#erapast

“Buuuuut secretly, Mun? I think that they both kinda got the wrong end of the stick. Lil likes to tease Candy over being a bit of a slut, and I admit I never really got it. I think it’s some kinda inside joke or something between those two? Who knows, maybe Lile and her go way back. They both kinda predate me. But Candy really kinda goes overboard. She spends a lotta time on her looks but honestly I like her personality. Even if it’s an act, she’s really laid back a lot of the time, and when she gets passionate about something, its kinda cool what she can pull off. And Bambi…….”

“Bambi….. I don’t know what to say about her. We ditched her during the war because, well, she doesn’t really hold back. We learned a long time ago to get out of blast range when she fights. We never really thought anyone could beat her. But.... then that damn wolf. He cheated. I wanted to put her back together but....there was....there wasn’t enough of her left. Most of her internal organs were bombed out.

Of all the ritters....she was the only one who was really....REALLY afraid of dying. She was so afraid that she brought us all together just so she could feel safe. But we were cowards....and we couldn’t protect her. I didn’t even know how to put her back together and still keep her alive. She was so afraid of even us.....

I barely even recognized her. If her heart wasn’t already half busted, it might have exploded from fear. 

I couldn’t stand seeing her like that.

None of us could.”

“I thought it would help, you know? Turning her into a zombie? She wouldn’t have to worry about dying anymore. She’d be immortal just like me. She’d never die. Ever. But...when she woke up. She just kept whimpering. Saying she didn’t want to die. I told her over and over, that she was already dead. That she didn’t have to be afraid anymore.

Throughout all the fights. Even as she braved death. Even as she took down those damn shinigami. Even as she got to bask in her new immortality. She didn’t enjoy any of it. She kept saying ‘I don’t wanna die’ ‘Please don’t let me die.’.”

“I just wanted her to stop being so afraid. I busted her head open. I killed her again. I only let her heal back partially. I kept those fear parts of her brain dead. I let them rot and stay that way. I didn’t let them heal. So she;d never be afraid again. Even as we went through Hueco Mundo, it was a relief, to not hear her. To not listen to her cry every night about how she felt like she was dying.”

“And then we found Candy and Meni with that clown. And Liltotto got them back to us. They never said anything, but I could see it in the way they looked at Bambi. I saw that pain in their eyes.

I know I have to put her back. I can’t just leave her all dead and numb like this. I can’t leave her this ruined husk of what she was. But I’m afraid. I don’t want her to suffer. I don’t know what to do. If I fix her head, she’ll suffer. But this feels like it’s even worse. “

“I asked Lil if she thought the clown could bring her back. That maybe if I traded myself. Maybe he’d give Bambi back to them. She said it was a stupid idea. That they’d be trading one friend for another, that we’d find a way to bring her back without giving me up.

I really don’t deserve friends like these. I never deserved a friend like Bambi. I love all of them so much. Isn’t that kinda pathetic? I love all of them. Every one of them. They’re all so much more important to me than friends.”