#especially eddie

Last time he saw his dad was his high school graduation, and that hadn’t ended well. They’d only spoken on the phone twice since then: once when he told him about the mall fire and once about the pool cleaner going out of business.

Before he could think of what to do or say, his dad was walking into the living room.

That was the same scowl Steve got when he didn’t get into college.

Oh boy.

“Steven. Care to explain why I have a house full of children and teenagers?”

He didn’t know what came over him; Maybe it was just a false bravado put on because he knew his dad wouldn’t do anything to him in front of all these people or maybe he just had a thoughtless reaction.

“They’re all teenagers actually. We’re having movie night.”

His dad’s face went nearly purple with rage.

Not just anger. Pure, unfiltered, and completely undeserved rage.

Eddie spoke up first, thankfully distracting the kids from the explosion that was probably about to occur.

“It’s been so nice of Steve to open up his home to kids who needed a place to go to stay out of trouble. After the quake, it’s been difficult, you know?”

How he managed to say any of that with a straight face, Steve didn’t know.

But he was grateful.

His dad looked around at the mix of kids.

To an outsider, their group definitely didn’t make sense.

To his dad, he’d see a bunch of kids he didn’t know suddenly aware of where all of his valuables in his house were.

“And you are?”

Richard Harrington’s scowl had lessened slightly, but disgust started taking over as he looked at Eddie.

“Oh! I’m Eddie Munson. Yes, related to that Munson, but only by blood.”

Eddie was confident, calm, not backing down even a little as Richard’s eyes squinted at him, judgment clear as day on his face.

“Steven, I need to speak with you alone.”

His dad didn’t give him a chance to respond before he was walking out of the room towards the kitchen.

Everyone was looking at Steve, he could feel their looks burning the back of his and side of his face. Eddie and Robin were closest to him, so he could see out of the corner of his eyes their panic at the situation.

Steve got up and walked to the kitchen, no one trying to stop him because no one knew what his father was capable of.

He never let them know what his father was capable of.

When he got to the kitchen, his father was sipping a glass of water, his stance more relaxed but still too stiff to be considered casual.

“Where’s mom?” Steve asked hesitantly, quietly, the way he’d been taught from a young age to approach his dad.

“She’s with friends in Jamaica. We’ll be meeting up in New York in two days. Care to explain what the hell is going on?”

Steve gulped.

He wasn’t yelling yet, but he wasn’t whispering either. He knew the group of kids in the other room would be listening to every single movement and breath in here, ready to burst in if needed.

“It’s like Eddie said, they just need somewhere to hang out and I have plenty of space-“

“You? You have plenty of space? Since when do you pay the bills here? Since when is the mortgage in your name?”

His dad was good at the false calm, the even tone, the emotionless face.

Until he wasn’t.

“Sorry. I’ll take them home.”

Steve bit his lip. It’s been a while since he had to deal with his father like this, and the tears he normally could hold back until he was in his room were threatening to fall already.

“You drive them around, too? Do you feed them? Take them to appointments? What don’t you do for them? And that Eddie guy, you know his dad’s been in prison for six years for drug trafficking and grand theft auto? You want someone like that in my house?” His dad set his water down on the counter next to him. “That girl. Is she your girlfriend? Who are her parents? I don’t think I’ve seen her before. You know what we’ve told you about setting the right future with the right woman. If we don’t know her parents, then she can’t be the right one.”

Steve could do this. He could just let his dad get it all out and then get everyone to leave and hide in his room.

Maybe it wouldn’t even be a problem tomorrow, forgotten like he always was.

“Are you going to answer me or am I supposed to read your mind?”

Steve cleared his throat, hoping his voice would come out strong and confident.

“I’m their babysitter, so I take care of them when they need it and sometimes that means driving them places. Robin isn’t my girlfriend, she’s just a friend.”

He couldn’t talk about Eddie, and he hoped his dad didn’t push it.

But his dad always pushed it.

“Eddie Munson is not to come into this house again. I’m calling to get the locks changed tomorrow and contacting the neighbors to tell them to call my secretary if they see his van.”

“Dad, wait-“

“Are you arguing with me?”

His face had gone red, and Steve knew he was only reigning it in because of the people in the living room.

He knew when they left, he’d wish he left too.

“No, sir. Sorry.”

“It doesn’t really sound like you mean it. You know, I was hoping that you would have reapplied to colleges for next year by now. I thought surely having a job and focusing on your future would set you on the right path. That maybe you and Nancy Wheeler would work it out by the time she graduated. Clearly, I should’ve been requiring updates more often. Adulthood isn’t about babysitting, Steven. And it’s certainly not about entertaining friends unless you plan on making a business deal.”

Steve was used to the spiel.

This job is temporary. You have to go to college. You will work for me. You will make our name proud. Blah, blah, blah.

But that’s never been what he wants. He knows his dad knows that, probably gave up hope when he was in high school anyway, but wouldn’t let it go. The opportunity to degrade him would always be the most important thing.

“It’s been a really busy month.”

“Oh has it? Please explain how you’ve had a busy month.”

He crossed his arms and waited for Steve to start talking.

Steve knew he’d already lost.

He’d never won before, so it shouldn’t be as disappointing as it is.

“Just with the quake and everything.”

“The house is fine. This whole neighborhood is fine. There’s plenty of places still open for work. I’m not sure why you think that’s an excuse.”

“I was dealing with some injuries and helping a few of the people out there with theirs.”

“So you got paid for being a nurse?”

“No. I didn’t get paid, I just helped.”

Steve was met with silence. Silence was almost worse than yelling.

“And you expect me to take you seriously as someone who is jobless, not going to college, and is helping people for free?”

Steve didn’t know what to say. If he said yes, his father would do that laugh that he did when he couldn’t believe how stupid Steve was and then yell and who knows what else. If he said no, he would go straight to yelling about how Steve can’t be taken seriously if he doesn’t even take himself seriously.

He heard some movement in the other room, whispering, then the front door opening.

Good. If they were gone, Steve wouldn’t have to be embarrassed or ashamed of what his dad would say or do.

The front door closed and Steve’s shoulders dropped. He wasn’t relaxed, but he was settling into what he knew was coming in, preparing for the verbal beatdown followed by whatever physical blow his father thought was appropriate for him.

“Don’t even want to explain yourself? Not even try?” Richard let out a small huff. “You know, I told your mom that you must be working so much, and that’s why you never answered the phone when we called. I stuck up for you, even though a small part of my brain kept saying that I shouldn’t. You’ve never impressed me before, why would you start now?”

Steve looked down at the floor, knowing he would only get away with it for a few more seconds at this rate.

“And then I even started mentioning to my buddies that you must be putting in so much effort with college applications, giving them an honest go so you could follow your girlfriend wherever she goes. But that just wouldn’t happen, would it? Nancy will go to an Ivy League school, make a name for herself, impress the world. And what will you do, Steven? You can’t even impress me.”

“You know, I’m used to shitty parenting. I had a mom who thought drugs were more important than me and a dad who spent more time in a jail cell than with me. But you’re real special, Richard.”

Eddie walked into the kitchen, face red with an anger that looked like it could match Steve’s dad.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, come on. You haven’t spent more than a few hours with your kid since he was probably in diapers, and even the time you do spend with him is probably just you letting him know how disappointed you are that he isn’t the smartest person alive.”

“You have no right-”

“Oh, I do, though. See, Steve is the reason I’m even alive. And while you may think that’s not a gift, maybe you even think the world would be better off without me, a whole lot of people are glad I’m still around, including Steve. In fact, pretty sure most of the kids you saw in that living room before wouldn’t be alive without him. Robin sure wouldn’t be. You only put value in what Steve can do to make you look better and how much earning potential he has, and forget that his value comes from the fact that he cares so deeply about all of us and does whatever it takes for us to be safe and happy.”

“I don’t see how that is a benefit to me or to him in the long run, and I’d appreciate if you watch your-”

“It is truly amazing how Steve turned out the way he did when you so clearly couldn’t be bothered being a parent.” Eddie shook his head. “Actually, I take that back. It’s clearly in large part because you didn’t bother trying that he managed to turn out okay.”

“Eds,” Steve started, holding a hand out to him to try to get him to stop.

Richard was starting to get the purple color to his face that meant he would be completely losing it soon.

“No, Steve. Let him take it out on me. If he wants to be mad, he can be mad at me. I don’t give a shit what he thinks about me. I don’t give a shit what he says to me. I don’t give a shit if he wants to hit me. Go ahead and do it, Richard. Take out your anger about being a shitty human and having a shitty marriage and shitty job on me instead of Steve for once.”

Eddie moved in front of Steve, head held high like he was proud to be there.

Like he would always stand in front of Steve if he let him.

Steve didn’t want to let him, though. Not after all he did to keep him safe and alive.

Steve’s first ever concussion didn’t come from an accident, or an alternate dimension creature. It came from his dad hitting just a bit too hard, aiming just right over his ear. His ear didn’t stop ringing for days, and he had his first real migraine for more than 24 hours.

No one knew that and he wanted to keep it that way, but he needed Eddie to understand he couldn’t put himself in the line of fire here.

“Eddie, please.”

Then Richard laughed.

Steve hated his laugh.

“I see now. I can’t believe you’ve found a new way to let me down, but you did it. I’m almost impressed, Steven.”

Steve glanced between Eddie’s face and his dad’s.

Something had shifted and Steve didn’t know what.

“You know I didn’t believe the rumors about you being a fag, just thought you were weird and a nobody and people were spewing extra bullshit because they didn’t like you. Now I see they were right,” Richard practically spit the last words.

Steve could see Eddie shaking in front of him, but he didn’t back down. He didn’t run.

“And you went and fell in love with my idiot son. Steve, did he turn you into one too?”

“Steve, you don’t have to answer anything,” Eddie said without turning to him.

Steve’s brain was going about 100 miles per hour.

He knew Eddie liked men. They’d talked about it when he accidentally came out when he was high on morphine in the hospital. He even offered to drive him and Robin to a place in Indy where they might actually meet someone.

He turned it down then and they barely spoke about it since.

He watched as Eddie’s entire body tensed, like he expected Steve to hit him.

Then the other part registered. The part where his dad said Eddie fell in love with Steve.

Steve laughed.

Eddie flinched.

Steve stopped laughing.

“This is gold. You didn’t even know, did you Steven?”

For the first time, Eddie was looking down at the floor, his hair falling in front of him to hide his face.

Steve wasn’t having it, not now, not from his dad, not because of something like this. Even if it was true…well, if it was true, then Eddie didn’t deserve it coming out like this.

“You know what? You’ve spent my entire life telling me who I should be. You worked so hard to mold me into a person as miserable as you. You almost succeeded. Luckily, I met people who made me want to be better, who made me better. Eddie is one of those people. He says I saved him, but he saved me first. He only needed saving because he wanted me to live. You didn’t even bother to come home to make sure I was okay after the quake.”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic. You’re a grown man. We would have been called if you were in the hospital.”

“No you wouldn’t. You haven’t been my emergency contact in three years.”

His dad went pale at that.

“What do you mean? Who else?”

“Joyce Byers was, and then since last summer, it’s been Robin. They actually would come if I needed them.”

Eddie seemed to regain some of his composure, looking up at Richard with disdain.

“Kind of crazy how your son has so many people who love him for who he is and you can’t even be bothered to show up when he almost dies.” Eddie turned to Steve with a small, sad smile. “C’mon. Robin took the kids home in my van and I need a ride.”

“Steven, if you walk out the door, you better understand you won’t be welcome back here. Not with the disrespect you’ve shown me.”

“And the disrespect you’ve shown me? Eddie? My friends? What about that?”

Richard was silent, his teeth gritting together as he seethed to himself instead of out loud for once.

“Stevie, go grab some stuff from your room just in case, okay? I’ll wait here,” Eddie whispered.

“Eds, it’s fine. I won’t leave you alone with him,” Steve whispered back.

“I’m fine, Stevie. You can stay with me and Wayne tonight.”

Steve decided now wasn’t the time to talk, not while his father could hear.

He pulled Eddie along with him up the stairs, not giving him or his dad a chance to say anything else.

He grabbed the bag he kept under his bed for this kind of situation, already full of his savings, two sets of clothes, and important papers his dad probably didn’t even know he kept copies of: his birth certificate and social security card, the registration for the car showing it was in Steve’s own name, and the official copies of his trust fund documents.

He didn’t even know if Eddie had tried speaking to him again since coming in the room, he was too focused on getting out of there.

He thought about what he would do if his dad changed the locks before he could come back to get the rest of his stuff, which was likely.

He could find new clothes, he could replace his shampoo, but he glanced at his desk, where he kept pictures on a corkboard.

“Can you grab that board?”

Eddie looked over where Steve was staring and quickly grabbed it off the hooks on the wall.

“Thanks.”

“Anything you need.”

Steve tried not to think about it. He really did.

So he rushed back out of his room, down the stairs, and to the front door, Eddie close on his heels.

He got in his car, didn’t even stop to think about this being the last time he may be here.

Once Eddie closed the passenger door, he was backing out of the driveway and continuing out of the neighborhood.

They rode in silence for a couple miles, until Steve’s hands started shaking and Eddie told him to pull over.

“I’m gonna drive, okay? Robin’s probably waiting at mine already.”

Steve couldn’t argue, he knew he was too emotional to be behind the wheel. He may have only had a few more miles to go, but anything could happen if he wasn’t focused.

He zoned out on the rest of the drive. Eddie could have been trying to talk, but he didn’t hear it. The radio may have been on, but he didn’t hear it.

He didn’t even notice when they arrived at Eddie’s trailer until his door was opening and Robin was there, hands on his arms and rambling nervously.

“Oh my God, did he hurt you? I will go back there right now if you have so much as a hair out of place. He is such an asshole. Seriously, who does he think he is talking to you like that? Does he always say that kinda stuff? You need to get out of there. You can sleep in my attic or something, we’ll figure it out. I-”

“Robin, give him some air,” Eddie said softly, pulling her away from him and leaning down so he was face to face with Steve. “Stevie, do you wanna go inside? I’ll take Robin home and you can get settled.”

“Wait. He’s staying here tonight? Is he gonna live here now?” Robin was asking, pacing behind Eddie.

“He’s staying here tonight and maybe longer. We’ll talk about it all tomorrow. For now, he just needs to get inside and rest, okay?”

“Did he hurt him?”

“No, Robbie. He didn’t put his hands on him.”

“But he hurt him.”

Eddie sighed and nodded.

Steve looked at him, then at her, giving them both a small smile.

“I’m okay guys. I can drive Robin home. Maybe get a motel for the week.”

“Steve.”

“It’s fine, I’m fine.”

Eddie put his hand on his knee, squeezing gently.

“You’re not fine. You can stay with me tonight and we can figure it out more tomorrow, okay?”

Steve knew he wasn’t going to win. They’d take his keys and carry him into Eddie’s trailer. They would make all the kids come over to make sure he wouldn’t leave.

He loved them for it.

“Fine.”

“Thank you,” Eddie said with relief. “Alright, Robbie. Get in the van, I’ve got a date with my couch tonight I just can’t miss.”

Robin rolled her eyes, but Steve was already zoning out again.

“Stevie? Wayne’s up, I see the light on. He can help you get settled.”

“He won’t be upset?”

Eddie’s face fell.

“No, swe-” Eddie cleared his throat. “He won’t be upset. He’ll be happy to have someone other than me to talk to.”

Steve nodded once, grabbed his bag from the floor by his feet, and got out of his car.

He could feel Robin and Eddie staring as he made his way into the trailer, heard their muttering, but not quite what they were muttering.

Being inside the trailer felt different, better. It felt like a home. Wayne had worked hard on making it cozy the moment the government had it brought here to replace their old one.

But Steve realized even without a lot of things, it still felt lived in.

He could feel how much love was in these walls, how safe he felt just standing in the living room.

“Eddie, that you?” Wayne called from the bathroom down the hall.

“No, sir, it’s Steve!”

“Steve!” Wayne came around the corner with a towel around his neck, shaving cream on his face. “Didn’t expect you. Thought it was movie night tonight.”

“Um. It was. I’m staying here tonight if that’s okay,” Steve said, looking down at the floor and kicking one foot against the carpet.

He could feel Wayne staring at him, but he didn’t think he had the strength to see him turn him away.

“Of course it’s okay. You’re welcome anytime, you know that.”

Steve nodded.

“You know where Eddie’s room is, go ahead and set your stuff in there. I’ll finish up and then grab you something to drink. Want a snack?”

“Oh. Um. No thank you. I’m pretty tired, so I think I might just go to bed.”

“You sure, kid?”

“Mhm. I’ll be out of your hair tomorrow.”

Wayne was coming closer, he could see his feet shuffling against the carpet.

A hand was suddenly on Steve’s shoulder.

“Son, I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but I know I ain’t lettin’ you leave here tomorrow without talkin’ first. You ain’t botherin’ me if you need to stay here for a bit. We don’t have much, but we can figure it out.”

Steve sniffled. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t.

“Steve. Can I…shit, hold on. I got stuff on my face. Don’t move!”

Steve waited for Wayne to go back to the bathroom. He heard the sink turn on and Wayne grumbled something about how long it takes to get hot water in this dump. He let himself smile, mostly because Eddie had done the same thing when he was having to take careful showers while he was still healing. Wayne was walking back out of the bathroom, using the towel around his neck to pat his face dry.

“Can I hug you, kid?”

Steve just stared at him.

“Steve? You can say no. Just seemed like you might need one.”

He did need one.

Before he comprehended what he was doing, he fell into Wayne’s arms and let out a sob.

“It’s alright, son. It’s gonna be alright. We’ve got ya. Whatever it is, you’re safe here.”

His words just made Steve sob harder.

But Wayne gripped him harder, not even giving him the chance to think he was letting him go.

They stood like that for a while, probably too long, but Steve couldn’t pull away.

He heard the front door open and then Eddie asking something.

“Just needed to cry it out a little. You alright, Steve?”

Steve sniffed, pulling away so he could look at Eddie.

Eddie was watching him, concerned eyes watery with unshed tears.

“Stevie? Have you been crying the whole time?”

“No,” Steve said, his voice barely able to choke out a response.

“How about you boys head on to bed? I’m gonna be watchin’ my shows for a bit if you need me.”

“Alright, love you,” Eddie said, not taking his eyes off of Steve.

“Love ya both,” Wayne said.

Steve was at least able to hold himself together until he made it to Eddie’s room.

Then, he let go.

He let himself fall to his knees, let himself fall apart, for probably the first time ever.

He didn’t think about what Eddie would do or what Eddie would say or even what Eddie would think.

He just let himself feel the overwhelming sadness that comes from not being loved by a parent.

“Sweetheart, come here,” Eddie said into his ear as he pulled him to his chest. “It’s gonna be okay. Let it out. You’ve held it in too long.”

He had. God, he really had.

For years, he just pretended his dad was an asshole who didn’t come home often and had high expectations. He pretended his mom was just an important part of his business and that’s why she never bothered to stay home with him.

But for years, he knew that his parents just didn’t like him. They were disappointed in him as a son, and as a person.

He cried for the ten year old version of him who didn’t realize it would be his last birthday with his parents at home. He cried for the 12 year old version of him who had to forge a signature on his field trip form because his parents hadn’t been home in a month. He cried for the 16 year old version of him who was old enough not to need his parents most of the time but not old enough to be completely alone after his world turned upside down.

He cried for the version of him who couldn’t understand how so many people put their lives on the line for him, but his own parents couldn’t even call.

He cried because he knew that he would never be loved or accepted by his parents the way Wayne had just wholeheartedly accepted him, no questions asked.

“Stevie, you gotta take a few deep breaths, okay. In and out. Wanna try it with me?”

Steve felt the rumble of Eddie’s voice in his chest against his ear, felt him take a deep breath and tried to copy him, but his chest hurt and he couldn’t.

“Try again.”

So he did. And then again.

By the fourth time, it was easier. His lungs filled all the way, and he slowly let the air out. His face was wet, Eddie’s shirt was wet. He could feel snot dripping from his nose.

He knew Eddie didn’t sign up for this when he offered his place for the night.

He started to pull away, furiously wiping his eyes and face the best he could.

“Sorry. I’ll uh. I can go.”

“Steve,” Eddie wrapped his arms around him and pulled him back so his back was against Eddie’s chest. “I want you to stay, okay? I need you to stay. I’ll feel better if you stay.”

Steve relaxed against Eddie’s body, the comfort too nice to give up at the moment.

They stayed like that for a while, Eddie’s fingers tracing shapes against Steve’s arms.

“Eddie?”

“Hm?”

“Was he right?”

“About what?”

“You being in love with me?”

Eddie’s fingers stopped tracing for a moment, but then started back up. He could hear Eddie’s heartbeat quicken behind him.

“Would it be bad if he was right?”

Eddie sounded like he was going to cry now.

“No. It wouldn’t be bad at all.”

Steve knew he was emotional, and maybe now wasn’t the time to have this talk. Maybe they wouldn’t even have the whole talk they should have. But he knew that he wanted to tell Eddie what he’d been thinking about for, truly, weeks now.

“You remember in the hospital when you were high on morphine and you kept touching my cheek and telling me that you wanted to kiss the freckle that was right where I should have a dimple?”

“I don’t and I wish you didn’t.”

Steve let out a snort.

“Well, I couldn’t forget about it. And not just because you also had just come out to me, or because you were alive. I just kept thinking about how much I wanted you to kiss that freckle.”

“Stevie…”

“I know you’re gonna tell me we shouldn’t do this tonight. You’re right, we shouldn’t. But I need you to know that it’s not a new thing for me, that I love you, too.”

He felt a kiss to the top of his head.

It felt like Eddie just kissed every worry, every stress, every bad part of the night away.

“You’re right about not doing anything tonight. You’ve had a lot of emotions and you need to sleep it off a bit. But I’ll be right next to you. I’m here, Stevie. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“You’ll stay here tonight?”

“If that’s what you want, sweetheart.”

“Mhm. I do.”

“Let’s get comfy then.”

Steve pulled away to stand up, but Eddie held his hand so he wouldn’t stand yet.

“We’re not doing anything, but. I kinda need to kiss you. If you’re good with that,” Eddie said, eyes wide with hope.

“I’m good with that,” Steve smirked.