#escafeismprose

I hope you truly listen. I hope you notice the flicker in their eyes as they ramble about their passions. Let the fire radiate to where you are even if you don't know where it came from. Open your hands and feel the warmth. Take every detail, every sentimental pause, every wave in their tone. When they laugh, smile an encouraging smile. When they tear up, offer silence as a respect to their emotions. I hope you ask questions because you're seeking for an answer. Pay attention to how they flip the pages of their stories. You are not there to edit their thoughts nor omit their errors. You are there to absorb their chronicles as if watching a movie for the first time. When they struggle for words, suggest a phrase and let them go on from there. Remember that you are just a passenger on this journey. Sit back and wait where it will take you. I hope you stay there until the end. Don't ridicule their daydreams, no matter how silly they seem to be. Don't mock their beliefs just because they differ from your point of views. Don't block their explanations even if you find them uninteresting. Consider how hard it must have been for them to muster all the words just to share something with you. Be there 'til the last sentence is spoken. I hope you treasure the pieces that they laid in front of you. Keep their realizations close to your chest. Treat every experience as expensive gems mined from deep within the heart of a mountain. If you are out of words, you don't have to force anything to come out. Being the chosen one to receive their sagas is more than enough. I hope their fragments survive inside you. And I hope you will find people who will keep you with them as well.

You don't have to alter yourself just so you can stay. You don't have to force the pieces to fit. Spending hours with them do not mean you have to breathe the same colors. Countless coffee dates and drinking sessions do not require you to speak the same language dwelling in their tongue. Listening to them talk about their passions does not mean that you have to catch the fire as well.  Sometimes, they laugh but what you hear is an alarm that makes you wonder if it's supposed to be funny. Sometimes, they are sprawled all over the place and you feel like a stranger standing at the other side of the door, hesitating to ring the bell. Sometimes, they are at the height of the party but your heart is an uninvited guest even if you're standing beside them all along.  You should know that it's okay. You can be a raging red in a sea of blush. You don't have to wish for the same story like theirs. You should not feel guilty for saying no. You are not selfish for not wanting to adapt how they have fun. You are just simply acknowledging your differences. You can still be there to hear all the reasons why they cry. You can still lead the toast in their success and console them in their failure. You can still answer their phone calls in the middle of the night. Sharing yourself doesn't mean losing it. As you hug the people that you love, don't forget to embrace your individuality as well.

She never learned how to say goodbye. She doesn't get the point of announcing the ending. As if it's going to make it hurt less. So instead of uttering that word, she squeezes his hand a little tighter. She buries her head in his shoulder a little longer. As if memorizing the feeling of coming home. When he laughs, she stops her world from spinning just to listen to that sound. When he cries, she plunges into his vulnerability until they are both drenching with emotion to even function. She scorches every chapter of his story deep in her chest. She has located every star who knows his wishes. Day by day, he falls deeper in love. She never knew she set up a trap until she saw him struggling to get out. He always anticipates the ending. When he's inside a moment, he thinks of how long it will take before he gets out of it. When he looks at her, he wonders if she's secretly plotting an escape. But she's so tender when they're lying beside each other. She's focused when he's so lost in retelling his own chronicles. Her touches feel like drizzle on the first day of autumn. Her kisses are sparks on New Year's Eve. She holds his tears with caution. She ignites his smile and spreads it for the whole town to see. Maybe, somewhere between, eternity exists. Maybe, he doesn't need to get out of this moment. Night by night, he sleeps more peacefully. The morning came anyway.

This is for the times we said, "One bottle only." but we ended up getting another one and another one until we're spilling all our secrets and drowning with all the emotions we keep on repressing with our sober tongue. This is for the nights we spent camping outside, as we burn the memories we try to forget in order to build a campfire, only to watch them refuse to turn into ashes. This is for the 4-hour phone calls where we perform an autopsy to our past mistakes and wonder why we ended up feeling dead inside. This is for the songs we sing so loud inside karaoke bars when we're trying to conceal the sound of our hearts breaking. This is for the walls of the coffee shops that eavesdrop on us as we ramble about the bruises we acquired as we try to endure living this life. This is for the stories we keep on rewriting as we hope for a better ending. This is for the ache in our stomach as we talk about our lovers and almost lovers and people who were never really our lovers but left a certain scar somewhere deep within. This is for the conversations we had with our eyes and how we prove we still got each other even if the world doesn't want us anymore. This is for our future plans that may or may never turn into reality. This is for the dreams we want to get a hold of and the hope that when the time comes, we will still have each other in our lives. This is for the years behind us and the years in front of us. May we stay like this for a very long time.

For you, the world is an aftermath of a bloodbath. You used to see your surroundings as black and white. Now, everything is spilling scarlet and crimson conspiracy. You mouth their lies before they can say a word. You only shake hands to wash away the dirt. Your innocence is a faraway place, an unreachable home deep into the woods. Going back only means facing the wolves and their hunger for your sins. Walking ahead means cruising through the currents of the unknown. Every morning is a chance of drowning. You wonder why you keep on paddling. But there are moments when the clouds wait for you to come home before they unleash the rain. There are songs that hug your ice heart back to its nourishing state. There are smiles that take you to a certain height without the danger of breaking your wings. There are words written to pick up the shards of your sharp past and nurse your wounds until they are fully healed. There are nights when the silence is louder than the voices you used to fight with. There are people who are willing to drive you to your drunkenness and wait until your hungover subsides. So think about it. Maybe, the world isn't as bloody as you think it is. You just have to find the right hues at the right moments, with the right individuals.

You are here and then you aren't. The flowers have wilted. The shards of petals are cutting through the surface you once touched. I have kissed you with an epilogue. The raindrops dripping through are your requiem. This is where the tears should flood through. But they didn't. I watched you descend into oblivion. Deep into the fatality, I could feel your smirk. When the shadows have taken over and the streets are desolated, you lurk around. Creeping through the edges of my engrossed mind. Crawling to my sheets, stealing caresses to my hungry skin. Inhabiting the walls and lingering through the cracks. Penetrating the realms of my dreams, sending memories from a distant life. It's you but you never let me see your face. You haunt me with your existence. Your enigmatic specter shakes me from my mundanity. Pulling me to the mystery you never explained. Taking me to a non-existent reality. Tempting me with the allure of an alternate ending. Your immortal seduction is unwavering. Red is already over the place. Everything is gushing endlessly. Soon enough, I'll meet you there.

I don't think you understand. I can't do everything for you, but I will do anything just to keep you happy. I'll take care of you whenever you're sick. I'll keep you warm when you're cold. I would be the funniest person when you're sad. If the day was not good enough, I'm always here to listen. If you can't fall asleep, I'll sing a song beside you. I don't think you understand how I am willing to be right by your side. I would've thrown everything away just to be with you, but you broke me like I was one of your damn promises.

You told me that I don't have to love you back but you looked at me as if I was a criminal. You said it wasn't my fault that my heartbeats don't resound yours yet you made it seem like it was an accusation. I wondered if I committed something I shouldn't have. You wanted everything to be okay again. You wanted to go back to what we were before yet the awkwardness was louder than the laughter that we should share. Being with you felt like I'm walking on a snow floor. I just wanted to get through but my weight could break it any time. It will always be my wrongdoing if something gets broken. I would say I'm sorry but should I apologize for not feeling something that wasn't supposed to be there? I would say I'm sorry but I am very much aware that I didn't pull you; you just fell on your own. I would say I'm sorry but I know that I didn't break anything when I never intended to hold it at the first place. I would say I'm sorry but I wasn't really sure what I should be sorry for. I look back to all the unsolicited attentions that you willingly gave me. All the times you offered your hand when I never really asked for help. All the messages that you sent that I thought were just composed in the name of friendship. All the gifts that you insist I take when you know I never really wanted them at the first place. I should have known that you wanted something massive in return. I should have seen the meaning behind your smiles and the hidden longing beneath your words. I should have slammed the door before you got the wrong idea that I was letting you in. I should have walked away before you ever hoped that I would stay. Now, I am nothing but a monster in your eyes. You are convinced that I am a catastrophe and you are my latest casualty. You said I destroy everything that I touch but we both know the truth. I never laid my hands on you. I never led you to the ruins that you have become. You're the only one who did it to yourself. Have you ever thought that maybe, it wasn't me, maybe it has just been you all along? You were so absorbed to your own fantasies. You were so lost to the image of the things that you wanted. You never considered the possibility that your desire may be too much to ask for. And now that I have failed to conquer the spot next to you, you have turned me into a villain instead.