And God said; "Let there be light"

note: per the request of the individuals who reached out to me, i will be keeping them anonymous. names and urls for the VICTIMS will be removed, but the rest of y’all freaks will remain. 

as i’m reading these receipts the server generally reeks of white whining and their perpetual habit of self-victimization. not once have these people stopped to consider black lives of their experiences on the daily, but rather fixating on themselves and how the protests may affect them. one of the black muns and a nb mun of color tried to be “nice,” but were clear in their thoughts on the protests. they were not quiet in their support of it, and further offered resources and even took the time to EXPLAIN shit to y’all. but none of you were having any of it.  instead you further victimized yourself, shed your WHITE TEARS, and accused the BLACK MUNS of being “aggressive” or “unjust” in their comments. 

i want to point out that, you @katergaris, you frequently threatened to kick the black muns and the ONE nbpoc, but you allowed @deivorous to make roofie jokes, corona AND vore jokes, and then allow microaggressions to fester in your server, especially from @hailxthexkiing whom was just fine crying about their little sister. question: have you ever stopped to think about how black people feel? how black children are TERRIFIED daily? how they cry their own tears of terror constantly? but sure. your sister is way more traumatized. but, politics aren’t allowed, right? at least. BLACK politics aren’t allowed. after the black muns and the nbpoc voiced their displeasure, and promptly LEFT, all of y’all flocked to one another, comforting and cooing about how the big mean bipoc ATTACKED you. i must add that those who WEREN’T white were just as bad as their white counterparts, i especially mean you @heavenxpiercing, because you as a poc should amplify black voices rather than arguing against them on something as important as the blm movement. and you, @captainrukia who kept encouraging this “angry” black person narrative when you’re in medicine and don’t even know what intersex is?? you were childish, all of you were. all of you are. did i mention you, @ivory-insanity are writing a minor character but proceed to post an nsfw meme? :\ 

because not only did the muns LEAVE, you proceeded to KEEP talking shit about them! going on about how “mlk wouldn’t want this” and how THE MUNS OF COLOR DON’T BELIEVE IN OTHER CULTURES … WHEN MOST OF YOU ARE PREDOMINATELY WHITE/EUROPEAN WHITE. but sure, they’re the immature ones? let’s focus on the anons you sent one of the black muns. and how “not everyone wants or needs to be corrected” yes, racists, you do. especially on issues that involve BLACK PEOPLE. but sure, what else? ah yes the tale of “not everyone is racist” and how “i donated, i helped” sure. sure. but you still … isolated, targeted and continued to go a step FURTHER and send a black mun anons. cute. still not over you using mlk as a scapegoat for “ALL races should get along.” reeks of “all lives matter” bullshit but sure. 

And YHWACH is HERE!!!

bleach multimuse! loved by cloud!

// That’s right it’s cloud with more ocs for Bleach!! This time of the more hollow and shinigami variety. We’re gonna start off with two whole assholes-

A lone arrancar named Zamiel who thinks badly of his kind for siding with Aizen

And the 6th seat of Squad 12, with a affliction of diseases, and thinks that people are inherently filthy and sick, just all around unstable!!

` 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘻𝘦 ` 

it’s not healthy. 

do not shelf me. 

in the middle with the beggars and rejects. 

and i’m gone. 

i don’t know where i’m gonna go. 

but i don’t care. 

never been a perfect soul. 

but i will not apologize. 

i’m imperfect. 

i’m living with nothing to fear out here. 

all for the cost of a dollar to earn. 

i did a lot wrong that i can’t make right.  

` 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘢 ` 

how do you get in a mind-state to kill? 

the truth is alive and well. 

don’t buy all the lies they sell. 

there ain’t no hero to save the day. 

it’s all up to us to deliver. 

the truth won’t die. 

` 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 ` 

and i wanna be happy.

my heart keeps fucking up the motherfucking plan. 

is this what you wanted? 

pretend everything is awesome while the world burns outside. 

we sick in the mind. 

it’s contagious. 

to escape it, we just get wasted. 

i’m just tryna get used to these changes. 

i see all the real shit. 

you wanna watch me melt down. 

you wanna watch me drop dead. 

you wanna see me sell my soul. 

you wanna watch me give up. 

you deserve all you got coming. 

i am the thing you created.  

` 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯 ` 

they told me the point was to get it. 

but nobody told me what to do if i got it. 

one day i know i’ll regret it. 

be careful, though, it can be fatal. 

i said it was the last time. 

all this self loathing i foster. 

i’m just a drop in the ocean. 

i’m coming with you. 

` 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 ` 

you’re dead and buried. 

we’re synthesizing blood and organs. 

bro, you look amazing. 

it’s like you haven’t aged a day. 

it’s like we know what we’re doing or something. 

you’ve been gone for way too long. 

like half a year. 

but you never died! 

ain’t nowhere you can hide! 

you earned this new purpose. 

don’t be nervous baby. 

you’re a natural, babe! 

` 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 - 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦 `

i think it’s time for you to know the awful truth.

the truth about me. 

the truth about you. 

call me back. 

i try to call you every day. 

i’ve been working on a unified theory. 

‘cause i’m the right one. 

‘cause you’re the only person in the world who’d understand. 

i try to make you listen to me. 

i’m the one who was right all along. 

i’m an expert just like you. 

disbelieving, that’s the real crime. 

` 𝘤𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘯 ` 

behind the old arcade. 

for safekeeping. 

the news reporters reported that i died. 

i can’t be beat. 

i won’t hurt you, unless you cheat. 

i’m half human and half machine. 

like i was going to war. 

this must be what love would have felt like. 

i could do whatever i felt like. 

maybe they were predisposed to madness. 

who knows? 

i only want to have fun. 

it’s getting lonely, it’s getting hard to breathe. 

kicking me and pushing me over. 

` 𝘯𝘰 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 ` 

knowing what we know. 

knowing what we don’t know. 

this is gonna change our world. 

i’ll accept the unreal. 

your matter tells mine to scatter. 

i’ve been awake like i’ve never been awake in all my life. 

in every myth there’s a little bit of truth. 

™ - for my muse to become jealous of the attention your muse is giving someone else ✔ - for my muse to respond to praise from yours ✗ - for my muse to respond to being scolded or punished by yours ♠ - for my muse to forcibly restrain yours ♢ - for my muse to introduce yours to a family member ♖ - for my muse to submit to or obey your muse’s orders Ұ - for my muse to comfort yours after witnessing an emotional meltdown ✺ - for my muse to help yours get through a frightening situation ✤ - for my muse to wake yours from a nightmare ✞ - for my muse to talk about somebody’s death ✉ - for my muse to write a letter/send an email to yours ✂ - for my muse to rescue yours from danger ¿ - for my muse to ask yours a personal or uncomfortable question ♥ - for my muse to express physical affection to yours ღ - for my muse to express verbal affection for yours ♬ - for my muse to hum or sing to calm yours down

❛   what  are  you  doing?   ❜

❛   what ,  you’re  going  to  kill  me?  ❜

❛   fuck !  put  the  gun  down !  please , come on !  it’s  me ,  alright ?  ❜

❛   what  are  you  doing  with  that ?   ❜

❛   please ..  don’t  do  this  anymore !   ❜

❛   let  her/them/him  go  or  i’ll  blow  you  away !  ❜

❛   wait ! okay …  okay !  okay , i’ll  tell  you ,  whatever  you  want  to  know  ..   ❜

❛   you  point  that  thing  at  me  you  better  pull  the  trigger .  ❜

❛   alright , alright , alright  ..  i’ll talk !   ❜

❛   please ,  just  let  me  go ,  i  won’t  tell  anyone …  i  promise  .  ❜

❛   let  me  out  of  here !   let  me  go !   ❜

❛   you’re  not  getting  away  this  time  …  ❜

❛   actually ,  i  think  i  better  get  going  …   it’s  late  and  …   ❜

❛   come  on !  fight  back !  fight  back !  fight  back  you  coward !   ❜

❛   come  on ,  hit  me !   ❜

❛   do  it !  pull  the  trigger !  do  it  ,  do  it  ,  do  it !   ❜

❛   come  and  find  me  …  polo !  ❜

❛   i  don’t  want  to  hide  anymore ,  i  don’t  want  to  be  afraid  anymore  …   ❜

❛   you   keep   saying   you’re   going   to   stop   but   you   don’t !  ❜

❛   how   many   more   people   need   to   die   before   you’re   satisfied ?  ❜

❛   why   are   you   doing   this ?   ❜

❛   don’t   come   any   closer  ,   that’s   far   enough  .   ❜

❛   if   you  don’t   pull   the   trigger   i’ll   pull   it   for   you  !   ❜

❛   i  thought  that  you  were  in  danger  …   ❜

❛   you’re  dangerous  …  i ,   i  just  don’t  want  to  end  up  dead ..   ❜

❛   i  promise  i  won’t  hurt  you  …    ❜

❛   can  you  please  stop  screwing  with  my  mind ,  god  !   ❜

❛   i  don’t  want  to  be  here  anymore ,  please ,  can  we  go  back ?   ❜

❛   um  ….  i’m  not  sure  i  want  to  go ,   thanks   anyway  ..   ❜

❛   that  sounds  dangerous  ….   i’m  in .   ❜

❛   i  don’t  know ,  it  sounds  awfully  dangerous  …  ❜

❛   stay  back  or  i  will  rip  your  head  off  !  ❜

❛   i  think  …   this   is   wrong ,  no .  i  can’t  just  stand  by   and   watch   it  .   ❜

❛   do  you  think  you  would  ever  hurt  me  like  that ?   ❜

❛   i  can’t  be  with  someone  who  could  hurt  me  like  that  …  ❜

❛   this  is  not  love  !   it   is   obsession  !   a   sick  one  at   that  !  ❜

❛   are  you  following  me  ?   what  …   what  do  you  want  ?   money  ?   ❜

❛   please  …  i  have  money ,   just  let  me  go  .  ❜

❛   i  don’t  think  you  realize  how  the  dangerous  this  game  is  ..   ❜

❛   it’s  not  just  a  game  !   ❜

❛   if  you’re  in  some  kind  of  trouble ,  you  can  tell  me  .   ❜

❛   come  on  ,   it’s  just  a  game ,  what  could  go  so  wrong  ?   ❜

❛   are  you  the  one  that’s  been  watching  me  ?   stalking  me  ?  ❜

❛   actually ,  do  you  mind  if  we  just  stop/pull  over  here  ?   ❜

❛   what  are  you  doing ?   you  missed  the  stop  back  there ?   ❜

❛   hello ?   is   someone  there  ?   ❜

❛   you’re  scaring  me  …   ❜

These are taken from both seasons of the television show Jeremiah, starring Luke Perry and Malcolm Jamal Warner.

See, most people, they tend to do the most convenient thing. The right thing? Well, that’s a little harder to do.

North American Aerospace Defense. They built it deep inside the mountain. In the event of a nuclear attack, it’d be safe. My dad said if the end of the world ever came, this place would survive.

You know, my dad always said that, uh, other people’s problems are everybody’s problems, otherwise it all falls apart.

I don’t mean to alarm you or anything but it already has fallen apart.

Well, generally I prefer to be on top, and usually there are flowers involved, but yeah… I’m okay.

What if something happened to you over there, huh? Like, I don’t know, maybe you… you choke on the fish bone or somethin’. And I’m over here stuck, all tied up, huh. Then I’d be fucked! I would be so completely, supremely, eternally fucked that I don’t even think there’s a word for that level of fuckosity! You know what I’m sayin’?

I have a warning for you, and a blessing, they’re the same thing. More efficient that way. The thunder will change you forever, but everyone you love will fall at the end of the world.

Are you happy? Are you satisfied now? I mean, that’s the way it works, isn’t it? You set us up. You take someone like him, you give him hope, just so you can take it away again? What did he ever do to you? What did any of us ever do to you? What did the whole fucking world do to you that we deserve all of this? I mean, come on, the locusts and the death of the first-born wasn’t good enough for you anymore so now it’s the death of the eldest? The death of heroes? You know what? Fuck you. Because we’re not just gonna lay down and die down here. You want to finish off the job? Come down here! Do it yourself. You send the Angel of Death, you better give him one hell of a big sword, because I tell you what, we are gonna kick his ass all the way back to the great white fucking throne. And then we’re coming for you. We’re coming for you.

Does this buckskin make my ass look fat?

Now that is one fine looking native american ass.

My ass and I thank you.

You and your ass are welcome.

You know, I was thinking the other day. It’s ironic isn’t it. Here, every day, you keep me alive. But if I were to get out I’d only bring you death.

What relationship doesn’t have its little ups and downs?

So, are you gonna come and see us off, oh great pain in the ass?

Dear Dad. It’s been fifteen years since the Big Death wiped out everyone over the age of innocence. The end of your world. The beginning of mine.

Yeah, that’s the one thing about a ball and chain - it’s real easy to feel attached.

My guys found a GPS on you set to this location.

I’m impressed. Your guys don’t look like they could spell G-P-S.

Yeah, right. Like he’s really gonna shove a oxygen tank in that shark’s mouth, then smack, hits the bullseye, it’s raining sushi.

Every time someone drags God into the conversation, it’s because they want something. It’s a con, it’s a hustle, or worse. So excuse me if I look at all you’ve got going on here, and I wonder what it is that you’re really up to.

You know, a few centuries ago, people went on pilgrimages all the time to testify to their belief, to encourage hope, to receive absolution. They expected miracles, and they got them.

I believe in miracles a lot less than I believe in whatever it is that you’re selling.

Why? It’s a new world. The rules have changed. Technologically, we’ve been plunged back into the middle ages. Right? Maybe, that’s the only place where miracles are possible. Maybe, God stopped appearing because He got tired of all the noise. Maybe he only appears when the world is quiet enough to pay attention. Either way, I know we will find our miracle at the end of our journey. Tell me something. Do you believe that there’s hope for a better world?

Well then, like it or not, you and me and God, we’re all on the same side.

Yeah, it’s nice. This kind of nice makes me worry. It usually means somebody wants something from you. Trust me, I’ve been hustled before by guys like this.  

Nobody said anything about guests. I would’ve rolled out the red carpet. Only you don’t wanna know why it’s red.

How about I ram my foot so far up your ass your kidneys give me a shoe shine

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I know they’re gonna break yours.

Well, sure. Legalize sex, next thing you know people start smiling.

Isn’t that what they call a circular argument?

I’ve got another name for it…..

Future ain’t what it used to be.

I say we bury him in bunny ears. Make it easier to find him in Hell so we can kick his ass clear across the afterlife. […] Pink bunny ears, with bells on them.

Now, people with electricity or copters or guns, that’s trouble enough. But you show me one group of people in all of this who have the free time and the resources to produce fresh, clean, new underwear? That’s something to worry about.

I’ll tell you something about questions, ______. They’re like papercuts. You get one good one, that’s pretty much all you need.

Okay, you’d rather be eating baby-back ribs and be right.

_____, an elephant just woke me up.

An asshole just woke me up. 

You might as well say it, because you’re saying it with innuendo anyway.

I got a thing about libraries, man. They are more sacred than churches to me. And if somebody wants to pillage this temple, they gotta come through me.

Whatever your problem is, _____, it’s not as stubborn as me.

You’re starting to sound a lot like a camp counselor from Camp Not-A-Lot-Of-Fun. It’s okay. I can walk, I can walk.

Sometimes, __________, I think you have a deathwish, and I don’t want to be around when the Fair Godmother of Darkness grants your wish.

My middle name is “calm”.

Unfortunately, your last name is “before the storm”.

It’s the only way I know how to walk. Right foot, left foot, right foot…

By telling me that you’re not supposed to tell me something. That tells me something. I know something I didn’t know two minutes ago – see how that works?

A lot of people out here are all talk and no action. Me, I’m all action and no talk.

Do I look like I’m shitting you? I mean seriously, is my face twitching or something that I don’t know about?

Everytime you tell a lie, Jesus bleeds.

Like I always say, he who hesitates … gets fucked.

It’s like throwing away your own umbrella in the middle of a shit-storm.

How about I ram my foot so far up your ass, your kidneys give me a shoe shine?

The scary thing is not the end … the scary thing is seeing it coming.

Hey, don’t blame me for your charisma malfunction.

You sanctimonious piece of shit. You -dare- stand there and act like you’re the one who’s been betrayed. Fuck you!

Today made me realize, that even after everything we’ve been through–the joys we experience as children, can live as long as we do.

Now how are we to know where we are going, if we don’t even know where we’ve been? These books are our bridge to our past. They allow us to touch other lives–generation upon generation–artists, philosophers, poets. We let them die, we’re burning those bridges. We let those words die, we are killing our history as well as our future. These assholes are coming back and if we don’t pull together, we lose. It’s as simple as that. We lose.

I did -not- get up at the crack of sparrow-fart to be muzzled by you two.

See? That is just the thing. In the world outside these walls, hope can -kill- you. And I just don’t know if I’m up for that kind of pain.

Oh, this is getting more interesting by the second. If things keep going like this, I -may- have to start selling tickets.

They hit us with guns, bazookas, tear gas, tanks, APVs, helicopters, rockets. I’m pretty sure at least one of them used really harsh language.

Because you’re starting to creep me out. No, actually you were creeping me out when I first met you. It’s just different levels of creeposity, you know?

All we can do is cherish the time we have, when we have it … and treasure the memories we have after they’re gone. Try to do right by them. Everything else is out of our control.

It’s not one thing or another, it just sort of … is. You know? But just now … just now … there was sadness, grief, weariness. And under all of it? Anger. Real anger. The kind of anger that makes you throw yourself on the ground and cover your face and apologize for everything you’ve done in your entire life.

Wait, you know I think it was Socrates who said, “Fuck ‘em.”

How the hell am I supposed to know? I’m just God’s sock puppet okay? He shoves his hand up my ass and words come out the other end. Who knew math was involved.

Hello, I’m pregnant. I have mood swings. I have a whole mood playground: swings, a jungle gym, one of those things you get on and spin around and around on?

These are taken from both seasons of the television show Jeremiah, starring Luke Perry and Malcolm Jamal Warner.

See, most people, they tend to do the most convenient thing. The right thing? Well, that’s a little harder to do.

North American Aerospace Defense. They built it deep inside the mountain. In the event of a nuclear attack, it’d be safe. My dad said if the end of the world ever came, this place would survive.

You know, my dad always said that, uh, other people’s problems are everybody’s problems, otherwise it all falls apart.

I don’t mean to alarm you or anything but it already has fallen apart.

Well, generally I prefer to be on top, and usually there are flowers involved, but yeah… I’m okay.

What if something happened to you over there, huh? Like, I don’t know, maybe you… you choke on the fish bone or somethin’. And I’m over here stuck, all tied up, huh. Then I’d be fucked! I would be so completely, supremely, eternally fucked that I don’t even think there’s a word for that level of fuckosity! You know what I’m sayin’?

I have a warning for you, and a blessing, they’re the same thing. More efficient that way. The thunder will change you forever, but everyone you love will fall at the end of the world.

Are you happy? Are you satisfied now? I mean, that’s the way it works, isn’t it? You set us up. You take someone like him, you give him hope, just so you can take it away again? What did he ever do to you? What did any of us ever do to you? What did the whole fucking world do to you that we deserve all of this? I mean, come on, the locusts and the death of the first-born wasn’t good enough for you anymore so now it’s the death of the eldest? The death of heroes? You know what? Fuck you. Because we’re not just gonna lay down and die down here. You want to finish off the job? Come down here! Do it yourself. You send the Angel of Death, you better give him one hell of a big sword, because I tell you what, we are gonna kick his ass all the way back to the great white fucking throne. And then we’re coming for you. We’re coming for you.

Does this buckskin make my ass look fat?

Now that is one fine looking native american ass.

My ass and I thank you.

You and your ass are welcome.

You know, I was thinking the other day. It’s ironic isn’t it. Here, every day, you keep me alive. But if I were to get out I’d only bring you death.

What relationship doesn’t have its little ups and downs?

So, are you gonna come and see us off, oh great pain in the ass?

Dear Dad. It’s been fifteen years since the Big Death wiped out everyone over the age of innocence. The end of your world. The beginning of mine.

Yeah, that’s the one thing about a ball and chain - it’s real easy to feel attached.

My guys found a GPS on you set to this location.

I’m impressed. Your guys don’t look like they could spell G-P-S.

Yeah, right. Like he’s really gonna shove a oxygen tank in that shark’s mouth, then smack, hits the bullseye, it’s raining sushi.

Every time someone drags God into the conversation, it’s because they want something. It’s a con, it’s a hustle, or worse. So excuse me if I look at all you’ve got going on here, and I wonder what it is that you’re really up to.

You know, a few centuries ago, people went on pilgrimages all the time to testify to their belief, to encourage hope, to receive absolution. They expected miracles, and they got them.

I believe in miracles a lot less than I believe in whatever it is that you’re selling.

Why? It’s a new world. The rules have changed. Technologically, we’ve been plunged back into the middle ages. Right? Maybe, that’s the only place where miracles are possible. Maybe, God stopped appearing because He got tired of all the noise. Maybe he only appears when the world is quiet enough to pay attention. Either way, I know we will find our miracle at the end of our journey. Tell me something. Do you believe that there’s hope for a better world?

Well then, like it or not, you and me and God, we’re all on the same side.

Yeah, it’s nice. This kind of nice makes me worry. It usually means somebody wants something from you. Trust me, I’ve been hustled before by guys like this.  

Nobody said anything about guests. I would’ve rolled out the red carpet. Only you don’t wanna know why it’s red.

How about I ram my foot so far up your ass your kidneys give me a shoe shine

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I know they’re gonna break yours.

Well, sure. Legalize sex, next thing you know people start smiling.

Isn’t that what they call a circular argument?

I’ve got another name for it…..

Future ain’t what it used to be.

I say we bury him in bunny ears. Make it easier to find him in Hell so we can kick his ass clear across the afterlife. […] Pink bunny ears, with bells on them.

Now, people with electricity or copters or guns, that’s trouble enough. But you show me one group of people in all of this who have the free time and the resources to produce fresh, clean, new underwear? That’s something to worry about.

I’ll tell you something about questions, ______. They’re like papercuts. You get one good one, that’s pretty much all you need.

Okay, you’d rather be eating baby-back ribs and be right.

_____, an elephant just woke me up.

An asshole just woke me up. 

You might as well say it, because you’re saying it with innuendo anyway.

I got a thing about libraries, man. They are more sacred than churches to me. And if somebody wants to pillage this temple, they gotta come through me.

Whatever your problem is, _____, it’s not as stubborn as me.

You’re starting to sound a lot like a camp counselor from Camp Not-A-Lot-Of-Fun. It’s okay. I can walk, I can walk.

Sometimes, __________, I think you have a deathwish, and I don’t want to be around when the Fair Godmother of Darkness grants your wish.

My middle name is “calm”.

Unfortunately, your last name is “before the storm”.

It’s the only way I know how to walk. Right foot, left foot, right foot…

By telling me that you’re not supposed to tell me something. That tells me something. I know something I didn’t know two minutes ago – see how that works?

A lot of people out here are all talk and no action. Me, I’m all action and no talk.

Do I look like I’m shitting you? I mean seriously, is my face twitching or something that I don’t know about?

Everytime you tell a lie, Jesus bleeds.

Like I always say, he who hesitates … gets fucked.

It’s like throwing away your own umbrella in the middle of a shit-storm.

How about I ram my foot so far up your ass, your kidneys give me a shoe shine?

The scary thing is not the end … the scary thing is seeing it coming.

Hey, don’t blame me for your charisma malfunction.

You sanctimonious piece of shit. You -dare- stand there and act like you’re the one who’s been betrayed. Fuck you!

Today made me realize, that even after everything we’ve been through–the joys we experience as children, can live as long as we do.

Now how are we to know where we are going, if we don’t even know where we’ve been? These books are our bridge to our past. They allow us to touch other lives–generation upon generation–artists, philosophers, poets. We let them die, we’re burning those bridges. We let those words die, we are killing our history as well as our future. These assholes are coming back and if we don’t pull together, we lose. It’s as simple as that. We lose.

I did -not- get up at the crack of sparrow-fart to be muzzled by you two.

See? That is just the thing. In the world outside these walls, hope can -kill- you. And I just don’t know if I’m up for that kind of pain.

Oh, this is getting more interesting by the second. If things keep going like this, I -may- have to start selling tickets.

They hit us with guns, bazookas, tear gas, tanks, APVs, helicopters, rockets. I’m pretty sure at least one of them used really harsh language.

Because you’re starting to creep me out. No, actually you were creeping me out when I first met you. It’s just different levels of creeposity, you know?

All we can do is cherish the time we have, when we have it … and treasure the memories we have after they’re gone. Try to do right by them. Everything else is out of our control.

It’s not one thing or another, it just sort of … is. You know? But just now … just now … there was sadness, grief, weariness. And under all of it? Anger. Real anger. The kind of anger that makes you throw yourself on the ground and cover your face and apologize for everything you’ve done in your entire life.

Wait, you know I think it was Socrates who said, “Fuck ‘em.”

How the hell am I supposed to know? I’m just God’s sock puppet okay? He shoves his hand up my ass and words come out the other end. Who knew math was involved.

Hello, I’m pregnant. I have mood swings. I have a whole mood playground: swings, a jungle gym, one of those things you get on and spin around and around on?

These are from the show Lucifer, scattered amongst all the seasons.  Requested by a lovely anon.  

Obviously you felt the need to exercise your limited powers and punish me for ignoring the speed limit. It’s okay, I understand. It’s… I… I like to punish people too. Or, at least I used to.

Let me just, uh… check my calendar. Yeah, here it is. Uh… the “7th of never” through to the “15th of ain’t gonna happen”. How’s that worth to you guys? Ah, look… remind Dad that I quit Hell because I was sick and tired of playing a part in His play.

You… are a mockery of everything divine.

Immortality? Mm. Of course. Uh… you spell that with one or two “m"s? I always forget.

Why would I mess with perfection?

Every part of that horrifies me.

I can assure you He’s in no way meteorologically-inclined. Apart from the whole Noah thing and that was a one-off.

Do I get a code word? You know, for when you take her down. If so, might I suggest "monkey bottoms”? ‘Cause trust me, I can work that into any sentence quite naturally.

Well, if it’s that stick up your ass, I’m afraid there’s no one strong enough to pull that out.

This poor sap’s either already in Hell or in the “Silver City, enduring Uriel’s welcome speech, which is far worse than Hell, if you ask me.

Yes, you forget "master of all things tongue-related.”

Now, I’m not one to get into the feels, usually, but… you seem genuinely distressed. You okay? Do you want to–I don’t know–chat about it or something? Sex is always on the table.

My demon tends the bar.

Well… where do I begin? With the grandest fall in the history of time? Or perhaps the far more agonizing punishment that followed? To be blamed for every morsel of evil humanity’s endured, every atrocity committed in my name? As though I wanted people to suffer. All I ever wanted was to be my own man here. To be judged for my own doing. And for that? I’ve been shown how truly powerless I am. That even the people trusted–the one person, you–could be used to hurt me.

You know, I’m suddenly reminded of why I wanted you dead in the first place.

She’s stupid hot, wearing my clothes, and she’s got a corporate credit card.

“Do not touch the charred crotch”, is a sentence I never thought I’d say out loud.

Yes, my first startup was a sex club, actually. Little place called “Eden.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it.

Well. Welcome to the club. Meetings are on Tuesdays.

Look, people like you. they find you helpful, like duct tape or a trusty socket wrench. I want you to teach me your secret. I want you to show me how to be a tool.

I think I’ve broken my therapist. And now she’s somewhere to the left of totally useless and to the right of babbling lunatic.

Oh, so she’s you in a skirt.

Lately I’ve been thinking. Do you think I’m the Devil because I’m inherently evil, or just because dear ol’ dad decided I was?

I’m like walking heroin, very habit forming. It never ends well.

I’ve never been scared of dying before. Losing everything. But that doesn’t make me weak, it makes me more dangerous.

No offense, ________, but on the list of things to wake up to, your face falls somewhere on the list after horse’s head and Coldplay tickets.

I’m always going to be the consolation prize for you. You only care about me when you don’t have _______.

NO! No one puts me first, least of all you! None of you deserve me.

It’s all so complicated here, ________. I mean, caring about humans always go wrong. Feelings go wrong. I am not the one who is supposed to be tortured.

See? You’re just as bad as me, brother. Pride is your sin, too.

I’m a demon, and I’ve risen from the bowels of hell to torture you.

I can’t deal with human emotions on an empty stomach. It makes me nauseous.

Take a swing and I’ll shove that so far up your ass you’ll have splinters in your stool.

Can I keep him?

You’re like porn, stuffed crust pizza and a Hello Kitty blanket all rolled into one.

He’s got a stick so far up his arse you can see it when he yawns.

That was somewhere I was sent as punishment, like the DMV, but with less screaming.

I’ve dealt with filthy, screaming humans before. At least these are smaller.

I’m going to learn how to douche.

Remind me at some point to give you a refresher on the meaning of loyalty.

Clearly this woman has some serious trust issues. Or, maybe she’s just a raging bitch.

Hey, no one calls my skank a skank.

I was forged in the bowels of Hell to torture the guilty for all eternity.

When exactly did you surrender your manhood?

Why do Satanists affiliate me with goats? I don’t even like their cheese.

I’m stuck in a place I don’t belong, and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I need to figure out how to be more normal.

At first I didn’t understand why God put you in my path, but then it hit me. Maybe he put me in yours.

Patience is not one of my virtues.

In case I haven’t made myself abundantly clear, I’m not going back to Hell.

You are his fallen angel, but here’s the thing. When angels fall, they also rise. All you have to do is embrace all that you are.  

Bloody Hell, that hurt. Do it again.