#ererisummer2017

He was pretty sure it wasn’t a dream matter, anymore. It was too real -as real as the notes in his phone, as the marked pen’s writings on his cheeks on occasional mornings that he couldn’t always erase entirely and thus had to blame on Hanji at his friends and colleagues’ every questions, as the dubious and confused glance he kept receiving when he was back in himself because of the unusual strangeness of the day before.  It still amazed scared him to death not having full control or understanding of what was happening to him. To them. A part of him was still convinced Eren was a figment of his imagination, kept thinking that one day he was going to wake up as if nothing ever happened and feeling it as being all a strange dream. He remained in bed, breathing deeply for a couple of minute, knowing he had to get ready soon. As for who, well… Impossibly long legs followed his order to kick themselves out of bed, and he knew right away that he had to cover for the brat, again, as he had done already the previous weeks. First thing first, he went where the mirror was, maneuvering his absurd body through the absolute mess that Eren’s room was -he told him thousands of times to clean everything before the switch, why the hell was he such a hardhead!-, checking for marker signs or other strange stuff along his -Eren’s- skin, only to realize a very embarrassing thing. He was already naked. Eren was naked. Oh, he was so going to murder the idiot. Trying to ignore his own blush, he diverted his eyes from Eren’s abs and cock and legs and- and tried to find some clothes. If Eren wanted to put it that way between them, he was so going to have fun with it. He hoped he would shit himself -thinking again, maybe he didn’t really want that, the brat was in his body and his pants, so no thank you- for the little surprise Levi had left him before going to bed, thanks a lot Hanji. But since it didn’t feel as enough, tonight he was going to build the perfect ambush, so maybe he’ll stop.

* * *

Eren was blind. He was blind and he couldn’t move and his heart was beating so fast he thought he was going to die of heart attack in a matter of seconds. What the hell? He had to be in Levi’s body. Levi had probably done something to himself before going to bed, that weirdo, because when the sleepiness started to wear off, he could feel some kind of rope on his wrist and a blind fold on his eyes. Kinky stuff, eh? Levi was up for a pleasant awakening, if anything. Eren gave him a fucking present, why was he the one who had it worse between the two of them? No more naked wonders for Levi, that old fart. In that moment, he heard a noise -a door opening, and someone snickering under their nose, probably looking at the struggling figure of the bed. Tentatively, he opened his mouth. “Hanji?” They cleared their throat. “Yeah? Is this Eren?” “Yes. Uhm, can you tell me why I’m tied up?” “What do you think, kiddo?” He cursed Levi and complimented himself for his more than right hypothesis, than he addressed the other again. He heard the shutter sound of an iPhone camera go off, and suspiciousness overwhelmed him. “Did you just photograph me?” “...No?” He hesitated a few seconds. Wasn’t he used to Hanji’s oddity by now? “You know what? I don’t want to know.” “Good choice, ignorance is bliss!” “Yeah yeah. Do you mind helping me?” “Only if you tell me what you dido to deserve this. Levi won’t tell me!” He sighed. “I wrote insults on his chest and turned upside down his room.” “That’s why he was cleaning like a madman, yesterday! Well done, boy!! What did you leave him, this time?” He heard them walking in the room -they were probably watching him from the doorstep- and felt hands on his arms. The first knot came off, and he shook his hand awake, since it was a little bit numb. “Myself.” “Uh. Details.” “Naked.” Hanji stopped their action and started laughing in a strange way, as if they were dying and grunting at the same time. And did they just tumbled down on the floor? He was actually a little worried. “Oh my god, you’re really brave, you know that?! Do you work out?” He was proud to say he did. “Then you should probably be a little bit worried, his gayness is so going to show up sooner or later!” “Didn’t it already?! I made him a favor only to find myself tied up!” “I told you he is not an easy person, nor is he fun.” He finally broke free with Hanji’s help and wrenched the blind fold away, his eyes adjusting to the light in the room and the figure beside him. “He is going to make you pay for that, you know. Worse than this.” “Yeah, well, now I’m scared, thank you very much.” They cackled, then raised from bed and walked out of the room. “Get dressed!” “Yes, mom!”

* * * 

When he came back home that evening, Eren’s roommate were there. He had managed to avoid seeing them all day between classes and part-time job -he was better than him in both things, by the way, he just needed to follow Eren’s barely comprehensible agenda and be his awesome self-, but now he had to at least talk to them. He closed the door after himself, following the noises up to the kitchen. “How was your day?” “Boring. I’m going to change.” The girl -Mikasa- looked at him strangely, but let him go. The blond one didn’t say a word, choosing to follow him with his eyes. In the safeness of his room -Eren’s, but, yeah, it was hard to get used to that switching thing-, he replaced his outside clothes with older ones, thinking of a way to eat and come back here in a relatively quick way. For what he knew, Eren’s friends were not aware of what was going on. He had to tell Hanji because of his job -Levi worked in a gym as an instructor, so when he had to go to work and Eren was in his body, the brat had to ask her for help, since he was new to Levi’s town, work place and timeline.  Eren, on the other end, was a college student, majoring in English -and French as a second language-, so since he was half-French he was only doing the idiot a favor, and the part-time job at the bar on campus was easy, since he had experience in that field already from his college days. The real danger were Armin and Mikasa. They knew Eren very well -too well, if the knock he heard against the door of his room was a clue. He braced himself and walked by, opening it. “Yes?” “Uhm…” The blond guy was there again. It had happened before, and Eren had explained to him via phone notes that his friend was too clever to not pick up on the strangeness of the situation. He promised Levi he was going to deal with him, but he didn’t. Hell, he was going to, in Armin’s eyes, but little did he know it wasn’t going to happen as Eren! “Are you Levi?” Oh. Well, that was unexpected. Levi moved away from the door step and made Armin signal to sit down on the bed with a wave of his hand. “How did you find out?” He closed the door and leaned against it with his back, watching the kid take place as he was told. He was fiddling with his fingers, clearly nervous, but looked up at him almost immediately, expression carefully blank. “Eren left his phone on the kitchen table, yesterday, and when I picked it to give it back to him I saw the note. Well, the notes. Yesterday he was fairly normal, so I knew he was… that everything was okay. But it’s been weeks since his strange behavior has started, and I needed to address it, somehow. And before, when you came home-” “Was I so obvious?” “Kind of, yeah.” A deep silence descended on the room, and Levi kept scrutinizing the clever one, waiting for his questions. “So…” “So?” Armin opened his mouth, then closed it, then did it again. Levi just waited. “How is it possible?” “Do you think we know?” “Well… yes?” “We don’t. It just happened and we are trying to deal with it while looking for answers.” “Are you?” Levi wasn’t sure how to reply to that. “You think we’re not?” “It seems to me that you two got… comfortable with the situation. Eren was really panicking, weeks ago, but now… some days he’s odd, other he’s like himself again, nothing more. I’m just… worried, I guess.” Levi looked at him. Like, really looked, while processing his words. Did this, any of this, become comfortable to him, at some point? When did he stop looking for clues online or going to the library with Hanji or being so worried at night he didn’t even remember when he fell asleep? When did this stop being abnormal and become a routine, when did Eren become human enough in his eyes that he was looking forward to the switching day just to get a glimpse of him? How was that possibly happening to him, and when did he stop caring? He didn’t divert his eyes from Armin’s, and his silence seemed to be enough of a confession for the blond. He simply smiled, even if it was a little bit off. “I think you two should meet up and see what happens.” Levi’s heartbeat quickened. “I… I’ll ask him.” Armin seemed to find his embarrassment amusing, because his smile appeared to be more resolved. He even laughed a little. “I’ll put in a good word for you. Now we should probably go, or else Mikasa is going to come here. She’s worried, too, but I think it’s better if we talk to her when you… I mean, when Eren is back?” Levi nodded, moving away from the door. “I totally understand, no need to be so tentative. It’s strange for me, too, but…” “If the way Eren behaves is anything to go by, I think I know what’s going on. You don’t have to explain.” “You think you know...?” And what did he think he knew, exactly? One second Armin was all flustered and shy and the other he was looking at Levi as he had him all figured out. “We’ll deal with it when the time comes. But Eren can be pretty dense, so whatever you want to make him understand, you better tell him straight away.” Armin got up and joined him while Levi opened the door. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Uh uh.” They moved side by side through the corridor, but Levi stopped Armin almost immediately. “I need an advice.” The blond nodded, clearly curious. Levi lowered the tone of his voice, not wanting the girl on the other room to pick up their conversation. “Me and Eren… we prank each other, occasionally. This morning, when I woke up, he was naked, so-“ “Too much information.” Levi actually smiled at that.                             “Okay, you want to prank him back, right? What did you have in mind?” “Something drastic.” Armin’s eyebrow furrowed a little, but at the knowing way Levi was glancing at him, he blushed like a high school girl. “Oh, uhm, okay. Well, you should maybe make it a little less drastic and kind of… messier.” Levi strangely liked the sound of that. “What did you have in mind?”

* * * 

Eren woke up to a very sticky sensation. He woke up slowly, feeling his limbs and being pretty much sure he was in his body again. Smiling, he raised his hand and rubbed the back of it on his closed eye, only to feel that sticky sensation again. Confused, he opened his eyes and had to close them immediately when something went into them. He shot on the bed in a sitting position and tried to clear his sight to look at his hands. What the fucking hell? “Levi, you bastard!” He was covered in lube. At first, he thought it was his own jiz, but he recognized it as lube immediately after. Plus, the bottle was on his night stand, with a piece of paper stuck under it. He took it, but didn’t make it far before he heard steps outside his room and a knock come on his door. Oh, shit, his roommates were home! Panicking, he quickly grabbed the bottle and the note and dived under the blankets. “Eren?” It was Armin. “What?!” “...is everything alright?” “Yes, of course, why are you asking?!” “You seem… agitated?” “No, I’m not, now go away! I need to get dressed!” “Oh, don’t worry, take your time, I think you’ll need it!” He heard snickering, and then nothing more. Confused, he ignored the bottle and lifted the note, folded in two. He opened it. 

Nice body. I thought to make good use of it, but someone gave me a better idea. Two, I should say. I think it’s time the two of us meet up, don’t you think? Also, do you surrender? I totally won, this time. Ps. Armin is really nice. 

He was smiling. He didn’t know what part of the message had that kind of effect on him, but he was in his bed, naked and covered in lube, with an empty, sticky bottle of it under the covers and a just as sticky note in his hands and he had never been so happy and giddy and amused in his entire life. He rubbed his hands on the blankets -he had to wash them anyway- and took his phone, which was also on the night stand. He turned it on and waited impatiently for it to start running. When it was done, he opened the block notes app and created a new note.

You’re a dick, you know? Thank you very fucking much for your “present”, even if it makes me happy that you enjoy seeing me naked so much that you consumed an entire bottle of lube for me ;) But my bed hates you, so I hate you, too. And Armin. You told him, didn’t you? He was laughing outside my room when he came to weak me up! I’m going to kill you both, and I’m not sorry you won’t be able to meet him. If you think I’ll surrender, keep dreaming, old man. Also… yeah, I think we should meet up too. Can’t wait. 

---

"I love you," Eren blurts. Levi has his hand in both of his, having dumped rubbing alcohol on torn knuckles then slathered it in antibiotic, and is currently wrapping gauze around the bloody wound. This is the third, just today. The older man doesn't even pause. Hell, with the way he's acting Eren can't even tell if he'd heard him. But it's impossible not to have at this distance and all he can really do is wait.

Rejection. A scoff. Laughter. Shit, anything. Maybe a I never want to see you again or a shove and a get the fuck out, or maybe he'll stab him with the scissors he used to cut his bandages or the knife in the first aid kit he used to get out his splinters. Cut out his heart, physically, as if he isn't already doing so metaphorically. But Levi does none of these things, and maybe, in hindsight, that's kind of him but Eren thinks that it's mostly cruel, to be leaving him like this. Something inside hurts, vaguely aches like a dull pang in the background, and he doesn't really know how to fix it. Except he does, but it's in Levi's hands, all of it, and he can't help but wonder in this silence that this is his way of rejecting what's already become his.

I love you, Eren repeats in his head. I love you I love you I love you look at me. But with Levi he never knows. No one ever really knows with this enigma of a man and all Eren can do is to wait. Maybe he'll never get an answer. It probably means he doesn't ever want to hear from him ever. He'll have to take all the post-fight patching up somewhere else; either suck it up and do it himself (not likely) or drag himself down to Armin’s and hope he won't tell on fucking Mikasa. But that would defeat the whole purpose, telling anyone else. Hell Levi doesn't even know what brings him here; mild and various fist fight injuries, yes, but no one’s ever bothered to venture past the surface. And when Eren thinks about it it's ridiculous. It's even more ridiculous, not to mention presumptuous, to blurt out feelings for this man. He's nothing more than a hot headed, quick tempered brat to the seasoned retired army nurse working for the dilapidated low-income, no-ID clinic. Though. He doesn't actually know if Levi's a seasoned retired army nurse, he just kind of. Assumed. Which makes an ass out of you and me. Eren blinks. Levi is staring back at him, dark grey eyes appearing uninterested yet somehow managing to pierce through him, through his eyes and deep into his head and for a moment he thinks absurdly that maybe Levi has read his mind. "What?" Eren says, ever so eloquent, and the pretty face in front of him (god his eyes are fucking broken, in the best way though) scowls. "I said, assuming makes an ass out of--" "Oh, uh. Fuck. Did I say that out loud?" Levi snorts. Eren, tips of ears flushing, looks down. His hands are back on his lap, neatly bandaged. He misses having Levi's hands on his. Even if they're pouring alcohol on his freshly bleeding knuckles. He doesn't know why there's another pause there, but they sit in silence for a moment, and it's awkward as hell but he doesn't really know how to fix that, either. Why is it that it's always Levi that fixes things, always Eren that comes in to get fixed--then, by that logic, it makes no sense why it's Levi breaking him this time. Does he even know that he is? "Unless you have anything else for me look at, it's gonna be ten bucks." Ten? "Ten?" Eren repeats dumbly. Levi's looking at him like he's an idiot, not that he really needs to, he is a fucking idiot but god, he can't just--not after this-- "Wait, Levi," he continues, heart clenching in his chest; "What about what I just said?" Levi's eyes narrow, and in that moment Eren cringes and he hopes it hasn't shown through but he's always been told his face is an open book and—

And then those steel-hard eyes soften; and maybe—he hasn't screwed up everything? "Eren," his voice is something gentler, a tone he hasn't ever heard directed at him before—at others, yes, namely frightened children that has their turn before him while he waits or to stray cats in the back alleys behind the clinic, and while his heart does a weird flip Eren doesn't know if he likes it. He won't, he's not so pathetic that a tone like this will reduce him to his knees, no, not yet, not yet--but then Levi continues and Eren is helpless to fall silent, trying not to squirm in his seat. "Eren, listen. You don't just come to a clinic like this a couple times and fall in love with someone like me. No—I said listen.”

And he says that as if he can do anything else. Knuckles pounding dully in hand, the sharp tang of blood echoing on his tongue. Aching muscles and greasy hair and shoulders that don’t fit into the joints of his torso, too heavy and too lanky and just. Ugly.

And then, more than that, bare.

Levi effectively shuts him up and there goes the last of his defense, crumbling before something ugly and misfit and naked. His heart pounds, and the oddly arrhythmic drum of the organ echoes under the bones of his rib cage like a thousand needles pricking him from the inside out.

If Levi tries to tell him that he’s just mistaken, that this is just a phase, he doesn’t think he could take it. Not from this man. Not from anyone else, not from himself and not from him.

“…Eren,” he begins again.

He’d thought that he would meet his eyes. That no matter the outcome, for this, for him, that he’d scrape together the last of his guts and offer, everything he has left.

But the same man that makes him want to give up everything and let go of it all makes him want to take back the very bits and pieces he bared and hide them away, push them deep inside the cavity remaining after everything he’s given up and just, forget.

And maybe he’ll tell him that he’s not who he thinks he is. Or maybe he’ll just tell him that he already has someone. It’s so fucking like him to refuse to consider that possibility until the last minute, when it’s too late.

Just. Just another something too late in a sea of everything that has lost its time and place, as if he’s not drowning already.

“…Don’t.” The word spills out of his mouth before he even thinks of sounding the syllable. “Don’t. Please—don’t, don’t reject me.”

The silence that follows carries the weight of a walk to the gallows.

What Eren doesn’t know is that it is a walk for the both of them, towards the end of everything on opposite ends; nothing but two prisoners brushing past across cold concrete leading in opposite directions. The scent of disinfectant saturating the air, the tremble of his skin, the bow of his head.

Levi has never known what to say in face of so much unveiled vulnerability, spilling raw and weak all at once.

It’s not new to him, but he still doesn’t.

But he remembers the look in this boy’s eyes, the sunken circles under his irises, the way he walks; as if he’s fighting something that isn’t chasing him but one that has already caught up to his back, sinking into his shadow and saddling his feet with a weight that should not exist. He remembers blood and unrepentance and hunched figures behind rotting alleyways and eyes too hollow on children too young.

Eyes; the image of a gaze still-alight, unextinguished fire and despair; frustration and responsibility too heavy for shoulders too narrow, a back carved with scarlet scars to match the ash scattered at his feet. Eyes, that had met his. Lingering when he thought he wasn’t aware, dropping to the floor to his return.

He, too, begins to move before he thinks it through.

All he knows is this; Levi reaches for Eren’s hair and tangles rough fingers into greasy locks. It’s not a stretch for him to pull the boy forward, forehead to shoulder.