe mentioning he looks like the character Death from supernatural isn’t the wisest course of action right now. Best to keep the mouth shut.

“See? Told you. Discreet.” Klaus smiles at you, and you smile back awkwardly, cause this is as far from discreet as it gets with everyone staring at you all. 

“Please stop scaring my dog.” You look over to see Luther and Diego cooing over a little pug sitting on the counter and it really takes considerable effort not to but out laughing at them. But going by the snicker Five just gave, you seem to be handling it quite well!

“Sorry, um… we need some rooms please. At least 3, if possible. I’d like one separate for me and my Fiancé.” Chet smiles slightly at the notion, and you smile back.

“Mazel tov. And how will we be paying today?” He quickly sets down a little placard that reads “Cash up front.” and that smile just went south for the winter real quick!

Quickly pulling out your wallet, you ignore the others as you hand Chet your $75. He hands you a single key. “King sized bed, room with a view.” And subtly winks at you. 

“Wha-hey what the hell!?” You look up at Diego. “What?” 

“What do you mean, what? Why do you and Klaus get a room to yourselves?”

“...Did you seriously just ask me that question? I mean, I figured, as the best man you’d have been made well aware of this.”

“I…” You merely raise an eyebrow at him. “Shut up.”

“Best man?” Luther and Vanya look between the two of you confusion rocking their faces. “Oh, for the love of…Klaus and [Y/N] are getting married, alright?” Five pushes you off to the side next to Klaus. “Now can we please pay the nice man so I can go take a damn nap?!”

“Spoken like a true geriatric.” You and Klaus laugh even harder when Five just flips you off behind his back at your comment. 

“Here, will this do?” Luther holds his watch and Chet looks it over before handing over 2 more keys.  

“Two rooms. Enjoy your stay.”

“Right, well,” Allison grabs one of the room keys, “Let’s brady bunch this bitch.”

Five looks around before eyeballing the bar with a…lobster tank…alright then. “Alright, meet back at the bar in 2 hours so we can make a plan.”

“Uh, Five?” He looks over at you. “Three hours.”

“No, 2 hours.”

“Five. Three hours.”

“No, you can bang your fiancé later, we need -” 

You quickly grab Five by the lapels of his blazer and pull him so he’s eye level with you. “Listen to me and listen well.” you hiss out and everyone, save Klaus, quickly takes a step back. Klaus knows you too well to think your actions are anything beyond smoke and mirrors. But Five…

Five can’t help but let out a sharp inhale through his nose in shock at your actions. You’ve always been the level-headed, rational one. You’re quite frankly the least selfish person of this entire group of weirdos. Hell, you were willing to make the sacrifice play several times over if it meant everyone else living.

Snapping like this doesn’t seem like your style, but after the events of the last few days, suddenly anything seems possible. Your face is deadly calm that belies the storm behind your eyes.

“I haven’t had a solo moment with the love of my life in almost 2 weeks.” You continue on. “I have been possessed 3 times, been shot at, been gunned down, got the literal shit kicked out of me, by me, and I have been fine with that. Really I have. I can take whatever the universe wants to dish out, no problem. But if I finally - finally - have a chance to take a step back and rest and bang my future husband's brains out, I'm gonna do it. And I suggest you accept that.” You’re breathing heavily by the end and Five is just staring blank faced at you before…

“Fine. Three hours. And then we come back to discuss a plan.” You breathe a sigh of relief and let go of his blazer, smoothing the lapels and patting them down. Suddenly the storm is gone and your eyes are clear again.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t say I never do anything nice for ya.” Everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief and Klaus quickly plants a kiss on the side of your head.

“Ignoring all that, I have a plan!” Diego bounds up the stairs until he’s standing on the landing above. “We attack the sparrows, we take back our house, and then we punch dad a bit until he admits we’re better and loves us more. Boom! Done.” You all merely blink at him before Five looks over to you. “You say it, I'm too tired to give a shit.”

“Diego.” You call out and he looks over you. “No.”

His falls comically as you all walk by him. “C’mon, we’re wasting time!”

“Relax, don’t sweat it man.” Klaus pats him on the chest and moves to join you. “Those shit birds are staying put for a while. I bet they’re as wiped as we are.”

Diego looks mildly hopeful as he stares at you all in the elevator. “Really?”

“Oh, yeah.” You agree. “Kicking our asses must have been exhausting.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So you seriously expect me to believe this place doesn’t have room service? In 2019?” You can’t help but scoff as Klaus quickly unlocks the door to the boy’s room, yourself still holding onto yours and Klaus’ with an iron grip.

“Pfft. Not in this hotel.” Klaus looks up and gasps in delight. “Oh! See? It’s paradise!” you quietly look around at how…little there actually is. Wow. How shitty was Luther’s watch? “High ceilings, sense of space, aromatic.” You sniff a little and gag at the stink permeating your nostrils. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” Actually, Diego had a fair point, where WAS the bathroom?

“Down the hall, or…” Klaus quickly opens the window “Nature’s bathroom!”

“You’re disgusting.” Diego stares at Klaus with a look of disappointment. He merely shrugs.

“But consistent!”

“Klaus don’t you dare…!” But your pleas go in one ear and out the other as he starts…oh god…peeing out the window. Five merely stares and shakes his head. “You chose to marry him. Remember that.”

“Shut up.”

“Anyway, before the two lovebirds leave us, let’s unpack. Settle in.” Five flops down on the bottom bunk and you quickly climb up to the top bunk, sitting cross-legged. Ben doesn’t even say anything and just settles down in one of the chairs, watching everything with a soft smile.

“Hey! Careful, that's my bed!” Diego points his knife at you in warning and you laugh as you bounce on it slightly. Luther merely stares at Five in confusion. “Unpack, unpack what? We don’t own anything anymore.”

“I know, isn’t it liberating?”

“Certainly makes things a lot easier!” You smile and tilt your head as Diego scoffs. “What are you two, commies? No, if I wanted bunk beds and group showers, I would have stayed in the Texas nuthouse! At least they had free jello.” Adding under his breath “And Lila.”

“Uh, Diego? doesn’t this place have a buffet? With a jello bar?” Ben quickly points out and Diego merely points his knife at him in warning. “Not the point.”

“Hey, Diego?” He looks over at Five who quite frankly looks like he’s one wrong word away from going full feral and biting people. “I just spent the past 20 straight days saving the world. Twice. Can I get five minutes to relax before figuring all the new kinks out? Please and thank you.”

Luther merely laughs a bit while bouncing on his bed. “And dad said I'd never go to summer camp. This is great!” 

Klaus moves over and holds his hands out for you, and you quickly jump into his arms and onto the floor. “Alright, future in-laws, me and Klaus are off, see you in a few. Try not to kill each other!”

With a chorus of grumbled “Bye’s” You pull Klaus down the hall to your shared room, both of you giggling like children. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“9, 10, 11…here we go! Room 12!” You quickly unlock the door and push Klaus inside, before slamming it behind you, quickly locking it and slapping it with a ‘Do not disturb’ sign so nobody would come in and bother either of you.

“Oooh, eager, are we?” Klaus quickly wraps his hands around your waist and wastes no time in lowering his mouth to your for an open mouthed kiss. 

“Mmm, I feel like it’s been years since we’ve actually gotten any alone time together. Just the two of us.” You slowly back Klaus up until he lands on the bed, quickly backing up and laying on pillows so you could crawl up and straddle his waist. You quickly shed off your ripped up leather Jacket, tossing it off to the side and helping him out of his duster, leaving him clad in his black vest and pants, the hat shockingly still managing to stay on after all that.

Klaus leans up, slowly peeling your tank top off and waiting a moment to just take you in. 

You’ve been through hell and back. How many hits have you taken for this family? Every scar has a story to tell and you’ve got enough of them to fill several novels worth. How has nobody ever noticed?

He slowly runs his fingers down the old scars lining your body, careful not to place too much pressure on the new cuts and bruises lining your stomach and he eyes the slight ring of purple around your neck. You grab Klaus’ hand before he has a chance to touch it. “Let’s…not worry about the pain. For right now, let’s just worry about the pleasure.”