#erdetra

Petra’s fingers danced over Erd’s lap from under the table. Levi couldn’t see it; only the slight movement of her upper arm and the way it synchronised with her light smile and Erd’s tense frame. They knew each other too well. And he could tell, the obvious way that Gunther snickers and the twitch at the corner of Auruo’s mouth.

He didn’t know what implications the growing sore in his gut was to him. He finished dinner, stood up to clean the plates. Looking away, he brought the thought deep into the back of his mind.

“Corporal, I’ll do the plates tonight!”

He nodded, bid them goodnight, let the bile roll in his stomach a bit longer.

-

She was late; that was odd of her. She was rarely late, but there she was, missing from the roll call. Erd grit his teeth under the Corporal’s odd stare.

“Sir, I will—”

“I’ll call her,” Levi insists. “Sit.”

Levi walked to her room, steps clicking sharp and angry against the asphalt floor. He knocked; once, twice. No answer. He could hear a shuffling of clothes from inside the room. He knocked again. No answer still, a bit more panicky.

He kicked the door open.

“Corporal!” Petra shrieked, sitting herself down on the bed.

Her hair was a mess, with her polo buttons misaligned, one foot in her boots, and one pant leg rolled up.  She sat stock still, on the bed, staring at him in the eye, in apology.

Levi was working all night, last night. He turned on his heel.

“Make me coffee.”

-

“Am I dismissed, sir?”

Petra stood in front of him, eyes staring straight into him. His eyes travelled down the pale expanse of her skin down her marred arms and her calloused hands. Same hands which had gone up under the back of his shirt. Same arms which had caught him in depths of the night smelling like coffee filled with sugar and cinnamon.

When he breathed, he felt like she was right against his ear.

“Sir?”

“You’re dismissed,” he said, more of a groan, sounding like losing.

-

He caught them, that time, before the 57th. Erd, fixing the straps of Petra’s harness, purposely poorly put on. He could tell—those knots wouldn’t jump out on their own. She was laughing. Erd was mumbling, under his breath, inaudible.

Later that morning before they got to the gate, Petra stood in front of him in full salute before tugging his cravat in place.

“I would devote my entire life for your sake, Captain,” she said, lips by his ear.

Oh, she would.

-------

Erwin lets him sign the papers about his squad’s death. He takes the pen, lets the ink pool black on the thin paper. Erwin doesn’t ask, when he takes them back, and gets one of the cadets to hand Corporal Levi something to drink.

Now there is no trace of Petra in the drink: no honey, no sugar, or cinnamon, or perhaps the taste of her lips lingering in the rim of the mug.

Levi gulps down the bitter coffee down in his throat in grieving.

-

He lets Erwin break the news to Petra’s father. And Auruo’s family. And Gunther’s father. But the knot in his gut refuses to unwind. So he, on his own, goes to Erd’s lover. He knocks and when the door opens to her, hair a hue a little like Petra, he hands the bloodied clothes over.

He doesn’t spare a word, or a moment. He glances to her, who stares at the pile as if the cloth would answer her questions. He turns on his heel, and she doesn’t call out.

“Erd Gin, you goddamn asshole!”

The blonde halted on his heel, military training coupling with anger and keeping his movements so crisp they were almost inhuman. How he could still move, train, talk - he didn’t know. His best friend, his brother in arms, the closest thing he even had to god-damned family anymore was gone and now Erd’s body was moving through his daily routine while his brain tried to break the surface of an ocean of grief. And instead, he was drowning.

But the fire, the hurt and fury in Petra’s voice shot through that endless sea like a god-given savior. Or something like that, if he’d been given to poetry.

He wasn’t going to say it didn’t sting because it did, but he couldn’t look at her without thinking about Gunter. He couldn’t look at that empty seat at the dinner table right next to her, couldn’t notice the copper in her hair without thinking about how his almost-brother’s dark fingers would comb through it.

Gunter wasn’t given to displays of affection but Petra brought that out in all of them.

So of course he’d shoved her away. What else was he supposed to do?

The tiny redhead had, apparently, followed him after his silent exit from the mess hall. He hadn’t expected her to, but there she was. She’d always been full of surprises.

“You may think you can deal with this alone, you piece of shit, but maybe it’s about time you remembered that you have a goddamn squad that was left alive.”

“You made that clear.” His voice was cold, his dark gaze cutting and sharp. And the way he looked at her - like she wasn’t anything - made Petra sick to her stomach.

“So you walk out on us?”

“I had nothing more to say.”

Petra’s breath caught and staggered from her throat, cutting at the emotions that sat there and kept her from swallowing. She wanted to cry. She got angry instead.

“You- you—“

“Me?” The smirk that tugged at Erd’s mouth was a terrible corruption of his usual arrogant grin. Petra couldn’t help but wonder if Erd had died back in the forest as well, and they’d only been given a poor substitution.

“If you walk away from me here, Erd, you’d better not come back.”

He sucked in a breath and stood up straighter. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t come back.” She matched him, gaze for gaze, sharp posture for posture. “Don’t you dare come back. If you walk out on your squad now you don’t deserve to be a part of us.”

He snapped backward like she had punched him, and gritted his teeth.

“You have no goddamn right to say that -“

“I have all the right in the world, or what’s left of it.” She clenched her hands into fists as she shouted back. “I have all the right when you, you - you’re our second in command, our leader when Heichou’s gone - and Heichou’s been gone, Erd! Where have you been? You’ve been shoving us all into a corner and pretending we don’t exist!”

“Gunter is dead, Petra! Dead! He’s not coming back!”

“And from the way you’re acting you clearly wish it had been Auruo and me instead!”

“I would never wish that on you!” He roared in response, hand cutting sharply through the air as if to slice her suggestion in half. “And to hell with you for even thinking it.”

When Erd yelled, which was rare, the world seemed to jump and fall into line - but not Petra. She stared that unnerving golden stare straight back at him, her mouth pressed into a thin, thin line.

“Then fucking act like you mean it, Gin.”

The use of his last name cut him deeper than the swear, and the scabbed-over wound that he’d nursed so closely ripped back open again. Because it hadn’t just been Gunter - he’d lost Gunter, and that was killing him, but he’d watched Petra get slammed against a tree and Auruo get flattened against the ground and nobody then knew if they were going to make it out alive.

“Fuck you, Petra -“

And in two long strides he had her against the wall and his mouth was crushing down on hers, hot and messy, teeth scraping against her lips as he demanded a response.

And she did; she kissed him back, biting down on his own bottom lip as she fought against his grip. One hand broke from his grasp and slid up his shoulder to tangle and tug harshly at his hair. He hissed and pulled back for a second, changing his grip to pull her away from the wall and hold her flush and hot against him before biting back down on her mouth.

It wasn’t the first time he had kissed her, not by a long shot, but it was the first time a kiss between them had been anything but sweet.

-

Petra pulls away for a second and gasps - “Erd, hallway -“  enough that the words manage to cut through his fury and he is still angry at her, that’s not gone anywhere - but he realizs that the corridor is a public space and the last thing he needs is Eren or Auruo happening upon this altercation. 

So he turns again and grabs her by the wrist before veritably hauling her the few short meters toward his bedroom. He opens the wooden door and swings her forward before stepping into the room himself and locking the door behind him. She raises an eyebrow but doesn’t question it, and instead just crosses her arms.

“Take that back,” he says, his voice dark with anger and something else entirely, something she can’t quite recognize. “Goddamn it, Petra - Take it back.“

Ah, she realizes, with a jolt. It’s anguish.

So this time, when she steps forward, she takes his hands in her own and holds them tight. This time, she kisses him.

It happens slowly, and for the first few moments he does not move against her and she wonders if the previous kiss was a fluke and she has once again misjudged her boundaries with the second-in-command of her squad. But then he releases her hands from his grasp and she feels something in him shatter, and his arms come around her waist and hold her tight - like she’s the last thing in the world he can possibly cling to as everything else breaks apart.

And maybe she is.

petra tries to calm her errant thoughts with cups of chamomile tea, but not even the soft scent does much to quiet down her nerves. memories of sensation, calloused hands against her own calloused skin flood her brain, refusing to be ignored. she dips her head inside her blanket, trying to block him out.

erd enters her room, lets the shutting of the door be loud enough for her to hear. erd strokes her hair, coaxing her cries to quiet whimpers til she’s holding on to him for dear life.

“god, what do i do?”

she lets him, lets him wash over her like calm over sleepless nights, untangling her tired muscles. his kisses are poison. his breath is fire. his hands are shackles that break her from the inside out.

but she lets him.                             

(she calls out for levi.)

when they are done, and petra has finally worn herself from the inside out, erd breaks free of contact from her and watches her chest rise and fall. he tucks her inside the blanket and disappears out the room; perhaps in the morning, she would think she was dreaming, think she was hallucinating all of it.

maybe tomorrow, petra will count from zero again.

he wouldn’t bring it up.

erd listens to the creak of the wood when he walks back to his room, and sighs.

“he’s gone, pet.”

Wow guys! >///< I have so few followers, but I get a lot of these messages (this isn't even all of them). I have noticed a trend here! (You all write in anon, which is expected due to the nature of this blog!) I was saving these up (again, this isn't all of them) to respond to all at once because I didn't want to clog your dashboard with individual replies!

First off, thank you all so much for following me! I will have to do an extra special fic soon due to the number of you! I didn't expect a single follower at first and am always dumbfoundedly flattered to receive your lovely messages! It isn't much of a gift, but I have a lot of fanfics to post, and promise to post you all some chapters here tonight as a late christmas/holidays gift! You all have made my holidays so special; long live Rivetra and CGT!

So, on to responding to a few of the submissions individually. >///< To the anon that wishes they had such a great bf as Hero; he really is soooo great; he encouraged me to first get on here and has always been so supportive in everything, even if I don't deserve it! He was made quite happy by your comment btw, dear anon; I showed it to him. Thanks also to the anon who told Hero that they ship us as a pairing. XD This is a good thing, since we're actually together and all! I'm glad we could add another ship to your fleet! >///< P.S. His bday is end of January if you'd like to surprise him with love and stuff. To the anon who likes the clothes of the band AU: gaaaah! yes! I'm so glad you liked Petra's clothes from the first chapter! I was trying to emulate in a cute, modern way, the military uniform from SNK verse (this is why she wears a white shirt underneathe a cardigan and wears boots and a cute little brown skirt). >///< So glad you liked it!

To the anon that got caught at a concert on their friend's shoulders; that is so cute and funny! I'm sorry you were embarrassed by it dear, but I'm sure it was a night to remember!

To the anon(s) that want to read my Spanish fics... they, as per Hero's (and your all's) demand... will be translated as well in to English.. >///< It will take me a long time to do so as I already have such a number of things to write from prompts and fics of English, but I promise to do so. I am so so flattered that you all liked my writing enough to wish to read them as well. They are also SNK based. >///< Hero doesn't read Spanish, though he understands it spoken, so he has requested that I translate them that way everyone (including himself) can enjoy them! I almost continued my Band AU fic at Chapter 20 in Spanish and he flipped out. >///< He said its no good to do it that way because then if you don't speak both languages, you can only read one half of the fic...

Thank you all for such kind words on the bath scene (Chapter 9) of the CU Rivetra/CGT fic. It was quite difficult to write, and I felt a tad embarrassed posting it due to its sheer length of smutiness (at the time, it was the longest smut fic chapter I'd written... it no longer is...>///>). Nonetheless, I am so happy that you all enjoyed it. I feel it a necessary thing for Rivetra...

To the anon who wants to know how Levi and Petra's meeting turns out in the AU, you will find out tonight! >///< Thanks so much to everyone who has supported the AU, as it is a bit more embarrassing to post for myself than the other due to its 'originality'...

To the anons that have written me regarding how 'hot' the fics make them... I am glad that the smut serves its purpose well! >///> I am not very comfortable with my writing, so it makes me feel glad and reassured that you've enjoyed it!

To ALL of the anons who think Erwin is evil and want Levi to save the day in the CU: I love your comments so much; they make me giggle so hard! So many of you have written in asking if Levi's gonna find out and what he's gonna do to Erwin, etc. XD However, I can't answer your questions on here regarding that (because that is spoiling the fun!)... you'll just have to read and find out!

To the anons who have written in regarding Erdetra (Erd x Petra) in the AU... it wasn't intended as a pairing, but I'm glad you liked their dynamic!

Thanks to all who sent in prompts; I assure you they all will (or already have been) put to good use! >///> For the several of you that literally prompted for a threesome, I have already written two of these, but will write an extra extended one as per your request (that isn't related to either of the Rivetra/CGT fics). As always, if you guys come up with other prompts/requests/etc (whether CGT/Rivetra related or not), send them in! I might make your headcanons come true!

Again, thank all of you for your most lovely comments. It makes me so happy to hear that you enjoy it (for whatever reason) and am glad that the smut is well written enough to serve its purpose. I'm sorry to all of you who's messages don't appear above. It's not that they aren't important to me (THEY ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME), I just don't want to clog anyone's inbox so if yours was similar, it may have been cut. I don't feel very confident in my writing... especially in English, but your lovely messages help to reassure me that you really enjoy it! No matter the message, be it prompt or critique or simple comment, I am so appreciative for your time and support! Please keep writing, you all are what keeps me posting! I have come to realise that my fics are very very long... >//>