#ohmtoonz

Groaning, I sat up and drew my hands over my face. With a deep sigh, I got up and trudged out of my room and down the hall to the bathroom. Delirious and I had been up until 1 in the morning watching movies. I hadn’t expected to be up so soon afterwards. 

However, on my way back from the bathroom, something tingled in the back of my mind. At first, I ignored it. On my way back to my room though, I passed the staircase leading upstairs. Instinctively, my attention was drawn to the top. I paused at the bottom steps, still feeling a strange buzz in my mind. Part of me wanted to go back to bed but another part knew I was awake now. There would be no sleep until I could figure out what was wrong.

So, I slowly made my way up the stairs. Delirious’ room sat at the top. However, knowing he was even more irritable than me when being woken up, I tried to be quiet to avoid waking him. As I passed his room, my eyes were drawn to the next door down. Suddenly, it made sense why I was awake. Even from here, I could hear the small sniffles coming from the room next door.

As quietly as possible, I made my way to the door and reached for the handle. Surprisingly, the door was already cracked open. From beyond, I could make out the quiet heart-wrenching sob that I hated so much.

Before I could even think about what I was doing, I pushed open the door. A quiet creak in the hinges caused the sniffles to stop immediately. Across the room, a figure sprouted from the bed frame. I froze unintentionally when a pair of iridescent green eyes burst into existence. It had been a while since I’d seen Ohm’s eyes without the bandana Delirious gave him. No matter how many times I saw them, they still stopped me dead in my tracks. There was a challenge in those green eyes- a warning. Heeding that warning, I straightened and leaned casually against the doorframe without approaching any further. Surprise flashed in the eyes burning through me as I spoke.

“Still awake huh?”

“Cartoonz.” Ohm whispered as though he’d just realized it was me. He paused for a moment. “How did you…?”

I shrugged and folded my arms. “My Ohm senses were tingling.”

Ohm narrowed his eyes caustically. I resisted the urge to shrink. After 7 years, it wasn’t often that I found Ohm intimidating but this was one of those exceptions. The irony lay in the fact that I could hear him stifling a sniffle in the silence that followed. My feet moved of their own accord at the sound. Within seconds, I found myself at the edge of his bed, looking down at the small burrito sitting beneath me. Ohm stared up at me, his eyes still heated. I could just make out his face under the faint glow of moonlight from a nearby window.

Without a word, I reached forward and gently brushed the back of a finger across his cheek. He sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes fluttering shut briefly. As much as I enjoyed the contact, the fact that my finger came away warm and wet made me do a full body cringe. Ohm stayed eerily still as I straightened.

“I knew it.” I whispered without a thought. Through the darkness, I could barely see Ohm’s teeth flash as he grimaced and turned away. I wanted to slap myself as I watched him curl self-consciously into his blankets.

Careful not to sound like I was sighing, I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. The smell of rotten strawberries filtered into my nose as I did so, making me frown. Not only that, I noticed as I glanced down that Ohm’s blankets looked different. Even in the darkness, I could tell the top blanket was paler than the rest. Reaching down, I touched the outstretched cloth and found that it was fuzzier than I expected. I repressed a groan.

Of course he didn’t take that well. I grumbled, admonishing myself for speaking without thinking once again in this situation.

Sighing lightly, I sat down on the edge of the bed at a respectful distance. I could feel Ohm shift a little behind me. However, I resisted the urge to look over my shoulder and confirm that as I folded my hands in my lap.

“Given you have the blanket, I’m guessing you don’t wanna talk about it.”

Silence. Which was answer enough.

I nodded a little. “You know you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Your secrets are safe with me.”

For several moments, neither of us spoke. I could hear the sound of rain hitting the roof outside and the quiet hiss of the wind through the trees. Ohm’s sniffles were quieter and farther in between as time went on. I simply waited, my eyes flickering around the room. Things were becoming a little clearer in the darkness. I could just make out Ohm’s desk on the other side of the room. One of the pictures was laying flat on top of the dresser. From past experience, I knew it was one of the few pictures Ohm had of his favorite brother.

“How did you know?” The question drew me back abruptly from my thoughts.

“I told you-” I started with a smile only to be cut off by Ohm’s voice.

“Seriously Toonz.” I paused, unsure of what to say. This kind of thing had happened before once or twice but I still wasn’t entirely sure I had woken up because of Ohm.

“I don’t know. Something just felt off.” For a moment, he was silent. I resisted the urge to turn back as I heard him clear his throat.

“It was my family.” He said, voice barely above a whisper. His next words delivered a painful blow to my gut. “The day they tried selling me off.”

“Ohm...” Tension crackled through the air. He didn’t say anything, but I knew a warning when I felt it.

That explains the blanket. I thought to myself as I turned to look at him. 

Ohm was still curled up in the blankets. Green shimmered through the cracks of his eyelids. Anything from his eyes down was covered by the white fuzzy blanket which he had pulled up tightly around his shoulders. Part of me wondered if it still smelled like his brother, the one who helped him escape. Another part wished I could’ve met that brother and thanked him for helping bring Ohm into my life.

“You didn’t have to say anything if you were uncomfortable.” I chided him lightly. Ohm curled deeper into his blankets, his eyes closing fully. When he spoke, his voice was muffled.

“I rarely hide anything from you these days Toonzy. What’s one more thing to add to the list.”

“Thank you.” I half-whispered. That earned a confused arc of an eyebrow from Ohm as he glanced up at me. “For trusting me I mean.”

Ohm considered me for several moments. In any other circumstance, prolonged eye contact didn’t bother me. In fact, it was always the other person that looked away first whenever I made eye contact with them. 

There was something different about Ohm though. A certain intelligence and power I could see wreathing just below the surface. Looking into his eyes was like looking up into space and wondering if you’re actually upside down, looking down into the depths of the universe. His eyes made me question everything I knew about myself. I couldn’t bring myself to look away though. There was something alluring about that kind of existential questioning. Ohm made me question myself and my actions but, in doing so, made me want to be a better person. Whether I wanted to be better because of him and for him was a question I was finding myself wrestling more and more often these days.

My thoughts were broken as Ohm shifted and a hand was produced from under the blankets. Ohm dropped his gaze as he reached for me. Just before his fingers could touch my shirt, he hesitated. For a moment, I figured he’d draw back like usual. This time was different though. This time, he reached out and hooked his fingers in the hem of my shirt and fisted the material in desperation. As I watched, his eyes grew a little duller and more watery as he silently clung to me. My heart threatened to burst with warmth.

Ever so slowly, I reached back and pried his fingers from my shirt. He let go easy enough but now I could feel him shaking. Careful not to move too fast but without staying apart any longer than necessary, I stood and turned to face Ohm, his wrist still in my hand, and laid down on my side across from him. I propped my head up on one hand and allowed the other to rest with Ohm’s in between us. 

A soft sob racked his body as he squeezed his eyes shut. I frowned, my thumb rubbing little circles over the soft spot on Ohm’s wrist. That only seemed to draw a soft whine from somewhere deep within his chest. The sound drew me closer until I was looking up into what little of Ohm’s face I could see from mere inches away. I didn’t want to overstep my bounds. I knew Ohm was a stickler for personal boundaries but this felt like one of those times that I had to press them.

So, I shifted even closer until I could throw an arm around the burrito that was Ohm and draw him close to me. Soon, his face was against my chest. I could feel his warm breath even through my shirt as he let out a shallow gasp. For that singular moment, I was afraid I had gone too far.

My anxiety was thrown aside as Ohm clutched at my shirt. He buried his face into my chest and sobbed. This cry was nothing like before. He didn’t hold back. Suddenly, the flood gates were thrown open and my shirt was drenched in snot and tears. I didn’t mind though because, as time wore on and Ohm’s body grew tired of exuding so much energy, I could feel him relaxing bit by bit until his breathing evened out and his hands were loosely curled in my shirt. It was almost enough to make me cry as well. 

Ohm never trusted anyone. He had no reason to trust anyone. Anyone he’d ever met betrayed him in some way. To know that someone who never trusted anyone farther than he could throw them trusted battle-scarred prick and local asshole me was by far the greatest achievement I’d ever received in my life. That was enough for me to stay. Enough for me to fight through his hardened exterior, to soothe his traumas and open up my arms to him. Enough for me to say “I’m here for you and I will always be here for you”. Enough for me to stay up at 4 in the morning, watching over him as he slept peacefully probably for the first time in a while. And almost enough for me to finally get up the courage to tell him I loved him with my entire heart and soul. But not quite enough.